Tag Archives: Gail Kim

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should be) (in my mind) (6/12/14)

PROS

ERIC YOUNG’S IMPACT STORYLINE
Eric Young started the show by wanting a solo match against MVP with no interference from Bobby Lashley and Kenny King. Its a noble request, but really why should MVP who has power to agree to such things? So they agreed to have Eric Young to chose a stipulation for his title match at the Slammiversary PPV if he wins 2 out of 3 matches against Lashley, Kenny King and MVP. First up was Bobby Lashley now has two wins over TNA champion, Eric Young. It was a good match, they told a back story. The back as in body part. Its pretty rare now that wrestling works on a body part. It made sense to have the biggest guy first to injure a smaller Eric Young before he’d face the smaller Kenny King.

Eric Young wanting a cage match wants sense, heck he might want a top put on that cage too! Beating down Eric before the third match was nice too. It was also a good way to win the final match…. but you’ll read more in the cons section.

OVER ETHAN CARTER’S DEAD BODY
While the segment started out awful, Bully Ray saved the day! I liked this segment not only because he came off like a real star with the fans chanting his every word ‘over your dead body,’ he came out and showed its not women he hates. Its just Dixie Carter he hates. He came out and saved Brooke Tessmacher, even when we last saw her and Bully, he threatened to put her through a table. The glass is half full on this segment, while I could nitpick Ethan and Spud using awful comedy to get heat after following Robbie E’s comedy match, I see this as a plus, not a minus. Plus, its no longer a table match, its a Texas Death Match at this Sunday’s PPV.

CONS

CHAMPION vs CHALLENGER before the PPV
TNA must not like money, because they just had their Champion, Eric Young against the challenger MVP on free television three days from their match on PPV. Perhaps their logic is people will pay for the cage match. No. Who cares? I just saw Eric Young win and beat the challenger MVP after taking out two other men. Plus, even with a rested Eric Young against MVP, I can’t imagine them having a better match even with a cage! I remember when WCW would give away their PPV main events free on Nitro. MVP should have come out and told Eric Young, I’m not the last guy, we agreed to two out of three wins. I didn’t say I’d be guy #3. I am not a number, I am the guy you’ll face at Slammiversary. Why would MVP ever agree to this? Even if Eric Young goes over three guys… why even let Eric pick the stipulation? Because you said you would let him if he won? Well you also promised a contract vs contract match last week and that never delivered!

Even if Eric Young gets a cage match, which makes sense, MVP has a history of buying off and bullying referees into winning matches. The deck is stacked against Eric Young. Having Eric Young talk after such a brutal beating instead of being saved by the face locker room felt silly. MVP’s group beat down Eric, then they just left. Why? Because. No one chased them off. Eric Young’s beating was so meh he still spoke afterward to tell them the stipulation.

WILLOW, BRAM & MAGNUS SEGMENT
Does anyone remember when Magnus won the TNA title, he said TNA gave him goofy gimmicks. Now that Magnus is eviler than his bad guy persona, he said he’s happy to be out of that suit TNA gave him. Wow fella. Willow says WE, he and Jeff Hardy will take out Bram and Magnus, so Abyss comes out as back up. Personally I would have rather seen someone with Jeff Hardy’s size wear a Willow mask at the PPV to wrestle Magnus, then have the real Jeff Hardy run out to blow people’s minds. The funny thing in all of this is Abyss should have been the guy to make Magnus use weapons. Well the whole thing is stupid, a bad guy that said he’d do anything to win the TNA title needs to be told to use weapons? That’s more of a heel trying to turn a face heel.

ROBBIE E w/ JESSE & DJ ZIMA ION vs KNUX w/ the Menagerie
Wow the music and carnival just didn’t stop. The music and lights went through the whole match. Once is enough. This is a wrestling company, but I guess not having the music would make the stilt walkers feel out of place. This should be a good six man tag at some point for Robbie E to conquer his fears. Crazzy Steve sure interfered a lot and the referee was cool with it. Again, this is a wrestling company. Comedy has its place, but this is just a mockery of wrestling. It is awful and so limited. Everyone associated with this group or faces this group will just end up in the trash can. Also, how long before Willow is wrestling in the Menagerie. I can’t believe they’re not having a six man tag team match at the PPV, but whatever, Crazzy Steve has a title shot already. I guess he did go over KAZ a few weeks ago.

#1 KNOCKOUT CONTENDER’S MATCH: MADISON RAYNE vs BRITTANY vs GAIL KIM
Not sure how it makes sense to have this match when Rayne just lost to the Knockout Champion Angelina Love last week and Brittany lost to Angelina Love maybe a month ago. They are not in contention for the #1 contendership. If anything, they should say they just need one more shot to beat the champ. Nope. They get thrown into a three way. If anything, Velvet Skye should have faced Gail Kim as a guardian, because Gail Kim is the #1 contender, the woman that Angelina Love hasn’t beaten in a title defense this month. I guess since MVP already had a gatekeeper / guardian storyline, they couldn’t do that. Oh well. Who cares?

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Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should be) (in my mind) (5/22/14)

MVP PROMO WITH KENNY KING AND BOBBY LASHLEY (explaining why he’s heel but it doesn’t make sense)
MVP is a heel now. He explained his heel turn last week, but now he’s explaining that you can’t just be a great wrestler. You need to be a politician to get power. Yep with all that power the 3 of you clowns can’t get Eric Young’s title. MVP is good on the mic, but this is all just idiotic. King had matches against both Lashley and MVP. Well it was all a plan. Yep. Totally a plan.

WOLVES SHOW UP (and get beat down)
This explanation explained nothing. MVP hired them both. So the Wolves hit the ring. He hired them both too, perhaps are they a part of the plan? Nah. They’re upset for being used. They might have said you used us… and then jumped them! MVP’s boys would have the numbers so they’d win, or just bail because they have the power even if they don’t have the might. So MVP could book them in handicaps. You don’t bite the hand, I used you and you need to be cool with that. Why do your own dirty work when you can just make tough matches? Heck even if the Wolves were to win a tough match, that just means there’s one more match to go!

Nope two of your top faces lost the attack and get speared off a stage from Lashley. Then Kenny King giggles like a schoolgirl or laughs like the 1970s Joker. I can see TNA’s ratings dropping. Its just another heel faction in power.

ERIC YOUNG STORMS IN BACKSTAGE

ERIC CARTER III AND AUNT DIXIE ARRIVE

ERIC YOUNG TRIES TO CUT A PROMO AND GETS CUT OFF BY MVP
Holy fuck why can’t we get past evil factions? Why are there no face factions to spit in their faces and take them out? If Abyss is a face again, why can’t Eric go to Abyss and say, back me up? He can say Abyss, you like hurting people, help me hurt people. Sure Abyss can just turn on Eric Young or Abyss can point out that MVP gave him a job again, but its worth a shot. Eric can go to Austin Aries even. Then they go to the one remaining Wolf and have a 6 man?

Beatdown and Rescue by Austin Aries followed by a challenge!
Eric Young mentions Bobby Lashley sold out. MVP mentions that Lashley didn’t take a shortcut yet yes he did. Oh well. Eric Young says passionate words before attacking and getting beat down by three men. Aries runs in. He must have just gotten there like Eric Young got there 5 or so minutes ago. I have a feeling Aries is really with MVP because he’s wearing black and he fought against MVP. So it makes sense by TNA logic that he’ll turn on Eric Young Later.

Anyway, I smell a 6 man match. Nope. MVP vs Austin Aries

BRAM CONVINCES A HEEL MAGNUS TO BE A HEEL (its crazy i know)
Magnus says he’s getting tired of Brahm so he punches Bram, who laughs and says that’s what we want. Then Magnus helps him up. Huh? ok.

ANGELINA LOVE ISSUES AN OPEN CHALLENGE AND GETS JUMPED BY ANGELINA LOVE (because faces need to weaken heels by using heel tactics).
I can’t keep up with this typing. There could have been a brawl, but after Love throws the first punch.

DAVEY RICHARDS STRETCHERED AWAY (where was his tag partner?)
At least show his partner in the shot. His partner must not give a fuck that his teammate is being stretchered out. Maybe he’s injured somewhere himself. SHOW HIM. Maybe I missed him.

ANGELINA LOVE vs  NOT GAIL KIM (its really Brittany)
We’re now around 25 – 30 minutes in and its the first match. It was a little dumb of Angelina to issue an open challenge, and it excludes all former champions. That works. Otherwise I was going to say the challenge was answered before Gail got there. Gail and Love is the money match. Brittany is the jobber and should be in this case. The referee was distracted by Velvet Skye…. YET VELVET COULDN’T HELP CHRIS SABIN! Gail Kim clears house after the match. Sadly, I just don’t care about Gail vs Love as the money match. I still have 0 interest.

KEN AND JAMES STORM AT A BAR (heel and face role reversal)
Ken wants to play games, James Storm is hostile. James Storm came across as a face and Ken Anderson was just a joke. Beer drinking contest later.

AUSTIN ARIES vs MVP (because men of power fight their own battles)
It is a great match on paper. A money match even, but the logic behind the match is just backward. No president, or king fight their own battles. A man of power should not fight his own battles and if he were to fight his own battles, why would he want to face someone one on one? People of power should be untouchable!!! That’s why Dixie is hiding from Bully Ray.

The match ends with Kenny King causing a DQ via interference. Why not just start the match that way? Why even wrestle? Eric Young runs in and gets beat down. Its just a numbers game. Mike Tennay says everyone is frightened for their jobs. Well if MVP was going to fire anyone… why hasn’t he? MVP announces Lashley vs Eric Young. why doesn’t the title match START RIGHT NOW?

DIXIE INTERRUPTS (and it makes less sense)
MVP asks her didn’t he ban her from Impact? Well the new heel faction moves in on the old faction. Two heels arguing. Dixie says she doesn’t interfere. Yet she’s interfering right there. Dixie says she can do something for MVP. Enter Bully Ray who chases away Dixie and Ethan Carter. MVP asks Bully why he’s there when they’ve been banned?

BULLY AND MVP FACE OFF LEADING TO FACEOFF AGAINST DIXIE CARTER (faces need to attack in numbers)
Bully even wonders why MVP is picking on Eric Young. Soon gets jumped by 3 men. Well with Bully Ray beat down, Dixie tells Ethan to get the tables. For someone so entitled, he should have his butler Spud get the tables. While this was a good balancing of momentum, they were banned. MVP could have had security escort them out where they do this all outside. But well this is wrestling. And again, why don’t these faces attack in numbers?

GUNNER & DEXTER IN PADDED ROOM
Well, Gunner has a serious message about things. Which is good. Its a good message. Gunner will be there for Dexter. Who’s Dexter? I don’t know. Is he still obsessed about Christy Hemme? Is that why he’s in there. Gunner wants to get the straight jacket off of him. You know he can’t leave until you’re discharged.

THE LONE WOLF EDDY EDWARDS vs KENNY KING (because 1 face didn’t learn from every other face that lost)
Why does he want a piece of them in the ring? Why not attack backstage? Why attack them by yourself when the 3 of them will just clobber you? Plus why would Kenny King just go out there by himself? I have a feeling the other 2 will just jump the Lone Wolf Eddy Edwards. If only he went to the hospital with his partner. All of these polite one on one matches make me think some face must be booking matches to be this nice. Nope a heel in charge is making these one on one matches. Perhaps if he told us that with all of these faces weakened earlier in the show he has no doubts that they won’t be able to divide and conquer mono e mono.

The majority of the match takes place outside, but I don’t think its a match. Shouldn’t there be security pulling them apart. You know they do have a regularly scheduled program to go on, but no these two guys are brawling in the ring. Kenny King wins this non match.

DRINKING CONTEST >> JAMES STORM OVER KEN ANDERSON
Yep. Ken gets James beer like he’s a bitch, but I think Ken is getting the heel wasted to make it easier to beat him up. Its like Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd.

MVP BUYS OFF A REF BACKSTAGE (not with money)

JAMES STORM & KEN ANDERSON DRUNK
Enough. Ken Anderson beats down James Storm. Ken could have just broke a bottle over his head an hour ago.

ERIC YOUNG BACKSTAGE PROMO (yep, he’s not 100% but Lashley will get 100% of what he’s got left)
Eric says he’ll show Lashley how crazy he’ll get. I want garbage cans, chairs, cheating. TNA always had an obscure DQ loses a title in a title match. However, this isn’t a title match? Why? Maybe MVP wants to weaken Eric Young before MVP takes the title/ I’ll never know. TNA didn’t explain that.

ERIC YOUNG vs BOBBY LASHLEY (I predict a 3 on 1 with a bought ref)
While I really like Eric Young, he’s not really dazzling in the ring. He doesn’t make me feel its a main event. TNA has never been one for a big drama, slow told story in the ring like the WWE has bee. TNA is more of the dynamic guys that can fly, mat wrestle and do anything in the ring (even if the past 3 major championship runs have been dull, limited heels for 2 – 3 years). I’m shocked that TNA hasn’t turned Eric heel yet, like other top recent champions. He’s still a great, strong champion that goes over clean, but I just don’t think there’s anything that sets him above the rest in terms of in the ring. He’s not flashy, even if he’s a solid champion with the crowd firmly behind him.

Naturally Kenny King and MVP run in, but the referee is cool with it. Well what the fuck. There is no sport in wrestling. One day they’ll really piss Eric Young off by shaving his beard! Austin Aries runs in well after the victory…. to get beat down! Oh you faces. Coordinate your attacks so its not always 2 on 3 or 1 on 3. Mike Tennay says everyone is intimidated by MVP.

PROS:

  • The way the open challenge was handled
  • Momentum balance between Bully and Ethan

CONS:

  • Faces can’t work as a unit to overthrow new heel faction
  • Solo matches with a heel in charge
  • Referee distracted by Velvet Skye’s ass when she couldn’t help Chris Sabin win a few months ago
  • 0 interest in Gail vs Love even with a build
  • Talking, lots of talking
  • Heel faction was everywhere!

Everything Right with TNA Impact (07/05/12)

BULLY RAY PROMO on TWITTER (legal action)
Oh good… TNA has been bit by the Twitter bug. Those suck more than kajiggers… which burrow down into your skin. Bully questions Joseph Park has the pair of nuts to smack him in the face. Joseph Park comes down to the ring. The crowd is hot. Joseph gives Bully Ray a legal lesson with presidency. Abyss / Chris / Joseph Park has always had an impressive presence and even in a suit its no different. Joseph accepts the challenge with no rules. Bully Ray pulls out a paper… using the Christopher Daniels methodology of heat. It is a restraining order against Abyss.

AUSTIN ARIES BACKSTAGE w/ HULK HOGAN (good and brief)
This was good. Aries is a fresh, good character. Hogan wants the belt tonight.

DANIELS / DIXIE RECAP w/ DIXIE BACKSTAGE
Daniels says Claire Lynch is preggers. AJ Styles is the daddy! Mu-ah-ha-ha-ha. Then Dixie is backstage with the road agents. She is asked questions by the mysterious interviewer and there is no answers.

CRIMSON vs DEVON (quick match that sets up something for someone else)
Crimson loses his streak at the last pay-per-view and disappears from TV for 3 weeks… so he gets a title shot. At least show how Crimson has been winning at house shows. Why isn’t Crimson in the BFG Series? He was undefeated for 18 months. Devon is a gatekeeper for D level talent. I have no problem with Devon in this role. It keeps him strong and gives an evaluation of lesser talent. Crimson makes one of the crappiest pin attempts ever that somehow ends up with Devon on top. Quick match thank goth.

Madison Rayne comes marching to the ring. I think she wants some chocolate. Nope its someone else she wants. I fully expected this after a few months ago. This could build to a title reign for someone.

CHRIS SABIN PROMO (a heel needs heat)
Sabin is on crutches. He has some thick sideburns. It is a horrifying shame that he injured both ACLs, one after another. This has to be extremely discouraging since he’s not a main eventer. TNA probably doesn’t pay all the bills. He needs to have another job and that’s a shame. The fans are firmly behind him.

Out comes Robert Roode. This is another guy that should quit if he had two ACL injuries… even if he is a main eventer. He gets heat by verbally running him down and saying its just like every other X-Divisioner. Roode kicks out Sabin’s crutch. It really sucks that I feel anyone else could do the same job or better than Robert Roode. Austin Aries runs in for the save.

X-DIVISION >> DAKOTA DARSOW vs FLIP CASSANOVA (Dakota couldn’t keep up his end)
Dakota Darsow is the son of Barry Darsow. Nothing wrong with that. Flip looks like Sonjay Dutt… and the first words out of Mike Tennay’s mouth are Sonjay Dutt. Some sloppy high-flying from Flip Cassady off the bat, but he makes up for it with a backflip senton butt splash. Dakota Darsow is really struggling to keep up or even maintain himself. I hope Flip wins. Darsow has a long way to go. He’s got a good look, but I don’t see X-Division from him. I see TV title division. Dakota Darsow has a bloody nose. Good little match. Dakota Darsow didn’t keep up his end of the bargain.

Flip has some of Dakota’s blood on him. Flip waits to be interviewed and gets nothing…

BROOKE TESSMACHER & TARA BACKSTAGE
Brooke has a tag match with Tara. Tara calls her Boo 2x. Very quick.

GUT CHECK RECAP >> TAYLOR HENDRIX
She didn’t like that she was called not tough enough. The camera loves her and so do you fans. If only her name wasn’t Taeler Hendrix. I chose not to spell her name correctly, since she chose to say she’s a cancer survivor when she’s really a misdiagnosed. Like oh I thought I was pregnant, but it was just gas.

MADISON RAYNE & GAIL KIM vs BROOKE TESSMACHER & TARA (match makes Tara looks good)
Next week Gail Kim gets her title shot… I thought it was this week, but whatever. It should probably be on the pay-per-view. Does anyone remember when it was Terra? Mike Tennay mentions the main event, James Storm vs Jeff Hardy. I totally forgot. This match was quicker than most TNA knockout’s matches. Short match, more of a win.

JAMES STORM LOCKDOWN RECAP w/ JEFF HARDY MATCH HYPE
James Storm recaps Lockdown then talks about Jeff Hardy. Not much here.

AJ PROMO on CHRISTOPHER DANIELS (dropping the angle)
He yells out at Christopher Daniels…. who thankfully comes out to save this segment. Don’t let AJ Styles talk about this ever. KAZ comes out with Daniels and says AJ gets junkie whores pregnant. Daniels has a martini glass… an empty one from the look of it. Christopher Daniels starts some long-winded speech and AJ just tells him to shut up. Holy shit this feud has been going on for a full year. That’s not a compliment. That’s a … let’s move on! I consider the Claire Lynch angle officially dropped by TNA.

HULK HOGAN BACKSTAGE interrupted by MASKED MAN
Hogan doing an interview, gets interrupted by one of the masked men that attacked Sting a few weeks ago. He delivers a piece of paper with some carts on it. At least they mentioned the angle.

JEFF HARDY VIDEO
He’s inspired by this series since he missed last year’s series. He wants to end the selfish generation. I kind of thought Jeff Hardy lead the selfish generation what with the drugs and house explosions.

X-DIVISION >> KENNY KING vs LARS ONLY (another X-division match)
Kenny King from ROH and I think from WWE Tough Enough season 2. Good to see someone from any Tough Enough season in still in wrestling. Good match, longer and less reckless than the other match. Lars did some sort of leg trip, leg sweep that looked painful to Kenny King. Tazz said it sucked, but I think that’s how it was supposed to look… painful. I don’t have much to say about this match. I think Christie Hemmy announced Kenny as Kenny Kane.

Christie interviews Kenny King. The fans are behind him in more ways than one.

I’ve come to realize that none of TNA’s own X-Division guys has a match on TV even if they’ll get matches on the Destination X pay-per-view. Bring in new guys and have them go for the title. If anything hopefully Sonjay Dutt will get the X-Division title.

AUSTIN ARIES BEFORE THE BELL PREVIEW (good show everyone seems to love it)
I’ve seen the Before the Bell special with Austin Aries. It is full of good phrases. So many good phrases, you don’t even need to watch it, just listen for 30 minutes which 24 of it is Austin Aries talking.

KENNY KING & AUSTIN ARIES BACKSTAGE (good rub for Kenny King)
They know each other… and they’re happy. Good rub for Kenny King who then disappears so Austin can get asked about relinquishing the belt. Yep.

BFG LEADERBOARD
James Storm > Samoa Joe > Magnus > Kurt Angle

BFG SERIES >> JAMES STORM vs JEFF HARDY (Storm sells for Hardy)
Wow this main event is starting early. It makes me think Claire the junkie slut will be the main event. Jeff Hardy comes out looking like a performance artist on coke. He shares a moment with the crowd. It must suck that Jeff Hardy is still over James Storm. Even if Hardy loses 100 times to Storm… it will still be Jeff Hardy > James Storm. There are plenty of dueling chants. There are a lot of lockups and holds… because this is the main event and they have the time. They come back from commercial and Tazz talks about how crazy it got in the commercial with a street fight on the outside… yet no video clips. It is so hilarious watching James Storm sell for Jeff Hardy, who is too weak to muscle him into selling. Like a leg trip, you see James Storm start falling before Jeff Hardy pulls him. You see the camera angles shift so viewers don’t see the miss between Jeff Hardy’s feet and Storm’s face. Now 100% of the fans are behind Jeff Hardy… who has 90% of the offense of this match. But when James Storm gets a move, Jeff Hardy sells like he’s dead for way too long. But whatever. Good match, gives fans time to get invested in the outcome.

After the match, the winner gives the loser a handshake. Good clean match.

BFG LOCATION
Mike Tennay and Tazz announce that Bound for Glory is going to Phoenix, AZ.

BACKSTAGE w/ KURT ANGLE then MR. ANDERSON
They both briefly talk about the BFG Series and Tennay plugs Mr. Anderson vs Kurt Angle. Then Brooke Tessmacher vs Gail Kim. Bully Ray vs Joseph Park.

HULK HOGAN ANGLE w/ …
This puts a lot of heat on Austin Aries. Anyway, Hogan does a good job of plugging Destination-X, Jeff Hardy, James Storm and Austin Aries. Robert Roode comes out. Robert Roode is so generic. Like he checks all the boxes that meet with a great heel… except for personality. As I’ve pointed out before the real feud seems to be Hulk Hogan & Robert Roode. Roode always has great points. I just wish it was coming from someone better. Austin Aries comes out… Austin Aries gives this match and Roode’s title heat.

lol when Austin and Roode get in each other’s faces… the fans chant for Hogan. Aries ends up holding up both belts and it looks awesome. Great job TNA. Aries gives Hogan the X-Division title and holds up the TNA world title to close the show.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (05/25/12)

HOGAN BACKSTAGE with AJ STYLES / KURT ANGLE / JEFF HARDY / BULLY RAY (kicking off with Celebrity Apprentice)
Hulk Hogan shows Bully Ray, AJ Stylez, Kurt Angle and someone else the format sheet for TNA Impact. What a horrible segment. This was just a psudo reality show with backstage drama. Very stupid, counter productive. I’m sure that soap operas and legitimate sports don’t show behind the scenes with a fake reality show. Kurt Angle questions the value of Robert Roode to being the longest running champion. AJ Styles questions a gold medal. Angle says he’s won more titles, Bully Ray says more singles titles. Bully has won more gold, but not single, but its a singles match.

Bully wonders why he needs to convince Hogan. He’s worked 20 years and he’s the most legit guy, old school wrestler. And that’s true… if Angle wasn’t in the room.

This felt like a rip off of Celebrity Apprentice only a few were sitting others were standing. They all bring forth interesting and good points. Jeff Hardy looks crazy he says nothing but then he says let the fans decide.

Nothing is decided… Lovely.

GAIL KIM PROMO with MADDISSON RAYNE (bad voice, good promo)
Gail is the most dominent Knockout’s champion. She says she built the division and she is the divisiion. Meanwhile Rayne does her makeup in the background while the rest of the locker room looks on from the back looking like chumps. Gail challenges ODB & Eric Young.

ODB & ERIC YOUNG vs GAIL KIM & RAYNE (Gail screams and man on woman violence)
Eric Young has new music? Or did I just notice this now. The Knockouts Tag Titles aren’t needed, but hey it gives a purpose for Eric Young and ODB to be seen. They don’t need to be seen. Just do pre-tapes of their life together and keep it brief. Gail screams… a lot. Reminds me of Trish Stratus selling. Scream. Scream. Louder scream. WCW would have given her this as her gimmick.

Eric & ODB fake out a double elbow drop, but Eric can’t elbow drop a woman due to Spike TV’s non violence against women. I wonder if movies on Spike TV have men hitting women.

The crowd is firmly behind ODB & Eric Young. There is a new camera shot from overhead that looked interesting. Shockingly Eric Young gives two hip tosses to women and two slams to women. Shouldn’t Spike TV be throwing a fit over this? I can’t believe fans didn’t care and saw it as a simple slam and not OMG he finally slammed a woman.

TNA SALUTES VETERANS
Mr. Anderson, Crimson, and Gunner. Hey tie this in with a TNA shopzone commercial. I don’t mind it. This was good and kills two birds with one stone.

HOGAN BACKSTAGE on the phone
Hints at someone coming.

RVD vs GUNNER (no build)
RVD has a black eye. He looks terrible. RVD challenges Gunner. Gunner should go over… but that’s not how it works when a face needs momentum off of 2 losses. RVD should go over, but I think in a company with short matches, someone like Gunner should go over until there are longer matches where RVD would be prime to go over.

Gunner should be telling RVD that I put you on the shelf for 3 months and you want to challenge me?

TV TITLE >> DEVON vs ERIC BISCHOFF (no match)
This match had one week build to it which is better than none. Devon is the experienced pro that will be the gatekeeper. He the fans want tables badly. I think that’s a subtle hate of Garrett. Robbie E & Rob Terry run in. A tag match is obvious.

HULK HOGAN BACKSTAGE with CONTENDERS (yawn)
Yawn. I had no interest. Hogan eliminates someone. Now there are 2.

JOSEPH PARK RECAP
I love the Joseph Park recaps… because TNA faked a newscast that starts the recap.

BULLY RAY PROMO on the crowd (gold)
Bully takes his sweet time getting out there. Bully gets in the face of some hot chick in the front row that totally no sells any intimidation. ECW would have called her a skank and has security pull them apart. The commentators are worried about what Bully will do when TNA goes live next week. Bully Ray mentions Joseph Park in the crowd. There he is with popcorn. Joseph stays in character perfectly. Eventually fans chant yes. Fans continue chanting yes.

Joseph’s part of the interview is awesome. This guy is amazing. He holds a trial by the fans and asks who thinks Bully Ray is not guilty… who thinks he is guilty. This was great, it was given time.

JOEY RYAN VIDEO
Fuck yeah! This dude is awesome! He and Aries would be gold together. Give this guy a contract. Good video, even if he doesn’t have a story like his dad dying or wrestling while poor.

GUT CHECK >> AUSTIN ARIES vs JOEY RYAN
Al Snow has a suit. Looks good. Joey Ryan looked like he needed a joke. Oh and out comes Austin Aries. This match will be gold. Aries looks fantastic. Fans are firmly behind Aries. Good match. Not too great. Over too quick. Give Ryan a job. Far better than Alex Sylvia.

TNA TITLE >> ROBERT ROODE vs ??? (great story built through 2 weeks)
Hogan comes out to announce which of the 2 guys will take on Robert Roode. This was a great story told through 2 weeks. The crowd has been hot all night. They picked the right guy to take on Roode. This match felt special due to the story and build over 2 weeks.

Good match. Probably Impact’s longest match in a year.

PROS:
Going into this show it has heat because the last show built to this show.
Open Fight Night special monthly show is still fresh and buzzing.
ODB & Eric Young are over with the fans.
RVD is over with the fans.
Devon is over.
Garrett has a little storyline tacked onto Devon’s.
Joseph Park is mega over.
Joseph Park & Bully Ray segment was great.
Joey Ryan being on TNA.
Austin Aries vs Joey Ryan.
Austin Aries is mega over.
TNA title match felt special.

CONS:
Opening segment with Hulk Hogan making Celebrity Apprentice.
Gail’s Kim’s voice
Knockouts Tag Titles not on the line
No build to Gunner vs RVD after Gunner put RVD on the shelf for 3 months
Gunner not getting his heat back
Bully Ray has heat.
The return this week… instead of next week.

Everything Right with TNA Impact (05/17/12)

TNA RECAP (good work)
Word on the street is that TNA Sacrifice was a good show. TNA opens by recapping a few of its biggest angles. Roode being dominant, AJ having pictures, Abyss returning and so on.

ROBERT ROODE PROMO (another post PPV promo)
Roode had a big match off a hot pay-per-view in this case I do want to hear from him. Not nearly as much as I want to hear Joseph Park. Tennay plugs the fact that Robert Roode is about to beat AJ’s record for the longest TNA champ. They should really have someone challenge him on Open Fight Night one night before it becomes official. Fans boo him and Robert soaks it up by saying that’s it chant Roooooode! Roode says he’ll throw a party next week. He’ll call it celebration of domination. He calls out Hogan.

Hogan comes out to quite the pyro display for TNA. Fans politely clap for Hogan and don’t go too crazy. Robert Roode has demands. This was entertaining compared to what Roode normally does. He wants only green M&Ms and golden confetti flown from Canada… Hogan says Robert Roode put the company back on track by holding the title. He may have put the company back on track… but he didn’t set it on fire.

Hogan announces Roode to have a title defence at Open Fight Night. Nice. Hogan took a pole and asked who wanted a title shot. The entire locker room comes out on the stage lead by Bully Ray. Puts a lot of heat on the title. Hogan needs only 4. RVD vs Bully Ray. Jeff Hardy vs Ken Anderson. Jeff Hardy looks insane. Kurt Angle vs Samoa Joe. Dizamn I’m impressed with that match. The rest of the guys are put in a Wild Card Battle Royal.

I really love this. The entire show is built and leads into next week’s show. Brilliant. Hope Aries wins the battle royal.

BULLY RAY vs RVD (good opener)
The fans were into this match with plenty of claps and firmly behind RVD. Tough to grow as a company with such a small arena. The fans are hot there over the past few months. Bully Ray manages his own 3D. Nothing wrong with this match. Could have used more in crowd brawling and chairs, but I don’t think people want long matches.

BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE w/ JOSEPH PARK (brief & logical)
Afterward Bully Ray cuts a promo on the Kardashians. Joseph Park appears and provokes in the way that he does. Bully Ray tells him to stay away.

KING MO TALK SHOW (meh)
TNA has plugged the signing of King Mo throughout the show. Now this is their segment to hype that. Then they throw to a talk show with Dixie and Bellator president. TNA and Bellator signed him. I didn’t like this because it wasn’t a recap it was a segment from a talk show. Its just to promote Bellator and that MMA talkshow. Dixie made it seem like it was her idea to sign a MMA guy.

GAIL KIM & RAYNE BACKSTAGE (not as bad as it could be)
Gail is concerned about her triple threat tonight. Rayne is concerned about her mystery man. Rayne disappears. Brooke & Velvet appear to politely threaten Gail. This wasn’t bad. Normally it is.

WILD CARD BATTLE ROYAL (AJ, Gunner & Aries)
Aries appears first so TNA recaps his win over Bully Ray. ODB and Eric Young eliminate Crimson quickly. Aries eliminates Magnus. Rayne appears to look on. Interesting. I hope its Robbie E. Rob Terry is really trying to eliminate Garrett until Terry is thrown over by Robbie E. Devon throws out Robbie E. Garrett Bischoff outsmarts Devon who goes over the top. AJ then throws out Garrett. Aries and AJ face off. Interesting combination. I smell a great match if not fantastic match. Gunner is selling in the corner. Good battle royal, Tazz sells it as the best battle royal he’s seen in his life.

IMPACT GOES LIVE
Interesting. I doubt it will do much for their ratings.

KAZ & DANIELS RECAP
Good recap of a 3+ month angle that made no sense and still doesn’t make sense. I would have rather seen AJ in a hottub with Dixie. AJ is so squeaky clean that its unbelievable.

AJ PROMO
Fans have signs that say Dixie Styles and AJ Carter. Hilarious. I don’t see many signs, but these were worth the wait. AJ explains his side of things. Dixie is a beautiful, wealthy woman. Enter KAZ & Daniels who show off a video… on an iPad. The video doesn’t show me anything.

JOE & ANGLE RECAP VIDEO w/ BACKSTAGE SEGMENT (jump starting an old feud)
They showed the history of Joe. It was nice. Then they have a backstage segment that ends in a pull apart. TNA does an ok job of jumpstarting a dead feud instead of going into a new feud with them.

MR. ANDERSON BACKSTAGE (not annoying)
He is on an iPad looking at his match with Jeff Hardy. Jeff may have kicked out… I guess.

MR. ANDERSON vs JEFF HARDY
Commentators plug that Mr. Anderson and Dixie Carter will actually be in a movie / documentary with Morgan Spurlock. Its good they mention it but they needed to be a 1 minute segment. Jeff gives hugs to the fans. I’ve had no interest in this match for years. But the thought of a title shot puts heat on this match.

Jeff Hardy tries a low dropkick to the outside, Mr. Anderson catches Hardy and throws him back down to the mat. This was a good spot. There was a good pin that you don’t see very often.

KNOCKOUT TITLE >> GAIL KIM vs VELVET SKYE vs BROOKE TESSMOCHER (suggestive)
Brooke has very nice ring attire with an interesting robe. One of Gail Kim’s boot straps are hanging off. 2 faces vs 1 heel… until the heel disappears, then the faces go at it. Good submission on submission spots straight out of WWE in the late 90s. Velvet does a terrible ‘In Yo Face,’ followed by a very sexually suggestive pin.

TNA HYPE VIDEO
It was a great video with tons of crazy spots. Its funny how they say unforgettable moments, but a lot of them were forgettable except for Jarrett guitar shotting Hogan and Joe headbutting Angle. Maybe I have that backward.

JOE vs ANGLE
They’re really trying to jump start this feud again all the recaps, all of the history of Joe himself. Smells like build for Joe vs King Mo and the obvious Angle vs King Mo. Crowd is firmly behing Angle instead of both. Robert Roode appears for guest commentary. He puts over Angle and mentions their own history at last year’s Slammiversary. I thought Roode did a better job on commentary than Tazz.

Good match, but not as legendary as their past matches, but how could it be? End of the show has Jeff Hardy coming out, then Bully Ray and AJ Stylez.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (04/26/12)

OPEN FIGHT NIGHT PREMISE (still a terrible idea)
So last week Hulk Hogan announced Open Fight Night that will happen once a month where anyone can challenge anyone and they need to fight. Fight? I swore they wrestle and open challenge? I swore that’s what they do every week. Another gimmick of this is that some non TNA worker gets a shot in front of three judges. This is called Gut Check and there are three judges. This is a bad idea, because it puts a spice of reality in an unreal world.

HULK HOGAN BACKSTAGE w/ CHAMPS
First of all this backstage segment looks like its shot with tunnel vision. It also makes your champions look like crap because its 1 man as the center of attention and that 1 man isn’t a champion. Hogan baits people into thinking its Roode, but then says its Joe & Magnus. Then gives ideas as to who it will be… but confirms nothing.

OPEN FIGHT NIGHT OPENING
New Opening for Open Fight Night. Good intro, looks different than most wrestling companies. Looks very MMA. The arena even looks

TV TITLE MATCH >>DEVONvs BUBBA (BULLY RAY) (too good for the TV title)
I swore TNA can’t call him Bubba. Anyway,Devoncalls out Bubba. This isn’t a good idea and they need to stay apart. Bully Ray is backstage with the TNA crew. It looks like the locker room is now a box with posters and wrestlers. A simple box. This looks unique and silly at the same time. Bully Ray deniesDevon’s challenge. Funny I thought they needed to accept challenges.Devongets him and there’s a brawl. Ring bell starts before both men are in the ring. That’s like a football game starting before anyone is on the field.

Not sure I like a main eventer going for a low end title. At least it gives Bully Ray a fresh match. Decent match, but they both could do better.

KAZ & DANIELS BACKSTAGE w/ KURT ANGLE (quick and painless)
KAZ & Daniels wearing Impact Wrestling T-shirts and Angle hints at a face turn. This was kept less than a minute. It’s all good… except for Kurt turning face again. He’ll be a heel again before the end of the year. 

JEREMY BORRASH CALLS OUT… (an exercise in what not to do)
Open Fight Night isn’t just for the wrestlers… Jeremy Borash calls out Eric Bischoff. Good idea. TNA has peaked my interest more with this than months of Eric vs Garrett. Borrash in a suit makes a challenge like a news caster with lots of … gravitas.

Bischoff comes out and distracts so Bully Ray can low blow him. Gunner should have done this, but whatever. Christie Hemme has the most hilariously bad and your winner is….

TNA SPRING CLEANING SALE
I like these commercials that actually sell merchandise. Instead of the old knockout commercials.

MEXICAN AMERICA OPEN CHALLENGE (kept quick)
Backstage Mr. Anderson is interviewed and you can hear Mexican America’s music. When Mexican America is shown, they cut to backstage eventually with TNA’s roster looking around. Kurt Angle accepts, making him a face. Yep.

KURT ANGLE vs ANARCHYA (quick & painless)
I predict Angle. He shouldn’t sell at all and should just instantly take out Anarchya. Then take out Hernandez. Badabing. Match is over in around 15 seconds.

ALEX SYLVIA’S STORY (good story)
Good story tied to his father. Al Snow interview, clips from Alex’s matches, he captured the OVW TV championship. Al Snow brings Alex to the ring. Alex has a good look, but not a main event look. Al kisses ass, which is a good thing. From his look alone would fit him into the X-Division.

GUT CHECK >> ALEX SYLVIA vs ROBBIE E (should have been X-Division)
I saw this coming. Robbie E is the bottom of the barrel and if this was last year Robbie E would be on Gut Check. Al Snow on guest commentary, I hope it’s not as terrible as he used to be on Sunday Night Heat. Baba-ga-noosh.

The size difference between Robbie E and Alex is noticeable. They should have had an X-Division guy out there, especially since TNA doesn’t have any X-Division matches for the past month or so. This was a meh match and I think that I saw more winded in Alex than fire. Take a pass. He’s not ready and he should have been in the X-Division.

HULK HOGAN BACKSTAGE w/ TAG TEAMS (Daniels makes lemonade)
KAZ & Daniels, Eric & ODB, MotorCity Machine Guns, Jeff Hardy & Mr. Anderson. Hogan asks for reasons why the teams should get a tag title shot. Christopher Daniels has great reasons that laugh at the other teams. MotorCity Machine Guns have a good reason, just not as good as Daniels & KAZ. To be honest, Hogan should have brought out the teams and just had the audience vote. No Mexican America, no Robbie E & Rob Terry, no CrimMorgan… not that they’re a team.

BROOKE TESSMOCHER CHALLENGES GAIN KIM (Brooke is the best Knockout promo)
Surprisingly she cuts the best promo out of any woman. He’s not yelling bitch, she’s not screaming, she’s not obnoxious.

GAIL KIM vs BROOKE TESSMACHER (slow and plodding)
Brooke got the pin last week in the 8 woman tag. The crowd was into this match at some points, but pretty silent at others. Maybe they were paying attention. This felt slow with a lot of Brooke selling. Gail Kim does trash talking in the match. I see Gail Kim losing here and yep. So I guess this isn’t for the Knockout’s title? Whatever. Gail will win when it counts.

RVD VIDEO GOING TO SACRIFICE (meh)
It’s nice, it shows him training. It doesn’t make me want to see Robert Roode vs RVD.

AL SNOW & ALEX SYLVIA BACKSTAGE interrupted by ROBERT ROODE
He cuts down the young talent. This Alex Sylvia is the next Crimson. Maybe TNA didn’t let him shine, but he was pretty forgettable.

JOSEPH PARK with JOSEPH PARK
Bully Ray knows who he is. Wow. Joseph is huge. He’s awesome especially now that its going somewhere. Wow Bully Ray has a new shirt. Joseph Park shows a small laugh that makes me think Abyss.

WHO GETS THE TAG TITLE SHOT? (fans should have chosen)
It’s all down to KAZ & Daniels or Mr. Anderson & Jeff Hardy. I would rather KAZ & Daniels win… but not go over Mr. Anderson & Jeff Hardy. Hogan should just make them have a match to see who gets a title shot that night immediately following the match. Then you can job out the winners to the tag champs and make a match at the PPV.

TAG TITLES >> SAMOA JOE & BRUTIS MAGNUS vs MR. ANDERSON & JEFF HARDY
Wow four guys that don’t seem to be tag wrestlers thrown into tag teams. A few minutes in there is a commercial break. There’s been a few of these in the matches. This match was good at showing off Magnus & Joe. After the match KAZ & Daniels attack Joe & Magnus. I see a pay-per-view match.

ERIC BISCHOFF FAREWELL CERIMONY
All throughout Open Fight Night, they’ve been showing backstage interviews with workers asking them about Eric Bischoff. Flair comes out with Gunner, KAZ, Daniels and Bully Ray. Wow Bully Ray was all over this show. Maybe even too much. KAZ & Daniels were all over this show too, just in the last segment. I don’t think they should be out for this segment since they just ran out.

Flair does a speech. The fans sing Goodbye. Eric Bischoff comes out and sits down in his throne. I really thing their setup should have been done on the stage… because no one is facing the crowd. There’s some mongloid in the crowd wearing a hat that makes me laugh. Flair’s speech was pretty dull. The crowd was bored so they chanted. Gunner thanks Eric. Bully Ray gives Eric a retirement watch and says he’s the wind beneath his wings.

This gets interrupted by Garrett with Jeremy Borash, AJ, RVD, MotorCity Machine Guns. Jeremy Borash says Eric will be inducted into the shed of shame. I like how Eric Bischoff leaves a company and he gets thrown away. The heels rush the faces but all the heels just breeze by Garrett…. So he can headlock and drag his dad into the shed of shame and lock it. The shed of shame is a porta-potty and then it’s tipped over. Apparently there’s stuff in it. Bischoff comes out covered in yucky.

Show ends. Barely any Roode. What?

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (04/12/12)

ERIC BISCHOFF OPENS IMPACT (Team Eric is revealed)
The fans are firmly against Eric Bischoff and he loves it and they love it too. He welcomes his team which consists of Bully Ray, Gunner, KAZ & Christopher Daniels. Good team, but I thought Bully Ray was busy for Lock Down. Bully Ray cuts a promo and laughs at Garrett. I’ve pointed it out before and I’ll point it out again, this is like Poochie the Dog on the Simpsons… where if Poochie isn’t on screen, everyone should be talking about him, just like Garrett. The crowd wants AJ. We want AJ. Push AJ please, stop oppressing him to push James Storm, AJ can make TNA money.

Garrett appears, complete with his logo behind him that reads… Garrett… Bischoff… Garrett Bischoff. Wow. He announces Mr. Anderson is on his team.

TNA SHOPZONE COMMERCIAL (effective at selling merch)
TNA actually decided to sell some merchandise with this commercial. I’m happy. The voice even kind of sounded like Don West. Kind of…

BEST OF THREE SERIES >>ANDERSONvs GUNNER (andAnderson’s no lose contract)
There is some best of three series to announce who has the one man advantage at Lockdown. I’m happy this 8 man match involves guys who aren’t main eventers. It gives your midcarders something interesting to do.

I see Gunner as the future of TNA with more in ring longevity than Garrett and Crimson. Plus Gunner has been wrestling for 10+ years already. The commentators use this as a plug fest for everything that will happen tonight. LOL what a stupid ending to this match. This past month makes me think that Mr. Anderson has something in his contract.

ERIC YOUNG BACKSTAGE (Joseph Park needs to do something)
In a 70s sky blue tuxedo. Joseph Park appears… asks about a prenuptial agreement. After Lockdown, they need to do something with Joseph Park.

MOTORCITY MACHINE GUNS PROMO (that gets no one over)
They insult Joe & Magnus (JoeNus Brothers) credentials and put over their own, such as retiring Team 3D and beating Beer Money. Unfortunately in TNA all tag teams have beaten one another. Enter Joe & Magnus, the face heels. This was basic, no frills, lacking energy, but with passion.

Enter Mexican America that get beat down. Dull. When it’s all said and done no one is over.

BEST OF THREE SERIES >> DANIELS vs ARIES (effectively putting over Aries)
Should be a five star match if this was WCW, but since this is TNA I give it one star. That’s my prediction anyway. The crowd is firmly pro Aries and anti Daniels. Minutes into the match and there are great acrobatics, counters and risky maneuvers. The fans chant this is wrestling.

This was a great and effective match at putting over Aries. Daniels didn’t look too bad either.

JEFF HARDY PROMO (a waste of time)
I hate his music. Can’t even tell it’s him coming out and he’s had this music a while now. This theme is still better than his last TNA theme that he wrote and sang himself. In the background, TNA is constructing a cage for the upcoming Eric Young and ODB wedding. Jeff mentions how it all started with Kurt how he cost him the world title… no he prevented you from winning. Jeff Hardy is very meh on the microphone and just gets cheap pops by screaming into the microphone.

JAMES STORM BACKSTAGE PROMO w/ MONTGUMARY GENTRY
James is angry. That’s it. Gentry says Sorry bout your damn luck.

ERIC YOUNG BACKSTAGE
Is interrupted by Sarita and Rosita. Apparently they want the Knockouts Tag Team Titles. You know Eric Young has so many things going on. Joe Parks, a wedding, Knockouts Tag Team Titles.

ERIC YOUNG & ODB WEDDING (the kill-pace)
Eric Young will soon be having a fishing show on Animal Planet. TNA doesn’t mention that. I also think it is strange Animal Planet would have a fishing show. Very classy setup… too bad it is ruined by a steel cage. Too bad TNA isn’t saying for the first time ever, a wedding in a steel cage. They tease ODB not showing up and the fans boo. Then her music hits and she appears in a cammo wedding dress and plenty of makeup. ODB locks the cage once she enters. Perfect metaphore.

They shows a video of the past 3 months they’ve been together. Plenty of dirty moments and face in cleavage. They say their vows that involve farting, slapping ass and taking Eric’s ring music.

Rosita and Sarita appear and call ODB a beast. She actually gets a tear from this. Rosita strips. This segment really drags. Sarita strips. Wow this was stupid. ODB points out she doesn’t have what those girls have. The priest helps ODB strip. I’d pick ODB if you like abnormally large implants. Then Eric Young strips and Tazz is confused. The fans chant this is sexy… ODB forces the priest to strip. Wow. So now they’re married it is ODB Young. Then they instantly cut to:

RIC FLAIR PEP TALK TO BULLY RAY
It is good. Then Ric Flair mentions Hulk-a-mania falls apart today. What? Maybe because Hulk made this team match at Lockdown. Eh.

ROBERT ROODE BACKSTAGE PROMO WITH HENCHMEN
This was meh less than half a minute. It gets him on TV.

BEST OF THREE SERIES >> BULLY RAY vs AJ STYLEZ (best match of the show)
On paper this 8 man match doesn’t look bad. Both teams circle the ring. We haven’t seen AJ vs Bully in a while after their big feud maybe 2 years ago that ended with a kick to the butt. Good tight match with both guys getting treated like stars. Eventually it devolves into an outside brawl. Good win by the winner.

Hulk Hogan appears strutting to the ring, clapping as he always does. Then he announces five on five at Lockdown. Guess it. Guess who it is. I think the fans are chanting Sid. Instead of being who I thought it was a legitimate good shock. Kudos to you TNA.

ROODE vs STORM VIDEO (fails to hit the mark)
Meh video, they’ve had better ones. This was a video from Robert Roode to James Storm recapping the last 6 months. Unfortunately I’m not into this match still, because they’ve had it too many times and had too many interactions. I guess they should be hyping up James Storm winning the TNA title again.

MADISON RAYNE & GAIL KIM vs MICKIE JAMES & VELVET SKYE (typical women’s tag)
Velvet looks like a blow-up-doll as usual, but hey some women consider that a compliment. I feel like this match should have been in the middle of the card, because I’m burnt out already. Shockingly, Velvet really shined in this match, she did most of the work and did it compliantly. Good job.

JAMES STORM & ROBERT ROODE ANGLE (and it still doesn’t make me care)
I’m tired of watching TNA for this week, because they had the main event a few segments ago and they’re capping it off with an angle. So these two Roode and Storm have had so many interactions and so many matches that involve one another, tag matches, singles matches, four ways that I have no interest in seeing the main event. Everything TNA tries to do to hype it up, doesn’t make me want to see it more even if it is in a steel cage… you know what else is in a steel cage? Crimson & Morgan. Steel cage doesn’t matter since every other match is in a steel cage.

Both men mention Beer Money and the past including the Bound for Glory Series. Both had interesting things to say. My interest really drifted, because we’ve heard all of this before months ago. I think a guy like Roode needs the top title to keep his steam and once he loses it he won’t be nearly as noticeable. Oh and the show ends with both men forehead to forehead pushing each other’s shifting noses and it was just funny.