Tag Archives: KAZ

Everything Right with TNA Impact (07/05/12)

BULLY RAY PROMO on TWITTER (legal action)
Oh good… TNA has been bit by the Twitter bug. Those suck more than kajiggers… which burrow down into your skin. Bully questions Joseph Park has the pair of nuts to smack him in the face. Joseph Park comes down to the ring. The crowd is hot. Joseph gives Bully Ray a legal lesson with presidency. Abyss / Chris / Joseph Park has always had an impressive presence and even in a suit its no different. Joseph accepts the challenge with no rules. Bully Ray pulls out a paper… using the Christopher Daniels methodology of heat. It is a restraining order against Abyss.

AUSTIN ARIES BACKSTAGE w/ HULK HOGAN (good and brief)
This was good. Aries is a fresh, good character. Hogan wants the belt tonight.

DANIELS / DIXIE RECAP w/ DIXIE BACKSTAGE
Daniels says Claire Lynch is preggers. AJ Styles is the daddy! Mu-ah-ha-ha-ha. Then Dixie is backstage with the road agents. She is asked questions by the mysterious interviewer and there is no answers.

CRIMSON vs DEVON (quick match that sets up something for someone else)
Crimson loses his streak at the last pay-per-view and disappears from TV for 3 weeks… so he gets a title shot. At least show how Crimson has been winning at house shows. Why isn’t Crimson in the BFG Series? He was undefeated for 18 months. Devon is a gatekeeper for D level talent. I have no problem with Devon in this role. It keeps him strong and gives an evaluation of lesser talent. Crimson makes one of the crappiest pin attempts ever that somehow ends up with Devon on top. Quick match thank goth.

Madison Rayne comes marching to the ring. I think she wants some chocolate. Nope its someone else she wants. I fully expected this after a few months ago. This could build to a title reign for someone.

CHRIS SABIN PROMO (a heel needs heat)
Sabin is on crutches. He has some thick sideburns. It is a horrifying shame that he injured both ACLs, one after another. This has to be extremely discouraging since he’s not a main eventer. TNA probably doesn’t pay all the bills. He needs to have another job and that’s a shame. The fans are firmly behind him.

Out comes Robert Roode. This is another guy that should quit if he had two ACL injuries… even if he is a main eventer. He gets heat by verbally running him down and saying its just like every other X-Divisioner. Roode kicks out Sabin’s crutch. It really sucks that I feel anyone else could do the same job or better than Robert Roode. Austin Aries runs in for the save.

X-DIVISION >> DAKOTA DARSOW vs FLIP CASSANOVA (Dakota couldn’t keep up his end)
Dakota Darsow is the son of Barry Darsow. Nothing wrong with that. Flip looks like Sonjay Dutt… and the first words out of Mike Tennay’s mouth are Sonjay Dutt. Some sloppy high-flying from Flip Cassady off the bat, but he makes up for it with a backflip senton butt splash. Dakota Darsow is really struggling to keep up or even maintain himself. I hope Flip wins. Darsow has a long way to go. He’s got a good look, but I don’t see X-Division from him. I see TV title division. Dakota Darsow has a bloody nose. Good little match. Dakota Darsow didn’t keep up his end of the bargain.

Flip has some of Dakota’s blood on him. Flip waits to be interviewed and gets nothing…

BROOKE TESSMACHER & TARA BACKSTAGE
Brooke has a tag match with Tara. Tara calls her Boo 2x. Very quick.

GUT CHECK RECAP >> TAYLOR HENDRIX
She didn’t like that she was called not tough enough. The camera loves her and so do you fans. If only her name wasn’t Taeler Hendrix. I chose not to spell her name correctly, since she chose to say she’s a cancer survivor when she’s really a misdiagnosed. Like oh I thought I was pregnant, but it was just gas.

MADISON RAYNE & GAIL KIM vs BROOKE TESSMACHER & TARA (match makes Tara looks good)
Next week Gail Kim gets her title shot… I thought it was this week, but whatever. It should probably be on the pay-per-view. Does anyone remember when it was Terra? Mike Tennay mentions the main event, James Storm vs Jeff Hardy. I totally forgot. This match was quicker than most TNA knockout’s matches. Short match, more of a win.

JAMES STORM LOCKDOWN RECAP w/ JEFF HARDY MATCH HYPE
James Storm recaps Lockdown then talks about Jeff Hardy. Not much here.

AJ PROMO on CHRISTOPHER DANIELS (dropping the angle)
He yells out at Christopher Daniels…. who thankfully comes out to save this segment. Don’t let AJ Styles talk about this ever. KAZ comes out with Daniels and says AJ gets junkie whores pregnant. Daniels has a martini glass… an empty one from the look of it. Christopher Daniels starts some long-winded speech and AJ just tells him to shut up. Holy shit this feud has been going on for a full year. That’s not a compliment. That’s a … let’s move on! I consider the Claire Lynch angle officially dropped by TNA.

HULK HOGAN BACKSTAGE interrupted by MASKED MAN
Hogan doing an interview, gets interrupted by one of the masked men that attacked Sting a few weeks ago. He delivers a piece of paper with some carts on it. At least they mentioned the angle.

JEFF HARDY VIDEO
He’s inspired by this series since he missed last year’s series. He wants to end the selfish generation. I kind of thought Jeff Hardy lead the selfish generation what with the drugs and house explosions.

X-DIVISION >> KENNY KING vs LARS ONLY (another X-division match)
Kenny King from ROH and I think from WWE Tough Enough season 2. Good to see someone from any Tough Enough season in still in wrestling. Good match, longer and less reckless than the other match. Lars did some sort of leg trip, leg sweep that looked painful to Kenny King. Tazz said it sucked, but I think that’s how it was supposed to look… painful. I don’t have much to say about this match. I think Christie Hemmy announced Kenny as Kenny Kane.

Christie interviews Kenny King. The fans are behind him in more ways than one.

I’ve come to realize that none of TNA’s own X-Division guys has a match on TV even if they’ll get matches on the Destination X pay-per-view. Bring in new guys and have them go for the title. If anything hopefully Sonjay Dutt will get the X-Division title.

AUSTIN ARIES BEFORE THE BELL PREVIEW (good show everyone seems to love it)
I’ve seen the Before the Bell special with Austin Aries. It is full of good phrases. So many good phrases, you don’t even need to watch it, just listen for 30 minutes which 24 of it is Austin Aries talking.

KENNY KING & AUSTIN ARIES BACKSTAGE (good rub for Kenny King)
They know each other… and they’re happy. Good rub for Kenny King who then disappears so Austin can get asked about relinquishing the belt. Yep.

BFG LEADERBOARD
James Storm > Samoa Joe > Magnus > Kurt Angle

BFG SERIES >> JAMES STORM vs JEFF HARDY (Storm sells for Hardy)
Wow this main event is starting early. It makes me think Claire the junkie slut will be the main event. Jeff Hardy comes out looking like a performance artist on coke. He shares a moment with the crowd. It must suck that Jeff Hardy is still over James Storm. Even if Hardy loses 100 times to Storm… it will still be Jeff Hardy > James Storm. There are plenty of dueling chants. There are a lot of lockups and holds… because this is the main event and they have the time. They come back from commercial and Tazz talks about how crazy it got in the commercial with a street fight on the outside… yet no video clips. It is so hilarious watching James Storm sell for Jeff Hardy, who is too weak to muscle him into selling. Like a leg trip, you see James Storm start falling before Jeff Hardy pulls him. You see the camera angles shift so viewers don’t see the miss between Jeff Hardy’s feet and Storm’s face. Now 100% of the fans are behind Jeff Hardy… who has 90% of the offense of this match. But when James Storm gets a move, Jeff Hardy sells like he’s dead for way too long. But whatever. Good match, gives fans time to get invested in the outcome.

After the match, the winner gives the loser a handshake. Good clean match.

BFG LOCATION
Mike Tennay and Tazz announce that Bound for Glory is going to Phoenix, AZ.

BACKSTAGE w/ KURT ANGLE then MR. ANDERSON
They both briefly talk about the BFG Series and Tennay plugs Mr. Anderson vs Kurt Angle. Then Brooke Tessmacher vs Gail Kim. Bully Ray vs Joseph Park.

HULK HOGAN ANGLE w/ …
This puts a lot of heat on Austin Aries. Anyway, Hogan does a good job of plugging Destination-X, Jeff Hardy, James Storm and Austin Aries. Robert Roode comes out. Robert Roode is so generic. Like he checks all the boxes that meet with a great heel… except for personality. As I’ve pointed out before the real feud seems to be Hulk Hogan & Robert Roode. Roode always has great points. I just wish it was coming from someone better. Austin Aries comes out… Austin Aries gives this match and Roode’s title heat.

lol when Austin and Roode get in each other’s faces… the fans chant for Hogan. Aries ends up holding up both belts and it looks awesome. Great job TNA. Aries gives Hogan the X-Division title and holds up the TNA world title to close the show.

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How TNA can salvage the AJ Stylez and Dixie Carter pregnant lady reveal

So… my thoughts on this Dixie / Stylez angle revealing they were helping a pregnant woman get help from drugs and one night stands… Yes it was beyond stupid with plenty of plot holes such as why would KAZ turn on AJ for helping the woman unless he is the baby’s father… but since I can’t go back in time to fix it, I can salvage this angle, Daniels should go nuts and say no no, you’re not getting out of this. I know what happened, KAZ knows what happened and we have someone that saw with her own eyes what happened. (however this will face Daniels and make AJ & Dixie heels) Next week they bring that person out. That person is KAZ’s wife Traci Brooks. … Traci is the reason why KAZ believes it now. She saw them at the hotel and mentioned it to Daniels who went overboard and discovered the stranger than fiction truth that Dixie’s husband Serge had a vesectomy and can’t have kids so Dixie the millionaire had one of her AJ fertilized eggs put into a serrogate mother who faked being an addict and that piece of paper Daniels kee…ps showing is the hospital bill for the serrogate motherism. Then the mother in 2 weeks can say yes… it was all true. You two have ruined my life… people will think she means KAZ & Daniels, but she’ll really mean AJ & Dixie, because when a bad actress turns on two loved people that makes her the heel and the loved people are the faces.
Then that mother hooks up with a wrestler and gets into his mind to send that wrestler after AJ. There, 2 months of storylines. Then she has the baby and AJ proves that it wasn’t his sperm that made the baby… it was Daniels. Leading the fans to chant… Daddy Daniels. That will result in an extra month of storyline.
Are there any plot holes to what has already been done with the storyline?

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should be) (in my mind) (06/07/12)

TNA IMPACT OPENING with DIXIE LAST WEEK
They recap what happened last week and then show what happened off the air. Dixie is angry marching to the production truck. Hopefully the AJ / Dixie angle doesn’t turn out to be a surprise birthday party for Serge her husband. TNA said that we’d be going backstage more and more.

DIXIE IN THE RING (heat killer)
She’s all teary eyed. Dixie feels sorry for Christopher Daniels and KAZ that they’d be so sad as to do this. So Dixie is gonna tell the truth! Enter Daniels and KAZ. Daniels has his hand taped. His hand or fingers. Daniels REALLY should have been the one to shave KAZ’s head. Be like me KAZ, be like me! We are one as a tag team. That didn’t happen. Daniels and KAZ look like jobbers wearing Slammiversary T-shirts and they don’t even carry the tag belts. Daniels harasses her. Its nice. Dixie starts trying to bash him, Kaz gives her a nice push to the corner. AJ came in for the save. This isn’t gold, I’m not sure how much heat it has. Serge comes in. He helps his wife and looks angry at AJ Stylez. Serge clocks AJ. They are going into good territory with this, but since its AJ its still unbelievable. The fans are chanting Photo-Shop? Serge leaves them, and AJ walks Dixie out. Well that’s a crowd killer.

It is soon announced AJ & Dixie left the building, but he’s in a six man tag main event!

AUSTIN ARIES & SAMOA JOE BACKSTAGE
Very briefly Joe has an issue with him. Its too brief to get heat.

THE STREAK >> CRIMSON vs AUSTIN ARIES (uh boy)
Crimson issues an open challenge for the PPV. Fight him and lose! Then screams Undefeated!

I still want to point out Crimson was pinned as a tag champion. If anyone on the TNA roster should beat Crimson, it should be Austin Aries. If anyone can get a good match out of Crimson it is Austin Aries. The crowd is behind Aries. But with Joe and Aries having an issue just before the match, that might telegraph the winner. It didn’t last week.

BROOKE BACKSTAGE w/ FACE KNOCKOUTS (surprisingly good)
Look at these outfits! Look at these bodies! They’re more beautiful in person! She’s clearly a face. A man of a face. She puts Velvet, Mickie James, Brooke and Tara into a four way. Why does Brooke look older than these girls when she’s probably the youngest? Brooke mentions that she’s getting them media opperunities. If that’s true, cool. Montgumery Gentry wants Velvet for a music video. Mickie James subtly looks pissed.

HOGAN ANNOUCEMENTS (meh build to the PPV)
Hogan comes out and announces the ten year anniversary party starts tonight end ends next week with the TNA champion having a title match next week on Impact. Then Robert Roode comes out, starts talking, gets interrupted, but Robert Roode is never done talking. It was a good verbal assault… if they’re planning Hogan vs Roode. He puts his hands on Hogan. Sting appears. Roode beats down Sting who just gets back up. Sting sells nothing. Then Robert Roode gets sent out of the ring.

Robert Roode wears a new IT Factor T-shirt that looks terrible and generic. They really could have had some more IT Factor in the IT Factor T-shirt. In other words, that’s not a shirt I’d buy or anyone else.

JOSEPH PARK BACKSTAGE
He can’t believe what he’s doing. Good character. To brief to be great, but this was good for the 30 seconds it was.

#1 CONTENDER >> MICKIE JAMES vs VELVET SKYE vs BROOKE TESSMOCHER vs TARA (seen these women in this match combination too many times)
Brooke Tessmocher is from Houston, TX and the PPV is in TX. Give her the knockout victory in her home state. All faces… except for Mickie who is about to turn. Gail appears soon after the match starts. Gail on commentary says she’s beaten all four. Gail Kim is the longest running Knockouts champ. Along with every other major title holder. Thank goth Gail is on commentary, because this match is so dull and burnt out that I forget there’s a match going on. There is a good spot where all 4 women are involved in submissions. I remember when WWE did similar things 10 years ago. Tara does a top rope moonsault instead of a standing one. Very impressive and graceful, unlike Lita’s.

Eventually former tag partners Brooke & Tara fight. The work starts getting sloppy toward the end. Like someone will get hurt kind of sloppy.

BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE (voice is out of sync?)
Strange the voice is out of sync. He’s got a contract for Joseph Park.

HOGAN BACKSTAGE ON THE PHONE
You get here AJ! Grrr…

BULLY RAY & JOSEPH PARK CONTRACT SIGNING w/ JEREMY BORASH (interesting and entertaining)
This has been a good 3+ month storyline. It would be a good one off match and they might want to do this with non wrestlers. Have them appear 3 months and do one match before disappearing. Do that 4x a year with various people and you can really keep them fresh. Like Robert Roode vs his old friend in spring, Bully vs Joseph in summer, AJ vs Serge in fall, ODB vs the Wedding Planner in winter. Very easy to do.

Bully has a good shirt. Some sort of parody on the Jack Daniels bottle. Joseph Park comes out with no music, but he is not a wrestler. He’s good at not knowing how to get in the ring. He’s good at being clueless. The fans want tables. Bully starts by tearing up the contract. Bully Ray pulls his special contract out that protects him from liability. Joseph Park isn’t crazy enough to do that. The fans cheer him surprisingly. Abyss should come out and sign it then… but that’s not the match. Bully Ray spits in his face. Joseph cuts a promo about his brother who spilt his blood and gave his body. He’ll sign for his brother Chris. If this means Abyss has retired and Joseph needs to wrestle now.

Abyss appears on the big screen. He’s not happy with Joseph. Abyss does some good work, even gets a shock from the crowd. Gold… for such a weird plotline. Bully Ray attacks Joseph. Great segment.

MIKE TENNAY asks TAZZ about JOEY RYAN
People are buzzing about it. Mike asks Tazz if he has any second thoughts. Tazz loves Joey’s character. Hanging out on Twitter and Youtube doesn’t make you better it makes you popular.

BACKSTAGE PROMO with JOEY RYAN (interesting)
Last week Joey was backstage cutting a promo on Tazz so Al Snow swoops in and tells Joey to check himself. Joey doesn’t, so Al Snow escorts him out. I’m sure that wasn’t Joey Ryan’s character that was just him venting. TNA was and wasn’t stupid not to take him. They were stupid, because the fans wanted it and he’s a ten year vet with talent and a great character that would be awesome in TNA. The good reason they didn’t take him is apparently he’s a jerk.

TV TITLE >> DEVON vs ROBBIE E (adding interest with more players)
The feud that will not die. Backstage before the match, Garrett says he’ll have Devon’s back if Devon will let him. Yep. Brief they’re really trying to put over Garrett. They’ll tag up at the PPV. This is the same match that its been for the last 3 months. It hasn’t gotten better or worse. Luckily Maddisson Rayne shows up to look on, making this match watchable. Logically I’d give Decon a clean win, then give Robbie & Rob Terry a cheat victory at the PPV when Maddisson Rayne helps them. Why have Cookie with Robbie E when you can have Rayne. Hilarious spot where there’s a small package and the giant Rob Terry sneaks into the ring and rolls them over so Devon is getting pinned.

HULK HOGAN ANNOUCEMENT (again)
He was getting ready to make a monster annoucement before he got interrupted… so Hogan gets interrupted again by Mr. Anderson. Why not have a match at the PPV. Ken Anderson vs Jeff Hardy. Again! The same match its been even back in the WWE for years and years! He introduces himself before he comes down. Uggg… Why is this guy back. There’s no room for him. Put him on Xplosion. I can tell Hogan really doesn’t want to hear from him. Hogan invites RVD to come down. So why not have a 3 way? They’re forgetting about Jeff Hardy… so far. And yep, Jeff Hardy is called down. I’d have these three guys go over in 3 singles matches, then have a 3 way at the PPV with the winner getting a title shot on Impact. He announces a three way at Slammiversary. Yep. I predict Jeff Hardy to win. Peel RVD off into a feud with Aries and Kennedy can go after Crimson.

SIX MAN TAG >> ROODE & KAZ & DANIELS vs STING & KURT ANGLE & AJ STYLES
AJ left earlier… and he stayed gone, which is great. 2 on 3 match. I’d rather see 2 on 3 than waste 2 PPV matches in one. Sting comes out with some weird purple jacket. Sting now wears black with blue ring attire. He quickly puts the scorpion death lock on Daniels. A terrible death lock and Angle puts the ankle lock on KAZ. Bam that should have been the match. Victory to the faces, but then the heels should get on the mic and demand it get restarted and it would be.

I remember when Daniels had a feud with Sting. I’m not sure if they actually had a match or not. That was a few years ago. Pretty quick match, but there was a lot of energy.

PROS

  • The interest of Austin Aries vs Crimson
  • Brooke Hogan and Velvet’s announcement of being in a music video (I’m surprised its a pro)
  • Joseph Park & Bully Ray
  • Using Joey Ryan without giving him a contract

CONS

  • Crowd killing opening angle
  • Someone specific losing
  • Roode & Sting with Hogan did nothing to make me want to see them.
  • I’ve seen the same knockout’s match in tag or three way form for a year or two
  • Didn’t make me want to see Slamiversary

Everything Right with TNA Impact (05/31/12)

LUMBERJACK MATCH >> ROBERT ROODE vs STING (Great opener… that should have closed the show)
TNA likes you to know who’s on the roster, so they have episodes start with everyone on the roster. Bobby Roode gets a ‘you suck chant’. Last week I would have had his confetti rain Sting Joker cards. I can’t see this match drawing in fans. There aren’t a lot of lumberjacks around the ring. There is really zero build to this match which seems a negative.

Commentators point out Roode injured Sting… coulda swore Sting injured himself. TNA uses Twitter and Facebook visuals. Rowdy crowd in a good way. Throughout the match Roode throws out Sting a notable amount. Good strategy.

POST MATCH with HOGAN
Hogan comes out and announces Sting vs Roode at the next PPV. And the world title will now be on the line. … Tennay and Tazz announce Styles vs Daniels and fans pick Devon’s challenger. ooo and Brooke Hogan.

MADISSON RAYNE BACKSTAGE
She’s ironing her sash… she says everything will go well with Brooke Hogan.

BULLY RAY CALLS OUT JOSEPH PARK (gold)
These two are gold. Bully shows a replay of what he did to Joseph Park. Bully wants a fight right now. Joseph looks around who me? Gives the fans his stuff. The fans love it. This is a hot, energized crowd. Joseph doesn’t want to fight, so Bully calls the whole family cowards especially Abyss. Joseph jumps over and security stops him. Bully Ray has great heat. Fans are chanting fight! Joseph doesn’t want  any part of Bully Ray, so Bully says he pleads guilty! Joseph grabs him and the fans love it. Bully says if you hit me I’ll sue you. Fans chant what they want. Joseph backs off. He has class. Bully leaves, Joseph says he wants a fight right now. Bully says they’ll finally fight at Slammiversary.

CRIMSON VIDEO (good lil recap)
This was a nice video recapping his winning streak… even though he has been pinned in tag matches. Crimson then says he can’t be beat.

X-DIVISION TITLE >> AUSTIN ARIES vs CHRIS SABIN (putting over a star)
Supposedly Alex Shelley is gone from TNA so this makes sense. Austin Aries is backstage spraying his hair and he sprays Joe who is walking behind him.  This should be the best match on the show… and this is a show with Daniels and AJ. Dueling chants which is good…  Some amazing and unique moves from Aries who is the hottest thing on TNA. This match was all about Sabin taking abuse and making Aries look like gold. Some incredible offense from Sabin as well. Quite the back and forth. Tazz had no idea what Sabin’s finisher is… in fact the crowd probably didn’t know either since he’s been gone

HOGAN BACKSTAGE with TAZZ
Hogan talks about stepping up or leaving. Hogan wants Tazz for Gut Check. Tazz warns him that the real Tazz is a jerk. Tazz would be good at evaluating talent since he has run dojos and finishing schools.

BACKSTAGE with TAZZ, BRUCE PRICHARD & AL SNOW talking about JOEY RYAN
They discuss his look and his gimmick. Bruce doesn’t like his gimmick, the other two love it. I love his look. Bruce points out fans thought he was better Alex Sylvia. Indeed. Absolutely. Tazz points out that Joey Ryan didn’t look like he was gonna be in the fight of his life. Meh bad comment. He didn’t blow away Bruce even if Joey was memorable. Tazz looks like he’ll say no. Tazz doesn’t look good on a couch, he should sit forward to make him look less fat.

TV TITLE CONTENDERS (brief)
Jeff Hardy, RVD, Ken Anderson & Robbie E. 3 of these guys are too good for the belt. Jeff Hardy gets the biggest pop. This was a nice lil popularity contest.

DIXIE APPEARS (to introduce Brooke)
She says TNA will be 10 years old in 10 days. She also announces Slammiversary will have a TNA Hall of Fame induction. She then introduces Brooke Hogan who gets plenty of boos… and then cheers. She comes out to a country song. I like how Dixie has to introduce Brooke so the fans respect Dixie so they won’t boo Brooke as much.

DANIELS & KAZ BACKSTAGE
They’re miffed at Dixie not aknowledging their angle.

TV TITLE MATCH >> DEVON DUDLEY vs ???
The man that won did it with 40% of the vote. Tennay presses Tazz for his vote on Joey Ryan. Tazz doesn’t know. This match seems to be used to plug everything else going on in TNA. Dueling chants from the crowd. The crowd is still hot, but this is the coldest of the hot. Match ends like you’d expect it to. Robbie E and Rob Terry do a run in. If this will be a match at the PPV, it will be better than Devon and Garrett.

JAMES STORM VIDEO (with his daughter, horse and smell hound)
James talks about how he’s simple. Simple man wouldn’t wear those designer jeans with the holes intentionally put in. Yep looks like James is fine walking away. Must suck having cameras ask him about Roode every so often. Storm’s daughter asks if that means he’s going back to wrestling. James cuts off the cameras.

DANIELS & AJ RECAP
Ugg this feud… Capped off with the monthly Daniels vs AJ match.

GUT CHECK JUDGING with AL SNOW, TAZZ & BRUCE PRICHARD on JOEY RYAN
I still say give Joey Ryan a contract, but whatever. Joey comes out to serious music without a serious look. This music kinda makes him seem like an out of place chump. 4 men in suits standing in front of a 70s playboy pilot. He does his best Ron Burgondy  impression. Bruce even mentions Ron Burgondy. Bruce points out with Joey having 12 years in the business the verdict is no. Crimson and Gunner have 12 years. But TNA already has Aries and Aries is more serious. Al Snow doesn’t like Joey Ryan… but votes yes. Makes no sense, but whatever.

Joey cuts a good promo about how he has 87% of the fan’s vote he questions Bruce having a job. Tazz says no, because that promo sucked. Tazz isn’t a suplex machine, he’s a commentator. 2 nos. It actually seemed like 3 nos. Maybe Joey is a dick.

ROBERT ROODE VIDEO IN LONDON
He did an interview this week. Yay. Interesting outdoor backdrop of Big Ben. He’s standing at the base of Big Ben. Roode says he’s the longest running TNA champion and the fans off screen cheer him.

CHRISTOPHER DANIELS vs AJ STYLES
Wow a main event that promises more revealed. Time for the monthly Daniels and Styles match. I couldn’t care less. Tazz feels he has to justify himself about Joey. Tazz’s reasons don’t make sense that the character doesn’t have legs. Sure it does, he can get serious, but I guess TNA wanted him to get Aries serious and not just a stereotype.

Good match. Hot crowd. This was the match of the show. Good main event. KAZ looks a lot like Crimson now from a distance. It was very dumb of him to shave his head even if he was losing his hair. Post match beatdown. Kurt Angle saves AJ. Daniels and KAZ get their head back and use zip ties to trap Angle. The zip ties fail miserably.

Daniels has a phone conversation with Dixie. Dixie comes out and yells to turn it off! Dixie gets bleeped out.

PROS:
A hot and energized crowd
TNA is live
Arena seems bigger… maybe they are on the road?
Great opener
Bully Ray & Joseph Park
Sabin vs Aries
Putting heat on the TV title with the vote
TNA firing on all cylenders.

CONS:
Little build to Sting vs Roode
Mind numbing birth control commercials on DailyMotion

Everything Right with TNA Impact (05/17/12)

TNA RECAP (good work)
Word on the street is that TNA Sacrifice was a good show. TNA opens by recapping a few of its biggest angles. Roode being dominant, AJ having pictures, Abyss returning and so on.

ROBERT ROODE PROMO (another post PPV promo)
Roode had a big match off a hot pay-per-view in this case I do want to hear from him. Not nearly as much as I want to hear Joseph Park. Tennay plugs the fact that Robert Roode is about to beat AJ’s record for the longest TNA champ. They should really have someone challenge him on Open Fight Night one night before it becomes official. Fans boo him and Robert soaks it up by saying that’s it chant Roooooode! Roode says he’ll throw a party next week. He’ll call it celebration of domination. He calls out Hogan.

Hogan comes out to quite the pyro display for TNA. Fans politely clap for Hogan and don’t go too crazy. Robert Roode has demands. This was entertaining compared to what Roode normally does. He wants only green M&Ms and golden confetti flown from Canada… Hogan says Robert Roode put the company back on track by holding the title. He may have put the company back on track… but he didn’t set it on fire.

Hogan announces Roode to have a title defence at Open Fight Night. Nice. Hogan took a pole and asked who wanted a title shot. The entire locker room comes out on the stage lead by Bully Ray. Puts a lot of heat on the title. Hogan needs only 4. RVD vs Bully Ray. Jeff Hardy vs Ken Anderson. Jeff Hardy looks insane. Kurt Angle vs Samoa Joe. Dizamn I’m impressed with that match. The rest of the guys are put in a Wild Card Battle Royal.

I really love this. The entire show is built and leads into next week’s show. Brilliant. Hope Aries wins the battle royal.

BULLY RAY vs RVD (good opener)
The fans were into this match with plenty of claps and firmly behind RVD. Tough to grow as a company with such a small arena. The fans are hot there over the past few months. Bully Ray manages his own 3D. Nothing wrong with this match. Could have used more in crowd brawling and chairs, but I don’t think people want long matches.

BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE w/ JOSEPH PARK (brief & logical)
Afterward Bully Ray cuts a promo on the Kardashians. Joseph Park appears and provokes in the way that he does. Bully Ray tells him to stay away.

KING MO TALK SHOW (meh)
TNA has plugged the signing of King Mo throughout the show. Now this is their segment to hype that. Then they throw to a talk show with Dixie and Bellator president. TNA and Bellator signed him. I didn’t like this because it wasn’t a recap it was a segment from a talk show. Its just to promote Bellator and that MMA talkshow. Dixie made it seem like it was her idea to sign a MMA guy.

GAIL KIM & RAYNE BACKSTAGE (not as bad as it could be)
Gail is concerned about her triple threat tonight. Rayne is concerned about her mystery man. Rayne disappears. Brooke & Velvet appear to politely threaten Gail. This wasn’t bad. Normally it is.

WILD CARD BATTLE ROYAL (AJ, Gunner & Aries)
Aries appears first so TNA recaps his win over Bully Ray. ODB and Eric Young eliminate Crimson quickly. Aries eliminates Magnus. Rayne appears to look on. Interesting. I hope its Robbie E. Rob Terry is really trying to eliminate Garrett until Terry is thrown over by Robbie E. Devon throws out Robbie E. Garrett Bischoff outsmarts Devon who goes over the top. AJ then throws out Garrett. Aries and AJ face off. Interesting combination. I smell a great match if not fantastic match. Gunner is selling in the corner. Good battle royal, Tazz sells it as the best battle royal he’s seen in his life.

IMPACT GOES LIVE
Interesting. I doubt it will do much for their ratings.

KAZ & DANIELS RECAP
Good recap of a 3+ month angle that made no sense and still doesn’t make sense. I would have rather seen AJ in a hottub with Dixie. AJ is so squeaky clean that its unbelievable.

AJ PROMO
Fans have signs that say Dixie Styles and AJ Carter. Hilarious. I don’t see many signs, but these were worth the wait. AJ explains his side of things. Dixie is a beautiful, wealthy woman. Enter KAZ & Daniels who show off a video… on an iPad. The video doesn’t show me anything.

JOE & ANGLE RECAP VIDEO w/ BACKSTAGE SEGMENT (jump starting an old feud)
They showed the history of Joe. It was nice. Then they have a backstage segment that ends in a pull apart. TNA does an ok job of jumpstarting a dead feud instead of going into a new feud with them.

MR. ANDERSON BACKSTAGE (not annoying)
He is on an iPad looking at his match with Jeff Hardy. Jeff may have kicked out… I guess.

MR. ANDERSON vs JEFF HARDY
Commentators plug that Mr. Anderson and Dixie Carter will actually be in a movie / documentary with Morgan Spurlock. Its good they mention it but they needed to be a 1 minute segment. Jeff gives hugs to the fans. I’ve had no interest in this match for years. But the thought of a title shot puts heat on this match.

Jeff Hardy tries a low dropkick to the outside, Mr. Anderson catches Hardy and throws him back down to the mat. This was a good spot. There was a good pin that you don’t see very often.

KNOCKOUT TITLE >> GAIL KIM vs VELVET SKYE vs BROOKE TESSMOCHER (suggestive)
Brooke has very nice ring attire with an interesting robe. One of Gail Kim’s boot straps are hanging off. 2 faces vs 1 heel… until the heel disappears, then the faces go at it. Good submission on submission spots straight out of WWE in the late 90s. Velvet does a terrible ‘In Yo Face,’ followed by a very sexually suggestive pin.

TNA HYPE VIDEO
It was a great video with tons of crazy spots. Its funny how they say unforgettable moments, but a lot of them were forgettable except for Jarrett guitar shotting Hogan and Joe headbutting Angle. Maybe I have that backward.

JOE vs ANGLE
They’re really trying to jump start this feud again all the recaps, all of the history of Joe himself. Smells like build for Joe vs King Mo and the obvious Angle vs King Mo. Crowd is firmly behing Angle instead of both. Robert Roode appears for guest commentary. He puts over Angle and mentions their own history at last year’s Slammiversary. I thought Roode did a better job on commentary than Tazz.

Good match, but not as legendary as their past matches, but how could it be? End of the show has Jeff Hardy coming out, then Bully Ray and AJ Stylez.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (05/10/12)

BOBBY ROODE PROMO (and telegraphing the victory at the PPV)
I’m sick of Roode starting the show. He deserves to be on every show, but not starting the show. If I didn’t write this, I’d change the channel and forget about TNA. Roode doesn’t interest me at all. His gimmick and cheat to win attitude really reminds me of the fact that his character is hollow and he’s been given the default heel character.

He does say something interesting. In 2 weeks he’ll be the longest TNA champion. Cool.

RVD appears and beats up Roode who wins thenAndersonappears and beats him too. Then Jeff Hardy appears to beat him down. 3 faces on 1 heel. How does this make sense? Whatever. A better idea would be to have 3 heels on one face RVD and then RVD beats up 2 of them and Roode runs.

Hogan appears. He says there will be a four corners as the main event with a lot of stips. The face winner gets Roode, but if Roode wins he picks his opponent. If RVD wins he picks a stipulation for the PPV. This is a terrible and telegraphing idea… RVD wins and picks hardcore or some sort of match. RVD gets his win, Roode gets his win.

BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE (too brief to be good)
He cuts a promo on Austin Aries. This was brief. Bully is sick ofAustin bullying him. Bully is going to stand up to Aries.

SPRING CLEANING SALE (still sells merchandise)
Good commercial. I’m glad TNA doesn’t have Knockout merchandise. 

GAIL KIM & RAYNE BACKSTAGE (kept brief)
Gail is concerned with Brooke… Rayne says there’s a guy she’s into.

VELVET SKYE vs BROOKE TESSMOCHER (a building block for Gail vs Brooke)
This match makes sense since they teamed last week and Velvet got the last Knockout title shot. I think there’s a lot more future money in Brooke than Velvet. Brooke has 3 victories over Gail so Gail will win at the PPV. Crowd firmly behind Velvet leading me to believe she should be the one getting the title shot. I hear a Tessmocher chant at the end… but no one is chanting when I look at the crowd. Gail runs in after the match.

BULLY RAY ATTACKS MATT MORGAN (bully ray gets heat)
I think there’s a lot of money in making Crimson MMA and punches instead of cravats. Before the match starts Bully Ray attacks Matt Morgan? What? He’s making an example out of Matt Morgan. At least this means no Morgan vs Crimson. He gets good crowd heat. The commentators failed to make me care about Matt Morgan.

CRIMSON PROMO on MATT MORGAN (a glimmer of shine)
I’d rather see an arrogant or cocky Crimson. Says no one can beat him, this would have been the perfect entrance for Alex Sylvia. Instead Crimson wants a match with Matt and wants the referee to count Matt Morgan out. Yep counted out. 

RVD VIDEO
This was a character piece on RVD about how he wanted out of his little town and the cereal plant. It failed to make me root for RVD. 

X-DIVISION TITLE >> AUSTIN ARIES vs ZIMA ION
This is the first X-Division match in a month if not longer. This should be a pure squash and make Aries look great. Good amount of chants including TNA! TNA! Chants. Hot match, good energy, plenty of high flying. Chants for ‘this is wrestling.’ Funny I didn’t know wrestling was flips. The fans were emphatically behind Aries. He looks very strong.

KAZ & DANIELS BACKSTAGE (lame tease)
Wow this is still a terrible angle. KAZ has second thoughts. Daniels mutters something about his girlfriend. Daniels says AJ has been on top far too long. He hasn’t been on top for a while, at least a year. If there’s a picture I want it to be of AJ & Dixie & Traci in a hottub. 

DANIELS & KAZ & AJ ANGLE (the photo revealed)
KAZ & Daniels wait in the ring for AJ, because they’re chumps and TNA made them into chumps. AJ comes out… Daniels has a picture of AJ & Dixie… just a handshake photo. Then a second photo of AJ touching AJ’s face. Then in the third photo it looks like he’s kissing her. Kissing her as a greeting. Fans don’t care, they strongly chant AJ.

TV TITLE >>DEVON vs ROBBIE E (quick and painless)
Robbie E & Rob Terry come out in awesome sweaters. They actually plug Robbie E’s blog. Quick match. Didn’t need to be very long. Rob Terry does a beatdown after the match. I’d sayDevonvs both Terry & Robbie. 

JAMES STORM VIDEO
James plugs if it were a movie he wouldn’t have wanted it to end with the bad guy winning. Roode is back at his ranch / farm. I think this does a lot more for Storm than RVD’s video. James questions himself, and that puts heat on his loss. After the match its onto the next thing. 

JOSEPH PARK BACKSTAGE
And headed to the ring. Awesome. I’m actually excited after 2 months of him going no where. 

DEVONBACKSTAGE (quick challenge)
He challenges both Robbie E & Rob Terry. Bam!

JOSEPH PARK VIDEO
Chicago lawyer Joseph Park investigates his brother Abyss. Good little video for the whole 5 minutes he’s been on camera.

JOSEPH PARK & BULLY RAY ANGLE (this was great)
Joseph gets into the ring. Good acting of being clueless. The fans chant where’s Abyss. It was pretty heatless at first, but the fans get into it. This puts heat on Bully Ray. Joseph says he’s gonna watch from the crowd. Bully Ray appears and menaces him. Then Joseph has awesome questions for Bully before he gets shoved down. Joseph cowers before he sits and giggles like Abyss. 

RECAP >> HOGAN ARRIVES & WOLFPACK RETURNS
Hogan returns, Wolfpack returns and Hogan throws them out. Yawn. 

FOUR CORNERS >> HARDY vs RVD vs ROODE vs ANDERSON(all goes as planned)
Personally, Roode shouldn’t be in this match, it should be Angle or AJ or someone deserving. But TNA wants to give RVD a win over Roode. Crowd was rowdy and that’s a good thing. RVD wins. We will see a ladder match. Good idea for the PPV.

ABYSS APPEARS (wtf?)
Abyss appears to end the show with a message to his little brother Joseph. Wtf? … Lockdown’s main event isn’t the main angle. Great way to end Impact even if your PPV will suffer because of it.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (04/26/12)

OPEN FIGHT NIGHT PREMISE (still a terrible idea)
So last week Hulk Hogan announced Open Fight Night that will happen once a month where anyone can challenge anyone and they need to fight. Fight? I swore they wrestle and open challenge? I swore that’s what they do every week. Another gimmick of this is that some non TNA worker gets a shot in front of three judges. This is called Gut Check and there are three judges. This is a bad idea, because it puts a spice of reality in an unreal world.

HULK HOGAN BACKSTAGE w/ CHAMPS
First of all this backstage segment looks like its shot with tunnel vision. It also makes your champions look like crap because its 1 man as the center of attention and that 1 man isn’t a champion. Hogan baits people into thinking its Roode, but then says its Joe & Magnus. Then gives ideas as to who it will be… but confirms nothing.

OPEN FIGHT NIGHT OPENING
New Opening for Open Fight Night. Good intro, looks different than most wrestling companies. Looks very MMA. The arena even looks

TV TITLE MATCH >>DEVONvs BUBBA (BULLY RAY) (too good for the TV title)
I swore TNA can’t call him Bubba. Anyway,Devoncalls out Bubba. This isn’t a good idea and they need to stay apart. Bully Ray is backstage with the TNA crew. It looks like the locker room is now a box with posters and wrestlers. A simple box. This looks unique and silly at the same time. Bully Ray deniesDevon’s challenge. Funny I thought they needed to accept challenges.Devongets him and there’s a brawl. Ring bell starts before both men are in the ring. That’s like a football game starting before anyone is on the field.

Not sure I like a main eventer going for a low end title. At least it gives Bully Ray a fresh match. Decent match, but they both could do better.

KAZ & DANIELS BACKSTAGE w/ KURT ANGLE (quick and painless)
KAZ & Daniels wearing Impact Wrestling T-shirts and Angle hints at a face turn. This was kept less than a minute. It’s all good… except for Kurt turning face again. He’ll be a heel again before the end of the year. 

JEREMY BORRASH CALLS OUT… (an exercise in what not to do)
Open Fight Night isn’t just for the wrestlers… Jeremy Borash calls out Eric Bischoff. Good idea. TNA has peaked my interest more with this than months of Eric vs Garrett. Borrash in a suit makes a challenge like a news caster with lots of … gravitas.

Bischoff comes out and distracts so Bully Ray can low blow him. Gunner should have done this, but whatever. Christie Hemme has the most hilariously bad and your winner is….

TNA SPRING CLEANING SALE
I like these commercials that actually sell merchandise. Instead of the old knockout commercials.

MEXICAN AMERICA OPEN CHALLENGE (kept quick)
Backstage Mr. Anderson is interviewed and you can hear Mexican America’s music. When Mexican America is shown, they cut to backstage eventually with TNA’s roster looking around. Kurt Angle accepts, making him a face. Yep.

KURT ANGLE vs ANARCHYA (quick & painless)
I predict Angle. He shouldn’t sell at all and should just instantly take out Anarchya. Then take out Hernandez. Badabing. Match is over in around 15 seconds.

ALEX SYLVIA’S STORY (good story)
Good story tied to his father. Al Snow interview, clips from Alex’s matches, he captured the OVW TV championship. Al Snow brings Alex to the ring. Alex has a good look, but not a main event look. Al kisses ass, which is a good thing. From his look alone would fit him into the X-Division.

GUT CHECK >> ALEX SYLVIA vs ROBBIE E (should have been X-Division)
I saw this coming. Robbie E is the bottom of the barrel and if this was last year Robbie E would be on Gut Check. Al Snow on guest commentary, I hope it’s not as terrible as he used to be on Sunday Night Heat. Baba-ga-noosh.

The size difference between Robbie E and Alex is noticeable. They should have had an X-Division guy out there, especially since TNA doesn’t have any X-Division matches for the past month or so. This was a meh match and I think that I saw more winded in Alex than fire. Take a pass. He’s not ready and he should have been in the X-Division.

HULK HOGAN BACKSTAGE w/ TAG TEAMS (Daniels makes lemonade)
KAZ & Daniels, Eric & ODB, MotorCity Machine Guns, Jeff Hardy & Mr. Anderson. Hogan asks for reasons why the teams should get a tag title shot. Christopher Daniels has great reasons that laugh at the other teams. MotorCity Machine Guns have a good reason, just not as good as Daniels & KAZ. To be honest, Hogan should have brought out the teams and just had the audience vote. No Mexican America, no Robbie E & Rob Terry, no CrimMorgan… not that they’re a team.

BROOKE TESSMOCHER CHALLENGES GAIN KIM (Brooke is the best Knockout promo)
Surprisingly she cuts the best promo out of any woman. He’s not yelling bitch, she’s not screaming, she’s not obnoxious.

GAIL KIM vs BROOKE TESSMACHER (slow and plodding)
Brooke got the pin last week in the 8 woman tag. The crowd was into this match at some points, but pretty silent at others. Maybe they were paying attention. This felt slow with a lot of Brooke selling. Gail Kim does trash talking in the match. I see Gail Kim losing here and yep. So I guess this isn’t for the Knockout’s title? Whatever. Gail will win when it counts.

RVD VIDEO GOING TO SACRIFICE (meh)
It’s nice, it shows him training. It doesn’t make me want to see Robert Roode vs RVD.

AL SNOW & ALEX SYLVIA BACKSTAGE interrupted by ROBERT ROODE
He cuts down the young talent. This Alex Sylvia is the next Crimson. Maybe TNA didn’t let him shine, but he was pretty forgettable.

JOSEPH PARK with JOSEPH PARK
Bully Ray knows who he is. Wow. Joseph is huge. He’s awesome especially now that its going somewhere. Wow Bully Ray has a new shirt. Joseph Park shows a small laugh that makes me think Abyss.

WHO GETS THE TAG TITLE SHOT? (fans should have chosen)
It’s all down to KAZ & Daniels or Mr. Anderson & Jeff Hardy. I would rather KAZ & Daniels win… but not go over Mr. Anderson & Jeff Hardy. Hogan should just make them have a match to see who gets a title shot that night immediately following the match. Then you can job out the winners to the tag champs and make a match at the PPV.

TAG TITLES >> SAMOA JOE & BRUTIS MAGNUS vs MR. ANDERSON & JEFF HARDY
Wow four guys that don’t seem to be tag wrestlers thrown into tag teams. A few minutes in there is a commercial break. There’s been a few of these in the matches. This match was good at showing off Magnus & Joe. After the match KAZ & Daniels attack Joe & Magnus. I see a pay-per-view match.

ERIC BISCHOFF FAREWELL CERIMONY
All throughout Open Fight Night, they’ve been showing backstage interviews with workers asking them about Eric Bischoff. Flair comes out with Gunner, KAZ, Daniels and Bully Ray. Wow Bully Ray was all over this show. Maybe even too much. KAZ & Daniels were all over this show too, just in the last segment. I don’t think they should be out for this segment since they just ran out.

Flair does a speech. The fans sing Goodbye. Eric Bischoff comes out and sits down in his throne. I really thing their setup should have been done on the stage… because no one is facing the crowd. There’s some mongloid in the crowd wearing a hat that makes me laugh. Flair’s speech was pretty dull. The crowd was bored so they chanted. Gunner thanks Eric. Bully Ray gives Eric a retirement watch and says he’s the wind beneath his wings.

This gets interrupted by Garrett with Jeremy Borash, AJ, RVD, MotorCity Machine Guns. Jeremy Borash says Eric will be inducted into the shed of shame. I like how Eric Bischoff leaves a company and he gets thrown away. The heels rush the faces but all the heels just breeze by Garrett…. So he can headlock and drag his dad into the shed of shame and lock it. The shed of shame is a porta-potty and then it’s tipped over. Apparently there’s stuff in it. Bischoff comes out covered in yucky.

Show ends. Barely any Roode. What?