Tag Archives: Magnus

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should be) (in my mind) (5/29/14)

BULLY RAY PROMO AND BRAWL (a repeat of last week)
He has collected tables to put people through. Its no longer about putting Dixie through a table, its about putting everyone through. MVP eventually comes out… alone, why even bother coming out alone when you have a gang? Why does Bully Ray come out alone when he knows there’s a faction. But oh well, who cares. At least MVP realizes he has a faction. It turns into a replay of last week, a 5 on 1 attack. These stupid faces. Bully Ray, the leader of the last great TNA faction should know not to go against a gang by yourself. We all love Bully Ray, but unless he’s going over all 5 guys, he’s just an idiot with a dead crowd that doesn’t give a fuck with a repeat of last week’s beat down.

Eric Young leads out the troops for the save, which is great. Austin Aries wants 3 on 3 right now! Well there’s 5 heels out there…. and 5 faces. Why not have a 6 man tag with 10 men out there? Spud goes through the table. 

SIX MAN TAG TEAM MATCH: AUSTIN ARIES & THE WOLVES vs MVP, KENNY KING & BOBBY LASHLEY (throw away match)
I really have to wonder, why the man in charge even needs to be wrestling matches. Does a king do his own dirty work? Whatever. Big names are big names. If anything this should be either making the Wolves look like stars or making MVP’s faction look like stars. It is sad that after watching NXT Takeover, these 6 amazing workers just rush through spots and don’t really have the time to tell a story. This could be a big match, but its a throw away opener with no consequence. WWE would make this match the main event with everything on the show building to it. This could have been TNA’s version of Evolution vs the Shield, even if its on a free TV show. Some emphasis should have been put on the guy sent to the hospital last week. Is he still too injured to compete? Nope. Who cares?

MAGNUS & BRAM BACKSTAGE
Yep… more of Bram wanting Magnus to be more heel than he is. Magnus, a guy that said he would do anything to get the title is a guy not getting the title. If anything Magnus should be a face going into this storyline or even trying to encourage a newcomer Bram to be more heel than a heel.

EC3 & DIXIE BACKSTAGE
Dixie has business with MVP. This could have been done with a graphic and the announcers.

TIGRE UNO vs BRAM w/ MAGNUS
I see Uno going down, although TNA could really make a star out of Uno and have him going over clean, because Uno is just above this shit. Bram is a big guy and I hope he gets a push, but I’d rather see a good match against Tigre Uno, but in a page out of the WWE’s book, smaller guys = jobbers. Its a good character builder for Bram. Both Bram and Tigre can look like stars coming out of this with Bram cheating to win, because he’s trying to teach Magnus how to be a bigger heel.

MAGNUS & BRAM ARGUE
Yep be a heel Magnus. What a stupid storyline. Magnus wants Bram to prove himself against Willow. Good. I hope Bram goes over Willow. I’d rather see Tigre Uno vs Willow, but whatever.

MR. ANDERSON & GUNNER BACKSTAGE
Ken wonders what Gunner is doing, and Gunner says Dexter needs help.

BRITTANY & MADISON RAYNE BACKSTAGE
Oh who cares. Filler filler, chicken dinner. All of these backstage segments really take away the mystique of TNA wrestlers. The more backstage of them I see, the less they look like stars.

MR. ANDERSON & GUNNER vs BRO MANS (the right guys win)
TNA often  films two TV shows at one TV taping. Apparently this is the wrestling portion of those two TV tapings, because I know last week’s had little wrestling. The right guys go over since they both have matches headed into the pay-per-view.

MENAGERIE APPEARANCE TO BEATDOWN
They attack the Bro Mans. Rebel now has glow sticks, which is cool since she can’t have fire apparently. Their entrance takes way too long, and the Bro Mans need to sell for them slowly walking to the ring. Should be an awful match coming up at the pay-per-view. The Bro Mans should jump them during their 5 minute walk to the ring, or say, our match is over, bye guys. Its awful. I hope the Bro Mans go over.

DIXIE w/ ETHAN CARTER TALKS TO MVP, KENNY KING & BOBBY LASHLEY
Two heels should be sharing power. Is it me or is Ethan Carter just a chump with his facial expressions? It gets interrupted by Eric Young and Bully Ray who MVP then makes a match between the two of them. To make sure it is on the up and up, MVP makes Ethan Carter the guest referee. I have a feeling that will turn into a 2 on 1. If they don’t want to compete, they’ll be fired. Eh I would have made it a title match. That way they’ll compete. Here’s the problem, the match is made an hour into the show.

GAIL KIM & BRITTANY vs VELVET SKYE & ANGELINA LOVE
Well, Brittany has been telegraphing a turn for weeks since Madison Rayne wants nothing to do with her. I think it will be a turn, Rayne will align herself with the Beautiful People, even if Rayne didn’t want to be with them. I know how TNA works. The tag teams all have coordinating outfits, which is a good step to looking like actual tag teams. This was just a match thrown out there for a feud. It is #X in a series of #Y.

MADISON RAYNE & BRITTANY CONFRONTATION
Brittany wants to know why Rayne wouldn’t be her partner tonight in the tag match. Brittany just wants to be with Rayne. TNA is working that lesbian angle. Brittany snaps and wonders why Rayne doesn’t like her? Enter the Beautiful People to stir the pot. I’m not sure who the face is in all of this. Rayne wants the title and she has a shot next week.

ETHAN CARTER, MVP, KENNY KING & BOBBY LASHLEY BACKSTAGE
They have Ethan’s back. Yep.

ERIC YOUNG vs BULLY RAY
Well the deck was stacked like an Austin match in the late 90s. Kenny King was the ring announcer, Ethan Carter was the guest referee, Bobby Lashley as the guest enforcer and MVP as a guest time keeper (because he’s the one with the ticking clock in his theme music). Fuck this logic, if you’re going to kick their ass, just kick their ass. They can have 4 on 2, 5 if Spud is okay. Where are the other faces to even the odds?

IN CONCLUSION
This was just a pain of a card. TNA is building toward too many matches on their pay-per-view and cramming it on one show is just excessive.

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Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should be) (in my mind) (6/21/12)

TNA OPENING RECAP (brief, but star making)
Roode recap. Aries recap. Good stuff… because they’re faces. People care about both of them. Aries is on fire. Brief recap. TNA has been getting a lot better lately. Like I can’t wait for TNA Impact every week. I’m not the only person saying that.

HULK HOGAN & AUSTIN ARIES ANGLE (headed to Aries execution)
As much as I don’t care what Hogan has to say… I think… he’s not Robert Roode or HHH starting off a 2 hour wrestling show… so that makes me happy. Tonight is Gut Check and Open Fight Night. TNA will have its first female Gut Check challenger. They’ve also got the Bound for Glory Series. I’m actually looking forward to this.

Hogan wants an answer from Aries if he will give up his X-Division championship for a title shot at Robert Roode at Destination X. See this is a terrible idea, a bad idea and a good idea all at once. It is a good idea, because Austin Aries doesn’t need to be beat to give up a low-end title. It is a bad idea because I’d much rather see Aries vs AJ Stylez main event Destination X and its a terrible idea, because Roode’s storyline trumps Austin Aries career. Aries should not come to an end. If anything Aries should be the man to take the belt even if the angle is designed for James Storm to get the top title.

Austin Aries wants any X-Division champion to have the opportunity to give up the title for a top title shot at the Destination X. Good idea I guess, since it puts heat on the belt… once a year. Robert Roode comes out and blah blah blah. It ends in a hockey fight. Yes a shirt pulling hockey fight before its broken up. Then Mr. Anderson appears with microphone in hand. He doesn’t have his blonde hair. Don’t ever let Anderson talk. Anderson says he’ll win the Bound for Glory Series. Please no. Oddly enough Mr. Anderson wasn’t terrible on the microphone. He was okay.

BOUND FOR GLORY SERIES SCORE SYSTEM (Thank goth they talk about it.)
Same as last year. Good idea to show how scoring is done. Still lose 10 points for a DQ and there is now a 10 minute time limit for each match. Good. I like that. Gives a chance for draws.

BFG >> MR. ANDERSON vs CHRISTOPHER DANIELS (good for its clean victory)
Mr. Anderson challenges Christopher Daniels. Again, don’t let Mr. Anderson talk. Christopher Daniels comes out with an appletini. I remember this match from a month ago. Very meh in terms of crowd heat compared to most TNA matches in the past few months. Good clean finish. Thank you TNA. I laugh at how Mike Tenney calls something a patented move… when so many people do it. The victory celebration is silly if not dumb.

AJ & DIXIE BACKSTAGE (time filler)
She wants to tell everyone… This is a time filler. We saw 2 of these last week. I expect to see 2 more tonight.

BROOKE HOGAN w/ ODB / MICKIE JAMES / VELVET SKYE / MADISON RAYNE (pretty bad)
This was done reality style… They’re discussing who gets the Knockouts title. Brooke wants to know why they want the title. This does put heat on the Knockouts title. Wow this does not make any of the four glow in a positive light. This was designed to make Brooke Hogan look good and like the only sane person.

BFG >> ROBBIE E vs KURT ANGLE (effective)
Robbie E does a good open challenge that is answered by Angle. I predict a destruction of both Robbie E and Rob Terry. Great victory. Made the winner look very effective.

TAYLOR HENDRIX GUT CHECK VIDEO (interesting story)
She’s got red hair. That’s what’s missing from wrestling. None of her footage had red hair. In fact her footage makes her look like Mickie James this is a plus for her… but not Mickie. She announces that she was diagnosed with cancer at age 21.

BFG >> MAGNUS vs AJ STYLEZ (an ok match too short to be good)
This episode of Impact is going by quick. Magnus calls out someone, it goes to commercial. I have a feeling its Joe. Nope its AJ Stylez. Funny how all of these open challenges call out home wreckers. ODB should call out the Wedding Planner next. Magnus catches AJ off the top rope with a ragdoll catch then turns it into a suplex. That looked good. AJ misses a Pele kick. Apparently what he and Dixie are going through is messing with him. Daniels & KAZ interfere. At least they haven’t interfered in a while.

GUT CHECK >> TAYLOR HENDRIX vs TARA (give her a job)
She looks like she’s in the hot girl marching band… implants… so she’ll fit in with TNA’s abnormal sized implants. Tara comes down to the ring. Good choice. I would have had Gail Kim, but I guess Gail has more of a character. So what do we grade here? Her ability to sell? Do we grade Taylor Hendrix ability to mimmick Mickie James?

I say give Taylor Hendrix a TNA contract. She’s hot with crisp work and mega implants that TNA loves. We haven’t seen a new knockout in at least a year. Get rid of Angelina Love or Winter. What have they done lately?

In fact since Brooke Tessmacher hasn’t been here this week, they can have Taylor get a job next week and have Brooke return to say She’s not Taylor… she’s some stalker from my former sorority!

JOSEPH PARK & BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE (too brief to be gold)
Bully Ray bullies the giant Joseph Park who brings up his brother… Bully Ray doesn’t want to see Joseph Park in the crowd. This was good… stoopid bastad.

BFG >> SAMOA JOE vs JAMES STORM (on the verge of good, but not long enough)
Since no one has the guts to call out Samoa Joe, he calls out James Storm. Should be good, but every match on this show has been 2 – 4 minutes. A win is a win even if its not really a match. Tazz & Tennay hype the fact James Storm has been away from active competition. There is a dueling chant… which is good. Joe dumps James on his head with a power slam. After the match Joe comes at James Storm with a beer bottle… I won’t ruin what happens next.

AJ / DIXIE / DANIELS ANGLE VIDEO RECAP
Yep AJ & Dixie have a surprise for Serge. It’s probably like an autograph from Serge’s favorite baseball player. Good recap of a terrible angle that gives AJ an excuse to lose.

AJ & DIXIE BACKSTAGE (again)
Time filler… AJ wants to get it done tonight. It’s funny because last week AJ wanted it done… then he didn’t and Dixie wanted to. Now this episode starts its Dixie that wants to… and now its AJ. Well now that everyone’s on the same page.

BROOKE HOGAN w/ 3 of the 4 women (too quick to be as bad as it could)
Eh its getting sane. Brooke is kinda pointing out how silly the women are. And someone leaves. Quick.

BFG >> BULLY RAY vs POPE (The ghost of Abyss)
… Pope is back after being gone 6+ months. Crimson was undefeated for 18 months. Why is he not in this series? Whatever. Anyway, comes down to the ring and challenges Pope. Bully Ray needs a racist gimmick to make up for all the black men he beats down. So I guess RVD vs Jeff Hardy will be the main event… I predict another 2 – 4 minute match between Bully Ray and Pope. Interestingly Pope has a punching / elbow combination just like Bully Ray has a punching combo. At some point Abyss comes through the crowd. Terrifying some of the ring rats at ringside. Abyss is just like a ghost haunting Bully Ray.

HOGAN BACKSTAGE w/ JEFF HARDY & RVD
Makes Jeff Hardy vs RVD… yup.

DESTINATION X TRAILER w/ AUSTIN ARIES
Its awesome. Makes him look like a star.

MONTGUMARY GENTRY MUSIC VIDEO starring VELVET SKYE
So she’s a single mother? Or its just acting. This is more Velvet’s video than Montgumary Gentries. They don’t show all of it… but this just proves… get big implants so you can be a star. Even reality shows know the value of implants.

BROOKE HOGAN BACKSTAGE w/ 2 of 4 FINALISTS
This might as well have been a beauty pageant. Quite the shock outcome. Kept quick.

KNOCKOUTS TITLE >> TESSMACHER vs FINALIST
Congrats to TNA for making a new female star with Miss. Tessmacher. Beautiful moves from the finalist. Lots of butt shots from the camera. I wish I didn’t have to report on that… but that’s where the cameras are. This match will probably do TNA’s biggest rating of the night… even with the terrible build. Miss Tessmocher is selling more than Taylor Hendrix. Good clean finish.

BFG >> RVD vs JEFF HARDY (failed to interest me)
Yep its a match. I remember when people would pay for this match. To be honest I had no interest in this match. Two flat guys having the same match for the 1,000th time. It isn’t any better, it isn’t any worse. No heat is put on the match since there’s an angle on top.

PROS

  • Austin Aries in TNA
  • Christopher Daniels appletini
  • Some clean wins in the BFG!
  • Winner of Robbie E & Kurt Angle looked very effective
  • Taylor Hendrix
  • TNA letting the winners celebrate… almost as long as the matches.

CONS

  • No Sting storyline continuation. He was attacked by 3 masked me, Jeff Jarrett and the Harris brothers (I think).
  • Very little build for Destination X… but I guess you need to have an X-Division to have an X-Division pay-per-view.
  • Robert Roode talking
  • Mr. Anderson talking
  • Knockouts discussing why they want the Knockouts title… *shakes head*
  • AJ’s head not in the game… I’d much rather not see him on his year long losing streak.
  • Gut Check as a whole. What are we evaluating? A person’s ability to lose?
  • Tag champs not wearing their championship belts. Did anyone remember they are tag champs?
  • Backstage with Knockouts, but it was kept quick
  • I’ve seen RVD and Hardy too much to care… but that can be said a lot about any match in TNA.
  • No Devon defending the TV title. Not that it matters, but it was said… defending it on every Impact. Maybe he’s on Xplosion.
  • Over run lead to no conclusion with the Dixie and AJ angle… the main event.