Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (05/10/12)

BOBBY ROODE PROMO (and telegraphing the victory at the PPV)
I’m sick of Roode starting the show. He deserves to be on every show, but not starting the show. If I didn’t write this, I’d change the channel and forget about TNA. Roode doesn’t interest me at all. His gimmick and cheat to win attitude really reminds me of the fact that his character is hollow and he’s been given the default heel character.

He does say something interesting. In 2 weeks he’ll be the longest TNA champion. Cool.

RVD appears and beats up Roode who wins thenAndersonappears and beats him too. Then Jeff Hardy appears to beat him down. 3 faces on 1 heel. How does this make sense? Whatever. A better idea would be to have 3 heels on one face RVD and then RVD beats up 2 of them and Roode runs.

Hogan appears. He says there will be a four corners as the main event with a lot of stips. The face winner gets Roode, but if Roode wins he picks his opponent. If RVD wins he picks a stipulation for the PPV. This is a terrible and telegraphing idea… RVD wins and picks hardcore or some sort of match. RVD gets his win, Roode gets his win.

BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE (too brief to be good)
He cuts a promo on Austin Aries. This was brief. Bully is sick ofAustin bullying him. Bully is going to stand up to Aries.

SPRING CLEANING SALE (still sells merchandise)
Good commercial. I’m glad TNA doesn’t have Knockout merchandise. 

GAIL KIM & RAYNE BACKSTAGE (kept brief)
Gail is concerned with Brooke… Rayne says there’s a guy she’s into.

VELVET SKYE vs BROOKE TESSMOCHER (a building block for Gail vs Brooke)
This match makes sense since they teamed last week and Velvet got the last Knockout title shot. I think there’s a lot more future money in Brooke than Velvet. Brooke has 3 victories over Gail so Gail will win at the PPV. Crowd firmly behind Velvet leading me to believe she should be the one getting the title shot. I hear a Tessmocher chant at the end… but no one is chanting when I look at the crowd. Gail runs in after the match.

BULLY RAY ATTACKS MATT MORGAN (bully ray gets heat)
I think there’s a lot of money in making Crimson MMA and punches instead of cravats. Before the match starts Bully Ray attacks Matt Morgan? What? He’s making an example out of Matt Morgan. At least this means no Morgan vs Crimson. He gets good crowd heat. The commentators failed to make me care about Matt Morgan.

CRIMSON PROMO on MATT MORGAN (a glimmer of shine)
I’d rather see an arrogant or cocky Crimson. Says no one can beat him, this would have been the perfect entrance for Alex Sylvia. Instead Crimson wants a match with Matt and wants the referee to count Matt Morgan out. Yep counted out. 

RVD VIDEO
This was a character piece on RVD about how he wanted out of his little town and the cereal plant. It failed to make me root for RVD. 

X-DIVISION TITLE >> AUSTIN ARIES vs ZIMA ION
This is the first X-Division match in a month if not longer. This should be a pure squash and make Aries look great. Good amount of chants including TNA! TNA! Chants. Hot match, good energy, plenty of high flying. Chants for ‘this is wrestling.’ Funny I didn’t know wrestling was flips. The fans were emphatically behind Aries. He looks very strong.

KAZ & DANIELS BACKSTAGE (lame tease)
Wow this is still a terrible angle. KAZ has second thoughts. Daniels mutters something about his girlfriend. Daniels says AJ has been on top far too long. He hasn’t been on top for a while, at least a year. If there’s a picture I want it to be of AJ & Dixie & Traci in a hottub. 

DANIELS & KAZ & AJ ANGLE (the photo revealed)
KAZ & Daniels wait in the ring for AJ, because they’re chumps and TNA made them into chumps. AJ comes out… Daniels has a picture of AJ & Dixie… just a handshake photo. Then a second photo of AJ touching AJ’s face. Then in the third photo it looks like he’s kissing her. Kissing her as a greeting. Fans don’t care, they strongly chant AJ.

TV TITLE >>DEVON vs ROBBIE E (quick and painless)
Robbie E & Rob Terry come out in awesome sweaters. They actually plug Robbie E’s blog. Quick match. Didn’t need to be very long. Rob Terry does a beatdown after the match. I’d sayDevonvs both Terry & Robbie. 

JAMES STORM VIDEO
James plugs if it were a movie he wouldn’t have wanted it to end with the bad guy winning. Roode is back at his ranch / farm. I think this does a lot more for Storm than RVD’s video. James questions himself, and that puts heat on his loss. After the match its onto the next thing. 

JOSEPH PARK BACKSTAGE
And headed to the ring. Awesome. I’m actually excited after 2 months of him going no where. 

DEVONBACKSTAGE (quick challenge)
He challenges both Robbie E & Rob Terry. Bam!

JOSEPH PARK VIDEO
Chicago lawyer Joseph Park investigates his brother Abyss. Good little video for the whole 5 minutes he’s been on camera.

JOSEPH PARK & BULLY RAY ANGLE (this was great)
Joseph gets into the ring. Good acting of being clueless. The fans chant where’s Abyss. It was pretty heatless at first, but the fans get into it. This puts heat on Bully Ray. Joseph says he’s gonna watch from the crowd. Bully Ray appears and menaces him. Then Joseph has awesome questions for Bully before he gets shoved down. Joseph cowers before he sits and giggles like Abyss. 

RECAP >> HOGAN ARRIVES & WOLFPACK RETURNS
Hogan returns, Wolfpack returns and Hogan throws them out. Yawn. 

FOUR CORNERS >> HARDY vs RVD vs ROODE vs ANDERSON(all goes as planned)
Personally, Roode shouldn’t be in this match, it should be Angle or AJ or someone deserving. But TNA wants to give RVD a win over Roode. Crowd was rowdy and that’s a good thing. RVD wins. We will see a ladder match. Good idea for the PPV.

ABYSS APPEARS (wtf?)
Abyss appears to end the show with a message to his little brother Joseph. Wtf? … Lockdown’s main event isn’t the main angle. Great way to end Impact even if your PPV will suffer because of it.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (04/19/12)

LOCKDOWN RECAP
Dumb luck gives Robert Roode the victory at Lockdown. If anyone was pushed for that title it was James Storm. Dumb luck and cheating seems to give Robert Roode victories. That’s not a strong champion. He doesn’t need to cheat or have dumb luck each and every time. Since Roode has kept the title 6 months now he deserves to keep it. Without it, he’ll lose a lot of steam down to zero.

At least TNA didn’t recap the whole pay-per-view at once like they usually do. Their ratings might get better if they divvy out the info over the show.

ROODE OPENING PROMO (terrible promos all around)
Another month, another Roode promo to kick off Impact and it is a good time for him to open the show unlike other months. Anyway, he has a new haircut. TNA could have made this into an angle. Storm wants a title shot, Roode refuses… Hogan says there will be a rematch, and it won’t be for the title, but the loser will have his pony tail cut off. That is just me throwing out an idea. Wow does Bobby Roode look like an accountant and not a wrestler. He lost a uniqueness to him, but whatever, maybe he has movie roles coming up that TNA won’t mention. After all Jeff Jarrett will be in a Wizard of Oz movie coming up with some famous people in it.

Robert Roode just drones on and on, leading me to type about other things because I’m so boring. Anyway, the point of Robert Roode’s promo is that there is no one left for him to beat. So enter Mr. Anderson and his messed up hairstyle.

One terrible promo style replaced with another terrible promo style. I’d really like TNA to let Mr. Anderson go. TNA already has Matt Morgan, they don’t need him. Enter Jeff Hardy limping and wearing more makeup than a mime. LogicallyAndersonbeat Hardy a few weeks ago and won via DQ against Roode.  Logically Mr. Anderson should get the shot, but they should have a match withAndersongoing over.

Hulk Hogan appears over the big screen. He announces a match.Andersonvs Hardy for the #1 contender, please let it be Hardy.

TNA SHOPZONE COMMERCIAL (selling merchandise)
I like these commercials as I always point out. They actually sell things.

CRIMSON & BULLY RAY vs AUSTINARIES & MATT MORGAN (gently putting me to sleep)
I’m happy for this match. It mixes things up when normally the main eventers are in a tag match. Plus it hides Crimson and Morgan. I like the fact the heel Crimson wears black and the face Morgan wears white. Morgan does most of the selling, which is appropriate, you want the colder guy selling and the hotter guy to get the hot tag. I also laugh at the fact Bully Ray as a singles wrestler is put into tag matches week after week. Funny I just saw Morgan tap out to a heel hook. Didn’t count though.

Aries gets the hot tag and looks great, main eventer, new superstar great. Bully and Aries touch a bit toward the end. I don’t think it does anything to help their feud, but there are a few more weeks until the next pay-per-view.

GARRETT BISCHOFF w/ ANDERSON/ AJ STYLEZ / RVD
Wow… the young guy is the captain of his team. Shouldn’t AJ and everyone else just taken the spotlight and said hey Garrett we believe you should be here, so we’re gonna win this for you. But then that would get the Garrett stench on them. Garrett thanks them for their help. Bad to haveAnderson just out there when he’s in your main event. Bad to have RVD out there when he’s still new…. No he’s not new and fresh thanks to this. It’s like he never left and that’s not a good thing. Garrett should have been out there by himself or maybe with AJ.

Flair appears and elevates the segment. TNA now has to bleep the name Eric Bischoff. Lovely. Flair will hold a tribute party for Eric next week.

KAZ & DANIELS BACKSTAGE (stupid angle)
KAZ has his head shaved now. Stupid. Really stupid. He’s a gorgeous man with awesome hair. They will reveal their secret on AJ tonight… oh and next is AJ vs Angle. This totally kills any heat for the match.

ANGLE vs AJ STYLEZ
This was the backdrop for an angle. Three minute match and AJ is given a piece of paper from Christopher Daniels. AJ, Daniels and KAZ are all stuck in the mud so Robert Roode and James Storm can get pushed.

JOSEPH PARK BACKSTAGE w/ GUNNER
Gunner sends Joseph Park to Bully Ray. We’ll see it next week I’m sure.

HULK HOGAN & RVD BACKSTAGE
Hogan announces RVD will be in the main event making it a 3 way for the #1 contendership.

HULK HOGAN EXPLAINS to ALL TNA CHAMPS (a terrible idea)
Hogan announces Open Fight Night once a month where a new guy not with TNA gets a match that will be judged by 3 guys. A fake reality show… Yep all on one show.  Then on that same show, any of the champs can get called out at any time and they need to be ready to defend their title. I thought this already existed, now we need a name for it? Hulk says that the TV championship will be defended once a week. I feel like now I need to only watch TNA once a month. This is like saying a band will only play the hits on this night and maybe not other times. What really sucks is one championship will be on the line… out of the six titles there are.

GAIL & RAYNE & SARITA & ROSITA vs SKYE, MICKIE, TARA, TESSMOCHER (typical 10 minute every knockout match)
Brooke is back from OVW. Let’s see what she learned… when stuck in an 8 woman shmozz. Brooke and Tara do the heatless lesbian kiss. Mickie looks terrible and Velvet’s hair is flat. Makes me think TNA fired their cosmetologist.

Rosita really needs to get a high flying style or go face and start selling for heels. It works wonders for AJ Lee on WWE. Rosita and Sarita need to look more like a tag team. Sarita is amazing at what she does. Eventually it devolves into a giant brawl. The ref sees cheating, but goes with it. Shocking finish that will lead into that Open Fight Night next week I’m sure.

ERIC YOUNG & ODB HONEYMOON (yawn)
Two people lying down at the poolside. Now Eric Young is the jealous one. Lovely. He strips down to his underwear as always. ODB then ices down his package. Yep. Thankfully this was short.

TV TITLE >> DEVONvs GUNNER (the start of something good)
Good, TV title should be defended on television. Hogan said earlier that the TV title will now be defended each week. This isDevon’s first TV title defense on TV. Hopefully this can be a staple of 10 – 15 minutes of good wrestling a week. That’s what I wanted with AJ holding the title.Devon can train up some younger guys. There are dueling chants forDevon and Gunner. The match lasts less than 5 minutes. Good for the winner.

JAMES STORM PROMO
I think Storm needed a win and a promo to rebound from one of TNA’s most high profile losses. Good promo about what losing means. His loss means something…. But I’m afraid Robert Roode’s win doesn’t mean anything.

RVD vs MR.ANDERSONvs JEFF HARDY
Oh if only it was RVD vs Jeff Hardy. The dream match that happened 10 years ago. It is funny that I never want to see another match between Hardy and Anderson or Anderson and RVD. At least Mr. Anderson doesn’t look like he has the flu like he did last week or the week before.  The match didn’t last long. There was a winner. Yep.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (03/15/12)

I assume with 5 weeks between Victory Road and the last PPV that TNA had 2 TV tapings for 5 episodes. I pity the fans that had to sit through this second TV taping since it was probably 4 hours.

TNA RANKS (because I discuss them…)
TOP FACES

1. Sting
2. James Storm
3. Jeff Hardy
4. Garrett Bischoff
5. Joe
6. Magnus
7. Eric Young
8. ODB
9. Aries
10. AJ Stylez
11. Mr Anderson

TOP HEELS

1. Robert Roode
2. Bully Ray
3. Kurt Angle
4. Gunner
5. Crimson
6. Matt Morgan
7. Zema Ion
8. KAZ
9. Christopher Daniels

OPENING SEGMENT WITH JAMES STORM w/ BULLY RAY (who saved things)
James comes out and poorly hypes his match next month against Robert Roode… he’s waited for the opportunity since November 2011… which would make sense if he hasn’t had a few singles matches against Robert Roode…

Bully Ray comes out which is what this segment needed, because eh his promos are pretty generic with no sizzle. We all love James Storm, but he needs to put pizzazz on his promos other than his catch phrase. When Bully Ray came out he livened up. Bully announces Storm will face Gunner. This is great honestly. Gunner has heat even if he is a midcarder. I have no problem with them chopping off the head of a hot midcarder to get heat on the #2 face.

GAIL & RAYNE BACKSTAGE (w/ STING)
Bickering… Sting announces Velvet vs Rayne & Mickie vs Gail. At least this was kept short.

TNA SHOPZONE COMMERCIAL
Terrible. Doesn’t make me want to buy any merchandise. Put a price up on the basketball jerseys. I’m tired of commenting how bad the Knockouts Shopzone commercials are.

RAYNE vs VELVET SKYE (meh needed to put over a finisher)
The beauty queen vs the hooker. You take a pick which is which. Velvet has been on a quiet tear in TNA over the pash few months after losing a lot after she won the Knockouts title 4 months ago. Interesting how Rayne has the USA flag on her shorts. The crowd is behind Velvet… but not nearly as much as ODB. This match features Velvet selling a lot, which is a good thing when the other woman has a title match. The crowd stays behind Velvet in the whole match. The right women won… well right woman for this month. The only problem I had is the winner didn’t use a finisher!!!!! Pisses me off. Need to put over Velvet’s finisher when I can’t even remember what her finisher is other than the head humping into the mat which is not a finisher. TNA NEEDS FINISHERS!!! Even if she cheats to win, it needs to be after a finisher!!!! TNA throws to…

MORGAN & CRIMSON BACKSTAGE + RECAP OF TAG TEAM
TNA pairs guys together to tear them apart. Sure its good for one tag team, but TNA does it all the time. Crimson plugs how he’s undefeated for 14 months. That’s BS when I’ve seen Crimson pinned on Impact. Whatever. Undefeated in singles competition doesn’t mean much.

CRIMSON vs JOE (and I know who wins)
Unfortunately with Crimson having the streak gimmick I know who will win.  Joe looks either dirty or hairy. Like covered with dirt or something which doesn’t make sense. Maybe it is bruising. The crowd is quickly behind Crimson. What are they on crack? Oh well. The chant died quick. Joe shines in this match and entertains the crowd. Crimson chants… Joe continues to crush Crimson who is a sack in this match. Crimson gets in the ref’s face, typical heel move. Since 2 weeks ago the heel tag team champs paired with the top face… they’re faces now. Morgan interferes. They’re making the double turn which makes it interesting. It also means Morgan & Joe are on the same page instead of breaking up.

ANOTHER MARCH MADNESS KNOCKOUTS COMMERCIAL (its a sale)
It is a sale… but what percentage off? What’s on sale? How much are those jerseys? If only the commercials showed me. Worthless commercials. TNA can do so much better.

ARIES PROMO w/ VIDEO MONTAGUE (and ZEMA comes out)
53 X-Division championships held by 25 men. Aries is the longest running X-Division champion. This is great and I’m thankful TNA didn’t let this info slip through the cracks. Then they showed the video montage. The montage was totally different from anything TNA has shown. Bad music, but good meaning with black and white video in slow motion of Aries jumping and lounging around. Didn’t show Arie’s matches… just showed Aries in his matches.

Zema Ion comes out with his fucked up hairstyle and clean-looking clothes. Its funny because both of these lower tier guys wearing great clothes beats the main eventers wearing T-shirt & jeans. Zema mentions Jesse Saurensen proving that he’s the heel in this. He wants Aries to give him the belt before he gets injured. A good exchange with the wine. Memorable. Both guys looked great. No one looked weak. Zema threw the glass in Aries face… Aries got Zema with the bottle and threw him out. Great stuff.  I predict Zema to win at the PPV.

JOSEPH PARKS BACKSTAGE w/ GUNNER
Gunner brushes off Joseph… looks like it could be a potential culprit as to the disappearance of his brother Chris Parks.

ERIC YOUNG & ODB BACKSTAGE
First a brief recap of the proposal. They discuss where to have the wedding… VFW hall? I’ve been to one of those… Minnesota fair? Nah makes too much sense since ODB is from Minnesota. Impact? Duh yeah!

ANGLE BACKSTAGE
Announces Garrett vs Angle. Good. Cripple Garrett. Like I pointed out before take a midcarder with heat, chop off his head for a main eventer. The #3 main event heel.

MICKIE JAMES vs GAIL KIM (and the women getting in the crowd)
I’m not sure why… but I’d rather see Mickie vs Rayne and Velvet vs Gail… but I guess Velvet is someone they can make midcard money with. Good original moves from Gail. Creative and psychological wrestler she is. See working a bodypart is brilliant. You give  the loser an excuse to lose and it makes your winner look strong. Why is it they only do this with the Knockouts? This match seemed to kill the crowd. I see some of the crowd women laughing at the match. Come to think of it… there are a lot of women in the crowd, which there should be… they come for KAZ, AJ, Jeff Hardy and other gorgeous men.

Amazingly the crowd might be silent for the match but the crowd is still into it. I guess they’re silent watching. They still clap and chant and cheer when the face does something but they’re silent when Gail does is on offense. Gail Kim wins cheating… Two heels win by cheating. So expect a cheating finish. Gail Kim is someone who has recently gotten her finisher over… which is good.

MR ANDERSON & KAZ & DANIELS BACKSTAGE (killing any heat there was)
KAZ & Daniels are hecklers really. These two are a non entity since a returning wrestler Anderson steals the heat. Then kills it when Daniels knocks over Anderson’s drink and Anderson says… oh noooo… not that… not that… not … that. There went any heat. Hope they didn’t show this to the crowd. They setup Anderson vs Daniels.

IMPACT WORLD TOUR COMMERCIAL
Interview with a fan saying it has inspired him to get into the business. Eh wasn’t the best comment unless we actually see this guy next year. Anyway the point is to put heat on your live events and they announced where the tour will be next.

ANDERSON vs DANIELS (and how bad Anderson is in the ring)
First of all… TNA gives away Anderson’s first match in four months on free TV. Dumbasses. Sure you’ve got 3 episodes at one TV taping but they really should have left a question in fan’s minds to buy the PPV. But whatever. TNA doesn’t want your money. Next… I forgot how much I hate Anderson… and what a one trick pony he is and how basic of a wrestler he is.

Tennay plugs that KAZ has Stockholm syndrome. Yeah whatever Tennay. Should have spun that angle 2 months ago. Now it just seems stupid and tacked on but hey whatever. Just great wrestlers saddled with a bad angle.

The crowd is slowing down. Brief chant to fire up Anderson but no one got behind it. Daniels wrestling is beautiful. He’s working with a corpse. Anderson looks like he’s out of gas and really sucking wind. Then Anderson does his twisting neckbreaker and he’s even more sucking wind. He does his double kick which used to be beautiful, but now it just sucked. He’s so tired. Oh good KAZ comes out to make sure no match can end without chicanery. AJ comes out for the save… which prevents interference. Good job TNA. Daniels continues his losing streak. Anderson has a long way to go to meet KAZ, Daniels and AJ in the ring. Why wasn’t RVD the one to come back? Does he still have a contract?

JEFF HARDY BACKSTAGE
He recaps that he’d be champion if it weren’t for Kurt Angle. Now its personal… golly should have been personal weeks ago when he did the run in. He announces that he is the charismatic enigma. Eh it was kept short.

5 MINUTE CHALLENGE >> KURT ANGLE vs GARRETT BISCHOFF
If you want to get someone better… you put them in with the best as proven by the last match. It would have been interesting if Kurt Angle came out and announced an open challenge… only to be answered by Garret (and probably boos). They plug how tough Garrett is. When someone isn’t at the top level of toughness it feels like they’re trying too hard. When I imagine tough I think of Bruiser Brody, Stan Hanson, Steve Williams… NOT GARRETT BISCHOFF!!!

Kurt beats down Garrett… for 4 minutes and 30 seconds. Brilliant timing by everything. They are really trying to elevate Garrett. Match ends, Kurt throws on the ankle lock until Hardy saves him. Typical. Didn’t need Garrett to survive though. Could of had him lose with one second left and then put on the ankle lock to get saved by Hardy. I predict Angle to win at the PPV.

ROBBIE E & ROB TERRY BACKSTAGE
They have merchandise? They plug Robbie’s open challenge for the TV championship… again. Hope it is RVD… But it will be Alex Shelley.

GUNNER w/ BULLY RAY vs JAMES STORM (and why its awesome)
Tennay still mentions Immortal… Ha. Are they around still? Since none of them have appeared together in the last while I thought that Gunner, Flair and Bischoff were Immortal. Thankfully Bully Ray was with Gunner. Gunner looks intense, he looks like he should be there in that mix. Maybe its just his heat. Speaking of heat… wouldn’t it be awesome if Gunner DDTed Hogan on the concrete floor?

Gunner is the perfect guy for James to go over. Gunner isn’t in your top 3 matches at the PPV he has heat, energy, intensity. This was a good match, Gunner knows the motions. When you pull hair you check your hand for the strands of hair. When the face fires at you in the beginning, you know to duck in the ropes to get him off you. You even know the standing chin lock for a good visual. He looks like a good heel. He even swings blindly at the air toward the end when he was loopy.

Bully Ray fakes a run in after the match… Personally I feel the show should have ended with this… but you can’t end with the #2 match on the PPV… you’ve got to end with…

STING & ROODE CONTRACT SIGNING (and the boring promo)
They start with a brief recap that doesn’t put any heat on the match. In fact for the past 5 weeks these two have been non entities. They started with Roode beating down Sting. Then Sting said he’s done… then turned crazy Sting… Roode got laid out 2x and now here we are at the contract signing. This feels like it shouldn’t be the #1 match at the PPV.

I hope TNA keeps Sting out for a few months after this match so that James Storm can be the #1 face. But in reality it might just end up being Bully vs Sting at Lockdown. Roode goes into a speech after signing the contract. His speeches are so boring that I’m more content to just type about what I’d rather see. Yawn. Thank god he’s not opening the show with those droning promos. The fans look bored since they’re propping their heads up with their hands and arms. Lazy fans… can’t even stand tall to watch this main event angle… Main event… show closer… Christ Roode isn’t done talking yet. Sting just sits there. I think he’s a mannequin. Holy shit Roode talking is killing my want to live. Thank god I’m watching this at 8 am so I won’t fall back asleep. Sting really is a manniquen.

Shouldn’t there be some face that says you bore me Bobby! Bored to tears! How about some action? Sting continues to say nothing after 5+ minutes of Roode talking. Maybe Sting fell asleep he has his sunglasses on. At least Bobby is getting heel heat with anti Bobby chants. That’s the first anti chant of the show. Oh good Sting woke up from his nap. Overtuns the table puts on makeup.

And… Roode gets laid out… again. So to recap… Sting laid out once 5 weeks ago. Roode laid out 3x in 3 weeks. Way to sell your champion and sell PPVs. Finish the show with a face beatdown of a heel. Why watch the PPV when we’ve seen Sting just kick his ass… but I guess we’re seeing the match not the finish.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (03/08/12)

RECAP OF GARRETT FEUD (not enough Gunner)
Not enough Gunner, way too much Garrett. I’m dreading what tonight will entail. Gunner arrives in his jeep. He is different from anyone else. Little jeep, big sunglasses, a plaid hick shirt and giant sideburns, but with that being said I don’t want him in the role he’s in. Gunner however is awesome.

GUNNER, BISCHOFF & FLAIR PROMO (and glaring issues)
Flair’s music is played. Well a different and less dramatic version of his music. Anyone remember when Bischoff & Flair hated each other? Maybe it’s just me, but I think Gunner doesn’t need 2 white haired managers. He just needs one of them. Oh and wait where’s Chelsea? It doesn’t matter, she’s pretty useless. That’s like giving a one night escort a name. Flair is looking like a corpse over the past few years. 

So they set up a tag match with Gunner & Garrett. A high end wrestler throws his hat into the ring metaphorically. That elevates Gunner, but belittles the wrestler that appears. Hey if you want Garrett to look good, you put him in there with the best. So who is it? Kurt Angle who has gone on a tear about his kids over the past year or so he knows the value of a father being disrespected by his son.

STING BACKSTAGE w/ ERIC YOUNG
Wow the closeup made him look old. He is putting on his makeup and talking to a mirror. Eric Young appears. I think TNA knows how stupid Sting is, so they sent in Eric Young, their comedy guy. A match is set, Eric Young & ODB vs the tag champs. Not the TNA tag titles, the knockout tag titles. Sting goes back to giggling in the mirror.

KNOCKOUTS TAG TITLES >> ERIC YOUNG & ODB vs GAIL & RAYNE (surprisingly entertaining)
This match makes sense since ODB has had singles matches with Gail & Rayne and Eric has been in the background. Rayne & Kim look like tag partners since they have matching colors and that’s literally all it takes. Oh good a knockouts tag match with Eric Young. I fully expect Eric to lockup with the ref half a dozen times. Over the years Eric has really been the guy to work with the women… or not work with the women. 

ODB is still heavily over just like the previous 2 weeks. In fact she gets such a reaction from the crowd that she should be the world champion. Eric Young’s spots were actually good and entertaining this week. He wanted a bronco buster. He dodges run ins from the knockouts, a stacked airplane spin and complete with a falling rape pin attempt. 

ERIC YOUNG PROPOSAL to ODB
It’s a little early for that. What’s it the 3^rd month of their tag team? Eh, whatever. They can have a long engagement. This is probably the sort of thing they should have KAZ & Traci Brooks do years ago. Crowd loved it.

JOSEPH PARK ARRIVES
He is here to look at management… He looks to be quite the character.

BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE
Not as entertaining. He’s putting on a serious face. 

AUSTINARIES BACKSTAGE
Austingets an email from Sting on what looks to be a blackberry. Sting wants Zema Ion vs Aries tonight. Aries questions Sting’s logic to have the match tonight. I smell a title change and a face turn for Aries.

X-DIVISION TITLE >> AUSTIN ARIES vs ZEMA ION (and the look)
I love Zema’s trashy look. Terrible tights, terrible afro and spraying that bottle make it an awesome look. Austin Aries is a gorgeous magician. It is all about the look. Great facial hair, he just needs a top hat and a wand. 

Good stall tactics by Aries celebrating around the ringside.  Puts a unique flair on him and this match has tons of flair from flashy moves to hairstyles. Even the hairspray looks awesome, because it’s covered with magazine beauty shots. I guess it’s a fair way to end a TV match, but this just means they should put a stipulation on their PPV match. Ladder match? Hairspray on a pole match? 

VELVET & JOSEPH PARKS
Mr. Parks is Abyss’s brother. That’s why Joseph has an impressive appearance.

CALF-ZILLA PROMO (a stipulation is really needed)
He’s the guy that did this and that to James Storm. Their match at the PPV will be a #1 contenders match for Lockdown, even though James Storm is the #1 contender at Lockdown. After he beat Bully Ray. What will be different? What stipulation will make this match different than the last time? 

Sting appears… he’s all crazy. Yep Sting is crazy alright. Sting looks like Raul Julia from Adams Family Values since his makeup is over his eyes and he has a mustache. Oh good and it’s after the break. 

ROODE vs BULLY (a wasted money match)
Again… Roode, Storm, Hardy, Bully and Angle are your money guys. You do not have them on free TV facing one another. You have them against lesser guys. Anyway this match has been built up a lot better than Roode vs Storm so why not give it away on free TV? We just had one heel vs heel match, why not have another back to back? The crowd is rowdy in a good way.

After a few minutes, Storm appears to chase out Bully Ray… then not care about Roode until he stands up. Storm gives Roode the Last Call and lays the title on him. I think Roode & Storm have touched way too much for me to give a damn about their match. In fact TNA knows the only way to get heat on this match is promise a title change. I don’t want to see someone in your main event of next PPV laid out. Why do I want to watch Sting beat someone when I just saw him laid out 2 weeks in a row? 

TNA LIVE EVENT COMMERCIAL (and how counterproductive is)
Fan buries why go to an Impact taping when someone will put up a sign in your face and you won’t meet the superstars? Plug the fact you meet the wrestlers, but don’t bury your TV tapings.

CRIMMORGAN BACKSTAGE (with Joseph Parks)
Joe is looking for his brother who’s his brother? Crimmorgan have issues as a team. Whatever.

ROBBIE E & ROB TERRY vs CRIMMORGAN (and various bad tacked on elements)
Feels like a tag division is brewing. Robbie E & Rob Terry appear in matching pink sweaters? What’s the logic behind that? I know their heels, but it just felt tacked on and stupid. Speaking of tacked on Mike Tennay needs to remind us of Crimson & Morgan’s history as competitors beating the hell out of one another and then they are paired as a tag team. I think they only had 2 singles matches in the span of 2 months. They had a few with Joe mixed in there too.

Wow this match has a lot of meat in it. If anything this match makes Terry and Robbie E look good. Frequent tags, Terry does power spots, Robbie E does quick spots. It’s everything that Morgan and Crimson should have been doing 3 months ago and everything Mexican America should have done. Morgan looked good when he got the hot tag too. Good finish, I just don’t like where this team is headed since TNA needs teams and these 2 should be killing the tag division and not arguing. Tennay announces CrimMorgan vs JoNus Brothers atVictory Road, making 5 matches in 3 months. No one should have that many matches. That’s what singles matches and 3 ways are for. 

KURT ANGLE & GUNNER BACKSTAGE (senseless promo)
Kurt just recaps… Kurt’s eyebrows twitch purposely. Tennay and Tazz could have just thrown up a graphic the match is still to come.

AJ / KAZ / DANIELS RECAP
Thank god they recapped this, because it makes no sense and still makes no sense.

AJ STYLEZ PROMO interrupted by KAZANIELS
Yep another and I bet he wants answers. He informs the crowd that the 10^th anniversary is coming and I couldn’t be more sad for a guy who’s been with the company since day 1 to be stuck in the mud like this. Saddled with something that could have fantastic matches, but the logic behind them makes no sense. He reminds fans of some terrible angles before KAZ & Daniels show up. 

Daniels says AJ got fame and Daniels got fired. Oooo KAZ calls AJ transparent and predictable and puts trust in the wrong people. Maybe that’s AJ’s fault and not their’s. I’m still waiting for it to make sense or maybe it makes sense and I just don’t care because they’ve teased this for weeks. Why not just say AJ got Daniels and KAZ fired both. Or do that TV title idea that I’ve mentioned for a month.

Oh fuck Kennedy is back. Now I really don’t care. He just steals the thunder of this terrible angle.

GARRETT & HARDY vs ANGLE & GUNNER (killing all heat for Angle vs Hardy)
Uggg. Again Angle vs Hardy is a money match and having them touch in 2 tag matches in the past 3 weeks doesn’t make me want to see a singles match. Hardy is TNA’s ratings man supposedly, so this main even should do well compared to last week’s 6 man tag that didn’t have him. You can still have Hardy in a match, you can have Angle in a match, just not the same match, but then I guess that wouldn’t mean you’d piggyback Garrett on Hardy & Angle.

Hardy comes out shambling like a ghoul. Like I’ve said before he’s not a wrestler just a performance artist. Gunner gets an anti gunner chant even before he’s tagged in. That’s heat. The crowd this week was great with chanting and rowdiness.

 

Garrett gets the hot tag and he’s really sloppy. So sloppy that TNA needs to cut to different angles. He’s pretty wild out there. When he stands his arms flail out. Good finish that made sense, but now I don’t need to watch either match at the PPV.

IN CONCLUSION (zero heat forVictory Road)
Andersonvs Daniels is announced. I’m wonder when the PPV is. TNA really fails at plugging their pay-per-views. You had your world champion main eventer get laid out earlier. You had your X-Division pay-per-view match for free. You had a tag match that killed all heat for your #3 PPV match. But hey it’s only the 3^rd match from the top, why am I nitpicking? Oh and on your PPV you’ll have a tag title match that we’ve seen 5x in the past 3 months. TNA is really betting on Sting… but if Sting goes over someone that was laid out 2x in as many weeks does that really mean anything?

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (02/23/12)

I can’t always watch TNA Impact directly when it airs, but I do try to catch up and several situations didn’t make it easy. There was a giant blizzard that prevented my satellite from getting TNA Impact and then now that I have the time to watch it, SpikeTV.com doesn’t seem to have videos working. In fact GameTrailers and several other SpikeTV associated websites don’t have videos. I blame MTV that controls all of their media online.

In this issue of TNA Impact… it seems to be brought to us by the outside spectator. Austin Aries, Eric Young, Brandon Jaccobs and Rob Terry. As I went through this, I actually came up with some title divisions that I’m sure I will cover in a future blog.

ROODE OPENING SEGMENT (Sting is Done)

So TNA starts with a recap of Roode vs Sting and then opens with a Twitter package because Sting says ‘I’m done.’ Then Roode talks about it. I may have complained last week about Roode kicking off show after show, but after beating down Sting, this deserves to be on first. But as he talks I wonder if this guy is getting ratings. If he is lighting the world on fire with his promos, if he’s saying anything interesting. The answer must be no if I’m finding more of a thrill to type to you. There’s no smack talk that puts a real sense of real on this promo just stating facts and yammering about things. Oh look he’s done.

TNA TAG TITLES >> CRIMMORGAN vs JONUS BROTHERS (the only 2 teams)

TNA sends out its only 2 tag teams… to wrestle for the titles. This is sort of the same situation that Air Boom fell into. No tag teams. I say you have your tag champs now… so you need to make 4 tag teams to make a division. If I wanted a quick fix I’d say… Ink Inc, KAZ & AJ, Pope & D-Von and MexicanAmerica. But no that wouldn’t work since Jesse Neal is taking a break, KAZ & AJ are broken up, just like Pope & D-Von and Anarchya is off in OVW for now. Here are more tag teams for TNA… Robbie E & Rob Terry, KAZ & Daniels, Doug Williams & Mark Haskins (if TNA can get them out of England) and Eric Young & Shannon Moore (so Eric doesn’t have to grapple with the ref). There 6 teams. I would say Anthony Neese & Jesse Sorensen, but poor guy might not return at all.

So with 6 teams, you can actually make a tag division out of that. Then Motor City Machine Guns will be back soon enough. Even with this title match there should be a team waiting for them. Now it looks like CrimMorgan will feud again… If they do feud I say cut Crimson’s head off and send him to OVW for 2 years. Actually a lot of TNA guys should be in OVW… but in reality TNA at this point is OVW.

BRANDONJACCOBS PROMO and BULLY RAY ANGLE

This guy wins a superbowl and comes to TNA, but the mainstream sports media doesn’t care. Perhaps that just means Spike TV’s parent company doesn’t own anything with sports coverage. It amuses me the promo from Jaccobs can cut a better promo than Garrett Bischoff. Personally I’d playBrandonoff as more real than wrestling. Sit down interviews explaining his side of things with a press conference challenge. Perhaps a forced public apology or something. SinceBrandonis in the ring he feels like everyone else.

ZIMA ION vs ALEX SHELLEY (talking about finishers)

Good match, Zima Ion showed much more skill in this match than just high flying or squeaking a win while no one was looking. He used a safe finisher which is what I said he needs to do. However, it’s a pretty meh finisher. Was that his finisher? It is a running double knee to a seated opponent. Sure I said he needs a safe finisher, but I think he needs some flash to a finisher. He’s a heel right? Give him John Cena’s very safe Attitude Adjustment. Maybe a running double knee to his opponent in the corner… but that would be taking the Pope’s move. There’s just something off about a running diving double knee. There’s a reason why no one does it.

Heck let’s talk about Alex Shelley’s finisher. Is it Sliced Bread? Gail Kim’s finisher is Eat Defeat.

GARRETT & GUNNER RECAP & GARRETT BACKSTAGE (with Hogan)

I’m happy that they had this recap from the PPV, because I don’t ever want to see this match so a recap was thrilling to me. Wow Garrett is a hick. Thick sideburns, honkey tonk shirt. He knows he’s in the south, butOrlandosouth is different then the cliché of the south. Garrett is another guy that could benefit from 2 years in OVW… but that’s most of the roster. TNA is OVW. Hogan appears. I think he wants Garrett to quit. Probably because he knows Garrett is taking a spot.

As I know I’ve discussed before Gunner should just break Garrett’s neck and he can get experience in OVW, but I guess when you have a golden story like Garrett vs his dad you want to get it out there. Heck could have had Garrett as Eric’s henchman… but that’s not difficult enough for TNA. Go with the simple. Garrett is a yes man henchman. This is how Gunner started out and 2 years later Gunner is coming into his own.

RAYNE BACKSTAGE (talking about Sting)

This was gold, simple brief gold. She gets her character across, her personality and recaps last week. Good stuff.

GAIL vs ODB (Eric Young should manage someone)

Two people with heat behind them. Gail the champion and ODB with EY every week. 2 stars of the show in a match. I like it, but this should have been on the PPV. I assume the PPV isVictory Road, but I wouldn’t know that from watching TNA. To build to the PPV, they could have had EY training with ODB. But nope instead it will be heel vs heel which does make sense from a storyline point, but I think ODB vs Gail should have been postponed for Lockdown or something. Crowd chants for ODB several times. If I didn’t know better watching this match, I’d say give ODB the title because she’s so over. She can carry the division with EY at her side. Sure it would step away from serious, but the crowd loves her.

Eric’s craziness fits in better with a manager… of a boring wrestler. I’m not saying ODB is boring… but I am saying EY should manage Garrett Bischoff or Crimson or Shannon Moore.

AJ BACKSTAGE

I like the fact TNA has an interview with him before the show with the ring in the background. It looks different from their typical backstage stuff. Locations, a variety of credible locations, such as parking lots, backstage, an office, a promo room, the ring

SEE TNA LIVE COMMERCIAL (I saw RVD)

Good to see they’re putting a little more focus on this brief spot and they read off a city or two. I saw RVD! He hasn’t been released… but he was crippled by Gunner.

JESSE SORENSEN UPDATE (and the great way they handled it)

Darker tone, real tone. This is not an angle, nor should it be, but it could be. Good stuff, very credible. I don’t want this real life tragedy to be any angle until he comes back.

TV TITLE >> AJ vs ROBBIE E (and why someone like AJ should win the title)

Hmmm just like I’ve been saying for a few weeks, AJ should win the TV title and then Daniels and KAZ can get jealous and feud for the belt… then Robbie E will want his title back and throw in EY, RVD, Pope and Super Mex for good measure. Kind of like a TV title division!!! OMG 8 people in a TV title division. Hey 8 people in the division is better than not knowing what the TV title is. Personally I’d rather throw it away and put all of those guys in the X-Division. In fact the TV title division could be a middleweight division. AJ could spark that even if he is too good for the belt, but when a guy like Robbie E has the title, TNA will forget the belt even exists (like the rest of us).

Oh crap… KAZ & Daniels. Yawn. Its just more mud that TNA spins its tires in. This victory does nothing for Robbie E. It only makes me think how stupid the whole KAZ / Daniels / AJ feud is. They could still be a faction against what’s left of Immortal. They could be burning up the tag division or forging a TV title division or making the X-Division mean more than 1 man Austin Aries.

It is announced in the main event AJ wants a gauntlet match against KAZ & Daniels… really? How much of a gauntlet is 2 men? Anyway, hopefully they handcuff the #2 man to the pole or else he will interfere in typical TNA fashion. I have no interest to see either match because of the poor way they’ve handled the whole feud and the fact that it doesn’t make sense to me.

ANGLE & BULLY RAY vs STORM & HARDY (and all of the things that send my brain into a tizzy)

Personally I think Angle and Hardy should have kept away from one another. I think they can get money from that match… well if they started it properly. The only proper way that I can think of to start that feud would be a throw away TV match instead of a run in that doesn’t make sense. The throw away match would have Angle screwing over Hardy causing Hardy to get revenge or Hardy getting the victory with Angle getting a beatdown until he gets a rematch. But back to why Hardy vs Angle is a money match… They haven’t had a match in quite a while since Angle has been gone. Well now he’s back.

Storm needs to go over and keep all momentum going. He needs to go over Bully Ray clean as Hardy and Angle brawl on the outside. It amuses me that Bully Ray is in soooo many tag matches since he broke away from his tag partner. Speaking of which Roode and Storm have been broken away from their tag partners yet they are thrown into so many main event tag matches. But that’s what TNA does now. Takes its top feuds and makes tag matches.

It seems like James is being given extra time to rile up the crowd and that’s a good thing, because it makes him feel special, even if that special is the same feel as Steve Austin drinking beer and partying.

Shouldn’t Hardy be angry with Bully Ray for putting him through a table a month ago and taking him out for 2 weeks so he couldn’t go toEngland? Shouldn’t they get a backstage pre-recorded promo from Hardy about that? Maybe Hardy can’t get an intense hatred for the man that took 2 weeks of his career.

I’m done seeing Hardy, Bully Ray & Storm. My brain just shuts off even with the inclusion of Angle. The best part of this match is Brandon & Bully facing off… followed off withBrandonputting Bully Ray through a table. Was this even a no DQ match? Shouldn’t that be a DQ? Oh well. James Storm goes over. Right choice, but they need to get these three away from one another and quick!Brandondid a good chokeslam, but why do I want to see the match now? Its like I just saw the ending of a movie I wanted to see. Do you think the fans say yeah lets see him pin Bully Ray!!! Yeah OMG its gonna be so awesome when he pins the man that he JUST PUT THROUGH A TABLE!!!

THE FINAL SEGMENT STING & ROODE ANGLE

This felt cheap and tacked on unlike when the WWE does it and it feels like the main event angle. It feels like that last match should have closed the show, but nope. Sting. Well Steve Borden… It amuses me how terrible people’s shoes look on TNA. The referee wears blue soled shoes and Sting wears red soled shoes. Sting’s retirement is just thrown out there with zero build. Oh I’m sorry the Twitter build. Well some of us aren’t on Twitter. Do you think the old guys in the crowd watching with their grand kids pay attention to Twitter?

Let’s look at the logic of this… Sting gets attacked so he quits. Really? Yep that sounds like the guy that chases away top end heels with a baseball bat and saves your top faces. Maybe for a heel that would be some fun, but its just illogical and maybe I think too much about it, but Sting should want Bobby in a match or at least say that the retirement was a ploy to get Roode out there. Why not just challenge him… yep.

Then Sting rubs black face paint on his face and wanders around like a loon… This is what pro wrestling is. Thank god James Storm still wears his cowboy hat and doesn’t go insane wearing face paint delivering crazy eyed promos. Why is it when Sting gets serious he gets crazy?

And the show ends… this should have been the opening segment and not the final. If it is your main event program it should be at the end of the show, but Sting’s character doesn’t feel main event, it feels like he should be hanging with Eric Young doing movie parodies and pranking people backstage with buckets of acid instead of water.

Everything wrong with TNA Impact and how it should have been (in my mind) (02/09/12)

Congratulate me… I’m watching TNA when it’s on instead of 4 days later.

OPENING SEGMENT
Wow the Star Wars gimmick seems to be tacked on in the opening segment. This was terrible.

BULLY RAY / ROODE / STORM SEGMENT (do Storm and Hardy exist?)
First of all it is hilarious that Roode stabbed his partner in the back to get the TNA title… and now he’s paired with Bully Ray. Perfect. Bully Ray has been awesome for months and its only a matter of time before the fans flip him face. They’ve built up Bully Ray vs Roode so well that I forget James Storm and Jeff Hardy are even in the match at the PPV. In fact I’d say don’t even have Storm or Hardy on the PPV and just make it Roode vs Ray. Another giant glaring problem is Roode has a problem with Sting. He has a problem with a GM? Well I guess when no one else matters you’d have a problem with a non wrestler.

VALENTINE’S DAY COMMERCIAL
I have a bigger problem with this week’s commercial than both of last week’s commercial. Shop TNA… but it didn’t show any merchandise, just prom ODB and cupid Eric Young. If anything have a still photo of shirts at the end. That would be the bare minimum. But this is like a superbowl commercial where they’re funny commercials, but they don’t make me remember the product or the brand that they’re selling.

AJ & KAZ RECAP
This feud still doesn’t make sense. Two Impacts ago I specified a different spin on the angle that would still get KAZ paired with Daniels. Well here’s another one… have AJ win the TV title… then Daniels wants it… then KAZ wants it and drives a wedge in their friendship. Then Robbie E wants it back. Four men instantly put that title on the map. Not that it should even exist.

DANIELS vs AJ STYLEZ (TNA adspace)

It is a shame they’ve had this match so many times that it’s just a throw away match on free TV. TV… like my TV title idea. What is dumb about this match is having the lesser opponent Kaz take on AJ Stylez at the pay-per-view while AJ takes on the mastermind Daniels on free TV before the lesser match. Mike Tennay reminds us of a special Star War’s Phantom Menace preview, which essentially is a preview for a movie that has been on DVD 10+ years. Tennay tells us what’s next and the live event dates run by the screen… It makes me think this match is just ad space. Stellar job by both men. I almost hate ranting about the commentary. If any crowd deserves this match it is thisUKcrowd, however this match should have and could have gone 20 – 30 minutes with no problem from me.

GUNNER & BISCHOFF BACKSTAGE (nonsense)
Eric wants Gunner to take out his son one kneecap at a time… how does this make sense when a piledriver on the concrete floor didn’t stop Garrett Bischoff? Eric should say his superior genes made his son’s neck super strong. Gunner should say he won’t settle for breaking Garrett’s neck he’ll chop off his head and make sure he doesn’t come back!

MAGNUS PROMO (with Joe)
Wow this guy is over. He had the fans eating out of his hand… oh and Joe was there. He was the most over guy in the company! If there is anyone building to a double turn it would be the fast charismatic team and the uncharismatic untalented team with no cohesion. I’d smell a double turn, but that is too predictable.

NON-TITLE MATCH >> SHELLEY vs WILLIAMS vs ARIES
Good short match and gives Shelley momentum. I feel like Shelley vs Aries is money after their interaction a few weeks ago. That amazing interaction was followed by no interaction. I don’t even feel like this killed any heat between Shelley and Aries, which is good, because on paper I’d hate this just like Gail Kim vsTara right beforeTara vs Gail Kim.

HOGAN & STING BACKSTAGE
One old man warning another old man he has a target on his back, two old men that had a feud for about a year if not a subtle feud 2 years. It is a shame that I think Sting is an old man. This segment accomplished nothing other than putting heat on Sting. Personally I think Storm needs heat, because he’s cold now.

TARA vs GAIL KIM BACKSTAGE BRAWL
Tara is taking a video with fans walking by… the brawl starts and the fans do nothing. Thankfully this is a short brawl and not some 5 minute thing.

HOGAN HYPING TNA
Last week Hogan hyped up TNA by burying them. Wow. He hyped them by saying they’re nothing and he’s gonna take them to greatness. Just like he said 2 years ago now… 2 years go by and TNA is probably in a worse place. Sure its turning in the past few months, but think to when Hogan came in and what became of TNA for almost 2 years. Personally I wouldn’t have aired the backstage Hogan promo… but if you don’t he might get offended…

HOGAN & GARRETT (the bellboy)
I personally think Garrett should be getting Hogan’s bags and never ever mentioned at all. Garrett’s father is one of the greatest heels of all time. Heels and most hated men… on TNA they have a golden storyline opportunity Bischoff vs his son. There’s a catch though. Garrett hasn’t paid his dues… Sure Garrett was a ref for a year, like Shane McMahon was, but if TNA wants Garrett to be an acceptable face, he needs to suffer as a jobber for years and after he has persevered he will be an accepted face. A jobber as in never win at all… so people get behind him as underrated, someone kept down… Or you could take the easy road which would be to have Garrett follow his dad around.

Logically Garrett is too low on the totem pole for Hogan and Eric Bischoff. Perhaps if Garrett was in a feud with Anarchya or something or didn’t even have a feud, but was a jobber, he’d slip through the cracks and get far less resistance and hatred. Garrett looks like he can wrestle, he’s got a body and sideburns and with some training and experience he can probably be an underrated wrestler. What sucks is Hogan is just yammering in the ring and I’m so bored that I’ve typed this all out…

Meanwhile, let’s talk about the silent star here. Gunner. This dude has had 10 years in the business and he started out as a security guard… just like I suggested Garrett start low. Now Garrett has hit a stride of injuring guys. He deserves his spot and he’s got a great look and intensity.

As for the fans I pity them to have to have sat through 20+ minutes of the Bischoffs.

EPISODE 1 TRAILER
If there’s any movie that should be in 3D it is a Star Wars movie… I’ve seen Thor,Alicein Wonderland and Jackass 3D all in 3D. The best 3D movie I’ve ever seen was Jackass 3D, because the other 2 were flat movies with 3D special effects. The backgrounds were flat and the people were popups. Episode 1 might fall into the same trap…. Since it was filmed with standard cameras, but the special effects are 3D. What a cash grab. Maybe the cash earned from replaying these movies will go to making episodes 7 – 9.

MICKEY JAMES vs VELVET SKYE (it was there)
Wow Micky’s outfit is not flattering, but whatever. The fans are into both women. Its funny because Velvet did Mickey’s fireup gesture and Mickey got heel heat for the shaking hands spot. I felt like this was pointless and since it was pointless why not have Velvet go over since it doesn’t matter.

ROODE VIDEO (and all of the flaws in the TNA PPV main event)
I’m afraid to say this video did nothing for me to want to buy this PPV to see Roode win. No one has an ace up their sleeve. Hardy hasn’t been on TV in 2 weeks, Bully Ray has heat, but he’s a heel and Storm isn’t looking effective. Plus this four way feels like a holdover. To make me want to watch this match, Hardy, Storm and Bully Ray need to have looked more effective. They need more heat. Let’s look at this over the past 3 weeks… Hardy hasn’t won a match in 3 weeks. Bully Ray interferes and has lost a match. Storm gets saved by Sting who isn’t even in the match, he loses 1, wins 2 (tag match) and Storm has lost 1 tag and1 a singles match. It is half and half booking that makes me think they’re even by way of sucking. Instead of 4 strong guys its 4 weak guys. I would have loved to see the last PPV, Sting win, Bully win, Roode win, Hardy win or even Hardy and Roode draw. Then I’d love to have none of them lose in the past month. Come to think of it, TNA did have them win at the last PPV. They might want to mention that in the video package next time.

STING & STORM vs ROODE & BULLY
Two tag wrestlers who ditched their long term tag partners against TNA’s top star and GM. No Hardy… whatever, not like he has a PPV match. Hell maybe he won’t show up… cuz he’s on drugz. Hell… it should be Sting vs Bully vs Roode vs Storm. Logically. Think about it. Hardy has been gone 2 weeks and all the heat was put on Sting. Then Sting can get the next PPV.

Jeremy Borash doing the intros of the main events just seems long now. Sure it adds prestige by having people wait to see their main event, but I’d rather see an extra 4 minutes of wrestling instead of a 4 minute introduction on top of a 6 minute entrance for 4 men who have entered the ring already once that night. I like how Bully and Roode slap their own hands so they don’t have to tag out when the ref isn’t looking and then don’t double team…. It is silly… because they can tag each other since they just leave.

Annndddd my DVR cut off, which I think my DVR is set to overrun 5 minutes. I hope Storm won.

IN CONCLUSION
No Eric Young or ODB, thank goth. TNA theme songs suck… they’re very generic and similar in ways… except Winter and Mickey. Another hot crowd, but it felt normal. It will suck next week to be back in a 1,000 seat arena after seeing 8,000 fans to see TNA. They need to consider doing a PPV over there if not moving over there, but then their audiences would drop week after week. Brutis Magnus felt extremely hot where he and Joe should have been in the main event teaming with Storm against Roode, Crimson & Morgan. Sting could have been the enforcer and had Bully Ray interfere with Sting there to kick his ass. It would have put heat on 2 matches.

Everything wrong with TNA Impact and how it should have been (in my mind) (02/02/12)

OPENING SEGMENT
It was great and made it TNA feel big. Proof that I’d rather watch a good serious opening than some backstage brawl.

NOTABLE NOTES
Hugggeee arena and that’s awesome. Oh my word this felt as big as a WWE RAW audience. TNA should just move here or for PPVs fly to the UK. Sure they can’t keep up this incredible audience, but it was awesome. The crowd was so hot for TNA. The camerawork felt bigger and less cheap than usual. If anything, this was TNA’s biggest event ever… so they gave away their biggest matches ever. It was a great isolated event, but it should have been a PPV, because for a TV show it should make you want to buy the PPV and this show didn’t make me want to watch the PPV.

ROODE & BULLY RAY PROMO
Good a promo! Not an angle, a promo. This was good heel stuff, The faces come out and Sting makes a match. This is your average segment, but in front of a giant arena it made them feel like stars. Sting makes Storm vs Roode then Storm vs Bully Ray. What the hell is this? Those are 2 matches that should not be given away for free! Especially not Storm vs Roode!

TNA VALENTINE’S DAY COMMERCIAL
A commercial is a commercial, but when its for a shop they NEED TO SHOW MORE MERCHANDISE!!! Having Eric Young prancing around and ODB in a prom dress with champagne isn’t wearing merchandise to sell it. The other women are wearching merch and I always get on TNA’s case about this. To sell merchandise, you need to show merchandise.

BUCKINGHAM BRAWL >> CRIMSON & MORGAN vs JOE & MAGNUS (why was this not for the title in the UK?)
This wasn’t a brawl so much as a TYPICAL WRESTLING MATCH. A buckingham brawl is 2 on 1 for the first few minutes before it turns into a tag match. I think the visual on this was off slightly because Morgan was allowed to be on the apron. He should have been on the floor until allowed to participate. Personally… I feel its wrong to have this tag match on free TV. Sure its a tag match, but when you are building to this match at the PPV, you don’t give it away for free. Build it with 1 on 1 matches or having Magnus & Joe going over another tag team. Even though this had an ok stip… I’ve already seen it so now I want to see it less at the PPV so that will downgrade my overall score of the PPV. If anything they should have kept it a 2 on 1 handicap match. Oh and if they did this, it probably should have been for the titles. Magnus from the UK could win the belts in the UK. I see Joe & Magnus going over at the PPV. Oh and since Crimson lost, does that mean his streak is over?

ERIC BISCHOFF ANGLE (a waste of time)
Wow Garrett has twangy rock music and sideburns that belong to the Honkey Tonk Man. To be honest this should have been handled far differently from a lot of perspectives. Garrett probably should have revealed Hogan by calling him out instead of Bischoff disbelieving and discrediting the mystery man. If Hogan is a draw he probably should have been hyped on TV before randomly being called upon. He was hyped to the arena and we all knew Hogan was the mystery trainer a few months ago. Hopefully this keeps Hogan out of the ring, but because Hogan was such a big name back in the day, he should be tied with the biggest names of TNA and not stuck with his friend’s son. Worse yet… doesn’t Garrett want revenge on Gunner for almost crippling him? There is less and less of an Eric / Gunner connection as time goes on.

MARK HASKINS VIDEO
Good little video, kept short and rightfully so. He’s the right guy for Austin Aries to take on.

AUSTIN ARIES vs MARK HASKINS (a good isolated event)
I think Haskins only really works in Europe, which is fine. A good display of talent from both men instead of a flat out squash. This felt good like a brief PPV match just because of how fantastic the crowd was. Good for making Aries. It is at this point that I realize how TNA is giving things time to breath by ending them without crazy run ins or anything. I guess the only thing missing was Alex Shelley, but you know what… it still felt like he didn’t need to be there and it took nothing away from their feud. Perhaps an Aries vs Shelley video package before the match would have been good so you don’t forget about it. But you don’t want to have 2 video packages back to back.

STORM vs ROODE (why was this free?)
What? Why is this on free TV. If anything give it to the fans as a non televised main event to the UK fans. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. When 2 people touch, you want to see it less and this could have been a money match for them. But since they gave it away for free they didn’t pop the rating. In fact nothing will ever pop their rating. It is like pushing a cart full of rocks. When you try to shove it… the cart will go no where, but when consistently push it, that cart will get momentum and eventually push itself. This match was not hinted at or hyped up from last week. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe fans love to watch two guys with momentum fighting it out.

This is probably a nitpick, but both men look similar, so to the people in the nosebleed sections they probably had no idea who was who unless they noticed the giant cattlescull on Storm’s tights and the long forearm sleeves. Roode probably should have worn green tights. They aren’t wrestling in front of 1,000 people at the Impact Zone. This was 8,000 people of a 12,000 seat arena.

If anything this builds to a cage match… and not a 3 way at the PPV. Adding Bully Ray into a 4 way at the PPV would be good, because otherwise I see Bully just helping Roode cheat to win as he’s done for weeks now. Oh and lastly… it was Sting in fro the save… not Jeff Hardy, not AJ styles or some young top contender. If anything it makes Storm look weak that a non wrestler had to help him. If anything it should have been Sting trying to help, but Bully and Roode get the drop on him and Storm saves Sting.

NON TITLE >> TARA vs GAIL KIM (before the title match at the PPV)
I’m shocked they didn’t just give away Micky vs Gail or make Micky vs Tara, because they were in the WWE longer than Gail. So this is a non-title match before the PPV… Logic. Hell if anything make a non title match at the PPV and make the title match at the next PPV. Orrrrrr…. have Tara vs Rayne & Gail 1 on 2. That way Tara will want Rayne out of the picture so she doesn’t interfere in the PPV title match. Like Tara will lose the 1 on 2… but she will temporarily injure Rayne like a concussion or a broken arm to take her out for a month. Hell the WWE would probably food poison Rayne to keep her out. The crowd seemed really flat in this match. Maybe its because they already saw the main event as Storm vs Roode. With the ending of this match and Rayne costing Gail the match… I have a feeling that Gail will ban Rayne from ringside like a true face.

TNA SHOP ZONE COMMERCIAL
Are those bras and pantis for sale… Then why were they in the commercial. Oh and fuck… the shirts are so modified so you’re not buying those shirts… you’re buying real shirts, but whatever. Not like I know how to sell merchandise or anything.

BISCHOFF SEGMENT #2 (once was good enough)
Thankfully Gunner was brought along. Really… did there need to be 2 Garrett Bischoff segments? Two Eric Bischoff segments I’d be fine with, but not two Garrett segments. The mystery trainer was revealed… to the public… not just to Eric this time. Was it me or did Hulk Hogan not look as big muscle wise. Maybe he’s had a back surgery or something. Gunner bumps for Hogan and Garrett… That is you rkiller you spent a month of crippling guys like Garrett, Doug Williams, RVD and almost AJ Styles. Imagine if Gunner took out Garrett… Hogan makes a temporary save… Eric distracts Hogan and Garrett fights back and tries to piledrive Hogan on the concrete only to get saved by Garrett then refs split them all up leaving Hogan and Garrett to pose in the ring.

STORM vs BULLY RAY (how does this make sense)
Jeff Hardy must not be able to leave the country or something, because he wasn’t here on TV… oh but that’s right Bully Ray injured him last week by putting him through a table. If it was to take him out, it should have been 2 tables to the floor off the stage or something. Perhaps that is a spot to injure someone for a month when a top rope powerbomb through a table is a week long injury spot. Since Hardy wasn’t a part of this card… I felt like it should be Roode vs Storm… but then they just had it!!!

Before we start this match… how the hell does this make sense. Take on the champion to get to the man who screws you over in the same night. Shouldn’t it be reversed? Take on the man who screwed you over to take on the champion. Hell and why did he even need to take on the champion? If they are aiming to make a 4 way for the PPV. Then I’d have Bully Ray go over… he beat the 2 #1 contenders… that puts him into the PPV match. Actually it would make more sense to just have the man who beat the 2 #1 contenders do a singles match against the TNA champ.

There was fire in this match which is a shame, because Storm is injured coming into this match. Sting came out with a cricket bat… I guess Sting needs to earn his money somehow, but it doesn’t make Storm look strong being defended by a non wrestler. Storm should be defending him.

I hate to say it, but this was a better match than Storm vs Roode… but maybe Storm only did it half hearted knowing he had a second match.

IN CONCLUSION
The crowd was very hot even though they died down by the end thanks to the fact of Storm vs Roode in the middle of the show. This was a good isolated event that should have been a PPV for the most part (outside of the angles and Storm having 2 matches). It did some building… but it didn’t make me want to see matches twice in two weeks. TNA should make you want to see a match through building it up… NOT MAKE YOU WANT TO SEE A MATCH THROUGH SEEING THE MATCH! WWE is guilty of this too, but its a way to find out if a PPV is going to sell or not based on the ratings. If it does not get the ratings, they can always change the match.

My booking a month of TNA storylines from TNA Turning Point 2011 to TNA Final Resolution 2011 and all the Impact TVs between

Sure TNA has already filmed their TV for the next month, but I don’t follow spoilers. Instead this is me being bored booking 7 storylines from November – December. We start with the previous PPV, TNA Turning Point

PREVIOUS TNA PPV (TNA Turning Point)
ROBBIE E over ERIC YOUNG
MEXICAN AMERICA over INK INC
AUSTIN ARIES over KID KASH & JESSE SAURENSON
RVD over DANIELS
MORGAN drew with CRIMSON
ANDERSON & ABYSS over STIENER & BULLY RAY
HARDY over JARRETT
ROODE over STYLES

AJ vs ROODE (Storm is still injured)
– WEEK 1: It is reported Storm is still in the hospital. Sting makes: #1 CONTENDER >> AJ over HARDY when Jarrett interferes. AJ just lost the title match… but it was so close that Sting wants to give AJ one more chance. What do the fans say? One more chance?… funny Jeff Hardy knows about one more chance. Well Sting can’t just give it to AJ… so he makes AJ vs Hardy who just beat Jeff Jarrett at the PPV.
– WEEK 2: Sting says that he wants to raise the stakes to Roode vs AJ. He wants a ladder match at the PPV. The contract signing and civilness. AJ puts Roode through the table.
– WEEK 3: AJ over MAGNUS & WILLIAMS. Roode has a lot of money… enough money to fly Doug & Brutis from England just to face AJ. Embarass AJ! Sting won’t sign off on that 2 men agains 1 how is that fair? AJ says he’s got this… Magnus & Williams fail, They fail… Roode beats down Magnus & Williams for failing him!!!
– WEEK 4: ROODE over KAZ. AJ over JOE. Bobby Roode went over Joe to get a title shot… AJ should have to face Joe as well. Joe wins… Joe gets a title shot a week later.
– PPV: LADDER MATCH >> ROODE over AJ. Gotta break an egg to make an omlett

JARRETT vs HARDY
– WEEK 1: Jarett interferes in Hardy vs AJ.
– WEEK 2: Hardy calls out Jarrett. Jarrett doesn’t enter the ring. He’s scared at retribution. Jarrett disappears backstage when Hardy runs after him, Gunner clotheslines Hardy when he is about to go backstage. Jarrett comes out saying don’t think we’re done Hardy!
– WEEK 3: Jeff Hardy is at an autograph signing… Goes through a few fans, signing stuff, then a man, his wife and their kids all ask for an autograph. Its Jarrett and his kids. Hardy is they’re favorite wrestler!!!! Hardy wants payback… but Jarrett would use his own kids to sheild Hardy. Brilliance.
– WEEK 4: Sting wants to see Hardy vs Jarrett again. Makes Hardy vs Jarrett. HARDY over GUNNER. Jarrett does commentary.
– PPV: HARDY over JARRETT leading to a title shot at the next PPV. or… Jarett over Hardy to keep the feud going one or 2 months later.

BULLY RAY vs ABYSS
– WEEK 1: Bully Ray & Stiener promo… Bully doesn’t like losing. Calls out Abyss. Bully Ray leaves and Stiener gets destroyed.
– WEEK 2: ABYSS over 2 local jobbers.
– WEEK 3: BULLY RAY over KENDRICK.
– WEEK 4: Face off between Bully Ray & Abyss. Bully Ray agrees the the match if they can use weapons. Abyss says he signed his own death warrant. Ends off with Bully using security between them both and Abyss destroying security so Bully Ray can run away.
– PPV: NO HOLDS BARRED >> ABYSS over BULLY RAY keeping the post Immortal streak alive.

ROBBIE vs RVD (guest starring Rob Terry)
– WEEK 1: Robbie E & Rob Terry are celebrating on the town! Going to clubs and woo hoo! They call ladies ugly and get drinks splashed in their faces. RVD over STIENER.
– WEEK 2: RVD over SHELLEY
– WEEK 3: RVD & EY over ROB TERRY & ROBBIE E. Terry gets pinned.
– WEEK 4: TV TITLE REMATCH >> ROBBIE E over ERIC YOUNG.
– PPV: RVD over ROBBIE so RVD might get motivated.

MEXICAN AMERICA vs MORGAN & CRIMSON (guest starring Pope & D-Von)
– WEEK 1: Crimson & Morgan come out to congradulate one another… Mexican America come out. Telling your opponent good job is weak! Nothing was proved in their match, while Mexican America went won their match at the PPV. Morgan bets if he and Crimson team up they’ll win the belts. No its not that easy. Beat a team and you might get a shot! MORGAN & CRIMSON over MAGNUS & WILLIAMS
– WEEK 2: D-VON & POPE over INK INC. Crimson & Morgan ask for their title shot from Mexican America!!! D-Von and Pope come back out… they both won their matches… how about next week have a #1 contenders?
– WEEK 3: #1 CONTENDERS >> MORGAN & CRIMSON over D-VON & POPE. Mexican America come out to brawl with Morgan & Crimson.
– WEEK 4: CRIMSON over ANARCHYA. HERNANDEZ over MORGAN with help from Anarchya.
– PPV: MORGAN & CRIMSON over MEXICAN AMERICA to keep Crimson undefeated and hide both Crimson & Morgan in a tag team.

AUSTIN ARIES vs JESSEE SAURONSUN (guest starring Kash & Zima)
– WEEK 1: Aries issues an open challenge… Jesse appears… Aries adds to anyone he didn’t just beat at the PPV. NON TITLE >> ARIES over KENDRICK… gives Austin a win. Jesse & Aries staredown. Kash blindsides him.
– WEEK 2: KID KASH over ZIMA ION. Kash beats down Zima, then Jesse saves Zima and challenges Kash next week.
– WEEK 3: #1 CONTENDERS >> JESEE over KID KASH (as the gatekeeper) Aries & Kash beat down Jesse. Zima runs down for the save and Zima & Jesse send the heels packing
– WEEK 4: JESSE & KASH over ZIMA & JESSE (zima gets pinned by Aries)
– PPV: ARIES over JESSE with help from KID KASH

KAZ vs DANIELS
– WEEK 1: KAZ over POPE. After the victory, KAZ calls out Daniels. He wants to get through to his old friend Daniels. Show him the light. Backstage… Daniels laughs at him. Kaz is trying to save him? Kaz is the one that is lost without the bags of Roode or Storm to carry. Kaz is nothing but an alter boy with no priest. Daniels leaves him with that thought.
– WEEK 2: DANIELS over MARK HASKINS (he’s still under contract). Calls out KAZ. He can save KAZ. Join him and they can be a tag team! KAZ can carry Daniels bags. He can save KAZ from mediocrity. He doesn’t have to answer right now… KAZ knows Daniels number.
– WEEK 3: KAZ over SHELLEY. Daniels appears and asks if KAZ has an answer for him. KAZ appears… the answer is no. He doesn’t carry anyone’s bags and what’s come over Chris, who points out he’s not a second bananna to anyone. He’s had more followers than TNA has on their roster. He is the messiah that will save wrestling and save KAZ. Now get in line and follow him or suffer the consiquences! KAZ says maybe at the PPV he can beat some sense into Daniels… or Daniels says he can beat KAZ into line!
– WEEK 4: DANIELS over KENDRICK. KAZ loses to Roode… backstage Daniels laughs at KAZ. He’s lost and loses matches, with Daniels leading him, he could have won, but now Daniels has found new followers and at the PPV, he’s gonna find out why he should have gotten in line!
– PPV: DANIELS over KAZ with help from Daniels new cult members.

GARETT vs GUNNER (involving BISCHOFF, HOGAN & STIENER)
– WEEK 1: Hulk Hogan goes to the ring. He calls out Garett Bischoff and says you’ve got guts and courage, but you need to know how to wrestle if you’re gonna defeat Gunner. Hogan offers Garett training… Garett accepts.
– WEEK 2: Hogan training Garett a brief vignette. Bischoff sees it and offers Gunner training from a great ameture wrestler, a man who has coached Olympic champion Kurt Angle… introducing Scott Stiener!!!
– WEEK 3: Training vignette with Scott Stiener & Gunner. More pushups!!!! More chinups!!! More curls!!! Bischoff is interviewed backstage… Garett moved out of the house. He moved out… not kicked out. Garett won’t last on his own.
– WEEK 4: More serious training vignette with Hogan doing sit downs and Garett doing a sitdown, mixed with real training footage of Garett working with jobbers. Garett has his dad’s picture on punching bags and needed to move out to stand up on his own and be a man (he could be 20 or 30 I don’t even know)
/- PPV: They DO NOT have a match at this PPV. This is like a 3 month build to have a match on that PPV or TV… whichever TNA wants.