Monthly Archives: June 2012

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should be) (in my mind) (6/28/12)

AJ STYLES & DIXIE CARTER BACKSTAGE (brief)
Another brief backstage thing with AJ saying he’s gonna beat up Daniels and Kazarian. At least this was quick and painless compared to Derrek Bateman backstage at NXT. I still feel that TNA can salvage the Clare Lynch / AJ / Dixie / Daniels / KAZ storyline and you can read about it here… (http://wp.me/p1Prve-j9)

BFG >> MR. ANDERSON vs RVD (surprisingly good … maybe because it wasn’t bad)
Mr. Anderson looks at the mic too long. He talks too long. Do we have any assholes in the building tonight. Yayyyy he’s swearing He swore! Let’s cheer him. He hails from Green Bay Wisconsin. As a Chicagoan… you shouldn’t be proud of that, but whatever. Tennay runs down Mr. Anderson winning 2 points at a TNA live event for a time limit draw. When TNA goes to a commercial they need to throw up the wins / losses in a round robin graph.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. As of last year… I never want to see this match again. Tennay mentions that there is now a 15 minute time limit. I’d rather have a 10 minute time limit, but whatever. RVD does an Indian death lock and Anderson crawls out of it which made it very awkward for RVD. RVD has some good submissions and Anderson has some legitimate fight out of the submissions. Looked good. Over the past few months Anderson has gotten better… and this comment comes from someone that doesn’t like him. RVD has some very beautiful moves and submissions.

The crowd stays hot for this match and that’s what’s really important. This was a good little match and it was the right amount of time for me to get into it and actually care, which is something I couldn’t say about any match last week. James Storm > Samoa Joe > Kurt Angle > Mr Anderson > RVD so far in the BFG Series

AUSTIN ARIES PROMO (good, not gold)
TNA shows that someone else is coming to the ring. They play his music and I have no idea who’s coming to the ring… then they reveal its Austin Aries. Oh yeah. I have no idea what his entrance looks like and I watch every week.

Aries explains his choice last week to sacrifice the belt… that would be something good for the Sacrifice PPV. He also explains that the X-Division will have a tournament at Destination X to determine the new title. Good. That was my idea last year, along the lines of the Super Junior tournament in Japan.

Robert Roode comes down. He looks like an accountant. Austin Aries looks like a magician, but I’d rather pay to see a magician than pay to see an accountant. Robert Roode says that he’s made the belt worth something. See I disagree. He needs more clean wins. Austin Aries has had good clean wins. Roode points out the BFG series will have 12 men fighting for a chance at the title. Well Aries should point out that the X-Division will have a tournament. Robert Roode brings up Hulk Hogan. Makes me think the real feud here is Hogan vs Roode not Roode vs Storm or even the man he’s standing with.

Aries heats things up when he dares Roode to take him out of his rings. The crowd is hot. They get read, then Roode bails. Aries should have jumped at him when Roode bailed.

CLARE LYNCH RECAP / CLARE LYNCH BACKSTAGE INTERVIEW w/ DIXIE (terrible)
Terrible stuff. Their backstage interviewer is no longer Jason Hervy. The interviewer asks her how she met Dixie. Oh through a party at Dixie’s. Uggg. Terrible.

DANIELS & KAZ BACKSTAGE
They argue. Too brief to be good or bad.

X-DIVISION QUALIFIER >> SONJAY DUTT vs RUBIX (2 guys thrown out there cold fire up the crowd)
Dutt is back! At least for a month. He’s been in TNA’s other promotion Ring Ka King in India. I’ve heard of Rubix. This should be highly entertaining. Hopefully they can rekindle the X-Division now that its dead. But how rekindled can it be when TNA has the Bound for Glory Series? Rubix has a great look. He’s crisp and very quick. Sonjay himself is a great pro and always has been. Its great when 2 guys who haven’t been in the company or in the company for 2+ years can come in and fire up the crowd like this with no introduction. A sick backflip double stomp finisher. Clean victory. Good stuff even if it was quick. The fans are firmly behind the winner. The winner is stopped by Christy Hemme and he says says he’s never been TNA X-Division championship, so that’s his goal.

GUT CHECK >> TAYLOR HENDRIX EVALUATION
Tazz, Al Snow & Bruch Prichard backstage in the trailer to talk. Its in pure work mode. They question if she’s green or game ready. I think she’s ready with a lot of growth potential. Tazz hates when people come in with a sense of entitlement… and Taylor doesn’t have that. Bruce questions if they’ll buy a PPV because she’s on it. Truth be told so many people have found my reviews of TNA Impact because of Taylor Hendrix. Yes. She is a draw. A skinny chick with big implants. She’s a draw. Plus she’s fresher than 9/10ths of the knockouts.

BFG >> SAMOA JOE vs BULLY RAY (hard hitting and heavy lifting)
It astounds me how TNA can throw guys out cold or spend years making them lose, yet the crowd is always hot for them. This match should be awesome and at some point I would have paid for it. The crowd even knows its awesome before it happens. They’re soaking it in before they wrestle. Fans are heavy chanting through the match. This match is as you’d expect…. hard hitting and heavy lifting. What’s strange and good is Bully Ray is working the arm. Bully Ray even does a running frog splash. Toward the end of the match Joseph Park runs to the ring, Bully Ray puts his hands on Joseph who then slaps him hard. The crowd explodes.

JOSEPH PARK PROMO (good stuff)
After the match, Joseph says he’s been bullied all his life. So he challenges Bully tonight! Now he says in 2 weeks from tonight. What? Oh well 2 weeks Bully vs Joseph Park.

DIXIE & CLARE BACKSTAGE (bad)
Dixie explains all. Wow this is done in such a sterile environment to keep the fans out of it. Dixie explains Christopher Daniels twisted the facts. Daniels caught Dixie and AJ Styles planning a surprise birthday party for Dixie’s husband Serge.

KAZ & HULK HOGAN BACKSTAGE (bad and dumb)
LOL wow KAZ is backpedaling. He wants to bail on Daniels. Again they can really salvage this angle if Daniels comes out and says that AJ & Dixie are lying. This woman Clare Lynch is a serrogate mother holding Dixie’s fertilized egg with AJ’s sperm. Go further not pull back. Or hell just drop it like the Sting and three masked men angle. I wanted KAZ to stay face or go heel. Not both.

MADISON RAYNE & GARRETT BISCHOFF BACKSTAGE (quick)
Garrett is wearing a bowling shirt. Madison Rayne has this crush… so she’s wondering ‘what’s he like?’ I bet its Robbie E.

2 BROOKES & 1 GAIL (the rematch is set)
Brooke Hogan tells Brooke Tessmacher that she’s the new Direct Auto spokesperson. Gail Kim arrives and it gets interesting without getting bad. Gail wants her rematch. Hogan… Brooke Hogan tells her next week she gets a rematch.

X-DIVISION QUALIFIER >> RASHAAD CAMERON vs MASON ANDREWS (high octane recklessness)
Cameron has a great look, black guy with a fro and colorful tights. He looks different. He doesn’t feel like an X-Division guy. Mason Andrews has a spring in his step. The crowd is less hot for this match. There are plenty of ooos and ahhhs. Mason has some great areal work and almost kills himself corkscrewing not high enough over the top rope to the outside. Rashaad isn’t the best worker and neither is Mason. Rashaad seems to be safer like he works a main event style while Rashaad works an X division style. Mason Andrews looks very bland even if his moves are totally flashy. Maybe he needs a mask. The fans chant this is awesome at some sloppy work. Quick match and that’s okay. The winner says that the fans know they’re looking at the next X-Division champion! Good. The fans boo him. Even better!

HULK HOGAN & JAMES STORM BACKSTAGE w/ JEFF HARDY (how’s everybody)
James Storm asks about Sting. Hogan asks about James. Hogan says next week Storm vs Jeff Hardy. This was quick and you know what’s next week. TNA is fun right now. They give you stuff to look forward to. They’re building to things and they’re using matches to prove the best.

GUT CHECK >> TAYLOR HENDRIX DECISION (the interruption)
I say she gets it, but who knows. Tazz, Al Snow and Bruce Prichard make the decision. Taylor this is a beauty pageant, make sure to wave like a queen. Tazz says… what the fans say. Al Snow says… There’s someone in the crowd… and its Joey Ryan with a sign. Awesome. He should get dragged away by security. Joey is challenging Tazz and bang there’s security. Live television. Al Snow says something. Leaving one final man to tie break! Taylor is force to cut a promo. Good promo, bad delivery. Sounded whinny, forced and not real. Bruce Prichard says he doesn’t think she’s mean enough. Huh? Whatever. Tara is mean enough and she doesn’t go anywhere. She’s the sympathetic babyface. Oh and for the dozens of people writing me in wonder, she had been misdiagnosed with cancer. She’s not a survivor.

KURT ANGLE & AJ STYLES BACKSTAGE (an announcement)
AJ announces that he and Daniels have a last man standing match at Destination X. Should be good…. if we didn’t see it every month for the past 4+ months.

TAG TITLES >> KURT ANGLE & AJ STYLES vs CHRISTOPHER DANIELS & KAZ
So from this show we’ve learned KAZ doesn’t want to be with Daniels. Clare Lynch and Dixie Carter are ringside watching. At the last pay-per-view this was the match of the show if not TNA’s 2012.

This really tells the story of KAZ turning on Daniels. When Angle tries to suplex Daniels and Daniels hangs onto KAZ, KAZ hits Daniels to get him to let go so Angle can suplex him. Then KAZ turns on Daniels and gives him to AJ Styles. Good little match, but not the same…

DANIELS DECLARES AJ IS THE FATHER!

My Fresh Game Modes for WWE games

I wrote a previous article with 3 fresh WWE games. Now I’d like to think outside the box while still thinking in the realm of video games. (https://workmancer.wordpress.com/2012/06/12/3-fresh-ideas-for-wwe-video-games/) Here are my ideas for new online modes for the next WWE games.

CAPTURE THE RING (KING OF THE HILL)
Let’s pretend the WWE still has a brand split with Smackdown and RAW superstars. Two teams of 12 compete against one another to own the ring. 12 Smackdown guys, 12 RAW guys compete spawning in their own locker room and making their way to the ring. The object is to have the ring controled by your brand for a certain amount of time. When someone is pinned or KOed, they are out and respawn in their locker room after a few seconds. This keeps everyone in the game. There are plenty of games with King of the Hill modes.

ARENA ASSAULT
This is the same idea as the first, but you need to control the entire arena. You can have your group of 12 take over one section at a time, or sent 3 wrestlers to each section. Brand teams must control each section for a moment in order to consider it their territory.

CAPTURE THE TITLE / CAPTURE THE CASE
Since each brand has a main title, I say make teams of 12 vs 12 where you spawn in your locker room and need to make your way to your opponents locker room to steal their title or briefcase. When you are pinned or KOed you just respawn in your locker room, that way everyone stays playing. You can then pick another wrestler. Not just that, but you can break it up where there can be a top tier title with top members of the WWE roster and the bottom titles with lower members of the roster. That way you can break up the rosters into 4. High end RAW & Smackdown and low end RAW & Smackdown. Heck, the object can even be to pin the champion hidden in their locker room or the ring and then the winner needs to make it back to his home locker room with the belt. Randomly assign a champion. If that person is pinned by the opposing brand / roster, that person becomes the champion. But the object is still to get the title back to your locker room from the other brand.

THE STREAK
A series of one on one matches where you keep going until you are defeated and the system would be smart enough to pair you against other people in their streak mode. So chances are someone will get a streak of 4 or 40 and pair you with someone on a streak of 4 or 40.

SURVIVAL MODE
Like the never ending royal rumble from No Mercy, its Survival Mode… but online. Two people start the elimination style match and the rest of the players get put into a cue of never ending wrestlers that just keep adding. There is no end… you get elimanated then get sent to the back of the line of online players. You see how many eliminations you can get.

That wraps up my take on most of the popular modes with a wrestling twist.

Rebooking RAW (6/25/12) and making a better Money in the Bank PPV

I want to preface with my thought that WWE RAW was OK. It was good in the way that it was not bad and I’m totally fine with that. It looks like we’re getting Daniel Bryan vs CM Punk and Money in the Bank with former champions Chris Jericho vs John Cena vs Kane vs Big Show. Kind of leading me to believe that Cena will become the first man to win Money in the Bank and lose the title match.

With all that said…. here is my rebooking RAW:

HAVE ONE SINGLE MONEY IN THE BANK MATCH
I would have had 1 Money in the Bank with 8 people… 2 of which take themselves out or brawl to the back. Having 1 money in the bank puts heat on the match, but also the man that wins can appear on RAW and Smackdown to tease who he’ll chal…lenge. Then have 10 matches over RAW & Smackdown to qualify for the 8 slots. Heck WWE likes voting so much, have the fans vote who should win #MITBcena. Then the top 8 guys get in or just have it the fastest 8 victories.
You can have those 10 matches on 2 shows putting over the guys and then have 8 more matches on 2 more shows putting over the guys in the Money in the Bank. Jericho can try to form alliances. Big Show can prove he can dominate… when everyone is knocked out he can climb the ladder. Sin Cara and Kofi can high fly into people to make you think Money in the Bank will be worth your money as a spectral. Sure they aren’t in Money in the Bank unless there are two matches, but hey. Zack Ryder can be thrown into it as a fan favorite and Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio can round out the 8 participants.
With the WWE version of money in the bank… I just thing this is 4 guys that have been with WWE alone for 10+ years with zero heat going into it. 20+ world title reigns between them. This is a match that should have been in 2002, not 2012. This is probably the best worked match they could probably have, but not the greatest spectacal.
CM PUNK vs JOHN CENA… ONE MORE TIME
Also I’d much prefer Cena vs Punk at the PPV. Why? Because it would celebrate 1 year of last year and that means more than another Bryan vs Punk match even if its better. Have Cena go over Otunga, have Dolph go over Heath, have Del Rio go o…ver Brodus and have a 3 way at the end of the night. The winner gets to pick their title shot at Money in the Bank. Cena would pick next week to face Punk. Punk can say do we really want to do this again? I beat you last year. Then when you won, you left the company and held out for more money while I’ve always been here. You say you’re the best in the world, but I’m the guy here proving it every week. I took out Brock, Big Show and the one guy you said you’d take out and that’s John Laurenitus. What makes you think you’re the best in the world when I’m the one main eventing? Then CM can shoot on him and probably not rekindle anything from last year, but more of a cash in and they can probably do some interesting promos with a 2 week build.
IF YOU HAVE TO DO SHEAMUS vs DOLPH vs DEL RIO
As for Dolph & Del Rio & Sheamus, the Dolph vs Del Rio contract on a pole match was the best it could have been, if it wasn’t so pointless at the end… it would make more sense to have one of the contenders get a victory heading into the match so if anything Dolph over Slater and Del Rio over Brodus. Both guys would have 2 victories going into their 3 way. Then do the 3 way at the PPV with 3 weeks of build instead of a moment before their title match this week.
Then on top of that last idea. Dolph needs to get one over on Sheamus. Have Dolph put a sleeper or rear naked choke on Sheamus and then Del Rio can do the arm bar to him at the same time.
I’m no fan of Sheamus vs Dolph vs Del Rio. I’d rather see Sheamus vs Kane. Well I’d rather not see either of them.
AJ AND KANE, THE POWER COUPLE

Then get AJ a title shot at the PPV by…. backstage AJ tells Kane. I’ll win my match just for you…. then reveal its Kane. Then she says I’d really like it if you were there for me. AJ goes out and wins a title shot against… Alicia Fox …or someone using some submission that would effect the champion Layla. Whatever Layla was just out for a knee make AJ’s submission a knee lock. Kane doesn’t come out. AJ cheats then uses the submission for the win. AJ keeps the hold on way too long and Layla comes running down and beats up AJ, who then says Kane help me please! So Kane comes out and choke slams Layla out of action for a month. Kane is banned from having matches for a month. AJ starts an unofficial reign as the top diva with a giant behind her. Just incase she ever dares to lose. AJ can have a match against someone else at the PPV and have the title shot 2 PPVs from now.
That idea could also get Kane matches. CM comes out… you don’t do that to women we love women… Bingo match. Sheamus runs out to kick a mans ass that choke slammed a woman. Bingo. Match. If WWE or USA Network doesn’t want to have any man against women violence (like Spike TV), then  Kane put his hand around someone and almost choke slam her, but thank goth Sheamus arrived!!!!
It would put heat on AJ’s matches. The divas could say how could you ever love that thing…. you know Kane AJ doesn’t really love you, she’s just using you since she’s too small and weak for the division. Referee says… Kane you’re banned from ringside for this match! Imagine the mixed tags. Oh and the best part to all of this is… even when she has Kane, she can still mess with Bryan and Punk… for dumping her.
RYBACK vs BRODUS CLAY
Brodus lost this week to the Big Show, but in my world they’d be unbeatable until they face each other. Kind of like you know one of them will lose. You’re paying to see one of them lose. I’d have Ryback destroy him with feats of wow he can lift Brodus. Then have Brodus stretchered out to put heat on Ryback for killing a teddy bear. And yes Ryback can build by killing low end guys that aren’t 1 time jobbers.
TO FILL OUT MONEY IN THE BANK PAY PER VIEW Then I guess to fill out the TLC card have Lord Tensai vs Santino with a comedy build. Cody vs Christian with a normal build. Oh and the tag titles… Kofi and Killings can lose the tag titles to the Prime Time Players by way of their manager helping them cheat to gain the titles. Then have them defend the belts against someone at the pay-per-view. I’m thinking Camacho & Hunico.. Someone can step up to take on AJ for Layla’s honor.
A LOOK AT MY MONEY IN THE BANK CARD
So… looking at Money in the Bank we just hammered out:
CM PUNK vs JOHN CENA
SHEAMUS vs KANE
BIG SHOW vs CHRIS JERICHO vs ALBERTO DEL RIO vs DANIEL BRYAN vs KOFI KINGSTON vs DOLPH ZIGGLER vs ZAK RYDER vs SIN CARA
AJ LEE vs LAYLA ALI (or friend of Layla)
CHRISTIAN vs CODY RHODES
SANTINO vs LORD TENSAI
PRIME TIME PLAYERS vs CAMACHO & HUNICO
RYBACK vs BRODUS CLAY

How TNA can salvage the AJ Stylez and Dixie Carter pregnant lady reveal

So… my thoughts on this Dixie / Stylez angle revealing they were helping a pregnant woman get help from drugs and one night stands… Yes it was beyond stupid with plenty of plot holes such as why would KAZ turn on AJ for helping the woman unless he is the baby’s father… but since I can’t go back in time to fix it, I can salvage this angle, Daniels should go nuts and say no no, you’re not getting out of this. I know what happened, KAZ knows what happened and we have someone that saw with her own eyes what happened. (however this will face Daniels and make AJ & Dixie heels) Next week they bring that person out. That person is KAZ’s wife Traci Brooks. … Traci is the reason why KAZ believes it now. She saw them at the hotel and mentioned it to Daniels who went overboard and discovered the stranger than fiction truth that Dixie’s husband Serge had a vesectomy and can’t have kids so Dixie the millionaire had one of her AJ fertilized eggs put into a serrogate mother who faked being an addict and that piece of paper Daniels kee…ps showing is the hospital bill for the serrogate motherism. Then the mother in 2 weeks can say yes… it was all true. You two have ruined my life… people will think she means KAZ & Daniels, but she’ll really mean AJ & Dixie, because when a bad actress turns on two loved people that makes her the heel and the loved people are the faces.
Then that mother hooks up with a wrestler and gets into his mind to send that wrestler after AJ. There, 2 months of storylines. Then she has the baby and AJ proves that it wasn’t his sperm that made the baby… it was Daniels. Leading the fans to chant… Daddy Daniels. That will result in an extra month of storyline.
Are there any plot holes to what has already been done with the storyline?

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should be) (in my mind) (6/21/12)

TNA OPENING RECAP (brief, but star making)
Roode recap. Aries recap. Good stuff… because they’re faces. People care about both of them. Aries is on fire. Brief recap. TNA has been getting a lot better lately. Like I can’t wait for TNA Impact every week. I’m not the only person saying that.

HULK HOGAN & AUSTIN ARIES ANGLE (headed to Aries execution)
As much as I don’t care what Hogan has to say… I think… he’s not Robert Roode or HHH starting off a 2 hour wrestling show… so that makes me happy. Tonight is Gut Check and Open Fight Night. TNA will have its first female Gut Check challenger. They’ve also got the Bound for Glory Series. I’m actually looking forward to this.

Hogan wants an answer from Aries if he will give up his X-Division championship for a title shot at Robert Roode at Destination X. See this is a terrible idea, a bad idea and a good idea all at once. It is a good idea, because Austin Aries doesn’t need to be beat to give up a low-end title. It is a bad idea because I’d much rather see Aries vs AJ Stylez main event Destination X and its a terrible idea, because Roode’s storyline trumps Austin Aries career. Aries should not come to an end. If anything Aries should be the man to take the belt even if the angle is designed for James Storm to get the top title.

Austin Aries wants any X-Division champion to have the opportunity to give up the title for a top title shot at the Destination X. Good idea I guess, since it puts heat on the belt… once a year. Robert Roode comes out and blah blah blah. It ends in a hockey fight. Yes a shirt pulling hockey fight before its broken up. Then Mr. Anderson appears with microphone in hand. He doesn’t have his blonde hair. Don’t ever let Anderson talk. Anderson says he’ll win the Bound for Glory Series. Please no. Oddly enough Mr. Anderson wasn’t terrible on the microphone. He was okay.

BOUND FOR GLORY SERIES SCORE SYSTEM (Thank goth they talk about it.)
Same as last year. Good idea to show how scoring is done. Still lose 10 points for a DQ and there is now a 10 minute time limit for each match. Good. I like that. Gives a chance for draws.

BFG >> MR. ANDERSON vs CHRISTOPHER DANIELS (good for its clean victory)
Mr. Anderson challenges Christopher Daniels. Again, don’t let Mr. Anderson talk. Christopher Daniels comes out with an appletini. I remember this match from a month ago. Very meh in terms of crowd heat compared to most TNA matches in the past few months. Good clean finish. Thank you TNA. I laugh at how Mike Tenney calls something a patented move… when so many people do it. The victory celebration is silly if not dumb.

AJ & DIXIE BACKSTAGE (time filler)
She wants to tell everyone… This is a time filler. We saw 2 of these last week. I expect to see 2 more tonight.

BROOKE HOGAN w/ ODB / MICKIE JAMES / VELVET SKYE / MADISON RAYNE (pretty bad)
This was done reality style… They’re discussing who gets the Knockouts title. Brooke wants to know why they want the title. This does put heat on the Knockouts title. Wow this does not make any of the four glow in a positive light. This was designed to make Brooke Hogan look good and like the only sane person.

BFG >> ROBBIE E vs KURT ANGLE (effective)
Robbie E does a good open challenge that is answered by Angle. I predict a destruction of both Robbie E and Rob Terry. Great victory. Made the winner look very effective.

TAYLOR HENDRIX GUT CHECK VIDEO (interesting story)
She’s got red hair. That’s what’s missing from wrestling. None of her footage had red hair. In fact her footage makes her look like Mickie James this is a plus for her… but not Mickie. She announces that she was diagnosed with cancer at age 21.

BFG >> MAGNUS vs AJ STYLEZ (an ok match too short to be good)
This episode of Impact is going by quick. Magnus calls out someone, it goes to commercial. I have a feeling its Joe. Nope its AJ Stylez. Funny how all of these open challenges call out home wreckers. ODB should call out the Wedding Planner next. Magnus catches AJ off the top rope with a ragdoll catch then turns it into a suplex. That looked good. AJ misses a Pele kick. Apparently what he and Dixie are going through is messing with him. Daniels & KAZ interfere. At least they haven’t interfered in a while.

GUT CHECK >> TAYLOR HENDRIX vs TARA (give her a job)
She looks like she’s in the hot girl marching band… implants… so she’ll fit in with TNA’s abnormal sized implants. Tara comes down to the ring. Good choice. I would have had Gail Kim, but I guess Gail has more of a character. So what do we grade here? Her ability to sell? Do we grade Taylor Hendrix ability to mimmick Mickie James?

I say give Taylor Hendrix a TNA contract. She’s hot with crisp work and mega implants that TNA loves. We haven’t seen a new knockout in at least a year. Get rid of Angelina Love or Winter. What have they done lately?

In fact since Brooke Tessmacher hasn’t been here this week, they can have Taylor get a job next week and have Brooke return to say She’s not Taylor… she’s some stalker from my former sorority!

JOSEPH PARK & BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE (too brief to be gold)
Bully Ray bullies the giant Joseph Park who brings up his brother… Bully Ray doesn’t want to see Joseph Park in the crowd. This was good… stoopid bastad.

BFG >> SAMOA JOE vs JAMES STORM (on the verge of good, but not long enough)
Since no one has the guts to call out Samoa Joe, he calls out James Storm. Should be good, but every match on this show has been 2 – 4 minutes. A win is a win even if its not really a match. Tazz & Tennay hype the fact James Storm has been away from active competition. There is a dueling chant… which is good. Joe dumps James on his head with a power slam. After the match Joe comes at James Storm with a beer bottle… I won’t ruin what happens next.

AJ / DIXIE / DANIELS ANGLE VIDEO RECAP
Yep AJ & Dixie have a surprise for Serge. It’s probably like an autograph from Serge’s favorite baseball player. Good recap of a terrible angle that gives AJ an excuse to lose.

AJ & DIXIE BACKSTAGE (again)
Time filler… AJ wants to get it done tonight. It’s funny because last week AJ wanted it done… then he didn’t and Dixie wanted to. Now this episode starts its Dixie that wants to… and now its AJ. Well now that everyone’s on the same page.

BROOKE HOGAN w/ 3 of the 4 women (too quick to be as bad as it could)
Eh its getting sane. Brooke is kinda pointing out how silly the women are. And someone leaves. Quick.

BFG >> BULLY RAY vs POPE (The ghost of Abyss)
… Pope is back after being gone 6+ months. Crimson was undefeated for 18 months. Why is he not in this series? Whatever. Anyway, comes down to the ring and challenges Pope. Bully Ray needs a racist gimmick to make up for all the black men he beats down. So I guess RVD vs Jeff Hardy will be the main event… I predict another 2 – 4 minute match between Bully Ray and Pope. Interestingly Pope has a punching / elbow combination just like Bully Ray has a punching combo. At some point Abyss comes through the crowd. Terrifying some of the ring rats at ringside. Abyss is just like a ghost haunting Bully Ray.

HOGAN BACKSTAGE w/ JEFF HARDY & RVD
Makes Jeff Hardy vs RVD… yup.

DESTINATION X TRAILER w/ AUSTIN ARIES
Its awesome. Makes him look like a star.

MONTGUMARY GENTRY MUSIC VIDEO starring VELVET SKYE
So she’s a single mother? Or its just acting. This is more Velvet’s video than Montgumary Gentries. They don’t show all of it… but this just proves… get big implants so you can be a star. Even reality shows know the value of implants.

BROOKE HOGAN BACKSTAGE w/ 2 of 4 FINALISTS
This might as well have been a beauty pageant. Quite the shock outcome. Kept quick.

KNOCKOUTS TITLE >> TESSMACHER vs FINALIST
Congrats to TNA for making a new female star with Miss. Tessmacher. Beautiful moves from the finalist. Lots of butt shots from the camera. I wish I didn’t have to report on that… but that’s where the cameras are. This match will probably do TNA’s biggest rating of the night… even with the terrible build. Miss Tessmocher is selling more than Taylor Hendrix. Good clean finish.

BFG >> RVD vs JEFF HARDY (failed to interest me)
Yep its a match. I remember when people would pay for this match. To be honest I had no interest in this match. Two flat guys having the same match for the 1,000th time. It isn’t any better, it isn’t any worse. No heat is put on the match since there’s an angle on top.

PROS

  • Austin Aries in TNA
  • Christopher Daniels appletini
  • Some clean wins in the BFG!
  • Winner of Robbie E & Kurt Angle looked very effective
  • Taylor Hendrix
  • TNA letting the winners celebrate… almost as long as the matches.

CONS

  • No Sting storyline continuation. He was attacked by 3 masked me, Jeff Jarrett and the Harris brothers (I think).
  • Very little build for Destination X… but I guess you need to have an X-Division to have an X-Division pay-per-view.
  • Robert Roode talking
  • Mr. Anderson talking
  • Knockouts discussing why they want the Knockouts title… *shakes head*
  • AJ’s head not in the game… I’d much rather not see him on his year long losing streak.
  • Gut Check as a whole. What are we evaluating? A person’s ability to lose?
  • Tag champs not wearing their championship belts. Did anyone remember they are tag champs?
  • Backstage with Knockouts, but it was kept quick
  • I’ve seen RVD and Hardy too much to care… but that can be said a lot about any match in TNA.
  • No Devon defending the TV title. Not that it matters, but it was said… defending it on every Impact. Maybe he’s on Xplosion.
  • Over run lead to no conclusion with the Dixie and AJ angle… the main event.

New NXT = FCW (6/2012)

So NXT has been revamped into something that looks and feels more like FCW. New NXT has a home arena (Full Sail University Arena) that they film 2 episodes at each TV taping (someone correct me if I’m wrong). Just like TNA did before it went live a month ago. That is a great idea to keep costs down and have your fans recognize your wrestlers. So now on with the show…

TYPICAL WWE LOGO
Yep its the typical WWE stamp logo… but John Cena is the champion?

COMMENTARY TEAM
Jim Ross & William Regal. You can’t go wrong with that. Regal is very good with information and history of things. Jim Ross hasn’t lost his step, but there won’t be any big moments for him to call.

NEW NXT OPENING
The opening recaps great WWE moments and says that these are the fresh crop willing to step up to one day have their moments. Then they go into the intro of the show which has some good music.

JIM ROSS INTRODUCES THE INTERUM GM
Oh good there’s a GM on this show. Sour taste already. Its a good choice though, but he doesn’t need to be a GM. I won’t spoil it for anyone. Someone announces Tyson Kidd vs Michael McGillicutty on paper seems like a terrible main event.

BO DALLAS VIDEO
Bo Dallas is the something of IRS and Blackjack Windam. Wait is that the fat guy or is this the fat guy’s skinny brother? Its gotta be the fat guy’s skinny brother. Anyway… smiling gorgeous face, put him on RAW in a tag team with Evan Bourne.

BO DALLAS vs RICK VICTOR
8 minutes in and we get the first match. Which is typical of TNA and WWE of most weeks. Bo Dallas vs some guy. The other guy looks more like IRS than Bo does. Regal mentions Bo Dallas is the last guy to come through Stu Hart’s Dungeon? Perhaps I heard him wrong and he means Tyson Kidd. I actually see some William Regal & Chris Benoit in the jobber Rick Victor. Camera work feels fresh and more in your face, but not nearly as in your face as old ECW. Bo Dallas seems fast if not basic… but he’ll lose speed in the 2 years it takes him to get to WWE.

SETH ROLLINS VIDEO PROMO
Seth Rollins looks like Chris Hero or an emo CM Punk. I see big things for Seth Rollins. Thank goth he has a name like Seth.

DAMIEN SHADOW vs JOBBER (in a match that never happens)
Hilarious. He holds the mic like a glass of wine. He gets plenty of What chants. Every time there is some audio from the crowd the camera cuts to a close up so you can’t see people saying things. And Damien walks away from the match without it even starting wtf?

THE ASCENSION VIDEO (corny)
So the tag team Ascention they show… I think they’re Batman’s children mixed in with some Underworld. Corny thing.

ANTONIO CESARO VIDEO (he’s coming next week)
Good videos for Cesaro and then Alberto. Ceasaro was banned from Rugby for excessive violence and he’s coming next week.

20 MINUTES IN…
So 20 minutes in and I’ve realized this show is a fucked version of FCW. It follows the WWE / TNA model of more talk and clips than matches and NXT is to train your guys to be ready for WWE. They need more matches in the show. Superstars fit 6 matches in every show.

THE ASCENSION vs 2 JOBBERS (they’ll get better) 
The Ascension… quite the ring entrance…. that takes way too long. The Ascension should just destroy these jobbers with an effective double team finisher… and they do double team beat downs that don’t really show anything. Stomps and quick tagging. Plenty of double team beatdowns and there’s the finish. The finisher was meh, but they’ll get better. 1 minute squash.

HUSKY HARRIS VIDEO (in da bayou)
Meh video for Husky Harris… even if the character will be dumb. Ah his name is now Bray Wyatt.

BACKSTAGE WITH WHO… and WHO? (terrible acting, terrible segment)
Backstage with someone I don’t recognize. Oh good he found someone in the men’s room. Acting… forcing them to act. Christ. Don’t let wrestlers act. If you want them to act, send them to improv or acting classes and don’t ever show it on TV. This was terrible and whoever thought of it should be shot. Didn’t make me want to watch the match. Didn’t introduce me to anybody. ‎I think I recognized someone in the segment, but I don’t know.

TYSON KIDD vs MICHAEL MCGILLICUTTY (shockingly good match)
30 minutes in and its the main event. Did William Regal say Marty McGillicutty? Hopefully Tyson Kidd goes over. Tyson had his first match at 12 years old? McGillicutty = MR NXT. One day he might even get off the show. Tyson Kidd gets a lot of oos and ahs from the crowd. You know what the shame is here? This is clearly a surprisingly good match, but the shame is that I don’t care. It feels like a chore to watch these two. No matter how good the commentary and match is I just don’t care since it has been 10 minutes since the match started. Great NEAR finish with Tyson Kid doing a standing moonsault off the top. McGillicutty uses a sharp shooter… yes McGillicutty. These two can wrestle a B+ match. Wow Tyson Kidd pulls out a new version of a sharp shooter called the dungeon lock. Impressive finish for a match that went 12+ minutes.

IN CONCLUSION (it could be a lot better and might be)
NXT = mini WWE and that’s a huge problem. Thank goth there were no old NXT flaws like putting your contestants through stupid challenges (even if the challenges are to prove qualities other than wrestling). Too many WWE clips when people watching this are watching RAW. They can wedge another match in here. They had a nice crowd, that I feel will dwindle as time goes on. 3 matches, the main event was good to great even if they are two wrestlers I don’t care about.

PROS

  • Good main event
  • The Ascension has a great look
  • Ceasaro is coming
  • Jim Ross & William Regal on commentary

CONS

  • NXT doesn’t need a GM no matter how good he is
  • Ascension is corny
  • Too much like FCW
  • Too few matches for a show that should be getting guys ready in the ring
  • Terrible backstage acting…
  • Main event between 2 guys I don’t care about and that’s the failure of WWE for 2+ years of jobbing both guys

Rebooking RAW (6/19/12)

So half a year ago, someone wanted to give me a column to rebook RAW, which I usually do, but eh that sounded like too much work to do it consistently. After watching a 5 minute recap video on WWE RAW and hearing how bad the actual show was, I got inspired. Of course hind sight is always 20/20 and its much more difficult to book RAW from scratch, but here’s my version of RAW making use of everyone on it.

MICK FOLEY GM
Since GM Johnny is no longer GM and the WWE is in Long Island, NY, Mick Foley can be the guest GM for tonight. He wants to give his hometown hero an oppertunity. He calls out Zack Ryder who is also from Long Island, NY. Sure the Internet knows him, but 200,000 watches for his videos mean nothing to the 4+ million people watching WWE RAW. Mick is going to give him either an intercontinental or US title shot tonight. The fans need to decide on Twitter. Mick says he’s also made some time for GM Johnny to say goodbye, to make a farewell address. Johnny comes out, Mick takes pity on Johnny and gives him one last chance to save face on his way out. After all, Mick had a farewell match at Wrestlemania 2000. It is a singles match with John Cena.

PRIME TIME PLAYERS over RON KILLINGS & KOFI KINGSTON (RKKK) with help from AW
Word on the street is that Ron Killings has a broken foot. Why not give the tag belts to some new blood? Unless you’re selling Ron being knocked out by the Big Show from the previous week. This can set up a feud. I don’t like just giving any belt away, but if the Truth is injured….

CENA over GM JOHNNY
Johnny loses obviously, and Cena wants one man to be the guy to throw GM Johnny out on his ass and that’s Teddy Long. Teddy takes Johnny up the ramp, through the hallway and out the door. That doesn’t mean Teddy Long is the new GM, but it does get some revenge to tie up the loose ends of their storyline. But then cameras can come back to the ring, because Cena is being laid out by Big Show.

ADR over someone… BRODUS CLAY?
Eh, not Brodus, since he has a winning streak.

LAYLA & WENDI RICTER w/ CYNDI LAUPER over BETH & NATALYA
Is Natalya even a heel? Show a clip of why Wendi and Cyndi are important to the WWE. Then have Layla introduce them. Then have it interrupted by Beth & Natalya that ends in a match. Wendi can get the pin with Layla doing the work. It will be a feel good moment.

DOLPH ZIGGLER over JACK SWAGGER w/ VICKI
Dolph is sick of those two holding him down. So he issues a match. He wins and turns face in the process. Vicki tries to get with Dolph Ziggler afterward, but he kicks her to the curb. Swagger and Vicki swear vengeance. … the tough part is then Dolph Ziggler gets lost in the shuffle of a million other faces on RAW. This sets up a feud.

ZAK RYDER vs CHRISTIAN or SANTINO ends with a no contest
Whoever the fans pick. Cody Rhodes and Ricardo Rodriguez can interfere on them both leading to…
ZAK RYDER & CHRISTIAN or SANTINO over CODY RHODES & RICARDO RODRIGUEZ
Ryder gets the win.

HHH & PAUL HEYMAN ANGLE
Yeah you can have it here. Unfortunately, I can’t care about a match between a guy that owns a company and a cowardly take his ball and go home heel. WWE dropped the ball, because they want to prove WWE > UFC. This should end with Heyman either in glory with security pulling HHH off of him or Heyman face down after a pedigree. I say Heyman being saved by security. Heck or instead of having HHH & Heyman face to face… just have a video showing HHH and Brock in their prime 9 years ago and why we should want to see the match.

CHRISTIAN or SANTINO over HEATH SLATER
Yep, simple as that. 4 minute match. Buffer…

DANIEL BRYAN & KANE over SHEAMUS & CM PUNK
In this match, Daniel Bryan cheats to get a pin over CM Punk who then chases Bryan through the crowd. Sheamus is then laid out by Kane. AJ can still come skipping by in her Kane gear, but then Kane can raise his arms and make his pyro go boom. Then follow AJ up the ramp as AJ has her finger doing the ‘come here’ gesture. This sets up 2 feuds.

There you go. A few feel good moments, 8 matches, 10 segments.