TNA Slammiversary 2014 Predictions, Hopes and Booking

There are 9+ matches and segments on this card and a Hall of Fame induction segment with Kurt Angle. I remember when WWE wouldn’t ever have more than 7 on a pay-per-view.

THE VON ERICHS (MARSHALL & ROSS) vs TBA
I have a feeling the TBA will be Bro Mans and DJ Zima Ion. If not them, then Spud. This will be a feel good moment hopefully later in the event o lift up the crowd. Robbie E and Jesse do the job, all Texans go home happy.  Maybe Lacey Von Erich will be out there too as a face valet. She could then join the Knockout division and have some fresh matches. This would also give the Bro Mans a spot on the card, when clearly all signs point to a six man tag between the Bro Mans and the Menagerie. But I guess the Menagerie can’t do a six man, when one of their guys is in the six way for the X-Division title.

KNOCKOUTS CHAMPIONSHIP: Champion, ANGELINA LOVE w/ VELVET SKYE vs GAIL KIM
Gail Kim has always been the #1 contender. Angelina Love has been ducking her since winning the title. This is about as deep as the Knockouts division goes. These four women. Angelina Loves should keep this title for the specific fact that she should never hold this title again. Gail Kim winning the title wouldn’t suddenly open up new matches to the Knockouts Division. This is it. These four women. They need to open up the division to one shot appearances from women outside the company for one match or so. Maybe with the Von Erichs appearing, they’ll bring back Lacey Von Erich to screw over Gail Kim and open up some fresh matches. Lacey was a member of the beautiful people at some point, but she’s currently doing erotic point of view wrestling.

They could also have Lacey cost Angelina the title, so Lacey can be a face valet with the Von Erichs and be her own person in the knockout division.

MR. ANDERSON vs JAMES STORM
If there’s one match on this card that I couldn’t care less about, its this one. Please let them open the show with this. After watching TNA all month or so, I can’t tell who’s the heel and the face. James Storm really comes off as a face, while Ken Anderson seems to be the bad comedy heel people want to see beat. Much like Rockstar Spud ‘s role in the Bully Ray feud. Mr. Anderson should win, keep the crowd happy, someone famous that they know. So he can get fed to MVP. Heck, if TNA cuts the match, I’d be okay with it, but I guess a promise is a promise. Have it.

WILLOW w/ ABYSS vs MAGNUS w/ BRAM
On Impact, the guys had a face to face. Willow kept saying WE, he and Jeff Hardy will take out Bram and Magnus, so Abyss comes out as back up. Personally I would have rather seen someone with Jeff Hardy’s size wear a Willow mask at the PPV to wrestle Magnus, then have the real Jeff Hardy run out to blow people’s minds. As for who wins this match? It’ll end in a DQ. Abyss just came back, Bram is new and Magnus now likes to hit people with objects, because getting you disqualified somehow moves you up the ladder? Good logic buddy.

X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP 6 WAY LADDER MATCH: Champion, SANADA vs TIGRE UNO vs CRAZZY STEVE vs EDDIE EDWARDS vs DAVEY RICHARDS vs MANIK
This is my most anticipated match, even though there’s zero build for it on Impact. It was just thrown together. For the past 2 years, TNA has used its X-Division title as an Option C, a guaranteed, TNA title match at the expense of giving up the X-Division title. Much like a Money in the Bank briefcase in the WWE. The TNA title match would happen at the Destination X event on Spike TV.

If Eddie or Davey win, I think that telegraphs MVP winning the title, assuming he’s not too injured to win the title. I really hope Sanada wins. He’s the guy not caught up in backstage shit and hasn’t been beat down by MVP’s group. He can be a fresh story and offer a straight up wrestling match for the title. Samoa Joe, Austin Aries and Bully Ray can fend off MVP and Ethan Carter so Sanada can get a clean match out of MVP or Eric Young at the Destination X event. It would mean so much more to have a clean wrestling match, because that never happens anymore.

Once the title is given up, there should be a tournament for the vacated championship building to Destination X.

I just really hope that Crazzy Steve doesn’t have his music blasting all match long. TNA has a real chance to turn this match into something special like Money in the Bank instead of a forgettable spot fest. They could even use the Menagerie stilt walkers to aid Crazzy Steve.

AUSTIN ARIES vs KENNY KING
Why aren’t these two in the X-Division championship match? Two former X-Division champions and all. Well they’ve got a going feud, so why not have this match? It should be a good match, but the trick is to make it a memorable match. Let Austin Aries win to feed him to MVP. Heck Aries could win this match and still face off against the X-Division champion before Destination X.

SAMOA JOE vs BOBBY LASHLEY
Even though there is no heat to this match, I’m looking forward to two bulls fighting. I would say Joe should win, since he just came back and they can feed Joe to MVP, but Bobby Lashley has 2 victories over the TNA champion, Eric Young. Bobby Lashley should win. I think this match could be memorable if its stiff and technical. Two big dudes that can suplex one another.

TNA HALL OF FAME INDUCTION WITH HOST KURT ANGLE
Wow, there are 9+ matches on this pay-per-view and they need a hall of fame induction too? Well it is Slammiversary, so why not? They have Kurt and Sting in the hall of fame, and I see this hall of fame more as an everyone not in the WWE hall of fame. So why not Dixie Carter? She can come down to the ring, accept the award and she should be in the Hall of Fame. TNA has been building to putting Dixie Carter through a table for the past few months, maybe since their last pay-per-view. Bully Ray could then appear to put her through a table, but then Ethan Carter can run out and they can have their match right then and there. That’s what ECW would have done.

TEXAS DEATH MATCH: BULLY RAY vs ETHAN CARTER III W/ SPUD
It was built up as a table match originally, but since Slammiversary is in Texas, why not have a Texas Death Match? I hope they’ll actually keep the 10 count after a pinfall like the true version. Otherwise, its just a last man standing match. The real issue here is putting Dixie Carter through the table. I would say Dixie will get put through a table at a TV taping at the old ECW arena, the Manhattan center, but Spike TV doesn’t allow violence against women. Bully Ray even came out this week on Impact and saved Brooke Tessmacher, showing to the crowd he’s not anti woman, he’s anti Dixie. Bully Ray needs to put Dixie through a table on pay-per-view. First because Spike TV won’t let them, and second, because people are paying for Slammiversary.

TNA CHAMPIONSHIP STEEL CAGE MATCH: Champion, ERIC YOUNG vs MVP
The big question going into this match is will MVP be able to compete. MVP cannot compete, I updated after this match. Supposedly he injured himself on a non TNA show. If MVP can’t make it, Lashley needs to take his place. Bobby Lashley now has 2 wins over Eric Young, that puts Lashley right there with Eric Young. Heck, MVP has lost two matches to Eric Young.

TNA must not like money, because they just had their Champion, Eric Young against the challenger MVP on free television three days from their match on PPV. Perhaps their logic is people will pay for the cage match. No. Who cares? I just saw Eric Young win and beat the challenger MVP after taking out two other men. Plus, even with a rested Eric Young against MVP, I can’t imagine them having a better match even with a cage! I remember when WCW would give away their PPV main events free on Nitro. MVP should have come out and told Eric Young, I’m not the last guy, we agreed to two out of three wins. I didn’t say I’d be guy #3. I am not a number, I am the guy you’ll face at Slammiversary. Why would MVP ever agree to this? Even with a logical cage match to keep out Kenny King and Bobby Lashley, the challenger, MVP has a history of buying off and bullying referees into winning matches. The deck is stacked against Eric Young. Better put a top on that cage! MVP will win, but I’ve bet against Eric Young before and been wrong…. Personally, I’d keep the title on Eric Young, because MVP still has power to make matches yet he doesn’t ever make wise matches, but on the other hand if MVP doesn’t win the title, that’s sort of a road block for his faction.

*** UPDATE *** TNA CHAMPIONSHIP STEEL CAGE THREE WAY MATCH: Champion, ERIC YOUNG vs TBA vs TBA
So apparently MVP is really injured and can’t make the show. So TNA has announced the winners of Austin Aries vs Kenny King and Samoa Joe vs Bobby Lashley would be entered in the match. I predict Lashley and King to be inserted into the match, when really it should just be Bobby Lashley, who has 2 wins over the champion, Eric Young. However, having the two qualifying matches gives them weight and a reason to care about them. Anyway, while I predict Lashley and King to win their matches, for the sake of a good match, I hope that its Aries and Samoa Joe in the cage, but the fans wouldn’t know who to cheer for. Eric Young should walk out with the TNA title.

There you have it, all of my predictions, hopes, dreams and musings.

Everything Right with TNA Impact (07/05/12)

BULLY RAY PROMO on TWITTER (legal action)
Oh good… TNA has been bit by the Twitter bug. Those suck more than kajiggers… which burrow down into your skin. Bully questions Joseph Park has the pair of nuts to smack him in the face. Joseph Park comes down to the ring. The crowd is hot. Joseph gives Bully Ray a legal lesson with presidency. Abyss / Chris / Joseph Park has always had an impressive presence and even in a suit its no different. Joseph accepts the challenge with no rules. Bully Ray pulls out a paper… using the Christopher Daniels methodology of heat. It is a restraining order against Abyss.

AUSTIN ARIES BACKSTAGE w/ HULK HOGAN (good and brief)
This was good. Aries is a fresh, good character. Hogan wants the belt tonight.

DANIELS / DIXIE RECAP w/ DIXIE BACKSTAGE
Daniels says Claire Lynch is preggers. AJ Styles is the daddy! Mu-ah-ha-ha-ha. Then Dixie is backstage with the road agents. She is asked questions by the mysterious interviewer and there is no answers.

CRIMSON vs DEVON (quick match that sets up something for someone else)
Crimson loses his streak at the last pay-per-view and disappears from TV for 3 weeks… so he gets a title shot. At least show how Crimson has been winning at house shows. Why isn’t Crimson in the BFG Series? He was undefeated for 18 months. Devon is a gatekeeper for D level talent. I have no problem with Devon in this role. It keeps him strong and gives an evaluation of lesser talent. Crimson makes one of the crappiest pin attempts ever that somehow ends up with Devon on top. Quick match thank goth.

Madison Rayne comes marching to the ring. I think she wants some chocolate. Nope its someone else she wants. I fully expected this after a few months ago. This could build to a title reign for someone.

CHRIS SABIN PROMO (a heel needs heat)
Sabin is on crutches. He has some thick sideburns. It is a horrifying shame that he injured both ACLs, one after another. This has to be extremely discouraging since he’s not a main eventer. TNA probably doesn’t pay all the bills. He needs to have another job and that’s a shame. The fans are firmly behind him.

Out comes Robert Roode. This is another guy that should quit if he had two ACL injuries… even if he is a main eventer. He gets heat by verbally running him down and saying its just like every other X-Divisioner. Roode kicks out Sabin’s crutch. It really sucks that I feel anyone else could do the same job or better than Robert Roode. Austin Aries runs in for the save.

X-DIVISION >> DAKOTA DARSOW vs FLIP CASSANOVA (Dakota couldn’t keep up his end)
Dakota Darsow is the son of Barry Darsow. Nothing wrong with that. Flip looks like Sonjay Dutt… and the first words out of Mike Tennay’s mouth are Sonjay Dutt. Some sloppy high-flying from Flip Cassady off the bat, but he makes up for it with a backflip senton butt splash. Dakota Darsow is really struggling to keep up or even maintain himself. I hope Flip wins. Darsow has a long way to go. He’s got a good look, but I don’t see X-Division from him. I see TV title division. Dakota Darsow has a bloody nose. Good little match. Dakota Darsow didn’t keep up his end of the bargain.

Flip has some of Dakota’s blood on him. Flip waits to be interviewed and gets nothing…

BROOKE TESSMACHER & TARA BACKSTAGE
Brooke has a tag match with Tara. Tara calls her Boo 2x. Very quick.

GUT CHECK RECAP >> TAYLOR HENDRIX
She didn’t like that she was called not tough enough. The camera loves her and so do you fans. If only her name wasn’t Taeler Hendrix. I chose not to spell her name correctly, since she chose to say she’s a cancer survivor when she’s really a misdiagnosed. Like oh I thought I was pregnant, but it was just gas.

MADISON RAYNE & GAIL KIM vs BROOKE TESSMACHER & TARA (match makes Tara looks good)
Next week Gail Kim gets her title shot… I thought it was this week, but whatever. It should probably be on the pay-per-view. Does anyone remember when it was Terra? Mike Tennay mentions the main event, James Storm vs Jeff Hardy. I totally forgot. This match was quicker than most TNA knockout’s matches. Short match, more of a win.

JAMES STORM LOCKDOWN RECAP w/ JEFF HARDY MATCH HYPE
James Storm recaps Lockdown then talks about Jeff Hardy. Not much here.

AJ PROMO on CHRISTOPHER DANIELS (dropping the angle)
He yells out at Christopher Daniels…. who thankfully comes out to save this segment. Don’t let AJ Styles talk about this ever. KAZ comes out with Daniels and says AJ gets junkie whores pregnant. Daniels has a martini glass… an empty one from the look of it. Christopher Daniels starts some long-winded speech and AJ just tells him to shut up. Holy shit this feud has been going on for a full year. That’s not a compliment. That’s a … let’s move on! I consider the Claire Lynch angle officially dropped by TNA.

HULK HOGAN BACKSTAGE interrupted by MASKED MAN
Hogan doing an interview, gets interrupted by one of the masked men that attacked Sting a few weeks ago. He delivers a piece of paper with some carts on it. At least they mentioned the angle.

JEFF HARDY VIDEO
He’s inspired by this series since he missed last year’s series. He wants to end the selfish generation. I kind of thought Jeff Hardy lead the selfish generation what with the drugs and house explosions.

X-DIVISION >> KENNY KING vs LARS ONLY (another X-division match)
Kenny King from ROH and I think from WWE Tough Enough season 2. Good to see someone from any Tough Enough season in still in wrestling. Good match, longer and less reckless than the other match. Lars did some sort of leg trip, leg sweep that looked painful to Kenny King. Tazz said it sucked, but I think that’s how it was supposed to look… painful. I don’t have much to say about this match. I think Christie Hemmy announced Kenny as Kenny Kane.

Christie interviews Kenny King. The fans are behind him in more ways than one.

I’ve come to realize that none of TNA’s own X-Division guys has a match on TV even if they’ll get matches on the Destination X pay-per-view. Bring in new guys and have them go for the title. If anything hopefully Sonjay Dutt will get the X-Division title.

AUSTIN ARIES BEFORE THE BELL PREVIEW (good show everyone seems to love it)
I’ve seen the Before the Bell special with Austin Aries. It is full of good phrases. So many good phrases, you don’t even need to watch it, just listen for 30 minutes which 24 of it is Austin Aries talking.

KENNY KING & AUSTIN ARIES BACKSTAGE (good rub for Kenny King)
They know each other… and they’re happy. Good rub for Kenny King who then disappears so Austin can get asked about relinquishing the belt. Yep.

BFG LEADERBOARD
James Storm > Samoa Joe > Magnus > Kurt Angle

BFG SERIES >> JAMES STORM vs JEFF HARDY (Storm sells for Hardy)
Wow this main event is starting early. It makes me think Claire the junkie slut will be the main event. Jeff Hardy comes out looking like a performance artist on coke. He shares a moment with the crowd. It must suck that Jeff Hardy is still over James Storm. Even if Hardy loses 100 times to Storm… it will still be Jeff Hardy > James Storm. There are plenty of dueling chants. There are a lot of lockups and holds… because this is the main event and they have the time. They come back from commercial and Tazz talks about how crazy it got in the commercial with a street fight on the outside… yet no video clips. It is so hilarious watching James Storm sell for Jeff Hardy, who is too weak to muscle him into selling. Like a leg trip, you see James Storm start falling before Jeff Hardy pulls him. You see the camera angles shift so viewers don’t see the miss between Jeff Hardy’s feet and Storm’s face. Now 100% of the fans are behind Jeff Hardy… who has 90% of the offense of this match. But when James Storm gets a move, Jeff Hardy sells like he’s dead for way too long. But whatever. Good match, gives fans time to get invested in the outcome.

After the match, the winner gives the loser a handshake. Good clean match.

BFG LOCATION
Mike Tennay and Tazz announce that Bound for Glory is going to Phoenix, AZ.

BACKSTAGE w/ KURT ANGLE then MR. ANDERSON
They both briefly talk about the BFG Series and Tennay plugs Mr. Anderson vs Kurt Angle. Then Brooke Tessmacher vs Gail Kim. Bully Ray vs Joseph Park.

HULK HOGAN ANGLE w/ …
This puts a lot of heat on Austin Aries. Anyway, Hogan does a good job of plugging Destination-X, Jeff Hardy, James Storm and Austin Aries. Robert Roode comes out. Robert Roode is so generic. Like he checks all the boxes that meet with a great heel… except for personality. As I’ve pointed out before the real feud seems to be Hulk Hogan & Robert Roode. Roode always has great points. I just wish it was coming from someone better. Austin Aries comes out… Austin Aries gives this match and Roode’s title heat.

lol when Austin and Roode get in each other’s faces… the fans chant for Hogan. Aries ends up holding up both belts and it looks awesome. Great job TNA. Aries gives Hogan the X-Division title and holds up the TNA world title to close the show.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should be) (in my mind) (6/21/12)

TNA OPENING RECAP (brief, but star making)
Roode recap. Aries recap. Good stuff… because they’re faces. People care about both of them. Aries is on fire. Brief recap. TNA has been getting a lot better lately. Like I can’t wait for TNA Impact every week. I’m not the only person saying that.

HULK HOGAN & AUSTIN ARIES ANGLE (headed to Aries execution)
As much as I don’t care what Hogan has to say… I think… he’s not Robert Roode or HHH starting off a 2 hour wrestling show… so that makes me happy. Tonight is Gut Check and Open Fight Night. TNA will have its first female Gut Check challenger. They’ve also got the Bound for Glory Series. I’m actually looking forward to this.

Hogan wants an answer from Aries if he will give up his X-Division championship for a title shot at Robert Roode at Destination X. See this is a terrible idea, a bad idea and a good idea all at once. It is a good idea, because Austin Aries doesn’t need to be beat to give up a low-end title. It is a bad idea because I’d much rather see Aries vs AJ Stylez main event Destination X and its a terrible idea, because Roode’s storyline trumps Austin Aries career. Aries should not come to an end. If anything Aries should be the man to take the belt even if the angle is designed for James Storm to get the top title.

Austin Aries wants any X-Division champion to have the opportunity to give up the title for a top title shot at the Destination X. Good idea I guess, since it puts heat on the belt… once a year. Robert Roode comes out and blah blah blah. It ends in a hockey fight. Yes a shirt pulling hockey fight before its broken up. Then Mr. Anderson appears with microphone in hand. He doesn’t have his blonde hair. Don’t ever let Anderson talk. Anderson says he’ll win the Bound for Glory Series. Please no. Oddly enough Mr. Anderson wasn’t terrible on the microphone. He was okay.

BOUND FOR GLORY SERIES SCORE SYSTEM (Thank goth they talk about it.)
Same as last year. Good idea to show how scoring is done. Still lose 10 points for a DQ and there is now a 10 minute time limit for each match. Good. I like that. Gives a chance for draws.

BFG >> MR. ANDERSON vs CHRISTOPHER DANIELS (good for its clean victory)
Mr. Anderson challenges Christopher Daniels. Again, don’t let Mr. Anderson talk. Christopher Daniels comes out with an appletini. I remember this match from a month ago. Very meh in terms of crowd heat compared to most TNA matches in the past few months. Good clean finish. Thank you TNA. I laugh at how Mike Tenney calls something a patented move… when so many people do it. The victory celebration is silly if not dumb.

AJ & DIXIE BACKSTAGE (time filler)
She wants to tell everyone… This is a time filler. We saw 2 of these last week. I expect to see 2 more tonight.

BROOKE HOGAN w/ ODB / MICKIE JAMES / VELVET SKYE / MADISON RAYNE (pretty bad)
This was done reality style… They’re discussing who gets the Knockouts title. Brooke wants to know why they want the title. This does put heat on the Knockouts title. Wow this does not make any of the four glow in a positive light. This was designed to make Brooke Hogan look good and like the only sane person.

BFG >> ROBBIE E vs KURT ANGLE (effective)
Robbie E does a good open challenge that is answered by Angle. I predict a destruction of both Robbie E and Rob Terry. Great victory. Made the winner look very effective.

TAYLOR HENDRIX GUT CHECK VIDEO (interesting story)
She’s got red hair. That’s what’s missing from wrestling. None of her footage had red hair. In fact her footage makes her look like Mickie James this is a plus for her… but not Mickie. She announces that she was diagnosed with cancer at age 21.

BFG >> MAGNUS vs AJ STYLEZ (an ok match too short to be good)
This episode of Impact is going by quick. Magnus calls out someone, it goes to commercial. I have a feeling its Joe. Nope its AJ Stylez. Funny how all of these open challenges call out home wreckers. ODB should call out the Wedding Planner next. Magnus catches AJ off the top rope with a ragdoll catch then turns it into a suplex. That looked good. AJ misses a Pele kick. Apparently what he and Dixie are going through is messing with him. Daniels & KAZ interfere. At least they haven’t interfered in a while.

GUT CHECK >> TAYLOR HENDRIX vs TARA (give her a job)
She looks like she’s in the hot girl marching band… implants… so she’ll fit in with TNA’s abnormal sized implants. Tara comes down to the ring. Good choice. I would have had Gail Kim, but I guess Gail has more of a character. So what do we grade here? Her ability to sell? Do we grade Taylor Hendrix ability to mimmick Mickie James?

I say give Taylor Hendrix a TNA contract. She’s hot with crisp work and mega implants that TNA loves. We haven’t seen a new knockout in at least a year. Get rid of Angelina Love or Winter. What have they done lately?

In fact since Brooke Tessmacher hasn’t been here this week, they can have Taylor get a job next week and have Brooke return to say She’s not Taylor… she’s some stalker from my former sorority!

JOSEPH PARK & BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE (too brief to be gold)
Bully Ray bullies the giant Joseph Park who brings up his brother… Bully Ray doesn’t want to see Joseph Park in the crowd. This was good… stoopid bastad.

BFG >> SAMOA JOE vs JAMES STORM (on the verge of good, but not long enough)
Since no one has the guts to call out Samoa Joe, he calls out James Storm. Should be good, but every match on this show has been 2 – 4 minutes. A win is a win even if its not really a match. Tazz & Tennay hype the fact James Storm has been away from active competition. There is a dueling chant… which is good. Joe dumps James on his head with a power slam. After the match Joe comes at James Storm with a beer bottle… I won’t ruin what happens next.

AJ / DIXIE / DANIELS ANGLE VIDEO RECAP
Yep AJ & Dixie have a surprise for Serge. It’s probably like an autograph from Serge’s favorite baseball player. Good recap of a terrible angle that gives AJ an excuse to lose.

AJ & DIXIE BACKSTAGE (again)
Time filler… AJ wants to get it done tonight. It’s funny because last week AJ wanted it done… then he didn’t and Dixie wanted to. Now this episode starts its Dixie that wants to… and now its AJ. Well now that everyone’s on the same page.

BROOKE HOGAN w/ 3 of the 4 women (too quick to be as bad as it could)
Eh its getting sane. Brooke is kinda pointing out how silly the women are. And someone leaves. Quick.

BFG >> BULLY RAY vs POPE (The ghost of Abyss)
… Pope is back after being gone 6+ months. Crimson was undefeated for 18 months. Why is he not in this series? Whatever. Anyway, comes down to the ring and challenges Pope. Bully Ray needs a racist gimmick to make up for all the black men he beats down. So I guess RVD vs Jeff Hardy will be the main event… I predict another 2 – 4 minute match between Bully Ray and Pope. Interestingly Pope has a punching / elbow combination just like Bully Ray has a punching combo. At some point Abyss comes through the crowd. Terrifying some of the ring rats at ringside. Abyss is just like a ghost haunting Bully Ray.

HOGAN BACKSTAGE w/ JEFF HARDY & RVD
Makes Jeff Hardy vs RVD… yup.

DESTINATION X TRAILER w/ AUSTIN ARIES
Its awesome. Makes him look like a star.

MONTGUMARY GENTRY MUSIC VIDEO starring VELVET SKYE
So she’s a single mother? Or its just acting. This is more Velvet’s video than Montgumary Gentries. They don’t show all of it… but this just proves… get big implants so you can be a star. Even reality shows know the value of implants.

BROOKE HOGAN BACKSTAGE w/ 2 of 4 FINALISTS
This might as well have been a beauty pageant. Quite the shock outcome. Kept quick.

KNOCKOUTS TITLE >> TESSMACHER vs FINALIST
Congrats to TNA for making a new female star with Miss. Tessmacher. Beautiful moves from the finalist. Lots of butt shots from the camera. I wish I didn’t have to report on that… but that’s where the cameras are. This match will probably do TNA’s biggest rating of the night… even with the terrible build. Miss Tessmocher is selling more than Taylor Hendrix. Good clean finish.

BFG >> RVD vs JEFF HARDY (failed to interest me)
Yep its a match. I remember when people would pay for this match. To be honest I had no interest in this match. Two flat guys having the same match for the 1,000th time. It isn’t any better, it isn’t any worse. No heat is put on the match since there’s an angle on top.

PROS

• Austin Aries in TNA
• Christopher Daniels appletini
• Some clean wins in the BFG!
• Winner of Robbie E & Kurt Angle looked very effective
• Taylor Hendrix
• TNA letting the winners celebrate… almost as long as the matches.

CONS

• No Sting storyline continuation. He was attacked by 3 masked me, Jeff Jarrett and the Harris brothers (I think).
• Very little build for Destination X… but I guess you need to have an X-Division to have an X-Division pay-per-view.
• Robert Roode talking
• Mr. Anderson talking
• Knockouts discussing why they want the Knockouts title… *shakes head*
• AJ’s head not in the game… I’d much rather not see him on his year long losing streak.
• Gut Check as a whole. What are we evaluating? A person’s ability to lose?
• Tag champs not wearing their championship belts. Did anyone remember they are tag champs?
• Backstage with Knockouts, but it was kept quick
• I’ve seen RVD and Hardy too much to care… but that can be said a lot about any match in TNA.
• No Devon defending the TV title. Not that it matters, but it was said… defending it on every Impact. Maybe he’s on Xplosion.
• Over run lead to no conclusion with the Dixie and AJ angle… the main event.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (04/19/12)

LOCKDOWN RECAP
Dumb luck gives Robert Roode the victory at Lockdown. If anyone was pushed for that title it was James Storm. Dumb luck and cheating seems to give Robert Roode victories. That’s not a strong champion. He doesn’t need to cheat or have dumb luck each and every time. Since Roode has kept the title 6 months now he deserves to keep it. Without it, he’ll lose a lot of steam down to zero.

At least TNA didn’t recap the whole pay-per-view at once like they usually do. Their ratings might get better if they divvy out the info over the show.

ROODE OPENING PROMO (terrible promos all around)
Another month, another Roode promo to kick off Impact and it is a good time for him to open the show unlike other months. Anyway, he has a new haircut. TNA could have made this into an angle. Storm wants a title shot, Roode refuses… Hogan says there will be a rematch, and it won’t be for the title, but the loser will have his pony tail cut off. That is just me throwing out an idea. Wow does Bobby Roode look like an accountant and not a wrestler. He lost a uniqueness to him, but whatever, maybe he has movie roles coming up that TNA won’t mention. After all Jeff Jarrett will be in a Wizard of Oz movie coming up with some famous people in it.

Robert Roode just drones on and on, leading me to type about other things because I’m so boring. Anyway, the point of Robert Roode’s promo is that there is no one left for him to beat. So enter Mr. Anderson and his messed up hairstyle.

One terrible promo style replaced with another terrible promo style. I’d really like TNA to let Mr. Anderson go. TNA already has Matt Morgan, they don’t need him. Enter Jeff Hardy limping and wearing more makeup than a mime. LogicallyAndersonbeat Hardy a few weeks ago and won via DQ against Roode.  Logically Mr. Anderson should get the shot, but they should have a match withAndersongoing over.

Hulk Hogan appears over the big screen. He announces a match.Andersonvs Hardy for the #1 contender, please let it be Hardy.

TNA SHOPZONE COMMERCIAL (selling merchandise)
I like these commercials as I always point out. They actually sell things.

CRIMSON & BULLY RAY vs AUSTINARIES & MATT MORGAN (gently putting me to sleep)
I’m happy for this match. It mixes things up when normally the main eventers are in a tag match. Plus it hides Crimson and Morgan. I like the fact the heel Crimson wears black and the face Morgan wears white. Morgan does most of the selling, which is appropriate, you want the colder guy selling and the hotter guy to get the hot tag. I also laugh at the fact Bully Ray as a singles wrestler is put into tag matches week after week. Funny I just saw Morgan tap out to a heel hook. Didn’t count though.

Aries gets the hot tag and looks great, main eventer, new superstar great. Bully and Aries touch a bit toward the end. I don’t think it does anything to help their feud, but there are a few more weeks until the next pay-per-view.

GARRETT BISCHOFF w/ ANDERSON/ AJ STYLEZ / RVD
Wow… the young guy is the captain of his team. Shouldn’t AJ and everyone else just taken the spotlight and said hey Garrett we believe you should be here, so we’re gonna win this for you. But then that would get the Garrett stench on them. Garrett thanks them for their help. Bad to haveAnderson just out there when he’s in your main event. Bad to have RVD out there when he’s still new…. No he’s not new and fresh thanks to this. It’s like he never left and that’s not a good thing. Garrett should have been out there by himself or maybe with AJ.

Flair appears and elevates the segment. TNA now has to bleep the name Eric Bischoff. Lovely. Flair will hold a tribute party for Eric next week.

KAZ & DANIELS BACKSTAGE (stupid angle)
KAZ has his head shaved now. Stupid. Really stupid. He’s a gorgeous man with awesome hair. They will reveal their secret on AJ tonight… oh and next is AJ vs Angle. This totally kills any heat for the match.

ANGLE vs AJ STYLEZ
This was the backdrop for an angle. Three minute match and AJ is given a piece of paper from Christopher Daniels. AJ, Daniels and KAZ are all stuck in the mud so Robert Roode and James Storm can get pushed.

JOSEPH PARK BACKSTAGE w/ GUNNER
Gunner sends Joseph Park to Bully Ray. We’ll see it next week I’m sure.

HULK HOGAN & RVD BACKSTAGE
Hogan announces RVD will be in the main event making it a 3 way for the #1 contendership.

HULK HOGAN EXPLAINS to ALL TNA CHAMPS (a terrible idea)
Hogan announces Open Fight Night once a month where a new guy not with TNA gets a match that will be judged by 3 guys. A fake reality show… Yep all on one show.  Then on that same show, any of the champs can get called out at any time and they need to be ready to defend their title. I thought this already existed, now we need a name for it? Hulk says that the TV championship will be defended once a week. I feel like now I need to only watch TNA once a month. This is like saying a band will only play the hits on this night and maybe not other times. What really sucks is one championship will be on the line… out of the six titles there are.

GAIL & RAYNE & SARITA & ROSITA vs SKYE, MICKIE, TARA, TESSMOCHER (typical 10 minute every knockout match)
Brooke is back from OVW. Let’s see what she learned… when stuck in an 8 woman shmozz. Brooke and Tara do the heatless lesbian kiss. Mickie looks terrible and Velvet’s hair is flat. Makes me think TNA fired their cosmetologist.

Rosita really needs to get a high flying style or go face and start selling for heels. It works wonders for AJ Lee on WWE. Rosita and Sarita need to look more like a tag team. Sarita is amazing at what she does. Eventually it devolves into a giant brawl. The ref sees cheating, but goes with it. Shocking finish that will lead into that Open Fight Night next week I’m sure.

ERIC YOUNG & ODB HONEYMOON (yawn)
Two people lying down at the poolside. Now Eric Young is the jealous one. Lovely. He strips down to his underwear as always. ODB then ices down his package. Yep. Thankfully this was short.

TV TITLE >> DEVONvs GUNNER (the start of something good)
Good, TV title should be defended on television. Hogan said earlier that the TV title will now be defended each week. This isDevon’s first TV title defense on TV. Hopefully this can be a staple of 10 – 15 minutes of good wrestling a week. That’s what I wanted with AJ holding the title.Devon can train up some younger guys. There are dueling chants forDevon and Gunner. The match lasts less than 5 minutes. Good for the winner.

JAMES STORM PROMO
I think Storm needed a win and a promo to rebound from one of TNA’s most high profile losses. Good promo about what losing means. His loss means something…. But I’m afraid Robert Roode’s win doesn’t mean anything.

RVD vs MR.ANDERSONvs JEFF HARDY
Oh if only it was RVD vs Jeff Hardy. The dream match that happened 10 years ago. It is funny that I never want to see another match between Hardy and Anderson or Anderson and RVD. At least Mr. Anderson doesn’t look like he has the flu like he did last week or the week before.  The match didn’t last long. There was a winner. Yep.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (04/05/12)

HULK HOGAN PROMO introduced by DIXIE CARTER (match announcements)
Wow what ego stroking.Dixie has Sting in the ring. They both couldn’t look average enough. In fact I saw members of the crowd that looked like bigger stars. Speaking of stars, TNA had all of its wrestlers surrounding the ring. Way to make the entire roster look like extras and background players.

Hogan plugs Lockdown and announces matches. Morgan vs Crimson at Lockdown. Knockouts challenge for #1 contender tonight. Hogan calls out Bischoff and Ric Flair on the floor argues with Hogan. Oh so Bischoff isn’t out there… either is Roode who then appears with a security force wearing suits. Well at least TNA makes him look like a star.

As I predicted any babyface as an authority figure becomes the top babyface and the top babyface that wrestles each week is always #2.Andersongets called into the ring after Roode says his piece. I never want to hearAndersontalk and thankfully he doesn’t.Andersonvs Roode is announced for tonight. Hogan then announces Jeff Hardy vs Kurt Angle for right now. I smell a lumberjack match!

JEFF HARDY vs KURT ANGLE (rushed match)
Tazz says this is a main event anywhere in the world… yep but on TNA it opens the card… because they like blowing their money matches. Eh whatever, maybe it will be a minute long and end with some cheap finish. Angle’s right leg is either hideously pale or it is taped up. Remember how I typed that I smell a lumberjack match. Nope. No chance. After a few minutes they fall to the outside and Jeff Hardy has to break the count right before he throws Kurt back in. That made little sense. Maybe with the count at 8, Jeff didn’t want to get counted out by throwing in Kurt first.

Kurt is busted open in the ring. Thankfully TNA cameras didn’t catch the blade. Eric Young’s bachelor party will air tonight. This match has good crowd enthusiasm, but it feels very rushed. Several minutes in when Angle applies the ankle lock, he is still standing. I’ve always had a problem with the standing ankle lock. It makes more sense to drop and let the guy drag you instead of letting them kick you or roll you up, but whatever.

Good finish to a match that builds to a pay-per-view in a cage. Good match, I still say it felt very rushed, but had some good energy and crowd reaction. Angle gets backstage and Hogan announces a cage match with him and Jeff Hardy. I guess I don’t have a problem with giving this match away for free to build to a pay-per-view.

FLAIR BACKSTAGE on the speaker phone with BISCHOFF
Yep Flair warns Bischoff.

BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE
Bully is trending worldwide. He gets asked Storm or Roode at Lockdown. Bully Ray says he’s the next world champion. Bully heads to the ring to call out Austin Aries.

BULLY RAY & ARIES ANGLE (great for both guys)
Bully Ray is calfzilla. He cuts down Austin Aries for his lack of size. Aries then appears. Aries acts like he is gonna cut a promo and ends up popping Bully with the microphone. After a beatdown, Bully Rag gives him a walking, diving powerbomb. It looked awesome and was worth a replay. This was great for both guys.

JOESEPH PARK BACKSTAGE (a waste of time)
Joe asks the caterer, because his brother has a ravenous appetite. You know Hulk once saw Abyss’s face. Hmmm… Oh but no one remembers that.

AJ STYLES BACKSTAGE (and a challenge)
He things James will win. AJ is now wearing gloves. Storm appears to challenge AJ. Eh this works and keeps Storm fresh with matches. AJ should want a title shot if he beats Storm and if Storm beats Roode at Lockdown.

KNOCKOUTS CHALLENGE >> MICKIE JAMES vs TARAvs WINTER vs ANGELINA LOVE vs MADISON RAYNE vs VELVET SKYE (and flawed logic)
Winter is announced from parts unknown. I could swear she’s fromEngland somewhere. If she had an American accent, I’d say she’s fromAlaska. Or how about the clouds above? Looks like Angelina is just a heel instead of with Winter. I hate to admit it, but Winter and Rayne have my two favorite themes in TNA. Why? I guess because they sound different from any other theme.

Apparently this match is the first fall with only 2 people at a time with the need to tag out. Strange. Why would anyone tag in? Just blind tags I guess. A match like this should either be 6 at a time or offer a punishment for the loser. Otherwise there is no reason to tag out. If I had to predict a winner, I’d say Velvet Skye, because that’s who won last week, but knowing TNA it could be Winter. If this was the WWE I’d say Rosita, because she’s not even in the match.

There is an awesome spot where Velvet is in with Rayne, who then tags out to Mickie James to make face vs face. When Mickie goes to get in Rayne kicks her out. This becomes a spotfest like all big matches. In the end, one woman is standing tall, which is great, because usually TNA has this problem of when there’s a winner everyone is in the ring, so you don’t get a visual of one person being above the rest.

ANDERSONBACKSTAGE with ROODE (less annoying than usual)
Anderson is backstage. Roode appears with his suited bodyguards.Anderson wonders why wait til tonight when we can fight right now? Isn’t right now tonight? Whatever. The suits get inAnderson’s face he touches their ties. They’ll wait til later tonight.

TNA at CMAs (with Kiss)
You get to see Jeff Hardy and James Storm posing with Kiss. I swear this was CMAs… Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it is the ACMs or whatever. I wonder how much Gene Simmons asked to be paid for standing in the background. 

ERIC YOUNG’s BACHELOR PARTY (and how lame it is)
3 nerds with Eric Young picking fantasy baseball online. ODB appears to give the men a party. Insults the men and chases them away. She’s subtly chasing away everyone from Eric Young. They might as well have Eric put in a closet. She then pulls Eric close for a face full of cleavage.

JAMES STORM vs AJ STYLEZ (AJ is still a star)
Montgomery Gentry is in the crowd and James says hi. This could be awesome, but since this is TNA I see it going 4 minutes. AJ looks very strange with gloves. I like how the crowd is chanting for AJ who is the midcarder. Early on AJ summersaults out of the way of the Last Call. I think TNA should just call it Last Call instead of Last Call Super Kick. Tennay plugs the MotorCity Machine Guns are next.

This match has some good logical counters and reversals, such as elbows to a rear waist lock to break the clasp. Good match, the crowd is firmly behind AJ for 80% of the match. It is interesting to see their physiques when both of them started out with the same skinny body 10 years ago. Good finish with the winner checking on his friend. This match made AJ look good and actually show his stuff.

James Storm gets on the mic and wants Robert Roode next week to look him in the eye one last time before Lockdown.

HOGAN & STING BACKSTAGE
Hogan sends Sting home. Sting says the doctors won’t let him compete. Good. Use Sting sparingly.

MONTGOMERY GENTRY BACKSTAGE w/ ROBERT ROODE
They lightly put over TNA and put over James Storm. Robert Roode appears and spits in the face of Montgomery Gentry. This was good. Hopefully TNA

MOTORCITY MACHINE GUNS vs MEXICAN AMERICA (terrible missed opportunity)
Sabin was injured one year ago in a botched spot against Mexican America. TNA really should have put this on pay-per-view with some hype behind it. People would pay money to see their return or at least their first match into their return. By just throwing out the guns it felt like Sabin had never left and he was just a regular guy. There were brief, emphatic chants of ‘Welcome back.’ But there were more chants of ‘Motor city.’

Personally, if I were Sabin, I’d be working on Anarchya’s knee to take him out and make him disappear for a while (to OVW). There was a spot where Shelly flew off the top and landed on Anarchya who had his knees bent. Not a block, just coincidental. Anyway, the Guns looked awesome.

Sabin gets on the mic and says he wants the titles. He doesn’t mention how great it is to be back.

RIC FLAIR BACKSTAGE intercepts ERIC BISCHOFF
Flair says Hogan is out of control. Eric calls Ric a two time hall-of-famer. Flair says that Hogan is out of control because he’s making matches for Lockdown. Oh no! An authority figure making matches? TNA plugs a Bischoff & Hogan in the ring for a confrontation.

HOGAN & BISCHOFF ANGLE
Hogan is in the ring and calls out Bischoff who then appears. Thank goth this wasn’t the main event after the last match. I’m much happier with this match under the main event. Eric Bischoff says blah blah blah. This is something I’ve heard from him so many times. Against Garrett Bischoff, Vince McMahon, Steve Austin. Probably other guys too.

Hogan says that Eric needs to put together a team for Lockdown and Garrett will make the other team. I like this idea. Garrett doesn’t need to be in a singles cage match. Hmmm Gunner & Mexican America vs Garrett & uh… Anthony Neese & D-Von.

If Garrett loses he’s off TNA and if Eric’s team loses he can no longer use his own name for the rest of his life. Yep… Maybe he will be Bob Smith.

STORM VIDEO
A great video recap with the split of Beer Money interviewing Storm and people from his life, his friends, wife, and family. Storm even has a baby in his arms. James Storm is Joe Everyman. This video was good and it really pushes Storm vs Roode as something special to TNA.

MR. ANDERSON vs ROBERT ROODE (what match?)
Andersonsays Mr. Anderson.Anderson. Then walks to the ring. Ken Anderson looks terrible, like he’s ill with the flu and they’re making him wrestle. Maybe he has food poisoning or something. He also wears a shirt that says ‘pro wrestling is real.’ Since he has the sleeves well cut off, it looks like the shirt says ‘no wrestling is real.’ At least Mr. Anderson has a win going into this match and at least Robert Roode has a fresh match that doesn’t involve Hardy, Bully or Storm. Wow Bobby is thin compared to the TNA title. He only has 1 set of buttons buttoned. Maybe TNA needs magnets on the belt to keep the strap from just flapping like that.

For whatever reasonAndersonhas 33 on the back of his wrestling trunks, is that his age? Is that the highway he lives next to? Tennay announces that there will be a series of matches between team Garrett vs team Gunner. I like how no one really pays attention to the match in the ring. The commentators just recap what we’ve seen and what we will see.

Ref bump. Ken Anderson gets the visionary. Well I smell the first feud after Roode loses the title at Lockdown. Heck he might not even lose the title and this might be the main event program after Lockdown. Beer bottle finish. Poor referee has to count in the glass.Andersonis bleeding. I also like how no one can say Bobby Roode, they always say Bobby Rooooo.

James Storm appears with Hogan. That’s like a boy appearing with his dad to confront a bully. Good job TNA. Hogan reverses the decision. Maybe this was inAnderson’s contract where he needs to get a win over Bobby Roooo. After that final match, I just have a bad taste in my mouth.

Everything Right with TNA Impact (03/29/12)

ROBERT ROODE w/ COPS (burning out Storm vs Roode)
Well I guess that TNA is trying to make their main event angle for Lockdown feel like a WWE’s main event by having their champion come out with cops. Didn’t Robert Roode send his lawyer last week to show up to say Roode wouldn’t be on Impact for the next month until Lockdown? At least there are “fire bobby chants.” I’m happy that the Impact Zone is more lively over the past few months. Roode announced that he won the war because Sting stepped down. I kind of feel they could have done the Roode outsmarting Sting into losing his GM status. Oh and since when was sting a general manager? Authority figure yes, GM no, but whatever. The fans chant forDixie. In fact I’m waiting for theDixie vs Roode match. 

Storm shows up says a few lines only to get beat down by Bully Ray. I guess it makes sense for Roode not to lay hands on Storm. Storm gets up throws a Last Call kick but pulls back for the cops. Storm wants both of Bully Ray & Storm. Don’t let that happen. I’ve seen all 3 guys too much against one another.

GAIL KIM & RAYNE BACKSTAGE (and how to put heat on a prop)
Rayne looks fantastic as always and Gail gives her a new tiara. Good. This puts heat on a prop. They announce a match between Velvet and Rayne. This was brief and great… because it announced a match, put heat on a prop and didn’t involve screeching promos. Rayne should walk around telling people how awesome her tiara is because her bff Gail Kim gave it to her. How her bff is the best! Then have a face threaten the tiara.

VELVET SKYE vs RAYNE (a building block)
Did Velvet get a new tramp stamp? Rayne should really go over in this match. Velvet will still be over afterward, she gets chants, she gets the crowd fired up because everyone loves a big chest, even gay men and straight women. Matt Morgan vs Crimson is mentioned for later. The match had crowd heat and energy and it was kept short. I find it interesting that Ryane wears American flags on a lot of outfits.

POST MATCH INTERVIEW w/ VELVET (it was ok)
Christy Hemme holds the microphone for Velvet to challenge Gail Kim. Well with that in mind, the last match was good as a building block. Thank god Velvet didn’t screech into the microphone that much.

DIXIE selling HOGAN SITDOWN OUTSIDE (it feels like Dixieis being dumped)
Dixie wants him to comeback. This was filmed outside with a cameraman lurking behind a post filming them.Dixie looks at the camera every so often with it5 meters away.Dixie needs to sell Hogan on the idea to comeback. There is a security guard way in the background looking over things or perhaps it’s a really observant fan. Hogan wants to stay out of the company. He plugs the fact Bobby Roode is such a heel he’s not sure what can fix it. How about building up some faces to challenge Roode but whatever.Dixie wants Hogan, but he doesn’t want to. She’s just about begging him.

This sounds like a man dumping a woman and her struggling to stay with him. Plus it is in public on a park bench. In public on a bench, this is the perfect dumping ground. Hogan will think about it. He then just gets up and walks away.

MORGAN & CRIMSON RECAP
This was brief. These two should still be a tag team. I don’t want to see them wrestle.

KURT ANGLE BACKSTAGE
He won’t give Jeff Hardy a rematch because Jeff Hardy is a crybaby. He beat Hardy fair and square… but if Hardy beats Ken Anderson one on one he will give Hardy a shot. I never ever want to see another Hardy vsAnderson match since they burnt it out in the WWE.

AUSTIN ARIES PROMO on BULLY RAY (five star promo)
Austin is still a heel cutting a face promo on a heel. This guy needs to drop the X-division belt and move up the ladder and get TNA title matches on pay-per-view. The tough thing is keeping him heel when the fans face him. Austin Aries calls himself Mr. Moneysworth. Awesome. This should trend. He’s got a set of balls as big as Bully Ray’s calves.

Aries respects James Storm, but prefers a glass of red wine to a cold beer. Aries wants to fight by Storm’s side. Brilliant. I have so much more interest in an Aries tag match than a handicap match with Storm.

MORGAN vs CRIMSON (TNA needs to make Morgan feel like a giant)
Oh Christ, not this match again. Maybe if they keep it down to 2 minutes, use weapons and brawl through the crowd I’d like it. They are 2 big looking guys, but I really think Crimson exposes Morgan for how clunky and basic his wrestling is. The crowd continues to be hot for this match, which is a good thing.

Wow this match looks edited. The crowd is firmly behind Morgan, which is good, because they could be sitting on their hands. When Morgan sells the fans clap to get him on his feet. They always clap to get him up. You know what Matt Morgan is7’tall… but he never feels7’tall. TNA makes him feel average. When Morgan comes out the cameramen should be on their knees. Perhaps Morgan needs a chokeslam, powerbomb or some moves that accentuate his height.

Oh Crap double count out. Meh. I think that hurts this match. Crimson should have won by cheating, he’s the heel. They brawls to the back and Mike Tennay announces “nothing’s been settled.”

JOE PARK BACKSTAGE w/ TNA PRODUCTION
Joe reveals he used to play college football. I’m amazed at the age of some TNA producers. This was brief and revealed something about Joe. It was nice and keeps things moving for him.

ANDERSONvs HARDY (and why I didn’t want to see it and TNA plug fest)
Aren’t they both faces? I’ve pointed out that I really hate Hardy vsAnderson since it was in the WWE. I remember howAnderson wouldn’t sell anything for Hardy in the WWE and how he almost killed Hardy in a match and then the WWE had it 3 more times. Then TNA had it several times. Even though I haven’t seen this in a year, I don’t want to see it. But hey maybe this will be awesome since they haveAnderson working with all of the lighter weights he should be a power guy working with them and play the heel.

At least the crowd has been hot and TNA has been at a great pace tonight. Tennay plugs that Lockdown will be in select movie theaters. I’d go see it in a theater if the nearest one wasn’t 4 hours away. The crowd is hot for this match and explode with every move.

Motorcity Machine Guns are back next week. I honestly think they should have done whatever they plan on doing at the pay-per-view and go from there. It could be a promo or angle to start with at the pay-per-view then at the next pay-per-view have their first match. But knowing TNA they will have their first match at lockdown against JoNus Brothers. Tennay also announces Eric Bischoff to have an ultimate challenge for his son Garrett.

I really think the crowd heat makes this match. Ken seems sloppy as time goes on. Hardy bumped out of the ring and there is Kurt Angle to interfere. I suppose the crowd heat carried this match and made it good or at least better than it is.Andersonlooks totally out of gas at the end. 

JAMES STORM MUSIC VIDEO LONG NECKS AND REDNECKS (brilliant)
This makes your star look big and people will remember this for all time. It will be on the James Storm DVD when it comes out. Awesome story told in this video about a waitress getting roughed up in a bar and James Storm goes to be the hero. Video clips of TNA inUKare shown to make TNA look huge. It looks like James Storm and his boys get free beer for the save. Then James drinks the heel under the table and the waitress takes Storm’s keys and drives him home in her big ass monster truck.

Now is the point that I admit I’m actually really enjoying TNA Impact.

ERIC & ODB PLANNING THE WEDDING (comedy)
ODB plays subtly insanely jealous knockout luckily they have a hot chesty model of a wedding planner. Eric likes pillows. ODB doesn’t like her pillows. I notice Eric must have trimmed his beard. ODB shuns the wedding planner. Not nearly as bad as it could have been. ODB says they’re getting married in the steel cage at Lockdown. Uggg… That’s a first. WWE would love to plug for the first time ever a wedding in a steel cage. Tennay and Tazz should plug that.

TNA has given zero time between segments like a sketch show. 

ERIC BISCHOFF ANNOUNCES ULTIMATE CHALLENGE w/ GARRETT
The fans in the background are falling asleep. Eric announces how every life goal he has is checked off except one… beating his son Garrett Bischoff, who then appears. Anyway, long story short, Gunner vs Garrett in a cage at Lockdown.

STORM TRAINS FOR LOCKDOWN (great segment)
Great job TNA, and I really mean that. His redneck gym in a tree house in the rain. This is good. Throwing logs and cinderblocks, sit ups, hanging from the rafters to do chin ups / pull ups. Then plug their tag team history. It puts heat on this match, if this wasn’t their forth match in six months. Storm does boxing and kicking like a whole different style. Storm better win the title at Lockdown.

STORM & ARIES vs BULLY RAY & ROBERT ROODE (a rising star and the right way TNA did things)
I’m happy to see Aries in the main event, I think it elevates all guys to have someone fresh in the mix who is not Angle, Hardy, Bully Ray, Robert Roode or James Storm. They’ve burnt out all of their matches and need someone fresh in that mix whether its Aries, Gunner, Samoa Joe or even Magnus. Normally I’d complain about 2 feuds in a tag match and how it burns out the interest in the pay-per-view, but since Aries is a lesser guy on the rise who hasn’t been stale for months I have no problem with it. Even though TNA should really keep Storm away from Roode, especially since they’ve burnt out the match.

Bully Ray insults Aries size then tags out. Awesome heel move. It also keeps heat on the pay-per-view if they don’t touch. Aries slipped up early on it looked strange he’d slip up. Several minutes in and Aries finally gets a single big shot in on Bully Ray. One shot is enough. Storm gets Roode begging off only to be hit from behind by Bully Ray. Good idea. Brief encounters that mean a lot without overdoing it. Storm never gets his hands on Roode, good. Now for the bad…

HOGAN’S DESCISION w/ DIXIE(anti-climaxing the show)
This shouldn’t have been the main event. Why is it? Ugg it kills the momentum of the show. I really feel that it should end off with a glory shot of your top babyface not some political BS. This doesn’t need to cap off a show, because it is anti-climactic. Perhaps TNA’s rating say otherwise. The fans want Hogan. Hogan is in a TNA shirt and jeans. Yep like a jobber, a near7’ legendary jobber. Hogan has already closed the book on this part of his life. Out comes Sting. The TNA faces follow Sting. Uggg… Even D-Von the TV champion is out… without his belt. Even James Storm. Way to make your top babyface into a background guy. That’s why this should have been done earlier.

Actually who am I kidding, James Storm isn’t the top babyface until stronger faces like Sting and Hogan get out of the company so James Storm can actually start being in the main event of the show and not just the last match on the show. Hogan agrees because Sting has Hogan’s back. Well if the #1 babyface wants me as the authority figure I guess I will be. No wrestling company needs a face authority figure. Heel authority figures provide perfect foils to unfairness and elevating rebel faces.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (03/22/12)

STING vs ROODE AFTERMATH FROM VICTORY   ROAD(and how stupid it is for no one to have saved Sting & Dixie)
Good recap and thankfully TNA didn’t blow the whole pay-per-view right off the bat. They had a big main event angle withDixie and Roode that lead Sting to save Roode. I guess they couldn’t just have Sting get his heat back by destroying Roode afterward. This puts Roode over as a menace when they should be trying to push James Storm as the hero. Roode is ALREADY THE MENACE OF TNA. Now who will stop him. They should have sent out Storm. The fans were even chanting for him. Duct taping Sting to the ropes was not Dreamer & Beullah from ECW 15 years ago. No one from the locker room ran out to saveDixie or Sting or even take out Roode. Not Jeff Hardy, not James Storm, not AJ Stylez, no one. TNA looks weak. Their roster looks weak because no one can save the #1 babyface from the #1 heel Sting. Unless all of the faces were taken out, this should not happen and it makes TNA look weak as a whole, but maybe I’m wrong because main eventers beat down main eventers all the time with no one coming to the rescue. Maybe this just means the angle had heat because I’m so disgusted that James Storm couldn’t be a hero and run out there to save the #1 face and become the #1 face. Whatever.

DIXIE CARTER ANGLE w/ STING (and why Sting should step down)
Dixie is almost in tears running down Robert Roode. How is this now about Robert Roode and Dixie Carter not Robert Roode and James Storm? Sting enters. Sting should be out for 2 months. Not seen. People should worry about Sting, he should come back after Roode when James Storm wins the title, but hey whatever, I just think him coming back this week is stupid.

Sting talksDixieinto keeping Robert Roode, putting Sting over as a man who knows what’s good for business andDixiethe business woman as clueless. The fans want revenge. Hey at least they’re chanting. Sting tellsDixieit’s not working with him in charge. Fans chant please don’t go. I’m really sick of TNA baiting fans into thinking Sting will retire. Each and every year he doesn’t know if he’ll be back. Sting can’t do both wrestler and authority figure. Make him a full time wrestler if he’s the #1 babyface. He is the #1 face, he’s the most protected, most famous, and given the most time to drum up business. That’s why Sting should be injured and James Storm take that place or someone who will wrestle every week. Maybe as I ponder this, Sting is there every week drumming up business and taking out bad guys. Maybe I am a bad sport or something. If someone else was as good as Sting, as charismatic or a pillar they’d be #1.

Dixiehears Sting out that Hogan should be given power of TNA… funny didn’t Hogan conDixieinto giving over TNA? I predict a Sting vs Hogan match in 2 years.

X-DIVISION TITLE 4 WAY >> ARIES vs KASH vs NESE vs ION (high energy stunt show)
On paper this looks good. X-division stunt show. This is a good way to get Nese and Kash out there. Kash has been awesome since his return to TNA and I was never a fan of Kash before this run in TNA. Aries is too good for the X-Division now. He’s a giant fish in a little pond and well protected because of this. Good match, high energy and got the crowd up and moving. Crowd chants for Aries. Good crowd so far tonight.

This was old school TNA… before Bully Ray ran in and ruined it. This was straight out of WWE and WCW’s playbook. Have a monster destroy all of your small guys. It looks like Bully vs Aries will be on for the pay-per-view. This should elevate both guys…

MEXICAN AMERICA & REPO GAMES BACKSTAGE
I’ve seen Repo Games on Spike TV and this was a tolerable segment where Anarchya was the man with the answers.

KNOCKOUTS TAG TITLES >> ERIC & ODB vs SARITA & ROSITA (and ideas for TNA)
First of all… Eric & ODB are so over they should be working a television program with Robert Roode or Bully Ray to get mega heat on the heels. Second of all, Sarita and Rosita should really be faces, because they aren’t ghetto. Sarita is good in the ring and has that broken face sympathy and Rosita is very small and would be much better placed as a face than a heel. Rosita being heel is like Rey Mysterio or WWE’s AJ being heel. She can be a mega face… but hey TNA wants a challenge or they know their audience hates Mexicans. This match had heat, which was all thanks to Eric and ODB with Rosita and Sarita doing good in their roles.

CRIMSON BACKSTAGE w/ DIRECT AUTO (a noteworthy promo)
A heel Crimson cuts a good heel promo on Morgan. It made sense and it was kept as long as it needed to be. It was followed by a brawl that was kept as long as it needed to be.

JEFF HARDY BACKSTAGE (and zero heat)
Jeff challenges Kurt Angle… Kurt isn’t even in the scene. Zero heat, zero fire. Joseph Park is just there. I’d like to say Mr. Park or Parks has more heat than Hardy does at the moment.

ROODE & STORM THE EARLY YEARS VIDEO (and the beauty that it was)
VERY NICE and gives me good memories ofAmerica’s Most Wanted and TeamCanada. This is worth anyone’s time to watch. Their look is so defined now compared to how they were back then. They point out AJ and James are the only men still on the roster from day1. In a way their Lockdown match is beautiful because it is 2 guys that have been with the company 10 years celebrating the tenth year with the company.

JAMES STORM PROMO (good segment for this week)
He wonders why football isn’t all year long. He wonders why gasoline is so expensive. Mr. Storm you are Joe Everyman. Well done. He points out what Roode did to Sting andDixieis wrong. Well Mr. Storm why the hell didn’t you stop it at the pay-per-view? Really. You should have been face to face when the pay-per-view ended to drum up business for Lockdown. Storm is going to right all of the wrongs. He calls down Robert Roode.

Robert Roode’s attorney appears and gets checked out by James Storm who wonders who in the blue hell are you? The attorney is brilliant. He will be wrestling not too long from now. Heck TNA might as well make him wrestle this minute. The attorney announces that Robert Roode will stay in his home until Lockdown. Hopefully he will at least cut promos. The attorney announces James gets his choice of opponents, KAZ or Christopher Daniels. Good for Storm, he will fight both of them.

ANGLE BACKSTAGE (and his anti-logic)
No one beats Kurt Angle, so he is reminded that Garrett beat him 2 weeks ago. Technically that’s true and there’s Garrett to point it out. Oh good they make a 3 minute challenge. By this logic they’ll be having 1 minute challenges instead of 10 minute challenges or normal matches. I think if these two are going to have matches it needs to be on house shows so Garrett will learn from the best.

TNA WORLD TOUR COMMERCIAL
A fan plugs how pro wrestling is the best entertainment and beats other sports. Good. They show the tour dates and locations.

3 MINUTE CHALLENGE >> ANGLE vs GARRETT (to further the anti-logic)
Kurt is wearing a Lockdown jersey… but Garrett is wearing track pants and multi colored wrist tape. Dueling chants to start things, that’s good. There’s some stalling and pushing. Perhaps Angle is so confident that he can just destroy Garrett in 2 minutes. Maybe a commentator should have pointed that out. Garrett gets in great offense and a 2 count on Angle with a flurry of moves. Garrett only needs to stay away from Angle. Gunner appears and they beat down Garrett. Good ending. Jeff Hardy appears for the save… if only someone appeared for the save of Sting andDixieat the end of the pay-per-view. It looks like Jeff buzzed his hair.

MOTORCITY MACHINE GUNS ARE COMING
Artistic black and white vignette of the returning Motorcity Machine Guns is aired. Good and brief.

TNA TAG TITLES >> MEXICAN AMERICA vs JONUS BROTHERS
Mexican America are back from OVW after being gone for a few months. Good to have them return and job. It is good for business, and I guess with CrimMorgan fighting TNA needs another tag team. I also suppose this means JoNus is a face team now. It is at this point that I realize someone from every match is really over. Samoa Joe & Magnus for this match. Aries for the X-title match, Eric & ODB for their match.

Super Mex shows his power, JoNus shows their cohesion only seen since Motorcity Machine Guns and Anarchya shows how he can cheat. There is a point where Magnus is being pinned so he grabs the rope in enemy territory. Anarchya has the chance and fails to just kick the hand.

The Repo Games host runs down and whisks the women away. Back to OVW with the two of you! That leaves the match to conclude, but only after the crowd was whipped into a frenzy. This is a hot crowd. It was a crowd that rose their arms with Joe & Magnus. It was great.

MEXICAN AMERICA’S CAR IS REPOSESSED BACKSTAGE
Yep… both teams in Mexican America lost their tag title matches. Anarchya takes a terrible swing at the host and gets shoved away. The host then walks away with Rosita and Sarita.

BACKSTAGE WITH COWBOY TROY (performer of Jame’s Storm’s theme)
This was a brief segment showing you the behind the scenes from Cowboy Troy’s music video for James Storm’s theme song. Good enough, kept brief.

HANDICAP MATCH >> STORM vs DANIELS & KAZ
Good they should have this match. Behead both of those midcarders to your main eventer. Daniels isn’t even allowed to take his shirt off. Thank god they did something like this to keep James matches from getting boring. There are only so many Storm, Bully & Roode tag matches that I can see in the past 6 months. The crowd is nice and hot from the last match. They want Storm and chant for him.

Maybe TNA should have interviewed Kaz & Daniels before hand since they do have a history with James Storm, but whatever, they were a pair of jobbers in this match. The real downside of this match is that KAZ & Daniels couldn’t be themselves. They were just goons.

STING & DIXIE & HOGAN ANGLE
I don’t like TNA doing main event angles… but if the stats show main event angles get the highest ratings, then I can understand why they do them. Anyway, this was a chance for Hogan to go out and have his name cheered then leave the fans with a cliff hanger of will Hogan say yes?

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (03/15/12)

I assume with 5 weeks between Victory Road and the last PPV that TNA had 2 TV tapings for 5 episodes. I pity the fans that had to sit through this second TV taping since it was probably 4 hours.

TNA RANKS (because I discuss them…)
TOP FACES

1. Sting
2. James Storm
3. Jeff Hardy
4. Garrett Bischoff
5. Joe
6. Magnus
7. Eric Young
8. ODB
9. Aries
10. AJ Stylez
11. Mr Anderson

TOP HEELS

1. Robert Roode
2. Bully Ray
3. Kurt Angle
4. Gunner
5. Crimson
6. Matt Morgan
7. Zema Ion
8. KAZ
9. Christopher Daniels

OPENING SEGMENT WITH JAMES STORM w/ BULLY RAY (who saved things)
James comes out and poorly hypes his match next month against Robert Roode… he’s waited for the opportunity since November 2011… which would make sense if he hasn’t had a few singles matches against Robert Roode…

Bully Ray comes out which is what this segment needed, because eh his promos are pretty generic with no sizzle. We all love James Storm, but he needs to put pizzazz on his promos other than his catch phrase. When Bully Ray came out he livened up. Bully announces Storm will face Gunner. This is great honestly. Gunner has heat even if he is a midcarder. I have no problem with them chopping off the head of a hot midcarder to get heat on the #2 face.

GAIL & RAYNE BACKSTAGE (w/ STING)
Bickering… Sting announces Velvet vs Rayne & Mickie vs Gail. At least this was kept short.

TNA SHOPZONE COMMERCIAL
Terrible. Doesn’t make me want to buy any merchandise. Put a price up on the basketball jerseys. I’m tired of commenting how bad the Knockouts Shopzone commercials are.

RAYNE vs VELVET SKYE (meh needed to put over a finisher)
The beauty queen vs the hooker. You take a pick which is which. Velvet has been on a quiet tear in TNA over the pash few months after losing a lot after she won the Knockouts title 4 months ago. Interesting how Rayne has the USA flag on her shorts. The crowd is behind Velvet… but not nearly as much as ODB. This match features Velvet selling a lot, which is a good thing when the other woman has a title match. The crowd stays behind Velvet in the whole match. The right women won… well right woman for this month. The only problem I had is the winner didn’t use a finisher!!!!! Pisses me off. Need to put over Velvet’s finisher when I can’t even remember what her finisher is other than the head humping into the mat which is not a finisher. TNA NEEDS FINISHERS!!! Even if she cheats to win, it needs to be after a finisher!!!! TNA throws to…

MORGAN & CRIMSON BACKSTAGE + RECAP OF TAG TEAM
TNA pairs guys together to tear them apart. Sure its good for one tag team, but TNA does it all the time. Crimson plugs how he’s undefeated for 14 months. That’s BS when I’ve seen Crimson pinned on Impact. Whatever. Undefeated in singles competition doesn’t mean much.

CRIMSON vs JOE (and I know who wins)
Unfortunately with Crimson having the streak gimmick I know who will win.  Joe looks either dirty or hairy. Like covered with dirt or something which doesn’t make sense. Maybe it is bruising. The crowd is quickly behind Crimson. What are they on crack? Oh well. The chant died quick. Joe shines in this match and entertains the crowd. Crimson chants… Joe continues to crush Crimson who is a sack in this match. Crimson gets in the ref’s face, typical heel move. Since 2 weeks ago the heel tag team champs paired with the top face… they’re faces now. Morgan interferes. They’re making the double turn which makes it interesting. It also means Morgan & Joe are on the same page instead of breaking up.

ANOTHER MARCH MADNESS KNOCKOUTS COMMERCIAL (its a sale)
It is a sale… but what percentage off? What’s on sale? How much are those jerseys? If only the commercials showed me. Worthless commercials. TNA can do so much better.

ARIES PROMO w/ VIDEO MONTAGUE (and ZEMA comes out)
53 X-Division championships held by 25 men. Aries is the longest running X-Division champion. This is great and I’m thankful TNA didn’t let this info slip through the cracks. Then they showed the video montage. The montage was totally different from anything TNA has shown. Bad music, but good meaning with black and white video in slow motion of Aries jumping and lounging around. Didn’t show Arie’s matches… just showed Aries in his matches.

Zema Ion comes out with his fucked up hairstyle and clean-looking clothes. Its funny because both of these lower tier guys wearing great clothes beats the main eventers wearing T-shirt & jeans. Zema mentions Jesse Saurensen proving that he’s the heel in this. He wants Aries to give him the belt before he gets injured. A good exchange with the wine. Memorable. Both guys looked great. No one looked weak. Zema threw the glass in Aries face… Aries got Zema with the bottle and threw him out. Great stuff.  I predict Zema to win at the PPV.

JOSEPH PARKS BACKSTAGE w/ GUNNER
Gunner brushes off Joseph… looks like it could be a potential culprit as to the disappearance of his brother Chris Parks.

ERIC YOUNG & ODB BACKSTAGE
First a brief recap of the proposal. They discuss where to have the wedding… VFW hall? I’ve been to one of those… Minnesota fair? Nah makes too much sense since ODB is from Minnesota. Impact? Duh yeah!

ANGLE BACKSTAGE
Announces Garrett vs Angle. Good. Cripple Garrett. Like I pointed out before take a midcarder with heat, chop off his head for a main eventer. The #3 main event heel.

MICKIE JAMES vs GAIL KIM (and the women getting in the crowd)
I’m not sure why… but I’d rather see Mickie vs Rayne and Velvet vs Gail… but I guess Velvet is someone they can make midcard money with. Good original moves from Gail. Creative and psychological wrestler she is. See working a bodypart is brilliant. You give  the loser an excuse to lose and it makes your winner look strong. Why is it they only do this with the Knockouts? This match seemed to kill the crowd. I see some of the crowd women laughing at the match. Come to think of it… there are a lot of women in the crowd, which there should be… they come for KAZ, AJ, Jeff Hardy and other gorgeous men.

Amazingly the crowd might be silent for the match but the crowd is still into it. I guess they’re silent watching. They still clap and chant and cheer when the face does something but they’re silent when Gail does is on offense. Gail Kim wins cheating… Two heels win by cheating. So expect a cheating finish. Gail Kim is someone who has recently gotten her finisher over… which is good.

MR ANDERSON & KAZ & DANIELS BACKSTAGE (killing any heat there was)
KAZ & Daniels are hecklers really. These two are a non entity since a returning wrestler Anderson steals the heat. Then kills it when Daniels knocks over Anderson’s drink and Anderson says… oh noooo… not that… not that… not … that. There went any heat. Hope they didn’t show this to the crowd. They setup Anderson vs Daniels.

IMPACT WORLD TOUR COMMERCIAL
Interview with a fan saying it has inspired him to get into the business. Eh wasn’t the best comment unless we actually see this guy next year. Anyway the point is to put heat on your live events and they announced where the tour will be next.

ANDERSON vs DANIELS (and how bad Anderson is in the ring)
First of all… TNA gives away Anderson’s first match in four months on free TV. Dumbasses. Sure you’ve got 3 episodes at one TV taping but they really should have left a question in fan’s minds to buy the PPV. But whatever. TNA doesn’t want your money. Next… I forgot how much I hate Anderson… and what a one trick pony he is and how basic of a wrestler he is.

Tennay plugs that KAZ has Stockholm syndrome. Yeah whatever Tennay. Should have spun that angle 2 months ago. Now it just seems stupid and tacked on but hey whatever. Just great wrestlers saddled with a bad angle.

The crowd is slowing down. Brief chant to fire up Anderson but no one got behind it. Daniels wrestling is beautiful. He’s working with a corpse. Anderson looks like he’s out of gas and really sucking wind. Then Anderson does his twisting neckbreaker and he’s even more sucking wind. He does his double kick which used to be beautiful, but now it just sucked. He’s so tired. Oh good KAZ comes out to make sure no match can end without chicanery. AJ comes out for the save… which prevents interference. Good job TNA. Daniels continues his losing streak. Anderson has a long way to go to meet KAZ, Daniels and AJ in the ring. Why wasn’t RVD the one to come back? Does he still have a contract?

JEFF HARDY BACKSTAGE
He recaps that he’d be champion if it weren’t for Kurt Angle. Now its personal… golly should have been personal weeks ago when he did the run in. He announces that he is the charismatic enigma. Eh it was kept short.

5 MINUTE CHALLENGE >> KURT ANGLE vs GARRETT BISCHOFF
If you want to get someone better… you put them in with the best as proven by the last match. It would have been interesting if Kurt Angle came out and announced an open challenge… only to be answered by Garret (and probably boos). They plug how tough Garrett is. When someone isn’t at the top level of toughness it feels like they’re trying too hard. When I imagine tough I think of Bruiser Brody, Stan Hanson, Steve Williams… NOT GARRETT BISCHOFF!!!

Kurt beats down Garrett… for 4 minutes and 30 seconds. Brilliant timing by everything. They are really trying to elevate Garrett. Match ends, Kurt throws on the ankle lock until Hardy saves him. Typical. Didn’t need Garrett to survive though. Could of had him lose with one second left and then put on the ankle lock to get saved by Hardy. I predict Angle to win at the PPV.

ROBBIE E & ROB TERRY BACKSTAGE
They have merchandise? They plug Robbie’s open challenge for the TV championship… again. Hope it is RVD… But it will be Alex Shelley.

GUNNER w/ BULLY RAY vs JAMES STORM (and why its awesome)
Tennay still mentions Immortal… Ha. Are they around still? Since none of them have appeared together in the last while I thought that Gunner, Flair and Bischoff were Immortal. Thankfully Bully Ray was with Gunner. Gunner looks intense, he looks like he should be there in that mix. Maybe its just his heat. Speaking of heat… wouldn’t it be awesome if Gunner DDTed Hogan on the concrete floor?

Gunner is the perfect guy for James to go over. Gunner isn’t in your top 3 matches at the PPV he has heat, energy, intensity. This was a good match, Gunner knows the motions. When you pull hair you check your hand for the strands of hair. When the face fires at you in the beginning, you know to duck in the ropes to get him off you. You even know the standing chin lock for a good visual. He looks like a good heel. He even swings blindly at the air toward the end when he was loopy.

Bully Ray fakes a run in after the match… Personally I feel the show should have ended with this… but you can’t end with the #2 match on the PPV… you’ve got to end with…

STING & ROODE CONTRACT SIGNING (and the boring promo)
They start with a brief recap that doesn’t put any heat on the match. In fact for the past 5 weeks these two have been non entities. They started with Roode beating down Sting. Then Sting said he’s done… then turned crazy Sting… Roode got laid out 2x and now here we are at the contract signing. This feels like it shouldn’t be the #1 match at the PPV.

I hope TNA keeps Sting out for a few months after this match so that James Storm can be the #1 face. But in reality it might just end up being Bully vs Sting at Lockdown. Roode goes into a speech after signing the contract. His speeches are so boring that I’m more content to just type about what I’d rather see. Yawn. Thank god he’s not opening the show with those droning promos. The fans look bored since they’re propping their heads up with their hands and arms. Lazy fans… can’t even stand tall to watch this main event angle… Main event… show closer… Christ Roode isn’t done talking yet. Sting just sits there. I think he’s a mannequin. Holy shit Roode talking is killing my want to live. Thank god I’m watching this at 8 am so I won’t fall back asleep. Sting really is a manniquen.

Shouldn’t there be some face that says you bore me Bobby! Bored to tears! How about some action? Sting continues to say nothing after 5+ minutes of Roode talking. Maybe Sting fell asleep he has his sunglasses on. At least Bobby is getting heel heat with anti Bobby chants. That’s the first anti chant of the show. Oh good Sting woke up from his nap. Overtuns the table puts on makeup.

And… Roode gets laid out… again. So to recap… Sting laid out once 5 weeks ago. Roode laid out 3x in 3 weeks. Way to sell your champion and sell PPVs. Finish the show with a face beatdown of a heel. Why watch the PPV when we’ve seen Sting just kick his ass… but I guess we’re seeing the match not the finish.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (03/01/12)

TNA OPENING VIDEOS
Video recaps how dumb the Roode & Storm ‘I’m done’ statement was.
Kurt Angle has cue cards to explain why he did what he did to Jeff Hardy. He’s laughing because he knows how stupid this is…
TNA got a new intro. Looks good … but generic. No intensity to the opening. It doesn’t get me fired up to watch TNA, but it does look good. 

KURT ANGLE PROMO (to explain how stupid his program is with Jeff Hardy)
Look he has cue cards because he knows how stupid this is, so he’s gonna make it stupider. Jeff Hardy is not a wrestler he’s a performance artist. Jeff Hardy reminds me how fake wrestling is with his loose and sloppy work. That was not part of his speech. That’s my speech. Kurt Angle’s top reasons to hate Hardy are meh at best… bottom line is that he’s jealous of Jeff Hardy. This should have been explained half a month ago… OR THEY COULD HAVE STARTED THE FEUD BETTER! 

An Olympic gold medalist even from a decade ago should be dominating a backyard wrestling risk taker. To me… Jeff Hardy should be proving he’s the wrestler that I think he’s not. And by I… that means Kurt Angle. The Olympian shouldn’t be jealous he should be dominant and a joke like Jeff shouldn’t hold a candle to him and Jeff should train mat wrestling to even hang with Kurt. Then Kurt Angle destroys hardy at the PPV… and Hardy challenges Kurt to his type of match, a ladder match. Then it is tied 1 – 1 with all the marbles in a match that benefits neither man. Do this over the span of 4 or 5 months.

ROBERT ROODE BACKSTAGE INTERVIEW (and then Aries enters)
Austin Aries is over because he’s the top dog in his division. Personally I feel Aries is the top heel if not top star and they should open up his pool. If someone on top like Angle or Bully or Roode disappears, Aries should lose his title and take their place. 

TNA MERCH COMMERCIAL (and how stupid it is)
It is March, let’s sell jerseys. All of the Knockouts in the commercial are wearingJerseys… so they must be selling them. How much? Who the hell knows. But… Knockouts are wearing them or it’s to hype up basketball. Perhaps an AJ Styles basketball jersey or a Bully Ray one for the heels. I’ve noticed TNA has 2 weeks of commercials with the Knockouts then 2 weeks of commercials that sell merchandise. The point is selling merchandise not using the Knockouts under contract. 

GAUNTLET MATCH >> AJ vs DANIELS (a staple of AJ’s month)
AJ wants answers… well Kurt Angle gave answers… so why not Daniels giving answers? At least this match has heat on it unlike the last 2 times they had it. Sure it’s a good match, but they have burnt it out for me and they need to make me want to see it and promise of an answer gets heat on the match. As I’ve said for weeks feuding over a title could get heat on their feud and the belt even if it is the TNA title. AJ would have something Daniels and KAZ both want. Daniels and KAZ or AJ & KAZ can light a fire in the TNA tag division. 

GAUNTLET MATCH >> AJ vs KAZ (excellent)
This was handled excellently. Kudos TNA with how this was handled. Didn’t give away the match. But there’s one problem… now we’re still searching for an answer.

ODB vs RAYNE (and a storyline that combines 2 of TNA’s favorite things)
So the Rayne vs Kim program combines 2 of TNA’s favorite things… a feuding tag team and heel vs heel for the championship. Then this match combines another one of TNA’s things… Eric Young. ODB still has heat because of Eric. Eric should still be a manager of someone dull like Crimson or Shannon Moore. PreferablyShannon. 

This was a bad match with way too much going on. EY running around, Gail pretending to run in. The right woman won, but your #1 contender lost. I smell a TNA Knockout’s tag title defense at the next pay-per-view… which I assume isVictory Road, but a trailer or some hype for the PPV itself would help.

BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE (and about Storm Storm Storm Storm)
Oh Christ not another Bully Ray vs Storm match (it seemed like it). I don’t want to see another for 3 months. TNA should have kept that match for a PPV. Now I don’t care. Bully, Angle, Roode, Hardy, Storm and Sting are money for TNA. They need to stay away from one another unless it’s for money. I don’t want to see matches on free TV when they are the moneymen. I’d rather see Bully Ray vs Shannon Moore, Storm vs Daniels, Roode vs Morgan, Angle vs Crimson every month than seeing a constant combination of those 6 guys every week.

VELVET / ANGELINA / SARITA BACKSTAGE BRAWL
Thank goth this was kept to less than a minute. Their backstage brawls always went too long. Thank goth Velvet didn’t talk for more than 5 seconds. I still remember how Sarita the heel was looking good as a face over that heelish face Velvet Skye. Then they come back from commercial to have Velvet complain longer and get beat down longer. Remember what I just said about at least it wasn’t long. I take it back. This was too long. Why was it Angelina and Sarita and not Sarita and Rosita or Angelina and Winter. This wasn’t the worst segment, but it sets up a match for later on.

FLAIR to GARRETT BACKSTAGE
Flair promo. I’m sure people will love it. I didn’t care. Flair got paid. 

ROODE, ARIES & BULLY RAY PROMO (and why a heel authority is better than  a face)
Heel promo. I’ve heard Roode talk way too much. Please pass the mic. If you have something more interesting to say that doesn’t sound the same as last week then please say it! Roode is done afterVictory Road. Bully talks about his calves and he blames Sting for bringing in Brandon Jaccobs. So the heels have a problem with face management. I’m not sure I like heels complaining against a face authority figure instead of a heel authority figure and the faces fighting the authority. Sure it’s been done before and maybe that’s why they went the other route. That and it puts too much heat on Sting, because a face authority figure will fight by himself instead of a heel authority figure will throw wave after wave of wrestler! Several wrestlers have the heat put on them by authority. 

Austin Aries makes sense and he delivers intensity. I appreciate and enjoy his promos and logic instead of Roode’s promos that just drone on with no real logic behind them. Again if some main eventer gets injured, Aries should take the place. Imagine Aries vs Storm, Aries vs AJ, Aries vs Hardy. Maybe Aries isn’t in their pay grade.

Sting appears and verbally makes sense that they’re all wrestlers and they need money. Sting makes the main event, halfway through the show. I can imagine how that would bother some people. 

JESSE SORENSEN UPDATE
Oh no don’t talk about him getting back into the ring. No talk about getting back to being able to sit up. Its great that he will return, but it’s a long term thing, lets work on being able to sit up. 

ZIMA ION BACKSTAGE PROMO
This was great, but I guess I didn’t want to hear it at the moment. 

ZIMA vs SHANNON
Good I’m happy they have this match. Zima is coming into his own with his ugly ass fro and arrogance. Good throw away match. Good to seeShannon. Good flashy maneuvers. It is a shame when a top rope head scissors doesn’t finish someone off. Very good flashy finisher that looks very safe, a backward fireman’s carry into an over knee face buster. Very good. Especially after my complaints for the past three weeks. Zima is coming along nicely and evolving into something all within the past month. 

TNA LIVE EVENTS COMMERCIALS (and how awesome they are)
These little commercials really sell TNA live events. As much as I’ve complained about the TNA Shopzone commercials being terrible, these are awesome and sell the interaction that you get when attending a TNA live event even if its not televised.

VELVET & MICKIE vs SARITA & ANGELINA
I don’t think they need a reason for this match. Mickie gets ratings, Sarita is great in the ring, Velvet is TNA’s golden girls and Angelina is underrated and been stuck in the mud for at least a year. Mike Tennay & Tazz talk about entertainment in music and TV, not exactly sure why, but whatever. Maybe it is to make TNA seem more current. This match had a lot more energy and heat than ODB vs Rayne earlier on tonight, which is a surprise since there is no reason for this match to be so good. At the end of all of this… it means nothing. 

ABYSS DISAPPEARED (he’s gone)
I have this crazy idea… feed men to Abyss. 1 minute jobs, intense, powerful destructions against Moore, Anthony Neese, and Doug Williams. Destroy them. Feed your monster for a month before you sent out a gladiator to take on the monster and build to that. First Crimson. Abyss can laugh at the boy trying to take him out. Feed Crimson to Abyss. Then Morgan. Month by month… Abyss eats 3 jobbers for lunch with an even match at the PPV. After a few months of destroying people have him go through a main eventer like Hardy or Bully Ray. Then take on the top face or top heel and that’s where Abyss can get defeated in 5 months. A man who has destroyed wrestlers and won 16 matches in a row finally falls to your great warrior. It is simple booking or have him go through your champion or top warrior too and become an unstoppable monster that can last another 6 months. But I guess they’re busy pushing Roode as a cheat to win champion. 

STORM / MAGNUS / JOE vs ROODE / ARIES / BULLY RAY (and why I give a damn)
You know what I’m thrilled at this, a fresh main event. Sure it still involves the 3 guys I complain about, but that’s only 50% of the match. It elevates Aries, Joe and Magnus. Those three that I mentioned each have a fire under them right now with the fans firmly behind them and a hunger for them. Those 2 things mean a lot. Fans chant for Joe and Aries. The one complaint is when did Joe & Magnus turn? Oh it doesn’t matter; they’re faces in the eyes of the fans due to their amazing chemistry, speed and finesse. Everything that Aries has as well.

It was a great start that was generously slow burning. My first complaint was when Storm was tagged in and Roode bailed… Storm just stopped dead in his tracks, he should have attacked Bully Ray, Aries and gone to the floor to fight Roode before getting poked in the eyes and beaten down. That’s not what I want to see in your top face… I don’t want a guy that just stops dead in his tracks. Maybe if they had weapons or something. Your top face should be able to take out everyone but your top heel. Oh and to top it off Storm has tangled with Roode a few times since being screwed out of the title a few months ago.

Joe & Bully Ray. This could be a money match and just this sample of it is awesome. I’m sure if this wasJapanthey’d work a 20 minute classic, but since this isAmericait would be slow when they have a 1 on 1 match. Speaking of Joe, wow his chest is red.

This match has a fire to it that I haven’t seen in months for TNA. The crowd is chanting for workers in the ring. The match has a freshness seeing Joe in there with anyone. It has me getting into this match and that’s something I haven’t said about a TNA Impact match in months.

Storm has a fire in his hot tag and this feels like a main event and not just another match. I actually give a damn about who will win and there it was.

As for the post match I would have had a celebration, but hey it’s TNA. Gotta end it on a low note, at least they didn’t just cut to some Sting angle.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (02/23/12)

I can’t always watch TNA Impact directly when it airs, but I do try to catch up and several situations didn’t make it easy. There was a giant blizzard that prevented my satellite from getting TNA Impact and then now that I have the time to watch it, SpikeTV.com doesn’t seem to have videos working. In fact GameTrailers and several other SpikeTV associated websites don’t have videos. I blame MTV that controls all of their media online.

In this issue of TNA Impact… it seems to be brought to us by the outside spectator. Austin Aries, Eric Young, Brandon Jaccobs and Rob Terry. As I went through this, I actually came up with some title divisions that I’m sure I will cover in a future blog.

ROODE OPENING SEGMENT (Sting is Done)

So TNA starts with a recap of Roode vs Sting and then opens with a Twitter package because Sting says ‘I’m done.’ Then Roode talks about it. I may have complained last week about Roode kicking off show after show, but after beating down Sting, this deserves to be on first. But as he talks I wonder if this guy is getting ratings. If he is lighting the world on fire with his promos, if he’s saying anything interesting. The answer must be no if I’m finding more of a thrill to type to you. There’s no smack talk that puts a real sense of real on this promo just stating facts and yammering about things. Oh look he’s done.

TNA TAG TITLES >> CRIMMORGAN vs JONUS BROTHERS (the only 2 teams)

TNA sends out its only 2 tag teams… to wrestle for the titles. This is sort of the same situation that Air Boom fell into. No tag teams. I say you have your tag champs now… so you need to make 4 tag teams to make a division. If I wanted a quick fix I’d say… Ink Inc, KAZ & AJ, Pope & D-Von and MexicanAmerica. But no that wouldn’t work since Jesse Neal is taking a break, KAZ & AJ are broken up, just like Pope & D-Von and Anarchya is off in OVW for now. Here are more tag teams for TNA… Robbie E & Rob Terry, KAZ & Daniels, Doug Williams & Mark Haskins (if TNA can get them out of England) and Eric Young & Shannon Moore (so Eric doesn’t have to grapple with the ref). There 6 teams. I would say Anthony Neese & Jesse Sorensen, but poor guy might not return at all.

So with 6 teams, you can actually make a tag division out of that. Then Motor City Machine Guns will be back soon enough. Even with this title match there should be a team waiting for them. Now it looks like CrimMorgan will feud again… If they do feud I say cut Crimson’s head off and send him to OVW for 2 years. Actually a lot of TNA guys should be in OVW… but in reality TNA at this point is OVW.

BRANDONJACCOBS PROMO and BULLY RAY ANGLE

This guy wins a superbowl and comes to TNA, but the mainstream sports media doesn’t care. Perhaps that just means Spike TV’s parent company doesn’t own anything with sports coverage. It amuses me the promo from Jaccobs can cut a better promo than Garrett Bischoff. Personally I’d playBrandonoff as more real than wrestling. Sit down interviews explaining his side of things with a press conference challenge. Perhaps a forced public apology or something. SinceBrandonis in the ring he feels like everyone else.

ZIMA ION vs ALEX SHELLEY (talking about finishers)

Good match, Zima Ion showed much more skill in this match than just high flying or squeaking a win while no one was looking. He used a safe finisher which is what I said he needs to do. However, it’s a pretty meh finisher. Was that his finisher? It is a running double knee to a seated opponent. Sure I said he needs a safe finisher, but I think he needs some flash to a finisher. He’s a heel right? Give him John Cena’s very safe Attitude Adjustment. Maybe a running double knee to his opponent in the corner… but that would be taking the Pope’s move. There’s just something off about a running diving double knee. There’s a reason why no one does it.

Heck let’s talk about Alex Shelley’s finisher. Is it Sliced Bread? Gail Kim’s finisher is Eat Defeat.

GARRETT & GUNNER RECAP & GARRETT BACKSTAGE (with Hogan)

I’m happy that they had this recap from the PPV, because I don’t ever want to see this match so a recap was thrilling to me. Wow Garrett is a hick. Thick sideburns, honkey tonk shirt. He knows he’s in the south, butOrlandosouth is different then the cliché of the south. Garrett is another guy that could benefit from 2 years in OVW… but that’s most of the roster. TNA is OVW. Hogan appears. I think he wants Garrett to quit. Probably because he knows Garrett is taking a spot.

As I know I’ve discussed before Gunner should just break Garrett’s neck and he can get experience in OVW, but I guess when you have a golden story like Garrett vs his dad you want to get it out there. Heck could have had Garrett as Eric’s henchman… but that’s not difficult enough for TNA. Go with the simple. Garrett is a yes man henchman. This is how Gunner started out and 2 years later Gunner is coming into his own.

RAYNE BACKSTAGE (talking about Sting)

This was gold, simple brief gold. She gets her character across, her personality and recaps last week. Good stuff.

GAIL vs ODB (Eric Young should manage someone)

Two people with heat behind them. Gail the champion and ODB with EY every week. 2 stars of the show in a match. I like it, but this should have been on the PPV. I assume the PPV isVictory Road, but I wouldn’t know that from watching TNA. To build to the PPV, they could have had EY training with ODB. But nope instead it will be heel vs heel which does make sense from a storyline point, but I think ODB vs Gail should have been postponed for Lockdown or something. Crowd chants for ODB several times. If I didn’t know better watching this match, I’d say give ODB the title because she’s so over. She can carry the division with EY at her side. Sure it would step away from serious, but the crowd loves her.

Eric’s craziness fits in better with a manager… of a boring wrestler. I’m not saying ODB is boring… but I am saying EY should manage Garrett Bischoff or Crimson or Shannon Moore.

AJ BACKSTAGE

I like the fact TNA has an interview with him before the show with the ring in the background. It looks different from their typical backstage stuff. Locations, a variety of credible locations, such as parking lots, backstage, an office, a promo room, the ring

SEE TNA LIVE COMMERCIAL (I saw RVD)

Good to see they’re putting a little more focus on this brief spot and they read off a city or two. I saw RVD! He hasn’t been released… but he was crippled by Gunner.

JESSE SORENSEN UPDATE (and the great way they handled it)

Darker tone, real tone. This is not an angle, nor should it be, but it could be. Good stuff, very credible. I don’t want this real life tragedy to be any angle until he comes back.

TV TITLE >> AJ vs ROBBIE E (and why someone like AJ should win the title)

Hmmm just like I’ve been saying for a few weeks, AJ should win the TV title and then Daniels and KAZ can get jealous and feud for the belt… then Robbie E will want his title back and throw in EY, RVD, Pope and Super Mex for good measure. Kind of like a TV title division!!! OMG 8 people in a TV title division. Hey 8 people in the division is better than not knowing what the TV title is. Personally I’d rather throw it away and put all of those guys in the X-Division. In fact the TV title division could be a middleweight division. AJ could spark that even if he is too good for the belt, but when a guy like Robbie E has the title, TNA will forget the belt even exists (like the rest of us).

Oh crap… KAZ & Daniels. Yawn. Its just more mud that TNA spins its tires in. This victory does nothing for Robbie E. It only makes me think how stupid the whole KAZ / Daniels / AJ feud is. They could still be a faction against what’s left of Immortal. They could be burning up the tag division or forging a TV title division or making the X-Division mean more than 1 man Austin Aries.

It is announced in the main event AJ wants a gauntlet match against KAZ & Daniels… really? How much of a gauntlet is 2 men? Anyway, hopefully they handcuff the #2 man to the pole or else he will interfere in typical TNA fashion. I have no interest to see either match because of the poor way they’ve handled the whole feud and the fact that it doesn’t make sense to me.

ANGLE & BULLY RAY vs STORM & HARDY (and all of the things that send my brain into a tizzy)

Personally I think Angle and Hardy should have kept away from one another. I think they can get money from that match… well if they started it properly. The only proper way that I can think of to start that feud would be a throw away TV match instead of a run in that doesn’t make sense. The throw away match would have Angle screwing over Hardy causing Hardy to get revenge or Hardy getting the victory with Angle getting a beatdown until he gets a rematch. But back to why Hardy vs Angle is a money match… They haven’t had a match in quite a while since Angle has been gone. Well now he’s back.

Storm needs to go over and keep all momentum going. He needs to go over Bully Ray clean as Hardy and Angle brawl on the outside. It amuses me that Bully Ray is in soooo many tag matches since he broke away from his tag partner. Speaking of which Roode and Storm have been broken away from their tag partners yet they are thrown into so many main event tag matches. But that’s what TNA does now. Takes its top feuds and makes tag matches.

It seems like James is being given extra time to rile up the crowd and that’s a good thing, because it makes him feel special, even if that special is the same feel as Steve Austin drinking beer and partying.

Shouldn’t Hardy be angry with Bully Ray for putting him through a table a month ago and taking him out for 2 weeks so he couldn’t go toEngland? Shouldn’t they get a backstage pre-recorded promo from Hardy about that? Maybe Hardy can’t get an intense hatred for the man that took 2 weeks of his career.

I’m done seeing Hardy, Bully Ray & Storm. My brain just shuts off even with the inclusion of Angle. The best part of this match is Brandon & Bully facing off… followed off withBrandonputting Bully Ray through a table. Was this even a no DQ match? Shouldn’t that be a DQ? Oh well. James Storm goes over. Right choice, but they need to get these three away from one another and quick!Brandondid a good chokeslam, but why do I want to see the match now? Its like I just saw the ending of a movie I wanted to see. Do you think the fans say yeah lets see him pin Bully Ray!!! Yeah OMG its gonna be so awesome when he pins the man that he JUST PUT THROUGH A TABLE!!!

THE FINAL SEGMENT STING & ROODE ANGLE

This felt cheap and tacked on unlike when the WWE does it and it feels like the main event angle. It feels like that last match should have closed the show, but nope. Sting. Well Steve Borden… It amuses me how terrible people’s shoes look on TNA. The referee wears blue soled shoes and Sting wears red soled shoes. Sting’s retirement is just thrown out there with zero build. Oh I’m sorry the Twitter build. Well some of us aren’t on Twitter. Do you think the old guys in the crowd watching with their grand kids pay attention to Twitter?

Let’s look at the logic of this… Sting gets attacked so he quits. Really? Yep that sounds like the guy that chases away top end heels with a baseball bat and saves your top faces. Maybe for a heel that would be some fun, but its just illogical and maybe I think too much about it, but Sting should want Bobby in a match or at least say that the retirement was a ploy to get Roode out there. Why not just challenge him… yep.

Then Sting rubs black face paint on his face and wanders around like a loon… This is what pro wrestling is. Thank god James Storm still wears his cowboy hat and doesn’t go insane wearing face paint delivering crazy eyed promos. Why is it when Sting gets serious he gets crazy?

And the show ends… this should have been the opening segment and not the final. If it is your main event program it should be at the end of the show, but Sting’s character doesn’t feel main event, it feels like he should be hanging with Eric Young doing movie parodies and pranking people backstage with buckets of acid instead of water.