Revisiting WWE’s Katie Vick Angle 10 Years Ago (and adding to it)

Katie Vick will forever be known as the necrophelia angle where wrestler Triple H found out that Kane had killed his then girlfriend Katie Vick in a car accident when he swerved to avoid an animal on the road. HHH also said that the corrinor found traces of semin in Katie Vick and wondered if it had happened before or after she was dead. Then next week they had HHH pretending to be Kane having him in a casket ontop of what looked to be a teenage manniquen. Teenage…. so it was necro-statchatory.

Anyway, to celebrate the 10 year anniversary of this terrible angle, I thought that I’d continue it.

Since the accident that took place what 25 years ago? What they failed to mention was when Kane swerved to avoid that animal and ended up in a car accident was the fact he hit another car head on killing the parents…. but leaving the baby alive in the baby seat. That baby grew up in an evil orphanage. No one wanted him because he was just too damn ugly what with all of his scars. Then one day when he went off to college, he found Youtube and heard everyone LOL at the Katie Vick angle, but he remembered the name Kane. He had researched it was a teenager named Kane that had ended the lives of his family. So now the only thing this victim has on his mind is revenge. He’s trained as a wrestler to make sure everything he does to Kane is nice and legal in the ring.

Rebooking RAW (6/19/12)

So half a year ago, someone wanted to give me a column to rebook RAW, which I usually do, but eh that sounded like too much work to do it consistently. After watching a 5 minute recap video on WWE RAW and hearing how bad the actual show was, I got inspired. Of course hind sight is always 20/20 and its much more difficult to book RAW from scratch, but here’s my version of RAW making use of everyone on it.

MICK FOLEY GM
Since GM Johnny is no longer GM and the WWE is in Long Island, NY, Mick Foley can be the guest GM for tonight. He wants to give his hometown hero an oppertunity. He calls out Zack Ryder who is also from Long Island, NY. Sure the Internet knows him, but 200,000 watches for his videos mean nothing to the 4+ million people watching WWE RAW. Mick is going to give him either an intercontinental or US title shot tonight. The fans need to decide on Twitter. Mick says he’s also made some time for GM Johnny to say goodbye, to make a farewell address. Johnny comes out, Mick takes pity on Johnny and gives him one last chance to save face on his way out. After all, Mick had a farewell match at Wrestlemania 2000. It is a singles match with John Cena.

PRIME TIME PLAYERS over RON KILLINGS & KOFI KINGSTON (RKKK) with help from AW
Word on the street is that Ron Killings has a broken foot. Why not give the tag belts to some new blood? Unless you’re selling Ron being knocked out by the Big Show from the previous week. This can set up a feud. I don’t like just giving any belt away, but if the Truth is injured….

CENA over GM JOHNNY
Johnny loses obviously, and Cena wants one man to be the guy to throw GM Johnny out on his ass and that’s Teddy Long. Teddy takes Johnny up the ramp, through the hallway and out the door. That doesn’t mean Teddy Long is the new GM, but it does get some revenge to tie up the loose ends of their storyline. But then cameras can come back to the ring, because Cena is being laid out by Big Show.

ADR over someone… BRODUS CLAY?
Eh, not Brodus, since he has a winning streak.

LAYLA & WENDI RICTER w/ CYNDI LAUPER over BETH & NATALYA
Is Natalya even a heel? Show a clip of why Wendi and Cyndi are important to the WWE. Then have Layla introduce them. Then have it interrupted by Beth & Natalya that ends in a match. Wendi can get the pin with Layla doing the work. It will be a feel good moment.

DOLPH ZIGGLER over JACK SWAGGER w/ VICKI
Dolph is sick of those two holding him down. So he issues a match. He wins and turns face in the process. Vicki tries to get with Dolph Ziggler afterward, but he kicks her to the curb. Swagger and Vicki swear vengeance. … the tough part is then Dolph Ziggler gets lost in the shuffle of a million other faces on RAW. This sets up a feud.

ZAK RYDER vs CHRISTIAN or SANTINO ends with a no contest
Whoever the fans pick. Cody Rhodes and Ricardo Rodriguez can interfere on them both leading to…
ZAK RYDER & CHRISTIAN or SANTINO over CODY RHODES & RICARDO RODRIGUEZ
Ryder gets the win.

HHH & PAUL HEYMAN ANGLE
Yeah you can have it here. Unfortunately, I can’t care about a match between a guy that owns a company and a cowardly take his ball and go home heel. WWE dropped the ball, because they want to prove WWE > UFC. This should end with Heyman either in glory with security pulling HHH off of him or Heyman face down after a pedigree. I say Heyman being saved by security. Heck or instead of having HHH & Heyman face to face… just have a video showing HHH and Brock in their prime 9 years ago and why we should want to see the match.

CHRISTIAN or SANTINO over HEATH SLATER
Yep, simple as that. 4 minute match. Buffer…

DANIEL BRYAN & KANE over SHEAMUS & CM PUNK
In this match, Daniel Bryan cheats to get a pin over CM Punk who then chases Bryan through the crowd. Sheamus is then laid out by Kane. AJ can still come skipping by in her Kane gear, but then Kane can raise his arms and make his pyro go boom. Then follow AJ up the ramp as AJ has her finger doing the ‘come here’ gesture. This sets up 2 feuds.

There you go. A few feel good moments, 8 matches, 10 segments.

HHH’s Quest to put himself over by putting heat on his path to greatness (Punk Who?)

It has become clear that Punk was another 3 month push… like R-Truth… like Miz… CM Punk was derailed by HHH who when Punk disappeared HHH returned and took the role of COO. So we all had HHH’s return and his new position with the company to talk about.

HHH STARTS ON THE PATH
That was only the beginning folks. With HHH back, he needs a program, a feud, not just feuds, but HHH needs a golden path to walk on his quest back to greatness. HHH taking over the WWE is just a brief checkpoint. John Laurenitus will eventually take over the company. It is inevitable, but so is HHH wrestling.

TURNING A SIMPLE PATH INTO GOLD
With CM Punk gone face and John Cena going over all of the heels earlier this year, HHH really has no fiery opponents. So the trick is get the heels over again. The new COO started to put over a pair of heels (Miz & Truth) by firing them. That greatly takes away any heat, but they came back in the role of the spoiler sparing HHH from losing his big match with CM Punk at Night of Champions.

Then Miz & Truth returned to cause chaos in the cage (TM) at Hell in a Cell. They were both handcuffed and taken away by police and punched by HHH on the way out. They have the spoiler role… it’s a heel thing.

But it puts heat on Miz & Truth as heels. Without this heat, there’s really no heat on any potential match with HHH. Of course after seeing what HHH had done to Sheamus and Ted Dibiase Jr before Wrestlemania 2011… I’m not sure anyone can get any heat on a match with HHH.

WHERE THE PATH WILL LEAD
I foresee and predict first that HHH will go through R-Truth, then the Miz. Two fresh matches for HHH… too bad for CM Punk, he had a match with both men on free TV back to back. Heatless matches on free TV.

But HHH’s ultimate goal is John Laurenitus. The man who will essentially take the WWE from HHH and turn everyone against him. On Monday night, all of the heels spoke out against HHH. The workers had a shaken vote of confidence against WWE COO HHH… which means very little… But nothing makes someone feel special like having THE ENTIRE ROSTER AGAINST HHH. It makes it look like HHH at the top of the pyramid and its him against everyone. That would build quite well to the Royal Rumble match…

CM Punk tore the space-time continuum (that is sucking the WWE into a black hole)

I propose the idea that CM Punk is making a change… for the worse. Sure it’s probably not his fault (just writing’s), but he pulled the wrestling curtain aside as commentator and in his now infamous promo from July heading into the WWE’s Money in the Bank PPV. This was a negative and you’ll soon see why…

THE SEEDS
As commentator, Punk brought up flaws in WWE’s logic (yet he himself falls into failed logic). He also wore T-shirts from his favorites like Colt Cabanna and Charles Manson. WWE let everything slide… he’s CM Punk. As he did commentary, during John Cena matches Punk would be more protective of his beloved Pepsi can… than calling the match. It was his subtle way of knocking how WWE commentators don’t talk about matches, but rather hype up “what else is tonight.”

THE TEAR STARTS BEFORE MONEY IN THE BANK
Building up to the Money in the Bank PPV, CM Punk had said he’d leave with the WWE title after winning it in his hometown of Chicago. He then cut down the WWE and its management. Punk said John Cena is one of the things wrong with the WWE as well. He also brought up the name John Laurenitus… which has never been mentioned on WWE television (maybe rarely).

Before Money in the Bank, John Laurenitus was introduced as an on-screen character. He was the right hand man of Vince McMahon, owner of the WWE. He wasn’t a joke of a character like Patterson or Briscoe were in the late 90s.

THE BLACK HOLE OPENED
After CM Punk won the WWE title, he “left” the WWE (only to return to RAW in 8 days), but when he left Vince McMahon was removed from the WWE. Vince is gone from TV (as he is every summer) when his son-in-law HHH took over the WWE‘s day to day operations. Those two things were big… Vince is gone… HHH is back after being gone for 6+ months. Not only is he back, but he runs the WWE since he is Vince’s son-in-law and all (figure out how he outranks Vince’s own daughter Stephanie).

With HHH back, the anonymous GM disappeared RAW… thankfully, but John Laurenitus was never revealed as the anonymous GM. In fact no one was revealed to be the anonymous GM. Since it was an anonymous GM, no one really noticed the disappearance.

To top off that craziness… but CM Punk was the WWE champion when he returned… but so was John Cena who had won the title from Rey Mysterio Jr the same night Rey won the WWE title to conclude an 8 man tournament. 2 men with 1 title. It’s like an alternate universe where CM Punk never existed… yet he does exist with the WWE title.

SUMMERSLAM SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM
To unify the 2 belts back into 1, HHH made himself referee in a match with CM Punk vs John Cena. After CM Punk unified the championships, Kevin Nash made his shocking return after a 6+ month absence from the WWE. Before that 6+ month absence it was a 5+ year absence.

With Kevin Nash back… he was soon “fired.” Meanwhile, John Laurenitus and HHH struggle for HHH’s company. As those two struggled, former main eventers R-Truth and Miz started talking about a conspiracy in the WWE… yet those two were the only two aligned. In other words HHH is his own man, CM Punk is his own man, John Lauranitus was his own man, Nash was his own man, but R-Truth and Miz are aligned and conspiring…

THE BLACK HOLE GETS WORSE NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS
A PPV where every match was a championship match was headlined by a non-title match that had HHH vs CM Punk for the WWE… No DQ. A suit wearing owner of the WWE vs a guy who looks like a short order cook. There’s nothing wrong with that, until you lay out how they got here.

Headed into the Night of Champions PPV, CM Punk was set to have a match with Kevin Nash until he got fired… he also cut a promo that was so inside I’m not sure the kids at home watching RAW knew what was going on. They called each other Phil and Paul. That’s like if the guys on the TV show X-Files started calling each other Jillian and David.

The WWE clearly painted themselves into a corner with this one, if HHH lost he’d lose the company, but if Punk lost… the WWE would exit the black hole. So R-Truth and Miz interfered… that way they’d take the fall for the WWE not giving a clean finish with a match that had big consequences.

R-Truth & Miz were “fired” the next night. After they faced CM Punk who teamed with John Cena. John Cena who is the man who CM Punk called out and said he’s one of the things wrong with the WWE. A man that he faced 3x and beat (before their 4th match where Nash distracted Punk).

FOR THOSE KEEPING SCORE HERE’S WHERE WE ARE NOW…
BEFORE CM PUNK
– Vince ran the WWE
– No John Laurenitus
– John Cena holds the WWE title
– R-Truth on the roster
– Miz on the roster
– Kevin Nash NOT on active roster
– HHH NOT on active roster

AFTER CM PUNK
– Vince fired
– John Laurenitus is there (a man in a speaking role who can barely speak)
– John Cena HOLDS THE WWE TITLE (changed hands 6 times in 2 months)
– R-Truth fired
– Miz fired
– Kevin Nash fired
– HHH runs the WWE

Is the WWE better or worse?

WWE ’12 Misses the Boat on Special Edition (here’s some better content I’d put in)

For those that don’t know, WWE’s latest video game WWE ’12 will have a special “People’s Edition” with Rock on the cover. For an extra $10 ($70) you will get…

WWE ’12 “The People’s Edition” includes:

• Unique foil sleeve cover packaging featuring The Great One.
• WWE ’12 videogame including The Rock playable in-game character.
• Exclusive WWE Blu-Ray/DVD (depending on platform type) featuring The Rock’s must-see WWE Raw appearances from February 14, 2011 and April 4, 2011, including his highly anticipated return to WWE and the moment his WrestleMania XXVIII match with John Cena was made official. Produced by the WWE for The People’s Edition!
• Exclusive foil Topps trading card featuring The Rock.
• Electrifying photograph of The Rock.

Wow… that’s pretty bland… I’d throw in an extra storyline mode… the People’s storyline that takes players through the Rock’s Hayday over a year. Complete with HHH, Mankind, Austin and the Big Show in their old attires. You don’t even need to have any one of them doing voice overs. It would make that version of the game feel special instead of just a different coat of paint on the same game. Maybe videos spliced in of promos building up to the matches in there either building to their real life matches or retrospective interviews with everyone about the match you’re about to play through.

That might take a whole day or two for THQ designers to make and add to the special edition.

I also think they really should have 3 editions… 1 standard, 2 specials (Cena & Rock) where if you combine the 3 covers it makes one long cover. They could sell more copies of the game that way, because Mortal Kombat has done special editions with 4 covers and they all sell. Collectors go out of their way. Imagine… $60 for standard + 2 * $70 for special editions. Just for a COVER. People will buy it… $200! That will look good for your game sales when these WWE games haven’t sold too well since WWE ‘8 (Smackdown vs RAW 2008) .

Keeping CM Punk Strong (once he wins the WWE title from Cena at TLC)

If I booked it… Punk would win the WWE title from John Cena in our home town of Chicago IL. Then disappear with the belt. Vince McMahon will panic and make Randy Orton (or whoever the heavyweight champion is) drift between shows just like the unified tag team championship. That way Cena can have a title to capture (assuming that Cena isn’t “fired”). They can have Cena vs Orton at Summerslam to draw in their face vs face. Maybe have that feud go until the Rumble. You can have Smackdown vs RAW at Survivor Series.

Building into Royal Rumble… you hype for a month. CM Punk will return at the Rumble. He’s resigned he will appear again. Vince McMahon says CM Punk left with the WWE belt. There is ONLY the heavyweight belt. Have Punk go in the Rumble match, have him throw out guys and cut a speech cutting down the company. No one can stop him… will it be Yoshi Tatsu that comes out next? You know I never lost the WWE championship. CM Punk wins the Royal Rumble!!!!!! There is presidence for an inactive guy coming in and winning the Rumble.

Then… the next night on RAW he brings the WWE title and announces to John Cena (heavyweight champion) that as the Royal Rumble winner he gets a title shot at Wrestlemania… but he doesn’t want the title shot at Mania, he wants to hold both belts by Wrestlemania and walk in as the undesputed champion. As the Royal Rumble winner he challenges Cena at No Way Out… with a heavyweight title vs WWE title on the line. Winner take all!!!

CM Punk wins, but then in the Elimination Chamber match at the No Way Out (or Elimination Chamber) PPV… Undertaker wins the Chamber match meaning he’s the #1 contender for the unified belt.

Cena faces Rock at Wrestlemania… just before Punk’s unified title takes on Taker’s undefeated streak. Punk topples Taker and beats the streak! Someone has to beat him, it might as well be the guy that unified the titles.

Everyone else that Taker faces is in tears thanking them for the match of their career at the grandest stage. Punk is disrespectful the next night on RAW. Punk needs some real competition and not just Taker who wrestles 2x a year.

That’s when HHH comes back… Taker retired his best friend and basically put HHH out for a full year! Punk wonders why HHH should get a shot when he’s been gone? HHH vs Cena at the next PPV Backlash for a title shot at the May PPV. Then throughout 2012-2013 until Wrestlemania HHH and Punk have a feud with 5 singles matches. Punk wins 2 (Summer Slam & Royal Rumble), HHH wins 2 (May PPV & Survivor Series). Then they build to Wrestlemania 2013 as their final match. If Punk wins, HHH disappears. Punk goes over… HHH disappears!

6 months go by with business as usual for Punk defending the unified title. Maybe Jericho will come back to say he was the man that unified the WWE / WCW belts. Anyway, after 6 months, Punk’s life starts getting worse. He’s booked in tag matches with him and a jobber vs 2 main eventers. Then Punk vs 2 main eventers and 3 main eventers. Punk’s life just gets worse and worse. So Punk looks into it and by Royal Rumble, HHH comes out and says he’s the man behind the scenes pulling the strings and making Punk’s life hell. HHH says you retired me and the Undertaker. This is what you made for yourself. This hell is all yours and it started with leaving with the WWE title 2 years ago!

HHH says there’s one way to end the hell. A match at Wrestlemania 2014. Punk says he retired HHH from active competition… Then you can bring me back Punk or should I make your life worse? Maybe make a Royal Rumble with you Punk as the #1 slot and make the unified title on the line? Punk lets HHH back in the company. HHH wins his match with Punk at 2014 and HHH is back or Punk wins and HHH stays backstage.

Mu-ah-ha-ha-ha.