Tag Archives: James Storm

TNA Slammiversary 2014 Predictions, Hopes and Booking

There are 9+ matches and segments on this card and a Hall of Fame induction segment with Kurt Angle. I remember when WWE wouldn’t ever have more than 7 on a pay-per-view.

THE VON ERICHS (MARSHALL & ROSS) vs TBA
I have a feeling the TBA will be Bro Mans and DJ Zima Ion. If not them, then Spud. This will be a feel good moment hopefully later in the event o lift up the crowd. Robbie E and Jesse do the job, all Texans go home happy.  Maybe Lacey Von Erich will be out there too as a face valet. She could then join the Knockout division and have some fresh matches. This would also give the Bro Mans a spot on the card, when clearly all signs point to a six man tag between the Bro Mans and the Menagerie. But I guess the Menagerie can’t do a six man, when one of their guys is in the six way for the X-Division title.

KNOCKOUTS CHAMPIONSHIP: Champion, ANGELINA LOVE w/ VELVET SKYE vs GAIL KIM
Gail Kim has always been the #1 contender. Angelina Love has been ducking her since winning the title. This is about as deep as the Knockouts division goes. These four women. Angelina Loves should keep this title for the specific fact that she should never hold this title again. Gail Kim winning the title wouldn’t suddenly open up new matches to the Knockouts Division. This is it. These four women. They need to open up the division to one shot appearances from women outside the company for one match or so. Maybe with the Von Erichs appearing, they’ll bring back Lacey Von Erich to screw over Gail Kim and open up some fresh matches. Lacey was a member of the beautiful people at some point, but she’s currently doing erotic point of view wrestling.

They could also have Lacey cost Angelina the title, so Lacey can be a face valet with the Von Erichs and be her own person in the knockout division.

MR. ANDERSON vs JAMES STORM
If there’s one match on this card that I couldn’t care less about, its this one. Please let them open the show with this. After watching TNA all month or so, I can’t tell who’s the heel and the face. James Storm really comes off as a face, while Ken Anderson seems to be the bad comedy heel people want to see beat. Much like Rockstar Spud ‘s role in the Bully Ray feud. Mr. Anderson should win, keep the crowd happy, someone famous that they know. So he can get fed to MVP. Heck, if TNA cuts the match, I’d be okay with it, but I guess a promise is a promise. Have it.

WILLOW w/ ABYSS vs MAGNUS w/ BRAM
On Impact, the guys had a face to face. Willow kept saying WE, he and Jeff Hardy will take out Bram and Magnus, so Abyss comes out as back up. Personally I would have rather seen someone with Jeff Hardy’s size wear a Willow mask at the PPV to wrestle Magnus, then have the real Jeff Hardy run out to blow people’s minds. As for who wins this match? It’ll end in a DQ. Abyss just came back, Bram is new and Magnus now likes to hit people with objects, because getting you disqualified somehow moves you up the ladder? Good logic buddy.

X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP 6 WAY LADDER MATCH: Champion, SANADA vs TIGRE UNO vs CRAZZY STEVE vs EDDIE EDWARDS vs DAVEY RICHARDS vs MANIK
This is my most anticipated match, even though there’s zero build for it on Impact. It was just thrown together. For the past 2 years, TNA has used its X-Division title as an Option C, a guaranteed, TNA title match at the expense of giving up the X-Division title. Much like a Money in the Bank briefcase in the WWE. The TNA title match would happen at the Destination X event on Spike TV.

If Eddie or Davey win, I think that telegraphs MVP winning the title, assuming he’s not too injured to win the title. I really hope Sanada wins. He’s the guy not caught up in backstage shit and hasn’t been beat down by MVP’s group. He can be a fresh story and offer a straight up wrestling match for the title. Samoa Joe, Austin Aries and Bully Ray can fend off MVP and Ethan Carter so Sanada can get a clean match out of MVP or Eric Young at the Destination X event. It would mean so much more to have a clean wrestling match, because that never happens anymore.

Once the title is given up, there should be a tournament for the vacated championship building to Destination X.

I just really hope that Crazzy Steve doesn’t have his music blasting all match long. TNA has a real chance to turn this match into something special like Money in the Bank instead of a forgettable spot fest. They could even use the Menagerie stilt walkers to aid Crazzy Steve.

AUSTIN ARIES vs KENNY KING
Why aren’t these two in the X-Division championship match? Two former X-Division champions and all. Well they’ve got a going feud, so why not have this match? It should be a good match, but the trick is to make it a memorable match. Let Austin Aries win to feed him to MVP. Heck Aries could win this match and still face off against the X-Division champion before Destination X.

SAMOA JOE vs BOBBY LASHLEY
Even though there is no heat to this match, I’m looking forward to two bulls fighting. I would say Joe should win, since he just came back and they can feed Joe to MVP, but Bobby Lashley has 2 victories over the TNA champion, Eric Young. Bobby Lashley should win. I think this match could be memorable if its stiff and technical. Two big dudes that can suplex one another.

TNA HALL OF FAME INDUCTION WITH HOST KURT ANGLE
Wow, there are 9+ matches on this pay-per-view and they need a hall of fame induction too? Well it is Slammiversary, so why not? They have Kurt and Sting in the hall of fame, and I see this hall of fame more as an everyone not in the WWE hall of fame. So why not Dixie Carter? She can come down to the ring, accept the award and she should be in the Hall of Fame. TNA has been building to putting Dixie Carter through a table for the past few months, maybe since their last pay-per-view. Bully Ray could then appear to put her through a table, but then Ethan Carter can run out and they can have their match right then and there. That’s what ECW would have done.

TEXAS DEATH MATCH: BULLY RAY vs ETHAN CARTER III W/ SPUD
It was built up as a table match originally, but since Slammiversary is in Texas, why not have a Texas Death Match? I hope they’ll actually keep the 10 count after a pinfall like the true version. Otherwise, its just a last man standing match. The real issue here is putting Dixie Carter through the table. I would say Dixie will get put through a table at a TV taping at the old ECW arena, the Manhattan center, but Spike TV doesn’t allow violence against women. Bully Ray even came out this week on Impact and saved Brooke Tessmacher, showing to the crowd he’s not anti woman, he’s anti Dixie. Bully Ray needs to put Dixie through a table on pay-per-view. First because Spike TV won’t let them, and second, because people are paying for Slammiversary.

TNA CHAMPIONSHIP STEEL CAGE MATCH: Champion, ERIC YOUNG vs MVP
The big question going into this match is will MVP be able to compete. MVP cannot compete, I updated after this match. Supposedly he injured himself on a non TNA show. If MVP can’t make it, Lashley needs to take his place. Bobby Lashley now has 2 wins over Eric Young, that puts Lashley right there with Eric Young. Heck, MVP has lost two matches to Eric Young.

TNA must not like money, because they just had their Champion, Eric Young against the challenger MVP on free television three days from their match on PPV. Perhaps their logic is people will pay for the cage match. No. Who cares? I just saw Eric Young win and beat the challenger MVP after taking out two other men. Plus, even with a rested Eric Young against MVP, I can’t imagine them having a better match even with a cage! I remember when WCW would give away their PPV main events free on Nitro. MVP should have come out and told Eric Young, I’m not the last guy, we agreed to two out of three wins. I didn’t say I’d be guy #3. I am not a number, I am the guy you’ll face at Slammiversary. Why would MVP ever agree to this? Even with a logical cage match to keep out Kenny King and Bobby Lashley, the challenger, MVP has a history of buying off and bullying referees into winning matches. The deck is stacked against Eric Young. Better put a top on that cage! MVP will win, but I’ve bet against Eric Young before and been wrong…. Personally, I’d keep the title on Eric Young, because MVP still has power to make matches yet he doesn’t ever make wise matches, but on the other hand if MVP doesn’t win the title, that’s sort of a road block for his faction.

*** UPDATE *** TNA CHAMPIONSHIP STEEL CAGE THREE WAY MATCH: Champion, ERIC YOUNG vs TBA vs TBA
So apparently MVP is really injured and can’t make the show. So TNA has announced the winners of Austin Aries vs Kenny King and Samoa Joe vs Bobby Lashley would be entered in the match. I predict Lashley and King to be inserted into the match, when really it should just be Bobby Lashley, who has 2 wins over the champion, Eric Young. However, having the two qualifying matches gives them weight and a reason to care about them. Anyway, while I predict Lashley and King to win their matches, for the sake of a good match, I hope that its Aries and Samoa Joe in the cage, but the fans wouldn’t know who to cheer for. Eric Young should walk out with the TNA title.

There you have it, all of my predictions, hopes, dreams and musings.

Everything Right with TNA Impact (07/05/12)

BULLY RAY PROMO on TWITTER (legal action)
Oh good… TNA has been bit by the Twitter bug. Those suck more than kajiggers… which burrow down into your skin. Bully questions Joseph Park has the pair of nuts to smack him in the face. Joseph Park comes down to the ring. The crowd is hot. Joseph gives Bully Ray a legal lesson with presidency. Abyss / Chris / Joseph Park has always had an impressive presence and even in a suit its no different. Joseph accepts the challenge with no rules. Bully Ray pulls out a paper… using the Christopher Daniels methodology of heat. It is a restraining order against Abyss.

AUSTIN ARIES BACKSTAGE w/ HULK HOGAN (good and brief)
This was good. Aries is a fresh, good character. Hogan wants the belt tonight.

DANIELS / DIXIE RECAP w/ DIXIE BACKSTAGE
Daniels says Claire Lynch is preggers. AJ Styles is the daddy! Mu-ah-ha-ha-ha. Then Dixie is backstage with the road agents. She is asked questions by the mysterious interviewer and there is no answers.

CRIMSON vs DEVON (quick match that sets up something for someone else)
Crimson loses his streak at the last pay-per-view and disappears from TV for 3 weeks… so he gets a title shot. At least show how Crimson has been winning at house shows. Why isn’t Crimson in the BFG Series? He was undefeated for 18 months. Devon is a gatekeeper for D level talent. I have no problem with Devon in this role. It keeps him strong and gives an evaluation of lesser talent. Crimson makes one of the crappiest pin attempts ever that somehow ends up with Devon on top. Quick match thank goth.

Madison Rayne comes marching to the ring. I think she wants some chocolate. Nope its someone else she wants. I fully expected this after a few months ago. This could build to a title reign for someone.

CHRIS SABIN PROMO (a heel needs heat)
Sabin is on crutches. He has some thick sideburns. It is a horrifying shame that he injured both ACLs, one after another. This has to be extremely discouraging since he’s not a main eventer. TNA probably doesn’t pay all the bills. He needs to have another job and that’s a shame. The fans are firmly behind him.

Out comes Robert Roode. This is another guy that should quit if he had two ACL injuries… even if he is a main eventer. He gets heat by verbally running him down and saying its just like every other X-Divisioner. Roode kicks out Sabin’s crutch. It really sucks that I feel anyone else could do the same job or better than Robert Roode. Austin Aries runs in for the save.

X-DIVISION >> DAKOTA DARSOW vs FLIP CASSANOVA (Dakota couldn’t keep up his end)
Dakota Darsow is the son of Barry Darsow. Nothing wrong with that. Flip looks like Sonjay Dutt… and the first words out of Mike Tennay’s mouth are Sonjay Dutt. Some sloppy high-flying from Flip Cassady off the bat, but he makes up for it with a backflip senton butt splash. Dakota Darsow is really struggling to keep up or even maintain himself. I hope Flip wins. Darsow has a long way to go. He’s got a good look, but I don’t see X-Division from him. I see TV title division. Dakota Darsow has a bloody nose. Good little match. Dakota Darsow didn’t keep up his end of the bargain.

Flip has some of Dakota’s blood on him. Flip waits to be interviewed and gets nothing…

BROOKE TESSMACHER & TARA BACKSTAGE
Brooke has a tag match with Tara. Tara calls her Boo 2x. Very quick.

GUT CHECK RECAP >> TAYLOR HENDRIX
She didn’t like that she was called not tough enough. The camera loves her and so do you fans. If only her name wasn’t Taeler Hendrix. I chose not to spell her name correctly, since she chose to say she’s a cancer survivor when she’s really a misdiagnosed. Like oh I thought I was pregnant, but it was just gas.

MADISON RAYNE & GAIL KIM vs BROOKE TESSMACHER & TARA (match makes Tara looks good)
Next week Gail Kim gets her title shot… I thought it was this week, but whatever. It should probably be on the pay-per-view. Does anyone remember when it was Terra? Mike Tennay mentions the main event, James Storm vs Jeff Hardy. I totally forgot. This match was quicker than most TNA knockout’s matches. Short match, more of a win.

JAMES STORM LOCKDOWN RECAP w/ JEFF HARDY MATCH HYPE
James Storm recaps Lockdown then talks about Jeff Hardy. Not much here.

AJ PROMO on CHRISTOPHER DANIELS (dropping the angle)
He yells out at Christopher Daniels…. who thankfully comes out to save this segment. Don’t let AJ Styles talk about this ever. KAZ comes out with Daniels and says AJ gets junkie whores pregnant. Daniels has a martini glass… an empty one from the look of it. Christopher Daniels starts some long-winded speech and AJ just tells him to shut up. Holy shit this feud has been going on for a full year. That’s not a compliment. That’s a … let’s move on! I consider the Claire Lynch angle officially dropped by TNA.

HULK HOGAN BACKSTAGE interrupted by MASKED MAN
Hogan doing an interview, gets interrupted by one of the masked men that attacked Sting a few weeks ago. He delivers a piece of paper with some carts on it. At least they mentioned the angle.

JEFF HARDY VIDEO
He’s inspired by this series since he missed last year’s series. He wants to end the selfish generation. I kind of thought Jeff Hardy lead the selfish generation what with the drugs and house explosions.

X-DIVISION >> KENNY KING vs LARS ONLY (another X-division match)
Kenny King from ROH and I think from WWE Tough Enough season 2. Good to see someone from any Tough Enough season in still in wrestling. Good match, longer and less reckless than the other match. Lars did some sort of leg trip, leg sweep that looked painful to Kenny King. Tazz said it sucked, but I think that’s how it was supposed to look… painful. I don’t have much to say about this match. I think Christie Hemmy announced Kenny as Kenny Kane.

Christie interviews Kenny King. The fans are behind him in more ways than one.

I’ve come to realize that none of TNA’s own X-Division guys has a match on TV even if they’ll get matches on the Destination X pay-per-view. Bring in new guys and have them go for the title. If anything hopefully Sonjay Dutt will get the X-Division title.

AUSTIN ARIES BEFORE THE BELL PREVIEW (good show everyone seems to love it)
I’ve seen the Before the Bell special with Austin Aries. It is full of good phrases. So many good phrases, you don’t even need to watch it, just listen for 30 minutes which 24 of it is Austin Aries talking.

KENNY KING & AUSTIN ARIES BACKSTAGE (good rub for Kenny King)
They know each other… and they’re happy. Good rub for Kenny King who then disappears so Austin can get asked about relinquishing the belt. Yep.

BFG LEADERBOARD
James Storm > Samoa Joe > Magnus > Kurt Angle

BFG SERIES >> JAMES STORM vs JEFF HARDY (Storm sells for Hardy)
Wow this main event is starting early. It makes me think Claire the junkie slut will be the main event. Jeff Hardy comes out looking like a performance artist on coke. He shares a moment with the crowd. It must suck that Jeff Hardy is still over James Storm. Even if Hardy loses 100 times to Storm… it will still be Jeff Hardy > James Storm. There are plenty of dueling chants. There are a lot of lockups and holds… because this is the main event and they have the time. They come back from commercial and Tazz talks about how crazy it got in the commercial with a street fight on the outside… yet no video clips. It is so hilarious watching James Storm sell for Jeff Hardy, who is too weak to muscle him into selling. Like a leg trip, you see James Storm start falling before Jeff Hardy pulls him. You see the camera angles shift so viewers don’t see the miss between Jeff Hardy’s feet and Storm’s face. Now 100% of the fans are behind Jeff Hardy… who has 90% of the offense of this match. But when James Storm gets a move, Jeff Hardy sells like he’s dead for way too long. But whatever. Good match, gives fans time to get invested in the outcome.

After the match, the winner gives the loser a handshake. Good clean match.

BFG LOCATION
Mike Tennay and Tazz announce that Bound for Glory is going to Phoenix, AZ.

BACKSTAGE w/ KURT ANGLE then MR. ANDERSON
They both briefly talk about the BFG Series and Tennay plugs Mr. Anderson vs Kurt Angle. Then Brooke Tessmacher vs Gail Kim. Bully Ray vs Joseph Park.

HULK HOGAN ANGLE w/ …
This puts a lot of heat on Austin Aries. Anyway, Hogan does a good job of plugging Destination-X, Jeff Hardy, James Storm and Austin Aries. Robert Roode comes out. Robert Roode is so generic. Like he checks all the boxes that meet with a great heel… except for personality. As I’ve pointed out before the real feud seems to be Hulk Hogan & Robert Roode. Roode always has great points. I just wish it was coming from someone better. Austin Aries comes out… Austin Aries gives this match and Roode’s title heat.

lol when Austin and Roode get in each other’s faces… the fans chant for Hogan. Aries ends up holding up both belts and it looks awesome. Great job TNA. Aries gives Hogan the X-Division title and holds up the TNA world title to close the show.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should be) (in my mind) (6/21/12)

TNA OPENING RECAP (brief, but star making)
Roode recap. Aries recap. Good stuff… because they’re faces. People care about both of them. Aries is on fire. Brief recap. TNA has been getting a lot better lately. Like I can’t wait for TNA Impact every week. I’m not the only person saying that.

HULK HOGAN & AUSTIN ARIES ANGLE (headed to Aries execution)
As much as I don’t care what Hogan has to say… I think… he’s not Robert Roode or HHH starting off a 2 hour wrestling show… so that makes me happy. Tonight is Gut Check and Open Fight Night. TNA will have its first female Gut Check challenger. They’ve also got the Bound for Glory Series. I’m actually looking forward to this.

Hogan wants an answer from Aries if he will give up his X-Division championship for a title shot at Robert Roode at Destination X. See this is a terrible idea, a bad idea and a good idea all at once. It is a good idea, because Austin Aries doesn’t need to be beat to give up a low-end title. It is a bad idea because I’d much rather see Aries vs AJ Stylez main event Destination X and its a terrible idea, because Roode’s storyline trumps Austin Aries career. Aries should not come to an end. If anything Aries should be the man to take the belt even if the angle is designed for James Storm to get the top title.

Austin Aries wants any X-Division champion to have the opportunity to give up the title for a top title shot at the Destination X. Good idea I guess, since it puts heat on the belt… once a year. Robert Roode comes out and blah blah blah. It ends in a hockey fight. Yes a shirt pulling hockey fight before its broken up. Then Mr. Anderson appears with microphone in hand. He doesn’t have his blonde hair. Don’t ever let Anderson talk. Anderson says he’ll win the Bound for Glory Series. Please no. Oddly enough Mr. Anderson wasn’t terrible on the microphone. He was okay.

BOUND FOR GLORY SERIES SCORE SYSTEM (Thank goth they talk about it.)
Same as last year. Good idea to show how scoring is done. Still lose 10 points for a DQ and there is now a 10 minute time limit for each match. Good. I like that. Gives a chance for draws.

BFG >> MR. ANDERSON vs CHRISTOPHER DANIELS (good for its clean victory)
Mr. Anderson challenges Christopher Daniels. Again, don’t let Mr. Anderson talk. Christopher Daniels comes out with an appletini. I remember this match from a month ago. Very meh in terms of crowd heat compared to most TNA matches in the past few months. Good clean finish. Thank you TNA. I laugh at how Mike Tenney calls something a patented move… when so many people do it. The victory celebration is silly if not dumb.

AJ & DIXIE BACKSTAGE (time filler)
She wants to tell everyone… This is a time filler. We saw 2 of these last week. I expect to see 2 more tonight.

BROOKE HOGAN w/ ODB / MICKIE JAMES / VELVET SKYE / MADISON RAYNE (pretty bad)
This was done reality style… They’re discussing who gets the Knockouts title. Brooke wants to know why they want the title. This does put heat on the Knockouts title. Wow this does not make any of the four glow in a positive light. This was designed to make Brooke Hogan look good and like the only sane person.

BFG >> ROBBIE E vs KURT ANGLE (effective)
Robbie E does a good open challenge that is answered by Angle. I predict a destruction of both Robbie E and Rob Terry. Great victory. Made the winner look very effective.

TAYLOR HENDRIX GUT CHECK VIDEO (interesting story)
She’s got red hair. That’s what’s missing from wrestling. None of her footage had red hair. In fact her footage makes her look like Mickie James this is a plus for her… but not Mickie. She announces that she was diagnosed with cancer at age 21.

BFG >> MAGNUS vs AJ STYLEZ (an ok match too short to be good)
This episode of Impact is going by quick. Magnus calls out someone, it goes to commercial. I have a feeling its Joe. Nope its AJ Stylez. Funny how all of these open challenges call out home wreckers. ODB should call out the Wedding Planner next. Magnus catches AJ off the top rope with a ragdoll catch then turns it into a suplex. That looked good. AJ misses a Pele kick. Apparently what he and Dixie are going through is messing with him. Daniels & KAZ interfere. At least they haven’t interfered in a while.

GUT CHECK >> TAYLOR HENDRIX vs TARA (give her a job)
She looks like she’s in the hot girl marching band… implants… so she’ll fit in with TNA’s abnormal sized implants. Tara comes down to the ring. Good choice. I would have had Gail Kim, but I guess Gail has more of a character. So what do we grade here? Her ability to sell? Do we grade Taylor Hendrix ability to mimmick Mickie James?

I say give Taylor Hendrix a TNA contract. She’s hot with crisp work and mega implants that TNA loves. We haven’t seen a new knockout in at least a year. Get rid of Angelina Love or Winter. What have they done lately?

In fact since Brooke Tessmacher hasn’t been here this week, they can have Taylor get a job next week and have Brooke return to say She’s not Taylor… she’s some stalker from my former sorority!

JOSEPH PARK & BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE (too brief to be gold)
Bully Ray bullies the giant Joseph Park who brings up his brother… Bully Ray doesn’t want to see Joseph Park in the crowd. This was good… stoopid bastad.

BFG >> SAMOA JOE vs JAMES STORM (on the verge of good, but not long enough)
Since no one has the guts to call out Samoa Joe, he calls out James Storm. Should be good, but every match on this show has been 2 – 4 minutes. A win is a win even if its not really a match. Tazz & Tennay hype the fact James Storm has been away from active competition. There is a dueling chant… which is good. Joe dumps James on his head with a power slam. After the match Joe comes at James Storm with a beer bottle… I won’t ruin what happens next.

AJ / DIXIE / DANIELS ANGLE VIDEO RECAP
Yep AJ & Dixie have a surprise for Serge. It’s probably like an autograph from Serge’s favorite baseball player. Good recap of a terrible angle that gives AJ an excuse to lose.

AJ & DIXIE BACKSTAGE (again)
Time filler… AJ wants to get it done tonight. It’s funny because last week AJ wanted it done… then he didn’t and Dixie wanted to. Now this episode starts its Dixie that wants to… and now its AJ. Well now that everyone’s on the same page.

BROOKE HOGAN w/ 3 of the 4 women (too quick to be as bad as it could)
Eh its getting sane. Brooke is kinda pointing out how silly the women are. And someone leaves. Quick.

BFG >> BULLY RAY vs POPE (The ghost of Abyss)
… Pope is back after being gone 6+ months. Crimson was undefeated for 18 months. Why is he not in this series? Whatever. Anyway, comes down to the ring and challenges Pope. Bully Ray needs a racist gimmick to make up for all the black men he beats down. So I guess RVD vs Jeff Hardy will be the main event… I predict another 2 – 4 minute match between Bully Ray and Pope. Interestingly Pope has a punching / elbow combination just like Bully Ray has a punching combo. At some point Abyss comes through the crowd. Terrifying some of the ring rats at ringside. Abyss is just like a ghost haunting Bully Ray.

HOGAN BACKSTAGE w/ JEFF HARDY & RVD
Makes Jeff Hardy vs RVD… yup.

DESTINATION X TRAILER w/ AUSTIN ARIES
Its awesome. Makes him look like a star.

MONTGUMARY GENTRY MUSIC VIDEO starring VELVET SKYE
So she’s a single mother? Or its just acting. This is more Velvet’s video than Montgumary Gentries. They don’t show all of it… but this just proves… get big implants so you can be a star. Even reality shows know the value of implants.

BROOKE HOGAN BACKSTAGE w/ 2 of 4 FINALISTS
This might as well have been a beauty pageant. Quite the shock outcome. Kept quick.

KNOCKOUTS TITLE >> TESSMACHER vs FINALIST
Congrats to TNA for making a new female star with Miss. Tessmacher. Beautiful moves from the finalist. Lots of butt shots from the camera. I wish I didn’t have to report on that… but that’s where the cameras are. This match will probably do TNA’s biggest rating of the night… even with the terrible build. Miss Tessmocher is selling more than Taylor Hendrix. Good clean finish.

BFG >> RVD vs JEFF HARDY (failed to interest me)
Yep its a match. I remember when people would pay for this match. To be honest I had no interest in this match. Two flat guys having the same match for the 1,000th time. It isn’t any better, it isn’t any worse. No heat is put on the match since there’s an angle on top.

PROS

  • Austin Aries in TNA
  • Christopher Daniels appletini
  • Some clean wins in the BFG!
  • Winner of Robbie E & Kurt Angle looked very effective
  • Taylor Hendrix
  • TNA letting the winners celebrate… almost as long as the matches.

CONS

  • No Sting storyline continuation. He was attacked by 3 masked me, Jeff Jarrett and the Harris brothers (I think).
  • Very little build for Destination X… but I guess you need to have an X-Division to have an X-Division pay-per-view.
  • Robert Roode talking
  • Mr. Anderson talking
  • Knockouts discussing why they want the Knockouts title… *shakes head*
  • AJ’s head not in the game… I’d much rather not see him on his year long losing streak.
  • Gut Check as a whole. What are we evaluating? A person’s ability to lose?
  • Tag champs not wearing their championship belts. Did anyone remember they are tag champs?
  • Backstage with Knockouts, but it was kept quick
  • I’ve seen RVD and Hardy too much to care… but that can be said a lot about any match in TNA.
  • No Devon defending the TV title. Not that it matters, but it was said… defending it on every Impact. Maybe he’s on Xplosion.
  • Over run lead to no conclusion with the Dixie and AJ angle… the main event.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (04/19/12)

LOCKDOWN RECAP
Dumb luck gives Robert Roode the victory at Lockdown. If anyone was pushed for that title it was James Storm. Dumb luck and cheating seems to give Robert Roode victories. That’s not a strong champion. He doesn’t need to cheat or have dumb luck each and every time. Since Roode has kept the title 6 months now he deserves to keep it. Without it, he’ll lose a lot of steam down to zero.

At least TNA didn’t recap the whole pay-per-view at once like they usually do. Their ratings might get better if they divvy out the info over the show.

ROODE OPENING PROMO (terrible promos all around)
Another month, another Roode promo to kick off Impact and it is a good time for him to open the show unlike other months. Anyway, he has a new haircut. TNA could have made this into an angle. Storm wants a title shot, Roode refuses… Hogan says there will be a rematch, and it won’t be for the title, but the loser will have his pony tail cut off. That is just me throwing out an idea. Wow does Bobby Roode look like an accountant and not a wrestler. He lost a uniqueness to him, but whatever, maybe he has movie roles coming up that TNA won’t mention. After all Jeff Jarrett will be in a Wizard of Oz movie coming up with some famous people in it.

Robert Roode just drones on and on, leading me to type about other things because I’m so boring. Anyway, the point of Robert Roode’s promo is that there is no one left for him to beat. So enter Mr. Anderson and his messed up hairstyle.

One terrible promo style replaced with another terrible promo style. I’d really like TNA to let Mr. Anderson go. TNA already has Matt Morgan, they don’t need him. Enter Jeff Hardy limping and wearing more makeup than a mime. LogicallyAndersonbeat Hardy a few weeks ago and won via DQ against Roode.  Logically Mr. Anderson should get the shot, but they should have a match withAndersongoing over.

Hulk Hogan appears over the big screen. He announces a match.Andersonvs Hardy for the #1 contender, please let it be Hardy.

TNA SHOPZONE COMMERCIAL (selling merchandise)
I like these commercials as I always point out. They actually sell things.

CRIMSON & BULLY RAY vs AUSTINARIES & MATT MORGAN (gently putting me to sleep)
I’m happy for this match. It mixes things up when normally the main eventers are in a tag match. Plus it hides Crimson and Morgan. I like the fact the heel Crimson wears black and the face Morgan wears white. Morgan does most of the selling, which is appropriate, you want the colder guy selling and the hotter guy to get the hot tag. I also laugh at the fact Bully Ray as a singles wrestler is put into tag matches week after week. Funny I just saw Morgan tap out to a heel hook. Didn’t count though.

Aries gets the hot tag and looks great, main eventer, new superstar great. Bully and Aries touch a bit toward the end. I don’t think it does anything to help their feud, but there are a few more weeks until the next pay-per-view.

GARRETT BISCHOFF w/ ANDERSON/ AJ STYLEZ / RVD
Wow… the young guy is the captain of his team. Shouldn’t AJ and everyone else just taken the spotlight and said hey Garrett we believe you should be here, so we’re gonna win this for you. But then that would get the Garrett stench on them. Garrett thanks them for their help. Bad to haveAnderson just out there when he’s in your main event. Bad to have RVD out there when he’s still new…. No he’s not new and fresh thanks to this. It’s like he never left and that’s not a good thing. Garrett should have been out there by himself or maybe with AJ.

Flair appears and elevates the segment. TNA now has to bleep the name Eric Bischoff. Lovely. Flair will hold a tribute party for Eric next week.

KAZ & DANIELS BACKSTAGE (stupid angle)
KAZ has his head shaved now. Stupid. Really stupid. He’s a gorgeous man with awesome hair. They will reveal their secret on AJ tonight… oh and next is AJ vs Angle. This totally kills any heat for the match.

ANGLE vs AJ STYLEZ
This was the backdrop for an angle. Three minute match and AJ is given a piece of paper from Christopher Daniels. AJ, Daniels and KAZ are all stuck in the mud so Robert Roode and James Storm can get pushed.

JOSEPH PARK BACKSTAGE w/ GUNNER
Gunner sends Joseph Park to Bully Ray. We’ll see it next week I’m sure.

HULK HOGAN & RVD BACKSTAGE
Hogan announces RVD will be in the main event making it a 3 way for the #1 contendership.

HULK HOGAN EXPLAINS to ALL TNA CHAMPS (a terrible idea)
Hogan announces Open Fight Night once a month where a new guy not with TNA gets a match that will be judged by 3 guys. A fake reality show… Yep all on one show.  Then on that same show, any of the champs can get called out at any time and they need to be ready to defend their title. I thought this already existed, now we need a name for it? Hulk says that the TV championship will be defended once a week. I feel like now I need to only watch TNA once a month. This is like saying a band will only play the hits on this night and maybe not other times. What really sucks is one championship will be on the line… out of the six titles there are.

GAIL & RAYNE & SARITA & ROSITA vs SKYE, MICKIE, TARA, TESSMOCHER (typical 10 minute every knockout match)
Brooke is back from OVW. Let’s see what she learned… when stuck in an 8 woman shmozz. Brooke and Tara do the heatless lesbian kiss. Mickie looks terrible and Velvet’s hair is flat. Makes me think TNA fired their cosmetologist.

Rosita really needs to get a high flying style or go face and start selling for heels. It works wonders for AJ Lee on WWE. Rosita and Sarita need to look more like a tag team. Sarita is amazing at what she does. Eventually it devolves into a giant brawl. The ref sees cheating, but goes with it. Shocking finish that will lead into that Open Fight Night next week I’m sure.

ERIC YOUNG & ODB HONEYMOON (yawn)
Two people lying down at the poolside. Now Eric Young is the jealous one. Lovely. He strips down to his underwear as always. ODB then ices down his package. Yep. Thankfully this was short.

TV TITLE >> DEVONvs GUNNER (the start of something good)
Good, TV title should be defended on television. Hogan said earlier that the TV title will now be defended each week. This isDevon’s first TV title defense on TV. Hopefully this can be a staple of 10 – 15 minutes of good wrestling a week. That’s what I wanted with AJ holding the title.Devon can train up some younger guys. There are dueling chants forDevon and Gunner. The match lasts less than 5 minutes. Good for the winner.

JAMES STORM PROMO
I think Storm needed a win and a promo to rebound from one of TNA’s most high profile losses. Good promo about what losing means. His loss means something…. But I’m afraid Robert Roode’s win doesn’t mean anything.

RVD vs MR.ANDERSONvs JEFF HARDY
Oh if only it was RVD vs Jeff Hardy. The dream match that happened 10 years ago. It is funny that I never want to see another match between Hardy and Anderson or Anderson and RVD. At least Mr. Anderson doesn’t look like he has the flu like he did last week or the week before.  The match didn’t last long. There was a winner. Yep.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (04/05/12)

HULK HOGAN PROMO introduced by DIXIE CARTER (match announcements)
Wow what ego stroking.Dixie has Sting in the ring. They both couldn’t look average enough. In fact I saw members of the crowd that looked like bigger stars. Speaking of stars, TNA had all of its wrestlers surrounding the ring. Way to make the entire roster look like extras and background players.

Hogan plugs Lockdown and announces matches. Morgan vs Crimson at Lockdown. Knockouts challenge for #1 contender tonight. Hogan calls out Bischoff and Ric Flair on the floor argues with Hogan. Oh so Bischoff isn’t out there… either is Roode who then appears with a security force wearing suits. Well at least TNA makes him look like a star.

As I predicted any babyface as an authority figure becomes the top babyface and the top babyface that wrestles each week is always #2.Andersongets called into the ring after Roode says his piece. I never want to hearAndersontalk and thankfully he doesn’t.Andersonvs Roode is announced for tonight. Hogan then announces Jeff Hardy vs Kurt Angle for right now. I smell a lumberjack match!

JEFF HARDY vs KURT ANGLE (rushed match)
Tazz says this is a main event anywhere in the world… yep but on TNA it opens the card… because they like blowing their money matches. Eh whatever, maybe it will be a minute long and end with some cheap finish. Angle’s right leg is either hideously pale or it is taped up. Remember how I typed that I smell a lumberjack match. Nope. No chance. After a few minutes they fall to the outside and Jeff Hardy has to break the count right before he throws Kurt back in. That made little sense. Maybe with the count at 8, Jeff didn’t want to get counted out by throwing in Kurt first.

Kurt is busted open in the ring. Thankfully TNA cameras didn’t catch the blade. Eric Young’s bachelor party will air tonight. This match has good crowd enthusiasm, but it feels very rushed. Several minutes in when Angle applies the ankle lock, he is still standing. I’ve always had a problem with the standing ankle lock. It makes more sense to drop and let the guy drag you instead of letting them kick you or roll you up, but whatever.

Good finish to a match that builds to a pay-per-view in a cage. Good match, I still say it felt very rushed, but had some good energy and crowd reaction. Angle gets backstage and Hogan announces a cage match with him and Jeff Hardy. I guess I don’t have a problem with giving this match away for free to build to a pay-per-view.

FLAIR BACKSTAGE on the speaker phone with BISCHOFF
Yep Flair warns Bischoff.

BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE
Bully is trending worldwide. He gets asked Storm or Roode at Lockdown. Bully Ray says he’s the next world champion. Bully heads to the ring to call out Austin Aries.

BULLY RAY & ARIES ANGLE (great for both guys)
Bully Ray is calfzilla. He cuts down Austin Aries for his lack of size. Aries then appears. Aries acts like he is gonna cut a promo and ends up popping Bully with the microphone. After a beatdown, Bully Rag gives him a walking, diving powerbomb. It looked awesome and was worth a replay. This was great for both guys.

JOESEPH PARK BACKSTAGE (a waste of time)
Joe asks the caterer, because his brother has a ravenous appetite. You know Hulk once saw Abyss’s face. Hmmm… Oh but no one remembers that.

AJ STYLES BACKSTAGE (and a challenge)
He things James will win. AJ is now wearing gloves. Storm appears to challenge AJ. Eh this works and keeps Storm fresh with matches. AJ should want a title shot if he beats Storm and if Storm beats Roode at Lockdown.

KNOCKOUTS CHALLENGE >> MICKIE JAMES vs TARAvs WINTER vs ANGELINA LOVE vs MADISON RAYNE vs VELVET SKYE (and flawed logic)
Winter is announced from parts unknown. I could swear she’s fromEngland somewhere. If she had an American accent, I’d say she’s fromAlaska. Or how about the clouds above? Looks like Angelina is just a heel instead of with Winter. I hate to admit it, but Winter and Rayne have my two favorite themes in TNA. Why? I guess because they sound different from any other theme.

Apparently this match is the first fall with only 2 people at a time with the need to tag out. Strange. Why would anyone tag in? Just blind tags I guess. A match like this should either be 6 at a time or offer a punishment for the loser. Otherwise there is no reason to tag out. If I had to predict a winner, I’d say Velvet Skye, because that’s who won last week, but knowing TNA it could be Winter. If this was the WWE I’d say Rosita, because she’s not even in the match.

There is an awesome spot where Velvet is in with Rayne, who then tags out to Mickie James to make face vs face. When Mickie goes to get in Rayne kicks her out. This becomes a spotfest like all big matches. In the end, one woman is standing tall, which is great, because usually TNA has this problem of when there’s a winner everyone is in the ring, so you don’t get a visual of one person being above the rest.

ANDERSONBACKSTAGE with ROODE (less annoying than usual)
Anderson is backstage. Roode appears with his suited bodyguards.Anderson wonders why wait til tonight when we can fight right now? Isn’t right now tonight? Whatever. The suits get inAnderson’s face he touches their ties. They’ll wait til later tonight.

TNA at CMAs (with Kiss)
You get to see Jeff Hardy and James Storm posing with Kiss. I swear this was CMAs… Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it is the ACMs or whatever. I wonder how much Gene Simmons asked to be paid for standing in the background. 

ERIC YOUNG’s BACHELOR PARTY (and how lame it is)
3 nerds with Eric Young picking fantasy baseball online. ODB appears to give the men a party. Insults the men and chases them away. She’s subtly chasing away everyone from Eric Young. They might as well have Eric put in a closet. She then pulls Eric close for a face full of cleavage.

JAMES STORM vs AJ STYLEZ (AJ is still a star)
Montgomery Gentry is in the crowd and James says hi. This could be awesome, but since this is TNA I see it going 4 minutes. AJ looks very strange with gloves. I like how the crowd is chanting for AJ who is the midcarder. Early on AJ summersaults out of the way of the Last Call. I think TNA should just call it Last Call instead of Last Call Super Kick. Tennay plugs the MotorCity Machine Guns are next.

This match has some good logical counters and reversals, such as elbows to a rear waist lock to break the clasp. Good match, the crowd is firmly behind AJ for 80% of the match. It is interesting to see their physiques when both of them started out with the same skinny body 10 years ago. Good finish with the winner checking on his friend. This match made AJ look good and actually show his stuff.

James Storm gets on the mic and wants Robert Roode next week to look him in the eye one last time before Lockdown.

HOGAN & STING BACKSTAGE
Hogan sends Sting home. Sting says the doctors won’t let him compete. Good. Use Sting sparingly.

MONTGOMERY GENTRY BACKSTAGE w/ ROBERT ROODE
They lightly put over TNA and put over James Storm. Robert Roode appears and spits in the face of Montgomery Gentry. This was good. Hopefully TNA

MOTORCITY MACHINE GUNS vs MEXICAN AMERICA (terrible missed opportunity)
Sabin was injured one year ago in a botched spot against Mexican America. TNA really should have put this on pay-per-view with some hype behind it. People would pay money to see their return or at least their first match into their return. By just throwing out the guns it felt like Sabin had never left and he was just a regular guy. There were brief, emphatic chants of ‘Welcome back.’ But there were more chants of ‘Motor city.’

Personally, if I were Sabin, I’d be working on Anarchya’s knee to take him out and make him disappear for a while (to OVW). There was a spot where Shelly flew off the top and landed on Anarchya who had his knees bent. Not a block, just coincidental. Anyway, the Guns looked awesome.

Sabin gets on the mic and says he wants the titles. He doesn’t mention how great it is to be back.

RIC FLAIR BACKSTAGE intercepts ERIC BISCHOFF
Flair says Hogan is out of control. Eric calls Ric a two time hall-of-famer. Flair says that Hogan is out of control because he’s making matches for Lockdown. Oh no! An authority figure making matches? TNA plugs a Bischoff & Hogan in the ring for a confrontation.

HOGAN & BISCHOFF ANGLE
Hogan is in the ring and calls out Bischoff who then appears. Thank goth this wasn’t the main event after the last match. I’m much happier with this match under the main event. Eric Bischoff says blah blah blah. This is something I’ve heard from him so many times. Against Garrett Bischoff, Vince McMahon, Steve Austin. Probably other guys too.

Hogan says that Eric needs to put together a team for Lockdown and Garrett will make the other team. I like this idea. Garrett doesn’t need to be in a singles cage match. Hmmm Gunner & Mexican America vs Garrett & uh… Anthony Neese & D-Von.

If Garrett loses he’s off TNA and if Eric’s team loses he can no longer use his own name for the rest of his life. Yep… Maybe he will be Bob Smith.

STORM VIDEO
A great video recap with the split of Beer Money interviewing Storm and people from his life, his friends, wife, and family. Storm even has a baby in his arms. James Storm is Joe Everyman. This video was good and it really pushes Storm vs Roode as something special to TNA.

MR. ANDERSON vs ROBERT ROODE (what match?)
Andersonsays Mr. Anderson.Anderson. Then walks to the ring. Ken Anderson looks terrible, like he’s ill with the flu and they’re making him wrestle. Maybe he has food poisoning or something. He also wears a shirt that says ‘pro wrestling is real.’ Since he has the sleeves well cut off, it looks like the shirt says ‘no wrestling is real.’ At least Mr. Anderson has a win going into this match and at least Robert Roode has a fresh match that doesn’t involve Hardy, Bully or Storm. Wow Bobby is thin compared to the TNA title. He only has 1 set of buttons buttoned. Maybe TNA needs magnets on the belt to keep the strap from just flapping like that.

For whatever reasonAndersonhas 33 on the back of his wrestling trunks, is that his age? Is that the highway he lives next to? Tennay announces that there will be a series of matches between team Garrett vs team Gunner. I like how no one really pays attention to the match in the ring. The commentators just recap what we’ve seen and what we will see.

Ref bump. Ken Anderson gets the visionary. Well I smell the first feud after Roode loses the title at Lockdown. Heck he might not even lose the title and this might be the main event program after Lockdown. Beer bottle finish. Poor referee has to count in the glass.Andersonis bleeding. I also like how no one can say Bobby Roode, they always say Bobby Rooooo.

James Storm appears with Hogan. That’s like a boy appearing with his dad to confront a bully. Good job TNA. Hogan reverses the decision. Maybe this was inAnderson’s contract where he needs to get a win over Bobby Roooo. After that final match, I just have a bad taste in my mouth.

Everything Right with TNA Impact (03/29/12)

ROBERT ROODE w/ COPS (burning out Storm vs Roode)
Well I guess that TNA is trying to make their main event angle for Lockdown feel like a WWE’s main event by having their champion come out with cops. Didn’t Robert Roode send his lawyer last week to show up to say Roode wouldn’t be on Impact for the next month until Lockdown? At least there are “fire bobby chants.” I’m happy that the Impact Zone is more lively over the past few months. Roode announced that he won the war because Sting stepped down. I kind of feel they could have done the Roode outsmarting Sting into losing his GM status. Oh and since when was sting a general manager? Authority figure yes, GM no, but whatever. The fans chant forDixie. In fact I’m waiting for theDixie vs Roode match. 

Storm shows up says a few lines only to get beat down by Bully Ray. I guess it makes sense for Roode not to lay hands on Storm. Storm gets up throws a Last Call kick but pulls back for the cops. Storm wants both of Bully Ray & Storm. Don’t let that happen. I’ve seen all 3 guys too much against one another.

GAIL KIM & RAYNE BACKSTAGE (and how to put heat on a prop)
Rayne looks fantastic as always and Gail gives her a new tiara. Good. This puts heat on a prop. They announce a match between Velvet and Rayne. This was brief and great… because it announced a match, put heat on a prop and didn’t involve screeching promos. Rayne should walk around telling people how awesome her tiara is because her bff Gail Kim gave it to her. How her bff is the best! Then have a face threaten the tiara.

VELVET SKYE vs RAYNE (a building block)
Did Velvet get a new tramp stamp? Rayne should really go over in this match. Velvet will still be over afterward, she gets chants, she gets the crowd fired up because everyone loves a big chest, even gay men and straight women. Matt Morgan vs Crimson is mentioned for later. The match had crowd heat and energy and it was kept short. I find it interesting that Ryane wears American flags on a lot of outfits.

POST MATCH INTERVIEW w/ VELVET (it was ok)
Christy Hemme holds the microphone for Velvet to challenge Gail Kim. Well with that in mind, the last match was good as a building block. Thank god Velvet didn’t screech into the microphone that much.

DIXIE selling HOGAN SITDOWN OUTSIDE (it feels like Dixieis being dumped)
Dixie wants him to comeback. This was filmed outside with a cameraman lurking behind a post filming them.Dixie looks at the camera every so often with it5 meters away.Dixie needs to sell Hogan on the idea to comeback. There is a security guard way in the background looking over things or perhaps it’s a really observant fan. Hogan wants to stay out of the company. He plugs the fact Bobby Roode is such a heel he’s not sure what can fix it. How about building up some faces to challenge Roode but whatever.Dixie wants Hogan, but he doesn’t want to. She’s just about begging him.

This sounds like a man dumping a woman and her struggling to stay with him. Plus it is in public on a park bench. In public on a bench, this is the perfect dumping ground. Hogan will think about it. He then just gets up and walks away.

MORGAN & CRIMSON RECAP
This was brief. These two should still be a tag team. I don’t want to see them wrestle.

KURT ANGLE BACKSTAGE
He won’t give Jeff Hardy a rematch because Jeff Hardy is a crybaby. He beat Hardy fair and square… but if Hardy beats Ken Anderson one on one he will give Hardy a shot. I never ever want to see another Hardy vsAnderson match since they burnt it out in the WWE.

AUSTIN ARIES PROMO on BULLY RAY (five star promo)
Austin is still a heel cutting a face promo on a heel. This guy needs to drop the X-division belt and move up the ladder and get TNA title matches on pay-per-view. The tough thing is keeping him heel when the fans face him. Austin Aries calls himself Mr. Moneysworth. Awesome. This should trend. He’s got a set of balls as big as Bully Ray’s calves.

Aries respects James Storm, but prefers a glass of red wine to a cold beer. Aries wants to fight by Storm’s side. Brilliant. I have so much more interest in an Aries tag match than a handicap match with Storm.

MORGAN vs CRIMSON (TNA needs to make Morgan feel like a giant)
Oh Christ, not this match again. Maybe if they keep it down to 2 minutes, use weapons and brawl through the crowd I’d like it. They are 2 big looking guys, but I really think Crimson exposes Morgan for how clunky and basic his wrestling is. The crowd continues to be hot for this match, which is a good thing.

Wow this match looks edited. The crowd is firmly behind Morgan, which is good, because they could be sitting on their hands. When Morgan sells the fans clap to get him on his feet. They always clap to get him up. You know what Matt Morgan is7’tall… but he never feels7’tall. TNA makes him feel average. When Morgan comes out the cameramen should be on their knees. Perhaps Morgan needs a chokeslam, powerbomb or some moves that accentuate his height.

Oh Crap double count out. Meh. I think that hurts this match. Crimson should have won by cheating, he’s the heel. They brawls to the back and Mike Tennay announces “nothing’s been settled.”

JOE PARK BACKSTAGE w/ TNA PRODUCTION
Joe reveals he used to play college football. I’m amazed at the age of some TNA producers. This was brief and revealed something about Joe. It was nice and keeps things moving for him.

ANDERSONvs HARDY (and why I didn’t want to see it and TNA plug fest)
Aren’t they both faces? I’ve pointed out that I really hate Hardy vsAnderson since it was in the WWE. I remember howAnderson wouldn’t sell anything for Hardy in the WWE and how he almost killed Hardy in a match and then the WWE had it 3 more times. Then TNA had it several times. Even though I haven’t seen this in a year, I don’t want to see it. But hey maybe this will be awesome since they haveAnderson working with all of the lighter weights he should be a power guy working with them and play the heel.

At least the crowd has been hot and TNA has been at a great pace tonight. Tennay plugs that Lockdown will be in select movie theaters. I’d go see it in a theater if the nearest one wasn’t 4 hours away. The crowd is hot for this match and explode with every move.

Motorcity Machine Guns are back next week. I honestly think they should have done whatever they plan on doing at the pay-per-view and go from there. It could be a promo or angle to start with at the pay-per-view then at the next pay-per-view have their first match. But knowing TNA they will have their first match at lockdown against JoNus Brothers. Tennay also announces Eric Bischoff to have an ultimate challenge for his son Garrett.

I really think the crowd heat makes this match. Ken seems sloppy as time goes on. Hardy bumped out of the ring and there is Kurt Angle to interfere. I suppose the crowd heat carried this match and made it good or at least better than it is.Andersonlooks totally out of gas at the end. 

JAMES STORM MUSIC VIDEO LONG NECKS AND REDNECKS (brilliant)
This makes your star look big and people will remember this for all time. It will be on the James Storm DVD when it comes out. Awesome story told in this video about a waitress getting roughed up in a bar and James Storm goes to be the hero. Video clips of TNA inUKare shown to make TNA look huge. It looks like James Storm and his boys get free beer for the save. Then James drinks the heel under the table and the waitress takes Storm’s keys and drives him home in her big ass monster truck.

Now is the point that I admit I’m actually really enjoying TNA Impact.

ERIC & ODB PLANNING THE WEDDING (comedy)
ODB plays subtly insanely jealous knockout luckily they have a hot chesty model of a wedding planner. Eric likes pillows. ODB doesn’t like her pillows. I notice Eric must have trimmed his beard. ODB shuns the wedding planner. Not nearly as bad as it could have been. ODB says they’re getting married in the steel cage at Lockdown. Uggg… That’s a first. WWE would love to plug for the first time ever a wedding in a steel cage. Tennay and Tazz should plug that.

TNA has given zero time between segments like a sketch show. 

ERIC BISCHOFF ANNOUNCES ULTIMATE CHALLENGE w/ GARRETT
The fans in the background are falling asleep. Eric announces how every life goal he has is checked off except one… beating his son Garrett Bischoff, who then appears. Anyway, long story short, Gunner vs Garrett in a cage at Lockdown.

STORM TRAINS FOR LOCKDOWN (great segment)
Great job TNA, and I really mean that. His redneck gym in a tree house in the rain. This is good. Throwing logs and cinderblocks, sit ups, hanging from the rafters to do chin ups / pull ups. Then plug their tag team history. It puts heat on this match, if this wasn’t their forth match in six months. Storm does boxing and kicking like a whole different style. Storm better win the title at Lockdown.

STORM & ARIES vs BULLY RAY & ROBERT ROODE (a rising star and the right way TNA did things)
I’m happy to see Aries in the main event, I think it elevates all guys to have someone fresh in the mix who is not Angle, Hardy, Bully Ray, Robert Roode or James Storm. They’ve burnt out all of their matches and need someone fresh in that mix whether its Aries, Gunner, Samoa Joe or even Magnus. Normally I’d complain about 2 feuds in a tag match and how it burns out the interest in the pay-per-view, but since Aries is a lesser guy on the rise who hasn’t been stale for months I have no problem with it. Even though TNA should really keep Storm away from Roode, especially since they’ve burnt out the match.

Bully Ray insults Aries size then tags out. Awesome heel move. It also keeps heat on the pay-per-view if they don’t touch. Aries slipped up early on it looked strange he’d slip up. Several minutes in and Aries finally gets a single big shot in on Bully Ray. One shot is enough. Storm gets Roode begging off only to be hit from behind by Bully Ray. Good idea. Brief encounters that mean a lot without overdoing it. Storm never gets his hands on Roode, good. Now for the bad…

HOGAN’S DESCISION w/ DIXIE(anti-climaxing the show)
This shouldn’t have been the main event. Why is it? Ugg it kills the momentum of the show. I really feel that it should end off with a glory shot of your top babyface not some political BS. This doesn’t need to cap off a show, because it is anti-climactic. Perhaps TNA’s rating say otherwise. The fans want Hogan. Hogan is in a TNA shirt and jeans. Yep like a jobber, a near7’ legendary jobber. Hogan has already closed the book on this part of his life. Out comes Sting. The TNA faces follow Sting. Uggg… Even D-Von the TV champion is out… without his belt. Even James Storm. Way to make your top babyface into a background guy. That’s why this should have been done earlier.

Actually who am I kidding, James Storm isn’t the top babyface until stronger faces like Sting and Hogan get out of the company so James Storm can actually start being in the main event of the show and not just the last match on the show. Hogan agrees because Sting has Hogan’s back. Well if the #1 babyface wants me as the authority figure I guess I will be. No wrestling company needs a face authority figure. Heel authority figures provide perfect foils to unfairness and elevating rebel faces.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (03/22/12)

STING vs ROODE AFTERMATH FROM VICTORY   ROAD(and how stupid it is for no one to have saved Sting & Dixie)
Good recap and thankfully TNA didn’t blow the whole pay-per-view right off the bat. They had a big main event angle withDixie and Roode that lead Sting to save Roode. I guess they couldn’t just have Sting get his heat back by destroying Roode afterward. This puts Roode over as a menace when they should be trying to push James Storm as the hero. Roode is ALREADY THE MENACE OF TNA. Now who will stop him. They should have sent out Storm. The fans were even chanting for him. Duct taping Sting to the ropes was not Dreamer & Beullah from ECW 15 years ago. No one from the locker room ran out to saveDixie or Sting or even take out Roode. Not Jeff Hardy, not James Storm, not AJ Stylez, no one. TNA looks weak. Their roster looks weak because no one can save the #1 babyface from the #1 heel Sting. Unless all of the faces were taken out, this should not happen and it makes TNA look weak as a whole, but maybe I’m wrong because main eventers beat down main eventers all the time with no one coming to the rescue. Maybe this just means the angle had heat because I’m so disgusted that James Storm couldn’t be a hero and run out there to save the #1 face and become the #1 face. Whatever.

DIXIE CARTER ANGLE w/ STING (and why Sting should step down)
Dixie is almost in tears running down Robert Roode. How is this now about Robert Roode and Dixie Carter not Robert Roode and James Storm? Sting enters. Sting should be out for 2 months. Not seen. People should worry about Sting, he should come back after Roode when James Storm wins the title, but hey whatever, I just think him coming back this week is stupid.

Sting talksDixieinto keeping Robert Roode, putting Sting over as a man who knows what’s good for business andDixiethe business woman as clueless. The fans want revenge. Hey at least they’re chanting. Sting tellsDixieit’s not working with him in charge. Fans chant please don’t go. I’m really sick of TNA baiting fans into thinking Sting will retire. Each and every year he doesn’t know if he’ll be back. Sting can’t do both wrestler and authority figure. Make him a full time wrestler if he’s the #1 babyface. He is the #1 face, he’s the most protected, most famous, and given the most time to drum up business. That’s why Sting should be injured and James Storm take that place or someone who will wrestle every week. Maybe as I ponder this, Sting is there every week drumming up business and taking out bad guys. Maybe I am a bad sport or something. If someone else was as good as Sting, as charismatic or a pillar they’d be #1.

Dixiehears Sting out that Hogan should be given power of TNA… funny didn’t Hogan conDixieinto giving over TNA? I predict a Sting vs Hogan match in 2 years.

X-DIVISION TITLE 4 WAY >> ARIES vs KASH vs NESE vs ION (high energy stunt show)
On paper this looks good. X-division stunt show. This is a good way to get Nese and Kash out there. Kash has been awesome since his return to TNA and I was never a fan of Kash before this run in TNA. Aries is too good for the X-Division now. He’s a giant fish in a little pond and well protected because of this. Good match, high energy and got the crowd up and moving. Crowd chants for Aries. Good crowd so far tonight.

This was old school TNA… before Bully Ray ran in and ruined it. This was straight out of WWE and WCW’s playbook. Have a monster destroy all of your small guys. It looks like Bully vs Aries will be on for the pay-per-view. This should elevate both guys…

MEXICAN AMERICA & REPO GAMES BACKSTAGE
I’ve seen Repo Games on Spike TV and this was a tolerable segment where Anarchya was the man with the answers.

KNOCKOUTS TAG TITLES >> ERIC & ODB vs SARITA & ROSITA (and ideas for TNA)
First of all… Eric & ODB are so over they should be working a television program with Robert Roode or Bully Ray to get mega heat on the heels. Second of all, Sarita and Rosita should really be faces, because they aren’t ghetto. Sarita is good in the ring and has that broken face sympathy and Rosita is very small and would be much better placed as a face than a heel. Rosita being heel is like Rey Mysterio or WWE’s AJ being heel. She can be a mega face… but hey TNA wants a challenge or they know their audience hates Mexicans. This match had heat, which was all thanks to Eric and ODB with Rosita and Sarita doing good in their roles.

CRIMSON BACKSTAGE w/ DIRECT AUTO (a noteworthy promo)
A heel Crimson cuts a good heel promo on Morgan. It made sense and it was kept as long as it needed to be. It was followed by a brawl that was kept as long as it needed to be.

JEFF HARDY BACKSTAGE (and zero heat)
Jeff challenges Kurt Angle… Kurt isn’t even in the scene. Zero heat, zero fire. Joseph Park is just there. I’d like to say Mr. Park or Parks has more heat than Hardy does at the moment.

ROODE & STORM THE EARLY YEARS VIDEO (and the beauty that it was)
VERY NICE and gives me good memories ofAmerica’s Most Wanted and TeamCanada. This is worth anyone’s time to watch. Their look is so defined now compared to how they were back then. They point out AJ and James are the only men still on the roster from day1. In a way their Lockdown match is beautiful because it is 2 guys that have been with the company 10 years celebrating the tenth year with the company.

JAMES STORM PROMO (good segment for this week)
He wonders why football isn’t all year long. He wonders why gasoline is so expensive. Mr. Storm you are Joe Everyman. Well done. He points out what Roode did to Sting andDixieis wrong. Well Mr. Storm why the hell didn’t you stop it at the pay-per-view? Really. You should have been face to face when the pay-per-view ended to drum up business for Lockdown. Storm is going to right all of the wrongs. He calls down Robert Roode.

Robert Roode’s attorney appears and gets checked out by James Storm who wonders who in the blue hell are you? The attorney is brilliant. He will be wrestling not too long from now. Heck TNA might as well make him wrestle this minute. The attorney announces that Robert Roode will stay in his home until Lockdown. Hopefully he will at least cut promos. The attorney announces James gets his choice of opponents, KAZ or Christopher Daniels. Good for Storm, he will fight both of them.

ANGLE BACKSTAGE (and his anti-logic)
No one beats Kurt Angle, so he is reminded that Garrett beat him 2 weeks ago. Technically that’s true and there’s Garrett to point it out. Oh good they make a 3 minute challenge. By this logic they’ll be having 1 minute challenges instead of 10 minute challenges or normal matches. I think if these two are going to have matches it needs to be on house shows so Garrett will learn from the best.

TNA WORLD TOUR COMMERCIAL
A fan plugs how pro wrestling is the best entertainment and beats other sports. Good. They show the tour dates and locations.

3 MINUTE CHALLENGE >> ANGLE vs GARRETT (to further the anti-logic)
Kurt is wearing a Lockdown jersey… but Garrett is wearing track pants and multi colored wrist tape. Dueling chants to start things, that’s good. There’s some stalling and pushing. Perhaps Angle is so confident that he can just destroy Garrett in 2 minutes. Maybe a commentator should have pointed that out. Garrett gets in great offense and a 2 count on Angle with a flurry of moves. Garrett only needs to stay away from Angle. Gunner appears and they beat down Garrett. Good ending. Jeff Hardy appears for the save… if only someone appeared for the save of Sting andDixieat the end of the pay-per-view. It looks like Jeff buzzed his hair.

MOTORCITY MACHINE GUNS ARE COMING
Artistic black and white vignette of the returning Motorcity Machine Guns is aired. Good and brief.

TNA TAG TITLES >> MEXICAN AMERICA vs JONUS BROTHERS
Mexican America are back from OVW after being gone for a few months. Good to have them return and job. It is good for business, and I guess with CrimMorgan fighting TNA needs another tag team. I also suppose this means JoNus is a face team now. It is at this point that I realize someone from every match is really over. Samoa Joe & Magnus for this match. Aries for the X-title match, Eric & ODB for their match.

Super Mex shows his power, JoNus shows their cohesion only seen since Motorcity Machine Guns and Anarchya shows how he can cheat. There is a point where Magnus is being pinned so he grabs the rope in enemy territory. Anarchya has the chance and fails to just kick the hand.

The Repo Games host runs down and whisks the women away. Back to OVW with the two of you! That leaves the match to conclude, but only after the crowd was whipped into a frenzy. This is a hot crowd. It was a crowd that rose their arms with Joe & Magnus. It was great.

MEXICAN AMERICA’S CAR IS REPOSESSED BACKSTAGE
Yep… both teams in Mexican America lost their tag title matches. Anarchya takes a terrible swing at the host and gets shoved away. The host then walks away with Rosita and Sarita.

BACKSTAGE WITH COWBOY TROY (performer of Jame’s Storm’s theme)
This was a brief segment showing you the behind the scenes from Cowboy Troy’s music video for James Storm’s theme song. Good enough, kept brief.

HANDICAP MATCH >> STORM vs DANIELS & KAZ
Good they should have this match. Behead both of those midcarders to your main eventer. Daniels isn’t even allowed to take his shirt off. Thank god they did something like this to keep James matches from getting boring. There are only so many Storm, Bully & Roode tag matches that I can see in the past 6 months. The crowd is nice and hot from the last match. They want Storm and chant for him.

Maybe TNA should have interviewed Kaz & Daniels before hand since they do have a history with James Storm, but whatever, they were a pair of jobbers in this match. The real downside of this match is that KAZ & Daniels couldn’t be themselves. They were just goons.

STING & DIXIE & HOGAN ANGLE
I don’t like TNA doing main event angles… but if the stats show main event angles get the highest ratings, then I can understand why they do them. Anyway, this was a chance for Hogan to go out and have his name cheered then leave the fans with a cliff hanger of will Hogan say yes?