Everything wrong with TNA Impact and how it should have been (in my mind) (02/09/12)

Congratulate me… I’m watching TNA when it’s on instead of 4 days later.

OPENING SEGMENT
Wow the Star Wars gimmick seems to be tacked on in the opening segment. This was terrible.

BULLY RAY / ROODE / STORM SEGMENT (do Storm and Hardy exist?)
First of all it is hilarious that Roode stabbed his partner in the back to get the TNA title… and now he’s paired with Bully Ray. Perfect. Bully Ray has been awesome for months and its only a matter of time before the fans flip him face. They’ve built up Bully Ray vs Roode so well that I forget James Storm and Jeff Hardy are even in the match at the PPV. In fact I’d say don’t even have Storm or Hardy on the PPV and just make it Roode vs Ray. Another giant glaring problem is Roode has a problem with Sting. He has a problem with a GM? Well I guess when no one else matters you’d have a problem with a non wrestler.

VALENTINE’S DAY COMMERCIAL
I have a bigger problem with this week’s commercial than both of last week’s commercial. Shop TNA… but it didn’t show any merchandise, just prom ODB and cupid Eric Young. If anything have a still photo of shirts at the end. That would be the bare minimum. But this is like a superbowl commercial where they’re funny commercials, but they don’t make me remember the product or the brand that they’re selling.

AJ & KAZ RECAP
This feud still doesn’t make sense. Two Impacts ago I specified a different spin on the angle that would still get KAZ paired with Daniels. Well here’s another one… have AJ win the TV title… then Daniels wants it… then KAZ wants it and drives a wedge in their friendship. Then Robbie E wants it back. Four men instantly put that title on the map. Not that it should even exist.

DANIELS vs AJ STYLEZ (TNA adspace)

It is a shame they’ve had this match so many times that it’s just a throw away match on free TV. TV… like my TV title idea. What is dumb about this match is having the lesser opponent Kaz take on AJ Stylez at the pay-per-view while AJ takes on the mastermind Daniels on free TV before the lesser match. Mike Tennay reminds us of a special Star War’s Phantom Menace preview, which essentially is a preview for a movie that has been on DVD 10+ years. Tennay tells us what’s next and the live event dates run by the screen… It makes me think this match is just ad space. Stellar job by both men. I almost hate ranting about the commentary. If any crowd deserves this match it is thisUKcrowd, however this match should have and could have gone 20 – 30 minutes with no problem from me.

GUNNER & BISCHOFF BACKSTAGE (nonsense)
Eric wants Gunner to take out his son one kneecap at a time… how does this make sense when a piledriver on the concrete floor didn’t stop Garrett Bischoff? Eric should say his superior genes made his son’s neck super strong. Gunner should say he won’t settle for breaking Garrett’s neck he’ll chop off his head and make sure he doesn’t come back!

MAGNUS PROMO (with Joe)
Wow this guy is over. He had the fans eating out of his hand… oh and Joe was there. He was the most over guy in the company! If there is anyone building to a double turn it would be the fast charismatic team and the uncharismatic untalented team with no cohesion. I’d smell a double turn, but that is too predictable.

NON-TITLE MATCH >> SHELLEY vs WILLIAMS vs ARIES
Good short match and gives Shelley momentum. I feel like Shelley vs Aries is money after their interaction a few weeks ago. That amazing interaction was followed by no interaction. I don’t even feel like this killed any heat between Shelley and Aries, which is good, because on paper I’d hate this just like Gail Kim vsTara right beforeTara vs Gail Kim.

HOGAN & STING BACKSTAGE
One old man warning another old man he has a target on his back, two old men that had a feud for about a year if not a subtle feud 2 years. It is a shame that I think Sting is an old man. This segment accomplished nothing other than putting heat on Sting. Personally I think Storm needs heat, because he’s cold now.

TARA vs GAIL KIM BACKSTAGE BRAWL
Tara is taking a video with fans walking by… the brawl starts and the fans do nothing. Thankfully this is a short brawl and not some 5 minute thing.

HOGAN HYPING TNA
Last week Hogan hyped up TNA by burying them. Wow. He hyped them by saying they’re nothing and he’s gonna take them to greatness. Just like he said 2 years ago now… 2 years go by and TNA is probably in a worse place. Sure its turning in the past few months, but think to when Hogan came in and what became of TNA for almost 2 years. Personally I wouldn’t have aired the backstage Hogan promo… but if you don’t he might get offended…

HOGAN & GARRETT (the bellboy)
I personally think Garrett should be getting Hogan’s bags and never ever mentioned at all. Garrett’s father is one of the greatest heels of all time. Heels and most hated men… on TNA they have a golden storyline opportunity Bischoff vs his son. There’s a catch though. Garrett hasn’t paid his dues… Sure Garrett was a ref for a year, like Shane McMahon was, but if TNA wants Garrett to be an acceptable face, he needs to suffer as a jobber for years and after he has persevered he will be an accepted face. A jobber as in never win at all… so people get behind him as underrated, someone kept down… Or you could take the easy road which would be to have Garrett follow his dad around.

Logically Garrett is too low on the totem pole for Hogan and Eric Bischoff. Perhaps if Garrett was in a feud with Anarchya or something or didn’t even have a feud, but was a jobber, he’d slip through the cracks and get far less resistance and hatred. Garrett looks like he can wrestle, he’s got a body and sideburns and with some training and experience he can probably be an underrated wrestler. What sucks is Hogan is just yammering in the ring and I’m so bored that I’ve typed this all out…

Meanwhile, let’s talk about the silent star here. Gunner. This dude has had 10 years in the business and he started out as a security guard… just like I suggested Garrett start low. Now Garrett has hit a stride of injuring guys. He deserves his spot and he’s got a great look and intensity.

As for the fans I pity them to have to have sat through 20+ minutes of the Bischoffs.

EPISODE 1 TRAILER
If there’s any movie that should be in 3D it is a Star Wars movie… I’ve seen Thor,Alicein Wonderland and Jackass 3D all in 3D. The best 3D movie I’ve ever seen was Jackass 3D, because the other 2 were flat movies with 3D special effects. The backgrounds were flat and the people were popups. Episode 1 might fall into the same trap…. Since it was filmed with standard cameras, but the special effects are 3D. What a cash grab. Maybe the cash earned from replaying these movies will go to making episodes 7 – 9.

MICKEY JAMES vs VELVET SKYE (it was there)
Wow Micky’s outfit is not flattering, but whatever. The fans are into both women. Its funny because Velvet did Mickey’s fireup gesture and Mickey got heel heat for the shaking hands spot. I felt like this was pointless and since it was pointless why not have Velvet go over since it doesn’t matter.

ROODE VIDEO (and all of the flaws in the TNA PPV main event)
I’m afraid to say this video did nothing for me to want to buy this PPV to see Roode win. No one has an ace up their sleeve. Hardy hasn’t been on TV in 2 weeks, Bully Ray has heat, but he’s a heel and Storm isn’t looking effective. Plus this four way feels like a holdover. To make me want to watch this match, Hardy, Storm and Bully Ray need to have looked more effective. They need more heat. Let’s look at this over the past 3 weeks… Hardy hasn’t won a match in 3 weeks. Bully Ray interferes and has lost a match. Storm gets saved by Sting who isn’t even in the match, he loses 1, wins 2 (tag match) and Storm has lost 1 tag and1 a singles match. It is half and half booking that makes me think they’re even by way of sucking. Instead of 4 strong guys its 4 weak guys. I would have loved to see the last PPV, Sting win, Bully win, Roode win, Hardy win or even Hardy and Roode draw. Then I’d love to have none of them lose in the past month. Come to think of it, TNA did have them win at the last PPV. They might want to mention that in the video package next time.

STING & STORM vs ROODE & BULLY
Two tag wrestlers who ditched their long term tag partners against TNA’s top star and GM. No Hardy… whatever, not like he has a PPV match. Hell maybe he won’t show up… cuz he’s on drugz. Hell… it should be Sting vs Bully vs Roode vs Storm. Logically. Think about it. Hardy has been gone 2 weeks and all the heat was put on Sting. Then Sting can get the next PPV.

Jeremy Borash doing the intros of the main events just seems long now. Sure it adds prestige by having people wait to see their main event, but I’d rather see an extra 4 minutes of wrestling instead of a 4 minute introduction on top of a 6 minute entrance for 4 men who have entered the ring already once that night. I like how Bully and Roode slap their own hands so they don’t have to tag out when the ref isn’t looking and then don’t double team…. It is silly… because they can tag each other since they just leave.

Annndddd my DVR cut off, which I think my DVR is set to overrun 5 minutes. I hope Storm won.

IN CONCLUSION
No Eric Young or ODB, thank goth. TNA theme songs suck… they’re very generic and similar in ways… except Winter and Mickey. Another hot crowd, but it felt normal. It will suck next week to be back in a 1,000 seat arena after seeing 8,000 fans to see TNA. They need to consider doing a PPV over there if not moving over there, but then their audiences would drop week after week. Brutis Magnus felt extremely hot where he and Joe should have been in the main event teaming with Storm against Roode, Crimson & Morgan. Sting could have been the enforcer and had Bully Ray interfere with Sting there to kick his ass. It would have put heat on 2 matches.

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