Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (02/23/12)

I can’t always watch TNA Impact directly when it airs, but I do try to catch up and several situations didn’t make it easy. There was a giant blizzard that prevented my satellite from getting TNA Impact and then now that I have the time to watch it, SpikeTV.com doesn’t seem to have videos working. In fact GameTrailers and several other SpikeTV associated websites don’t have videos. I blame MTV that controls all of their media online.

In this issue of TNA Impact… it seems to be brought to us by the outside spectator. Austin Aries, Eric Young, Brandon Jaccobs and Rob Terry. As I went through this, I actually came up with some title divisions that I’m sure I will cover in a future blog.

ROODE OPENING SEGMENT (Sting is Done)

So TNA starts with a recap of Roode vs Sting and then opens with a Twitter package because Sting says ‘I’m done.’ Then Roode talks about it. I may have complained last week about Roode kicking off show after show, but after beating down Sting, this deserves to be on first. But as he talks I wonder if this guy is getting ratings. If he is lighting the world on fire with his promos, if he’s saying anything interesting. The answer must be no if I’m finding more of a thrill to type to you. There’s no smack talk that puts a real sense of real on this promo just stating facts and yammering about things. Oh look he’s done.

TNA TAG TITLES >> CRIMMORGAN vs JONUS BROTHERS (the only 2 teams)

TNA sends out its only 2 tag teams… to wrestle for the titles. This is sort of the same situation that Air Boom fell into. No tag teams. I say you have your tag champs now… so you need to make 4 tag teams to make a division. If I wanted a quick fix I’d say… Ink Inc, KAZ & AJ, Pope & D-Von and MexicanAmerica. But no that wouldn’t work since Jesse Neal is taking a break, KAZ & AJ are broken up, just like Pope & D-Von and Anarchya is off in OVW for now. Here are more tag teams for TNA… Robbie E & Rob Terry, KAZ & Daniels, Doug Williams & Mark Haskins (if TNA can get them out of England) and Eric Young & Shannon Moore (so Eric doesn’t have to grapple with the ref). There 6 teams. I would say Anthony Neese & Jesse Sorensen, but poor guy might not return at all.

So with 6 teams, you can actually make a tag division out of that. Then Motor City Machine Guns will be back soon enough. Even with this title match there should be a team waiting for them. Now it looks like CrimMorgan will feud again… If they do feud I say cut Crimson’s head off and send him to OVW for 2 years. Actually a lot of TNA guys should be in OVW… but in reality TNA at this point is OVW.

BRANDONJACCOBS PROMO and BULLY RAY ANGLE

This guy wins a superbowl and comes to TNA, but the mainstream sports media doesn’t care. Perhaps that just means Spike TV’s parent company doesn’t own anything with sports coverage. It amuses me the promo from Jaccobs can cut a better promo than Garrett Bischoff. Personally I’d playBrandonoff as more real than wrestling. Sit down interviews explaining his side of things with a press conference challenge. Perhaps a forced public apology or something. SinceBrandonis in the ring he feels like everyone else.

ZIMA ION vs ALEX SHELLEY (talking about finishers)

Good match, Zima Ion showed much more skill in this match than just high flying or squeaking a win while no one was looking. He used a safe finisher which is what I said he needs to do. However, it’s a pretty meh finisher. Was that his finisher? It is a running double knee to a seated opponent. Sure I said he needs a safe finisher, but I think he needs some flash to a finisher. He’s a heel right? Give him John Cena’s very safe Attitude Adjustment. Maybe a running double knee to his opponent in the corner… but that would be taking the Pope’s move. There’s just something off about a running diving double knee. There’s a reason why no one does it.

Heck let’s talk about Alex Shelley’s finisher. Is it Sliced Bread? Gail Kim’s finisher is Eat Defeat.

GARRETT & GUNNER RECAP & GARRETT BACKSTAGE (with Hogan)

I’m happy that they had this recap from the PPV, because I don’t ever want to see this match so a recap was thrilling to me. Wow Garrett is a hick. Thick sideburns, honkey tonk shirt. He knows he’s in the south, butOrlandosouth is different then the cliché of the south. Garrett is another guy that could benefit from 2 years in OVW… but that’s most of the roster. TNA is OVW. Hogan appears. I think he wants Garrett to quit. Probably because he knows Garrett is taking a spot.

As I know I’ve discussed before Gunner should just break Garrett’s neck and he can get experience in OVW, but I guess when you have a golden story like Garrett vs his dad you want to get it out there. Heck could have had Garrett as Eric’s henchman… but that’s not difficult enough for TNA. Go with the simple. Garrett is a yes man henchman. This is how Gunner started out and 2 years later Gunner is coming into his own.

RAYNE BACKSTAGE (talking about Sting)

This was gold, simple brief gold. She gets her character across, her personality and recaps last week. Good stuff.

GAIL vs ODB (Eric Young should manage someone)

Two people with heat behind them. Gail the champion and ODB with EY every week. 2 stars of the show in a match. I like it, but this should have been on the PPV. I assume the PPV isVictory Road, but I wouldn’t know that from watching TNA. To build to the PPV, they could have had EY training with ODB. But nope instead it will be heel vs heel which does make sense from a storyline point, but I think ODB vs Gail should have been postponed for Lockdown or something. Crowd chants for ODB several times. If I didn’t know better watching this match, I’d say give ODB the title because she’s so over. She can carry the division with EY at her side. Sure it would step away from serious, but the crowd loves her.

Eric’s craziness fits in better with a manager… of a boring wrestler. I’m not saying ODB is boring… but I am saying EY should manage Garrett Bischoff or Crimson or Shannon Moore.

AJ BACKSTAGE

I like the fact TNA has an interview with him before the show with the ring in the background. It looks different from their typical backstage stuff. Locations, a variety of credible locations, such as parking lots, backstage, an office, a promo room, the ring

SEE TNA LIVE COMMERCIAL (I saw RVD)

Good to see they’re putting a little more focus on this brief spot and they read off a city or two. I saw RVD! He hasn’t been released… but he was crippled by Gunner.

JESSE SORENSEN UPDATE (and the great way they handled it)

Darker tone, real tone. This is not an angle, nor should it be, but it could be. Good stuff, very credible. I don’t want this real life tragedy to be any angle until he comes back.

TV TITLE >> AJ vs ROBBIE E (and why someone like AJ should win the title)

Hmmm just like I’ve been saying for a few weeks, AJ should win the TV title and then Daniels and KAZ can get jealous and feud for the belt… then Robbie E will want his title back and throw in EY, RVD, Pope and Super Mex for good measure. Kind of like a TV title division!!! OMG 8 people in a TV title division. Hey 8 people in the division is better than not knowing what the TV title is. Personally I’d rather throw it away and put all of those guys in the X-Division. In fact the TV title division could be a middleweight division. AJ could spark that even if he is too good for the belt, but when a guy like Robbie E has the title, TNA will forget the belt even exists (like the rest of us).

Oh crap… KAZ & Daniels. Yawn. Its just more mud that TNA spins its tires in. This victory does nothing for Robbie E. It only makes me think how stupid the whole KAZ / Daniels / AJ feud is. They could still be a faction against what’s left of Immortal. They could be burning up the tag division or forging a TV title division or making the X-Division mean more than 1 man Austin Aries.

It is announced in the main event AJ wants a gauntlet match against KAZ & Daniels… really? How much of a gauntlet is 2 men? Anyway, hopefully they handcuff the #2 man to the pole or else he will interfere in typical TNA fashion. I have no interest to see either match because of the poor way they’ve handled the whole feud and the fact that it doesn’t make sense to me.

ANGLE & BULLY RAY vs STORM & HARDY (and all of the things that send my brain into a tizzy)

Personally I think Angle and Hardy should have kept away from one another. I think they can get money from that match… well if they started it properly. The only proper way that I can think of to start that feud would be a throw away TV match instead of a run in that doesn’t make sense. The throw away match would have Angle screwing over Hardy causing Hardy to get revenge or Hardy getting the victory with Angle getting a beatdown until he gets a rematch. But back to why Hardy vs Angle is a money match… They haven’t had a match in quite a while since Angle has been gone. Well now he’s back.

Storm needs to go over and keep all momentum going. He needs to go over Bully Ray clean as Hardy and Angle brawl on the outside. It amuses me that Bully Ray is in soooo many tag matches since he broke away from his tag partner. Speaking of which Roode and Storm have been broken away from their tag partners yet they are thrown into so many main event tag matches. But that’s what TNA does now. Takes its top feuds and makes tag matches.

It seems like James is being given extra time to rile up the crowd and that’s a good thing, because it makes him feel special, even if that special is the same feel as Steve Austin drinking beer and partying.

Shouldn’t Hardy be angry with Bully Ray for putting him through a table a month ago and taking him out for 2 weeks so he couldn’t go toEngland? Shouldn’t they get a backstage pre-recorded promo from Hardy about that? Maybe Hardy can’t get an intense hatred for the man that took 2 weeks of his career.

I’m done seeing Hardy, Bully Ray & Storm. My brain just shuts off even with the inclusion of Angle. The best part of this match is Brandon & Bully facing off… followed off withBrandonputting Bully Ray through a table. Was this even a no DQ match? Shouldn’t that be a DQ? Oh well. James Storm goes over. Right choice, but they need to get these three away from one another and quick!Brandondid a good chokeslam, but why do I want to see the match now? Its like I just saw the ending of a movie I wanted to see. Do you think the fans say yeah lets see him pin Bully Ray!!! Yeah OMG its gonna be so awesome when he pins the man that he JUST PUT THROUGH A TABLE!!!

THE FINAL SEGMENT STING & ROODE ANGLE

This felt cheap and tacked on unlike when the WWE does it and it feels like the main event angle. It feels like that last match should have closed the show, but nope. Sting. Well Steve Borden… It amuses me how terrible people’s shoes look on TNA. The referee wears blue soled shoes and Sting wears red soled shoes. Sting’s retirement is just thrown out there with zero build. Oh I’m sorry the Twitter build. Well some of us aren’t on Twitter. Do you think the old guys in the crowd watching with their grand kids pay attention to Twitter?

Let’s look at the logic of this… Sting gets attacked so he quits. Really? Yep that sounds like the guy that chases away top end heels with a baseball bat and saves your top faces. Maybe for a heel that would be some fun, but its just illogical and maybe I think too much about it, but Sting should want Bobby in a match or at least say that the retirement was a ploy to get Roode out there. Why not just challenge him… yep.

Then Sting rubs black face paint on his face and wanders around like a loon… This is what pro wrestling is. Thank god James Storm still wears his cowboy hat and doesn’t go insane wearing face paint delivering crazy eyed promos. Why is it when Sting gets serious he gets crazy?

And the show ends… this should have been the opening segment and not the final. If it is your main event program it should be at the end of the show, but Sting’s character doesn’t feel main event, it feels like he should be hanging with Eric Young doing movie parodies and pranking people backstage with buckets of acid instead of water.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s