Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should be) (in my mind) (6/21/12)

TNA OPENING RECAP (brief, but star making)
Roode recap. Aries recap. Good stuff… because they’re faces. People care about both of them. Aries is on fire. Brief recap. TNA has been getting a lot better lately. Like I can’t wait for TNA Impact every week. I’m not the only person saying that.

HULK HOGAN & AUSTIN ARIES ANGLE (headed to Aries execution)
As much as I don’t care what Hogan has to say… I think… he’s not Robert Roode or HHH starting off a 2 hour wrestling show… so that makes me happy. Tonight is Gut Check and Open Fight Night. TNA will have its first female Gut Check challenger. They’ve also got the Bound for Glory Series. I’m actually looking forward to this.

Hogan wants an answer from Aries if he will give up his X-Division championship for a title shot at Robert Roode at Destination X. See this is a terrible idea, a bad idea and a good idea all at once. It is a good idea, because Austin Aries doesn’t need to be beat to give up a low-end title. It is a bad idea because I’d much rather see Aries vs AJ Stylez main event Destination X and its a terrible idea, because Roode’s storyline trumps Austin Aries career. Aries should not come to an end. If anything Aries should be the man to take the belt even if the angle is designed for James Storm to get the top title.

Austin Aries wants any X-Division champion to have the opportunity to give up the title for a top title shot at the Destination X. Good idea I guess, since it puts heat on the belt… once a year. Robert Roode comes out and blah blah blah. It ends in a hockey fight. Yes a shirt pulling hockey fight before its broken up. Then Mr. Anderson appears with microphone in hand. He doesn’t have his blonde hair. Don’t ever let Anderson talk. Anderson says he’ll win the Bound for Glory Series. Please no. Oddly enough Mr. Anderson wasn’t terrible on the microphone. He was okay.

BOUND FOR GLORY SERIES SCORE SYSTEM (Thank goth they talk about it.)
Same as last year. Good idea to show how scoring is done. Still lose 10 points for a DQ and there is now a 10 minute time limit for each match. Good. I like that. Gives a chance for draws.

BFG >> MR. ANDERSON vs CHRISTOPHER DANIELS (good for its clean victory)
Mr. Anderson challenges Christopher Daniels. Again, don’t let Mr. Anderson talk. Christopher Daniels comes out with an appletini. I remember this match from a month ago. Very meh in terms of crowd heat compared to most TNA matches in the past few months. Good clean finish. Thank you TNA. I laugh at how Mike Tenney calls something a patented move… when so many people do it. The victory celebration is silly if not dumb.

AJ & DIXIE BACKSTAGE (time filler)
She wants to tell everyone… This is a time filler. We saw 2 of these last week. I expect to see 2 more tonight.

BROOKE HOGAN w/ ODB / MICKIE JAMES / VELVET SKYE / MADISON RAYNE (pretty bad)
This was done reality style… They’re discussing who gets the Knockouts title. Brooke wants to know why they want the title. This does put heat on the Knockouts title. Wow this does not make any of the four glow in a positive light. This was designed to make Brooke Hogan look good and like the only sane person.

BFG >> ROBBIE E vs KURT ANGLE (effective)
Robbie E does a good open challenge that is answered by Angle. I predict a destruction of both Robbie E and Rob Terry. Great victory. Made the winner look very effective.

TAYLOR HENDRIX GUT CHECK VIDEO (interesting story)
She’s got red hair. That’s what’s missing from wrestling. None of her footage had red hair. In fact her footage makes her look like Mickie James this is a plus for her… but not Mickie. She announces that she was diagnosed with cancer at age 21.

BFG >> MAGNUS vs AJ STYLEZ (an ok match too short to be good)
This episode of Impact is going by quick. Magnus calls out someone, it goes to commercial. I have a feeling its Joe. Nope its AJ Stylez. Funny how all of these open challenges call out home wreckers. ODB should call out the Wedding Planner next. Magnus catches AJ off the top rope with a ragdoll catch then turns it into a suplex. That looked good. AJ misses a Pele kick. Apparently what he and Dixie are going through is messing with him. Daniels & KAZ interfere. At least they haven’t interfered in a while.

GUT CHECK >> TAYLOR HENDRIX vs TARA (give her a job)
She looks like she’s in the hot girl marching band… implants… so she’ll fit in with TNA’s abnormal sized implants. Tara comes down to the ring. Good choice. I would have had Gail Kim, but I guess Gail has more of a character. So what do we grade here? Her ability to sell? Do we grade Taylor Hendrix ability to mimmick Mickie James?

I say give Taylor Hendrix a TNA contract. She’s hot with crisp work and mega implants that TNA loves. We haven’t seen a new knockout in at least a year. Get rid of Angelina Love or Winter. What have they done lately?

In fact since Brooke Tessmacher hasn’t been here this week, they can have Taylor get a job next week and have Brooke return to say She’s not Taylor… she’s some stalker from my former sorority!

JOSEPH PARK & BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE (too brief to be gold)
Bully Ray bullies the giant Joseph Park who brings up his brother… Bully Ray doesn’t want to see Joseph Park in the crowd. This was good… stoopid bastad.

BFG >> SAMOA JOE vs JAMES STORM (on the verge of good, but not long enough)
Since no one has the guts to call out Samoa Joe, he calls out James Storm. Should be good, but every match on this show has been 2 – 4 minutes. A win is a win even if its not really a match. Tazz & Tennay hype the fact James Storm has been away from active competition. There is a dueling chant… which is good. Joe dumps James on his head with a power slam. After the match Joe comes at James Storm with a beer bottle… I won’t ruin what happens next.

AJ / DIXIE / DANIELS ANGLE VIDEO RECAP
Yep AJ & Dixie have a surprise for Serge. It’s probably like an autograph from Serge’s favorite baseball player. Good recap of a terrible angle that gives AJ an excuse to lose.

AJ & DIXIE BACKSTAGE (again)
Time filler… AJ wants to get it done tonight. It’s funny because last week AJ wanted it done… then he didn’t and Dixie wanted to. Now this episode starts its Dixie that wants to… and now its AJ. Well now that everyone’s on the same page.

BROOKE HOGAN w/ 3 of the 4 women (too quick to be as bad as it could)
Eh its getting sane. Brooke is kinda pointing out how silly the women are. And someone leaves. Quick.

BFG >> BULLY RAY vs POPE (The ghost of Abyss)
… Pope is back after being gone 6+ months. Crimson was undefeated for 18 months. Why is he not in this series? Whatever. Anyway, comes down to the ring and challenges Pope. Bully Ray needs a racist gimmick to make up for all the black men he beats down. So I guess RVD vs Jeff Hardy will be the main event… I predict another 2 – 4 minute match between Bully Ray and Pope. Interestingly Pope has a punching / elbow combination just like Bully Ray has a punching combo. At some point Abyss comes through the crowd. Terrifying some of the ring rats at ringside. Abyss is just like a ghost haunting Bully Ray.

HOGAN BACKSTAGE w/ JEFF HARDY & RVD
Makes Jeff Hardy vs RVD… yup.

DESTINATION X TRAILER w/ AUSTIN ARIES
Its awesome. Makes him look like a star.

MONTGUMARY GENTRY MUSIC VIDEO starring VELVET SKYE
So she’s a single mother? Or its just acting. This is more Velvet’s video than Montgumary Gentries. They don’t show all of it… but this just proves… get big implants so you can be a star. Even reality shows know the value of implants.

BROOKE HOGAN BACKSTAGE w/ 2 of 4 FINALISTS
This might as well have been a beauty pageant. Quite the shock outcome. Kept quick.

KNOCKOUTS TITLE >> TESSMACHER vs FINALIST
Congrats to TNA for making a new female star with Miss. Tessmacher. Beautiful moves from the finalist. Lots of butt shots from the camera. I wish I didn’t have to report on that… but that’s where the cameras are. This match will probably do TNA’s biggest rating of the night… even with the terrible build. Miss Tessmocher is selling more than Taylor Hendrix. Good clean finish.

BFG >> RVD vs JEFF HARDY (failed to interest me)
Yep its a match. I remember when people would pay for this match. To be honest I had no interest in this match. Two flat guys having the same match for the 1,000th time. It isn’t any better, it isn’t any worse. No heat is put on the match since there’s an angle on top.

PROS

• Austin Aries in TNA
• Christopher Daniels appletini
• Some clean wins in the BFG!
• Winner of Robbie E & Kurt Angle looked very effective
• Taylor Hendrix
• TNA letting the winners celebrate… almost as long as the matches.

CONS

• No Sting storyline continuation. He was attacked by 3 masked me, Jeff Jarrett and the Harris brothers (I think).
• Very little build for Destination X… but I guess you need to have an X-Division to have an X-Division pay-per-view.
• Robert Roode talking
• Mr. Anderson talking
• Knockouts discussing why they want the Knockouts title… *shakes head*
• AJ’s head not in the game… I’d much rather not see him on his year long losing streak.
• Gut Check as a whole. What are we evaluating? A person’s ability to lose?
• Tag champs not wearing their championship belts. Did anyone remember they are tag champs?
• Backstage with Knockouts, but it was kept quick
• I’ve seen RVD and Hardy too much to care… but that can be said a lot about any match in TNA.
• No Devon defending the TV title. Not that it matters, but it was said… defending it on every Impact. Maybe he’s on Xplosion.
• Over run lead to no conclusion with the Dixie and AJ angle… the main event.

Everything Right with TNA Impact (06/14/12)

JAMES STORM VIDEO OPENING (thank god its not Robert Roode)
Very good to say he’s back. Makes him a star. Especially good because he’s not Robert Roode. Brief recap from the past two months.

X-DIVISION TITLE ULTIMATE X >> ARIES vs SABIN vs ZIMA ION (great, hot opener)
On paper this looks awesome, should be an awesome opener. It shouldn’t be thrown out there cold like this, but X-Division matches don’t need any preface, they should get over because they’re X-Division. If Aries were to lose this would be a good opportunity to drop the belt and move up the card. Of course you could also move the X-Division up the card. The fans are quiet because they’re paying attention and popping for offense with a few chants. Thank goth Robert Roode didn’t start the show. He kills all energy. The TNA ring looks bigger. Tazz and Tennay announce that the BFG series is back, which is great if done correctly. BFG Series should be a round robin style tournament instead of tags or three ways.

This match was great, made Aries look like a star as always. He is a clear cut star. This made him look like an incredible star in only five minutes. Unfortunately the other two didn’t shine as bright. TNA gives the winner a little time to shine after the match. Chris Sabin looks to have injured his knee. If that’s true, that’s horrible.

AUSTIN ARIES PROMO (white hot)
Aries talks about how a year ago he walked in and beat everyone. That is absolutely true. Aries wants to move up, he wants to be higher. Enter Hulk Hogan. Aries can become a giant in the BFG series. He can be a huge star in Destination X and main event it against AJ Styles. Hogan says he hears all the hoopla. Aries should be the man in the main event like AJ Styles should have been five years ago. Aries can carry the company and have five star matches with heat with anyone. The crowd is very hot for this segment. Aries wants in the main event. Hogan makes a match for Destination X. Aries vs Bobby Roode. But only if Aries gives up the title. Aries should give up the title. Hell he should get the TNA top title. However, its too early. There’s zero chase, especially now that James Storm is back. Aries should win the BFG Series… and still give up the belt. Not now but in 3 months. Defend the belt against AJ as the main event of Destination X.

SLAMMIVERSY MOMENT w/ DIXIE CARTER (too short)
TNA shows a recap of Slammiversary. Its great for making the company look bigger. Then it just cuts off.

JOSEPH PARKS EATING BACKSTAGE interrupted by BULLY RAY (too brief to be gold)
Bully wonders where Abyss is. Funny how its gone 180. Now Bully Ray wants Abyss. This was kept short, but eh. Not gold.

TV TITLE >>DEVONvs HERNANDEZ (makes sense)
You know it makes sense… Hernandez won a match, so he gets a title shot. Brilliant. I feel Hernandez can be better utilized as mega face forMexico. He can throw around guys and be the pride ofMexico… even if he’s a Texan. SuperMex kicks off the match with a running body press over the top to the outside. Crowd is hot, probably hotter than they were for the opening match. WithDevon’s track record of people interfering in his matches… You’d expect that with this… but no.

DIXIE & AJ STYLES BACKSTAGE (brief)
AJ can’t do this anymore… He wants to get it out in the open. Bet it’s a surprise party or something for Serge.

BFG SERIES ROYAL RUMBLE >> AJ / RVD / JOE / BULLY RAY / MAGNUS / ANGLE / STORM / POPE / HARDY / ROBBIE E / DANIELS (good stuff)
The winner gets 20 points in the BFG Series. I have no problem with something special like that when they’re all involved as long as everyone is in it and everyone has an even number of matches. So this was done Royal Rumble style where a new person enters every 90 seconds. It starts with the biggest stars before it works down the ladder. The Pope DiAngelo DiNero appears for the first time in half a year. Abyss appears, but he’s not in it. AJ Styles and Kurt Angle don’t wear their belts. Huge chants throughout a lot of the match. So far this might be the hottest match on the show. Good finish, the winner looks like the star and the loser looks like he’ll get revenge

JAMES STORM PROMO (crowd goes nuts and they’re firmly behind Storm)
Mega chants for this guy. Crowd wants to hear what he says and pop for the things he says. See it sucks that Aries will lose at the next PPV and end up without a belt when the main event story arc is setup for James Storm to win it after he wins the BFG Series. Anyway, James Storm is back in a big way. The crowd goes nuts.

ROBERT ROODE BACKSTAGE (meh)
They’ve got a new TMZ interviewer. The voice is different. This segment was pretty much to let you know he’s on the card.

AJ STYLES & KURT ANGLE BACKSTAGE
Kurt is angry with AJ for messing up and yells at him to clear his head of theDixie stuff. Angle has an intensity in a good way. AJ promises to get focused.

BROOKE TESSMACHER vs MADISON RAYNE (an ok match)
It’s shocking to think TNA has turned a corner and everyone is mega over to their crowd. This match seems to be the downer for the crowd. They’re still paying attention and into it, but quiet. But when Tessmacher yells to the crowd they respond big. Nothing wrong with this match. Can’t say it made Brooke look like a star.

BROOKE HOGAN BACKSTAGE w/ GAIL KIM
Brooke wants Open Fight Night with a 4 way Knockouts title. I didn’t think Open Fight was for another 2 weeks. Eh whatever. This was an OK segment, nothing notably wrong or right.

MR. ANDERSON BACKSTAGE
Hey he’s got dark hair and not blonde. He looks like a totally different guy. Very brief 10 seconds.

TNA TITLE >> ROBERT ROODE vs MR ANDERSON (good psychology)
Thank goth Anderson hasn’t really talked this episode. He doesn’t even introduce himself. Good. Strip him of talking and he’s totally fine and he’s been improving in the past few months in the ring. The match starts with 30 minutes left on the show, which normally means a 20 minute angle at the end of the show and yep they still have the AJ & Dixie thing. This episode was very quick with what felt like a lot of wrestling.

I have no interest in this match even if they’ve built a 2 month history with them. It just doesn’t feel like the main event, especially because its not. One good thing I do have to say about this match is that it’s a good fight. Like its not easy for them to do things. It’s a competition for headlocks. Like a struggle. And that’s good. Great victory.

DIXIE & AJ STYLES BACKSTAGE (again)
They say the same thing, but this time they hug.

IMPACT RECAP (a great idea)
This was good, because it showed everything you may have forgotten keeping it fresh in your mind. Other shows do this and even Internet top 10 lists recap the previous 9 before the #1.

STING VIDEO (made Sting look big)
Sting is the first wrestler to make it to TNA’s Hall of Fame. Sure it’s a joke right now, but in 10 years from now it will be prestigious. Plenty of backstage interview clips putting over Sting’s importance. Good. It made Sting look big. Monumental.

STING SPEECH (and what happens)
Don’t focus on his loss to Robert Roode. Focus on how awesome Sting is! Sting’s face paint looks like a gothic circus clown. The fans chant for Sting. Sting knows there are other people that deserve the honor like the Jarretts. Three masked men attack Sting! Big masked men. They get major heel heat. The fans chant for Hogan. I think the masks are Smoke from Mortal Kombat.

PROS

• Hot Opener
• Austin Aries looked like a star
• Aries & Hogan interaction
• Hernandez getting a win before his TV title shot
• Devonis strong
• Hot Royal Rumble match
• Joe in the rumble
• Daniels in the rumble taking out 2 people
• James Storm is mega over
• Angle wanting AJ to get his head in the game.
  No talking from Mr Anderson and Robert Roode.
• It felt like there was a lot of wrestling.
• Main event match victory
• Recap of the show just before the main event angle.
• The main event angle

CONS

• Too much too soon for Austin Aries when he will get stopped by Roode

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should be) (in my mind) (06/07/12)

TNA IMPACT OPENING with DIXIE LAST WEEK
They recap what happened last week and then show what happened off the air. Dixie is angry marching to the production truck. Hopefully the AJ / Dixie angle doesn’t turn out to be a surprise birthday party for Serge her husband. TNA said that we’d be going backstage more and more.

DIXIE IN THE RING (heat killer)
She’s all teary eyed. Dixie feels sorry for Christopher Daniels and KAZ that they’d be so sad as to do this. So Dixie is gonna tell the truth! Enter Daniels and KAZ. Daniels has his hand taped. His hand or fingers. Daniels REALLY should have been the one to shave KAZ’s head. Be like me KAZ, be like me! We are one as a tag team. That didn’t happen. Daniels and KAZ look like jobbers wearing Slammiversary T-shirts and they don’t even carry the tag belts. Daniels harasses her. Its nice. Dixie starts trying to bash him, Kaz gives her a nice push to the corner. AJ came in for the save. This isn’t gold, I’m not sure how much heat it has. Serge comes in. He helps his wife and looks angry at AJ Stylez. Serge clocks AJ. They are going into good territory with this, but since its AJ its still unbelievable. The fans are chanting Photo-Shop? Serge leaves them, and AJ walks Dixie out. Well that’s a crowd killer.

It is soon announced AJ & Dixie left the building, but he’s in a six man tag main event!

AUSTIN ARIES & SAMOA JOE BACKSTAGE
Very briefly Joe has an issue with him. Its too brief to get heat.

THE STREAK >> CRIMSON vs AUSTIN ARIES (uh boy)
Crimson issues an open challenge for the PPV. Fight him and lose! Then screams Undefeated!

I still want to point out Crimson was pinned as a tag champion. If anyone on the TNA roster should beat Crimson, it should be Austin Aries. If anyone can get a good match out of Crimson it is Austin Aries. The crowd is behind Aries. But with Joe and Aries having an issue just before the match, that might telegraph the winner. It didn’t last week.

BROOKE BACKSTAGE w/ FACE KNOCKOUTS (surprisingly good)
Look at these outfits! Look at these bodies! They’re more beautiful in person! She’s clearly a face. A man of a face. She puts Velvet, Mickie James, Brooke and Tara into a four way. Why does Brooke look older than these girls when she’s probably the youngest? Brooke mentions that she’s getting them media opperunities. If that’s true, cool. Montgumery Gentry wants Velvet for a music video. Mickie James subtly looks pissed.

HOGAN ANNOUCEMENTS (meh build to the PPV)
Hogan comes out and announces the ten year anniversary party starts tonight end ends next week with the TNA champion having a title match next week on Impact. Then Robert Roode comes out, starts talking, gets interrupted, but Robert Roode is never done talking. It was a good verbal assault… if they’re planning Hogan vs Roode. He puts his hands on Hogan. Sting appears. Roode beats down Sting who just gets back up. Sting sells nothing. Then Robert Roode gets sent out of the ring.

Robert Roode wears a new IT Factor T-shirt that looks terrible and generic. They really could have had some more IT Factor in the IT Factor T-shirt. In other words, that’s not a shirt I’d buy or anyone else.

JOSEPH PARK BACKSTAGE
He can’t believe what he’s doing. Good character. To brief to be great, but this was good for the 30 seconds it was.

#1 CONTENDER >> MICKIE JAMES vs VELVET SKYE vs BROOKE TESSMOCHER vs TARA (seen these women in this match combination too many times)
Brooke Tessmocher is from Houston, TX and the PPV is in TX. Give her the knockout victory in her home state. All faces… except for Mickie who is about to turn. Gail appears soon after the match starts. Gail on commentary says she’s beaten all four. Gail Kim is the longest running Knockouts champ. Along with every other major title holder. Thank goth Gail is on commentary, because this match is so dull and burnt out that I forget there’s a match going on. There is a good spot where all 4 women are involved in submissions. I remember when WWE did similar things 10 years ago. Tara does a top rope moonsault instead of a standing one. Very impressive and graceful, unlike Lita’s.

Eventually former tag partners Brooke & Tara fight. The work starts getting sloppy toward the end. Like someone will get hurt kind of sloppy.

BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE (voice is out of sync?)
Strange the voice is out of sync. He’s got a contract for Joseph Park.

HOGAN BACKSTAGE ON THE PHONE
You get here AJ! Grrr…

BULLY RAY & JOSEPH PARK CONTRACT SIGNING w/ JEREMY BORASH (interesting and entertaining)
This has been a good 3+ month storyline. It would be a good one off match and they might want to do this with non wrestlers. Have them appear 3 months and do one match before disappearing. Do that 4x a year with various people and you can really keep them fresh. Like Robert Roode vs his old friend in spring, Bully vs Joseph in summer, AJ vs Serge in fall, ODB vs the Wedding Planner in winter. Very easy to do.

Bully has a good shirt. Some sort of parody on the Jack Daniels bottle. Joseph Park comes out with no music, but he is not a wrestler. He’s good at not knowing how to get in the ring. He’s good at being clueless. The fans want tables. Bully starts by tearing up the contract. Bully Ray pulls his special contract out that protects him from liability. Joseph Park isn’t crazy enough to do that. The fans cheer him surprisingly. Abyss should come out and sign it then… but that’s not the match. Bully Ray spits in his face. Joseph cuts a promo about his brother who spilt his blood and gave his body. He’ll sign for his brother Chris. If this means Abyss has retired and Joseph needs to wrestle now.

Abyss appears on the big screen. He’s not happy with Joseph. Abyss does some good work, even gets a shock from the crowd. Gold… for such a weird plotline. Bully Ray attacks Joseph. Great segment.

MIKE TENNAY asks TAZZ about JOEY RYAN
People are buzzing about it. Mike asks Tazz if he has any second thoughts. Tazz loves Joey’s character. Hanging out on Twitter and Youtube doesn’t make you better it makes you popular.

BACKSTAGE PROMO with JOEY RYAN (interesting)
Last week Joey was backstage cutting a promo on Tazz so Al Snow swoops in and tells Joey to check himself. Joey doesn’t, so Al Snow escorts him out. I’m sure that wasn’t Joey Ryan’s character that was just him venting. TNA was and wasn’t stupid not to take him. They were stupid, because the fans wanted it and he’s a ten year vet with talent and a great character that would be awesome in TNA. The good reason they didn’t take him is apparently he’s a jerk.

TV TITLE >> DEVON vs ROBBIE E (adding interest with more players)
The feud that will not die. Backstage before the match, Garrett says he’ll have Devon’s back if Devon will let him. Yep. Brief they’re really trying to put over Garrett. They’ll tag up at the PPV. This is the same match that its been for the last 3 months. It hasn’t gotten better or worse. Luckily Maddisson Rayne shows up to look on, making this match watchable. Logically I’d give Decon a clean win, then give Robbie & Rob Terry a cheat victory at the PPV when Maddisson Rayne helps them. Why have Cookie with Robbie E when you can have Rayne. Hilarious spot where there’s a small package and the giant Rob Terry sneaks into the ring and rolls them over so Devon is getting pinned.

HULK HOGAN ANNOUCEMENT (again)
He was getting ready to make a monster annoucement before he got interrupted… so Hogan gets interrupted again by Mr. Anderson. Why not have a match at the PPV. Ken Anderson vs Jeff Hardy. Again! The same match its been even back in the WWE for years and years! He introduces himself before he comes down. Uggg… Why is this guy back. There’s no room for him. Put him on Xplosion. I can tell Hogan really doesn’t want to hear from him. Hogan invites RVD to come down. So why not have a 3 way? They’re forgetting about Jeff Hardy… so far. And yep, Jeff Hardy is called down. I’d have these three guys go over in 3 singles matches, then have a 3 way at the PPV with the winner getting a title shot on Impact. He announces a three way at Slammiversary. Yep. I predict Jeff Hardy to win. Peel RVD off into a feud with Aries and Kennedy can go after Crimson.

SIX MAN TAG >> ROODE & KAZ & DANIELS vs STING & KURT ANGLE & AJ STYLES
AJ left earlier… and he stayed gone, which is great. 2 on 3 match. I’d rather see 2 on 3 than waste 2 PPV matches in one. Sting comes out with some weird purple jacket. Sting now wears black with blue ring attire. He quickly puts the scorpion death lock on Daniels. A terrible death lock and Angle puts the ankle lock on KAZ. Bam that should have been the match. Victory to the faces, but then the heels should get on the mic and demand it get restarted and it would be.

I remember when Daniels had a feud with Sting. I’m not sure if they actually had a match or not. That was a few years ago. Pretty quick match, but there was a lot of energy.

PROS

• The interest of Austin Aries vs Crimson
• Brooke Hogan and Velvet’s announcement of being in a music video (I’m surprised its a pro)
• Joseph Park & Bully Ray
• Using Joey Ryan without giving him a contract

CONS

• Crowd killing opening angle
• Someone specific losing
• Roode & Sting with Hogan did nothing to make me want to see them.
• I’ve seen the same knockout’s match in tag or three way form for a year or two
• Didn’t make me want to see Slamiversary

Everything Right with TNA Impact (05/17/12)

TNA RECAP (good work)
Word on the street is that TNA Sacrifice was a good show. TNA opens by recapping a few of its biggest angles. Roode being dominant, AJ having pictures, Abyss returning and so on.

ROBERT ROODE PROMO (another post PPV promo)
Roode had a big match off a hot pay-per-view in this case I do want to hear from him. Not nearly as much as I want to hear Joseph Park. Tennay plugs the fact that Robert Roode is about to beat AJ’s record for the longest TNA champ. They should really have someone challenge him on Open Fight Night one night before it becomes official. Fans boo him and Robert soaks it up by saying that’s it chant Roooooode! Roode says he’ll throw a party next week. He’ll call it celebration of domination. He calls out Hogan.

Hogan comes out to quite the pyro display for TNA. Fans politely clap for Hogan and don’t go too crazy. Robert Roode has demands. This was entertaining compared to what Roode normally does. He wants only green M&Ms and golden confetti flown from Canada… Hogan says Robert Roode put the company back on track by holding the title. He may have put the company back on track… but he didn’t set it on fire.

Hogan announces Roode to have a title defence at Open Fight Night. Nice. Hogan took a pole and asked who wanted a title shot. The entire locker room comes out on the stage lead by Bully Ray. Puts a lot of heat on the title. Hogan needs only 4. RVD vs Bully Ray. Jeff Hardy vs Ken Anderson. Jeff Hardy looks insane. Kurt Angle vs Samoa Joe. Dizamn I’m impressed with that match. The rest of the guys are put in a Wild Card Battle Royal.

I really love this. The entire show is built and leads into next week’s show. Brilliant. Hope Aries wins the battle royal.

BULLY RAY vs RVD (good opener)
The fans were into this match with plenty of claps and firmly behind RVD. Tough to grow as a company with such a small arena. The fans are hot there over the past few months. Bully Ray manages his own 3D. Nothing wrong with this match. Could have used more in crowd brawling and chairs, but I don’t think people want long matches.

BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE w/ JOSEPH PARK (brief & logical)
Afterward Bully Ray cuts a promo on the Kardashians. Joseph Park appears and provokes in the way that he does. Bully Ray tells him to stay away.

KING MO TALK SHOW (meh)
TNA has plugged the signing of King Mo throughout the show. Now this is their segment to hype that. Then they throw to a talk show with Dixie and Bellator president. TNA and Bellator signed him. I didn’t like this because it wasn’t a recap it was a segment from a talk show. Its just to promote Bellator and that MMA talkshow. Dixie made it seem like it was her idea to sign a MMA guy.

GAIL KIM & RAYNE BACKSTAGE (not as bad as it could be)
Gail is concerned about her triple threat tonight. Rayne is concerned about her mystery man. Rayne disappears. Brooke & Velvet appear to politely threaten Gail. This wasn’t bad. Normally it is.

WILD CARD BATTLE ROYAL (AJ, Gunner & Aries)
Aries appears first so TNA recaps his win over Bully Ray. ODB and Eric Young eliminate Crimson quickly. Aries eliminates Magnus. Rayne appears to look on. Interesting. I hope its Robbie E. Rob Terry is really trying to eliminate Garrett until Terry is thrown over by Robbie E. Devon throws out Robbie E. Garrett Bischoff outsmarts Devon who goes over the top. AJ then throws out Garrett. Aries and AJ face off. Interesting combination. I smell a great match if not fantastic match. Gunner is selling in the corner. Good battle royal, Tazz sells it as the best battle royal he’s seen in his life.

IMPACT GOES LIVE
Interesting. I doubt it will do much for their ratings.

KAZ & DANIELS RECAP
Good recap of a 3+ month angle that made no sense and still doesn’t make sense. I would have rather seen AJ in a hottub with Dixie. AJ is so squeaky clean that its unbelievable.

AJ PROMO
Fans have signs that say Dixie Styles and AJ Carter. Hilarious. I don’t see many signs, but these were worth the wait. AJ explains his side of things. Dixie is a beautiful, wealthy woman. Enter KAZ & Daniels who show off a video… on an iPad. The video doesn’t show me anything.

JOE & ANGLE RECAP VIDEO w/ BACKSTAGE SEGMENT (jump starting an old feud)
They showed the history of Joe. It was nice. Then they have a backstage segment that ends in a pull apart. TNA does an ok job of jumpstarting a dead feud instead of going into a new feud with them.

MR. ANDERSON BACKSTAGE (not annoying)
He is on an iPad looking at his match with Jeff Hardy. Jeff may have kicked out… I guess.

MR. ANDERSON vs JEFF HARDY
Commentators plug that Mr. Anderson and Dixie Carter will actually be in a movie / documentary with Morgan Spurlock. Its good they mention it but they needed to be a 1 minute segment. Jeff gives hugs to the fans. I’ve had no interest in this match for years. But the thought of a title shot puts heat on this match.

Jeff Hardy tries a low dropkick to the outside, Mr. Anderson catches Hardy and throws him back down to the mat. This was a good spot. There was a good pin that you don’t see very often.

KNOCKOUT TITLE >> GAIL KIM vs VELVET SKYE vs BROOKE TESSMOCHER (suggestive)
Brooke has very nice ring attire with an interesting robe. One of Gail Kim’s boot straps are hanging off. 2 faces vs 1 heel… until the heel disappears, then the faces go at it. Good submission on submission spots straight out of WWE in the late 90s. Velvet does a terrible ‘In Yo Face,’ followed by a very sexually suggestive pin.

TNA HYPE VIDEO
It was a great video with tons of crazy spots. Its funny how they say unforgettable moments, but a lot of them were forgettable except for Jarrett guitar shotting Hogan and Joe headbutting Angle. Maybe I have that backward.

JOE vs ANGLE
They’re really trying to jump start this feud again all the recaps, all of the history of Joe himself. Smells like build for Joe vs King Mo and the obvious Angle vs King Mo. Crowd is firmly behing Angle instead of both. Robert Roode appears for guest commentary. He puts over Angle and mentions their own history at last year’s Slammiversary. I thought Roode did a better job on commentary than Tazz.

Good match, but not as legendary as their past matches, but how could it be? End of the show has Jeff Hardy coming out, then Bully Ray and AJ Stylez.

An idea to make TNA’s Kurt Angle into a killer

It is funny, there are rumors that people run into Kurt Angle at airports and think he dropped out of wrestling just because he’s not with the WWE anymore. Anyway, Kurt Angle is in TNA and he seems like just another guy on the roster.

Kurt is a former Olympic gold medalist and the rumor was that he was going to try out for this year’s Olympics. Because he’s an Olympian, he probably has enough wrestling talent past his prime to put everyone else to shame. So what I think is to make Kurt a killer. Kurt’s gonna kill you style. Each week have him wrestle 3 local jobbers all at once in a 2 minute match. I bet Kurt could dazzle and entertain us with how well he wrestles. He doesn’t have to do an Olympic Slam or an ankle lock for the victory. He should do anything for the victory. I’m talking arm bars, three-quarter nelson pins and even a simple headlock crank for a submission victory. Anything he does could cause a victory showing he’s dangerous and legit. The three jobbers should get nothing in and his victories need to be quick, effective and dynamic from week to week.

Then after the ‘exhibition’ have him do his storyline for that week. Have his opponents for the pay-per-views watch him at ringside but not do commentary. Have promos, have run ins after Kurt wins. Kurt could have sitdown interviews hyping his next pay-per-view match instead of promos. He could be shown training in the gym along with his diet regiment. The crazy things he does to stay at his peak physical condition.

His opponents could have vignettes training counters to even the most basic of holds that Kurt makes deadly. Interviews with training coaches saying they’ve seen a weakness in Kurt’s game. Perhaps have Kurt’s training partners go turncoat and blab secrets to Kurt’s next pay-per-view opponent. Don’t do it cheesy and over the top like TNA does, treat it more real and serious that Kurt’s training partner left, a guy that knows Kurt’s weaknesses, secrets and injuries.

Outside the ring out on the town, Kurt should wear suits even in Orlando. He could be seen as a big deal instead of a guy that wears jeans and his own merchandise. If TNA wants to sell his merchandise, they could have some ring models wearing his new shirts.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (04/19/12)

LOCKDOWN RECAP
Dumb luck gives Robert Roode the victory at Lockdown. If anyone was pushed for that title it was James Storm. Dumb luck and cheating seems to give Robert Roode victories. That’s not a strong champion. He doesn’t need to cheat or have dumb luck each and every time. Since Roode has kept the title 6 months now he deserves to keep it. Without it, he’ll lose a lot of steam down to zero.

At least TNA didn’t recap the whole pay-per-view at once like they usually do. Their ratings might get better if they divvy out the info over the show.

ROODE OPENING PROMO (terrible promos all around)
Another month, another Roode promo to kick off Impact and it is a good time for him to open the show unlike other months. Anyway, he has a new haircut. TNA could have made this into an angle. Storm wants a title shot, Roode refuses… Hogan says there will be a rematch, and it won’t be for the title, but the loser will have his pony tail cut off. That is just me throwing out an idea. Wow does Bobby Roode look like an accountant and not a wrestler. He lost a uniqueness to him, but whatever, maybe he has movie roles coming up that TNA won’t mention. After all Jeff Jarrett will be in a Wizard of Oz movie coming up with some famous people in it.

Robert Roode just drones on and on, leading me to type about other things because I’m so boring. Anyway, the point of Robert Roode’s promo is that there is no one left for him to beat. So enter Mr. Anderson and his messed up hairstyle.

One terrible promo style replaced with another terrible promo style. I’d really like TNA to let Mr. Anderson go. TNA already has Matt Morgan, they don’t need him. Enter Jeff Hardy limping and wearing more makeup than a mime. LogicallyAndersonbeat Hardy a few weeks ago and won via DQ against Roode.  Logically Mr. Anderson should get the shot, but they should have a match withAndersongoing over.

Hulk Hogan appears over the big screen. He announces a match.Andersonvs Hardy for the #1 contender, please let it be Hardy.

TNA SHOPZONE COMMERCIAL (selling merchandise)
I like these commercials as I always point out. They actually sell things.

CRIMSON & BULLY RAY vs AUSTINARIES & MATT MORGAN (gently putting me to sleep)
I’m happy for this match. It mixes things up when normally the main eventers are in a tag match. Plus it hides Crimson and Morgan. I like the fact the heel Crimson wears black and the face Morgan wears white. Morgan does most of the selling, which is appropriate, you want the colder guy selling and the hotter guy to get the hot tag. I also laugh at the fact Bully Ray as a singles wrestler is put into tag matches week after week. Funny I just saw Morgan tap out to a heel hook. Didn’t count though.

Aries gets the hot tag and looks great, main eventer, new superstar great. Bully and Aries touch a bit toward the end. I don’t think it does anything to help their feud, but there are a few more weeks until the next pay-per-view.

GARRETT BISCHOFF w/ ANDERSON/ AJ STYLEZ / RVD
Wow… the young guy is the captain of his team. Shouldn’t AJ and everyone else just taken the spotlight and said hey Garrett we believe you should be here, so we’re gonna win this for you. But then that would get the Garrett stench on them. Garrett thanks them for their help. Bad to haveAnderson just out there when he’s in your main event. Bad to have RVD out there when he’s still new…. No he’s not new and fresh thanks to this. It’s like he never left and that’s not a good thing. Garrett should have been out there by himself or maybe with AJ.

Flair appears and elevates the segment. TNA now has to bleep the name Eric Bischoff. Lovely. Flair will hold a tribute party for Eric next week.

KAZ & DANIELS BACKSTAGE (stupid angle)
KAZ has his head shaved now. Stupid. Really stupid. He’s a gorgeous man with awesome hair. They will reveal their secret on AJ tonight… oh and next is AJ vs Angle. This totally kills any heat for the match.

ANGLE vs AJ STYLEZ
This was the backdrop for an angle. Three minute match and AJ is given a piece of paper from Christopher Daniels. AJ, Daniels and KAZ are all stuck in the mud so Robert Roode and James Storm can get pushed.

JOSEPH PARK BACKSTAGE w/ GUNNER
Gunner sends Joseph Park to Bully Ray. We’ll see it next week I’m sure.

HULK HOGAN & RVD BACKSTAGE
Hogan announces RVD will be in the main event making it a 3 way for the #1 contendership.

HULK HOGAN EXPLAINS to ALL TNA CHAMPS (a terrible idea)
Hogan announces Open Fight Night once a month where a new guy not with TNA gets a match that will be judged by 3 guys. A fake reality show… Yep all on one show.  Then on that same show, any of the champs can get called out at any time and they need to be ready to defend their title. I thought this already existed, now we need a name for it? Hulk says that the TV championship will be defended once a week. I feel like now I need to only watch TNA once a month. This is like saying a band will only play the hits on this night and maybe not other times. What really sucks is one championship will be on the line… out of the six titles there are.

GAIL & RAYNE & SARITA & ROSITA vs SKYE, MICKIE, TARA, TESSMOCHER (typical 10 minute every knockout match)
Brooke is back from OVW. Let’s see what she learned… when stuck in an 8 woman shmozz. Brooke and Tara do the heatless lesbian kiss. Mickie looks terrible and Velvet’s hair is flat. Makes me think TNA fired their cosmetologist.

Rosita really needs to get a high flying style or go face and start selling for heels. It works wonders for AJ Lee on WWE. Rosita and Sarita need to look more like a tag team. Sarita is amazing at what she does. Eventually it devolves into a giant brawl. The ref sees cheating, but goes with it. Shocking finish that will lead into that Open Fight Night next week I’m sure.

ERIC YOUNG & ODB HONEYMOON (yawn)
Two people lying down at the poolside. Now Eric Young is the jealous one. Lovely. He strips down to his underwear as always. ODB then ices down his package. Yep. Thankfully this was short.

TV TITLE >> DEVONvs GUNNER (the start of something good)
Good, TV title should be defended on television. Hogan said earlier that the TV title will now be defended each week. This isDevon’s first TV title defense on TV. Hopefully this can be a staple of 10 – 15 minutes of good wrestling a week. That’s what I wanted with AJ holding the title.Devon can train up some younger guys. There are dueling chants forDevon and Gunner. The match lasts less than 5 minutes. Good for the winner.

JAMES STORM PROMO
I think Storm needed a win and a promo to rebound from one of TNA’s most high profile losses. Good promo about what losing means. His loss means something…. But I’m afraid Robert Roode’s win doesn’t mean anything.

RVD vs MR.ANDERSONvs JEFF HARDY
Oh if only it was RVD vs Jeff Hardy. The dream match that happened 10 years ago. It is funny that I never want to see another match between Hardy and Anderson or Anderson and RVD. At least Mr. Anderson doesn’t look like he has the flu like he did last week or the week before.  The match didn’t last long. There was a winner. Yep.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (04/05/12)

HULK HOGAN PROMO introduced by DIXIE CARTER (match announcements)
Wow what ego stroking.Dixie has Sting in the ring. They both couldn’t look average enough. In fact I saw members of the crowd that looked like bigger stars. Speaking of stars, TNA had all of its wrestlers surrounding the ring. Way to make the entire roster look like extras and background players.

Hogan plugs Lockdown and announces matches. Morgan vs Crimson at Lockdown. Knockouts challenge for #1 contender tonight. Hogan calls out Bischoff and Ric Flair on the floor argues with Hogan. Oh so Bischoff isn’t out there… either is Roode who then appears with a security force wearing suits. Well at least TNA makes him look like a star.

As I predicted any babyface as an authority figure becomes the top babyface and the top babyface that wrestles each week is always #2.Andersongets called into the ring after Roode says his piece. I never want to hearAndersontalk and thankfully he doesn’t.Andersonvs Roode is announced for tonight. Hogan then announces Jeff Hardy vs Kurt Angle for right now. I smell a lumberjack match!

JEFF HARDY vs KURT ANGLE (rushed match)
Tazz says this is a main event anywhere in the world… yep but on TNA it opens the card… because they like blowing their money matches. Eh whatever, maybe it will be a minute long and end with some cheap finish. Angle’s right leg is either hideously pale or it is taped up. Remember how I typed that I smell a lumberjack match. Nope. No chance. After a few minutes they fall to the outside and Jeff Hardy has to break the count right before he throws Kurt back in. That made little sense. Maybe with the count at 8, Jeff didn’t want to get counted out by throwing in Kurt first.

Kurt is busted open in the ring. Thankfully TNA cameras didn’t catch the blade. Eric Young’s bachelor party will air tonight. This match has good crowd enthusiasm, but it feels very rushed. Several minutes in when Angle applies the ankle lock, he is still standing. I’ve always had a problem with the standing ankle lock. It makes more sense to drop and let the guy drag you instead of letting them kick you or roll you up, but whatever.

Good finish to a match that builds to a pay-per-view in a cage. Good match, I still say it felt very rushed, but had some good energy and crowd reaction. Angle gets backstage and Hogan announces a cage match with him and Jeff Hardy. I guess I don’t have a problem with giving this match away for free to build to a pay-per-view.

FLAIR BACKSTAGE on the speaker phone with BISCHOFF
Yep Flair warns Bischoff.

BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE
Bully is trending worldwide. He gets asked Storm or Roode at Lockdown. Bully Ray says he’s the next world champion. Bully heads to the ring to call out Austin Aries.

BULLY RAY & ARIES ANGLE (great for both guys)
Bully Ray is calfzilla. He cuts down Austin Aries for his lack of size. Aries then appears. Aries acts like he is gonna cut a promo and ends up popping Bully with the microphone. After a beatdown, Bully Rag gives him a walking, diving powerbomb. It looked awesome and was worth a replay. This was great for both guys.

JOESEPH PARK BACKSTAGE (a waste of time)
Joe asks the caterer, because his brother has a ravenous appetite. You know Hulk once saw Abyss’s face. Hmmm… Oh but no one remembers that.

AJ STYLES BACKSTAGE (and a challenge)
He things James will win. AJ is now wearing gloves. Storm appears to challenge AJ. Eh this works and keeps Storm fresh with matches. AJ should want a title shot if he beats Storm and if Storm beats Roode at Lockdown.

KNOCKOUTS CHALLENGE >> MICKIE JAMES vs TARAvs WINTER vs ANGELINA LOVE vs MADISON RAYNE vs VELVET SKYE (and flawed logic)
Winter is announced from parts unknown. I could swear she’s fromEngland somewhere. If she had an American accent, I’d say she’s fromAlaska. Or how about the clouds above? Looks like Angelina is just a heel instead of with Winter. I hate to admit it, but Winter and Rayne have my two favorite themes in TNA. Why? I guess because they sound different from any other theme.

Apparently this match is the first fall with only 2 people at a time with the need to tag out. Strange. Why would anyone tag in? Just blind tags I guess. A match like this should either be 6 at a time or offer a punishment for the loser. Otherwise there is no reason to tag out. If I had to predict a winner, I’d say Velvet Skye, because that’s who won last week, but knowing TNA it could be Winter. If this was the WWE I’d say Rosita, because she’s not even in the match.

There is an awesome spot where Velvet is in with Rayne, who then tags out to Mickie James to make face vs face. When Mickie goes to get in Rayne kicks her out. This becomes a spotfest like all big matches. In the end, one woman is standing tall, which is great, because usually TNA has this problem of when there’s a winner everyone is in the ring, so you don’t get a visual of one person being above the rest.

ANDERSONBACKSTAGE with ROODE (less annoying than usual)
Anderson is backstage. Roode appears with his suited bodyguards.Anderson wonders why wait til tonight when we can fight right now? Isn’t right now tonight? Whatever. The suits get inAnderson’s face he touches their ties. They’ll wait til later tonight.

TNA at CMAs (with Kiss)
You get to see Jeff Hardy and James Storm posing with Kiss. I swear this was CMAs… Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it is the ACMs or whatever. I wonder how much Gene Simmons asked to be paid for standing in the background. 

ERIC YOUNG’s BACHELOR PARTY (and how lame it is)
3 nerds with Eric Young picking fantasy baseball online. ODB appears to give the men a party. Insults the men and chases them away. She’s subtly chasing away everyone from Eric Young. They might as well have Eric put in a closet. She then pulls Eric close for a face full of cleavage.

JAMES STORM vs AJ STYLEZ (AJ is still a star)
Montgomery Gentry is in the crowd and James says hi. This could be awesome, but since this is TNA I see it going 4 minutes. AJ looks very strange with gloves. I like how the crowd is chanting for AJ who is the midcarder. Early on AJ summersaults out of the way of the Last Call. I think TNA should just call it Last Call instead of Last Call Super Kick. Tennay plugs the MotorCity Machine Guns are next.

This match has some good logical counters and reversals, such as elbows to a rear waist lock to break the clasp. Good match, the crowd is firmly behind AJ for 80% of the match. It is interesting to see their physiques when both of them started out with the same skinny body 10 years ago. Good finish with the winner checking on his friend. This match made AJ look good and actually show his stuff.

James Storm gets on the mic and wants Robert Roode next week to look him in the eye one last time before Lockdown.

HOGAN & STING BACKSTAGE
Hogan sends Sting home. Sting says the doctors won’t let him compete. Good. Use Sting sparingly.

MONTGOMERY GENTRY BACKSTAGE w/ ROBERT ROODE
They lightly put over TNA and put over James Storm. Robert Roode appears and spits in the face of Montgomery Gentry. This was good. Hopefully TNA

MOTORCITY MACHINE GUNS vs MEXICAN AMERICA (terrible missed opportunity)
Sabin was injured one year ago in a botched spot against Mexican America. TNA really should have put this on pay-per-view with some hype behind it. People would pay money to see their return or at least their first match into their return. By just throwing out the guns it felt like Sabin had never left and he was just a regular guy. There were brief, emphatic chants of ‘Welcome back.’ But there were more chants of ‘Motor city.’

Personally, if I were Sabin, I’d be working on Anarchya’s knee to take him out and make him disappear for a while (to OVW). There was a spot where Shelly flew off the top and landed on Anarchya who had his knees bent. Not a block, just coincidental. Anyway, the Guns looked awesome.

Sabin gets on the mic and says he wants the titles. He doesn’t mention how great it is to be back.

RIC FLAIR BACKSTAGE intercepts ERIC BISCHOFF
Flair says Hogan is out of control. Eric calls Ric a two time hall-of-famer. Flair says that Hogan is out of control because he’s making matches for Lockdown. Oh no! An authority figure making matches? TNA plugs a Bischoff & Hogan in the ring for a confrontation.

HOGAN & BISCHOFF ANGLE
Hogan is in the ring and calls out Bischoff who then appears. Thank goth this wasn’t the main event after the last match. I’m much happier with this match under the main event. Eric Bischoff says blah blah blah. This is something I’ve heard from him so many times. Against Garrett Bischoff, Vince McMahon, Steve Austin. Probably other guys too.

Hogan says that Eric needs to put together a team for Lockdown and Garrett will make the other team. I like this idea. Garrett doesn’t need to be in a singles cage match. Hmmm Gunner & Mexican America vs Garrett & uh… Anthony Neese & D-Von.

If Garrett loses he’s off TNA and if Eric’s team loses he can no longer use his own name for the rest of his life. Yep… Maybe he will be Bob Smith.

STORM VIDEO
A great video recap with the split of Beer Money interviewing Storm and people from his life, his friends, wife, and family. Storm even has a baby in his arms. James Storm is Joe Everyman. This video was good and it really pushes Storm vs Roode as something special to TNA.

MR. ANDERSON vs ROBERT ROODE (what match?)
Andersonsays Mr. Anderson.Anderson. Then walks to the ring. Ken Anderson looks terrible, like he’s ill with the flu and they’re making him wrestle. Maybe he has food poisoning or something. He also wears a shirt that says ‘pro wrestling is real.’ Since he has the sleeves well cut off, it looks like the shirt says ‘no wrestling is real.’ At least Mr. Anderson has a win going into this match and at least Robert Roode has a fresh match that doesn’t involve Hardy, Bully or Storm. Wow Bobby is thin compared to the TNA title. He only has 1 set of buttons buttoned. Maybe TNA needs magnets on the belt to keep the strap from just flapping like that.

For whatever reasonAndersonhas 33 on the back of his wrestling trunks, is that his age? Is that the highway he lives next to? Tennay announces that there will be a series of matches between team Garrett vs team Gunner. I like how no one really pays attention to the match in the ring. The commentators just recap what we’ve seen and what we will see.

Ref bump. Ken Anderson gets the visionary. Well I smell the first feud after Roode loses the title at Lockdown. Heck he might not even lose the title and this might be the main event program after Lockdown. Beer bottle finish. Poor referee has to count in the glass.Andersonis bleeding. I also like how no one can say Bobby Roode, they always say Bobby Rooooo.

James Storm appears with Hogan. That’s like a boy appearing with his dad to confront a bully. Good job TNA. Hogan reverses the decision. Maybe this was inAnderson’s contract where he needs to get a win over Bobby Roooo. After that final match, I just have a bad taste in my mouth.

Everything Right with TNA Impact (03/29/12)

ROBERT ROODE w/ COPS (burning out Storm vs Roode)
Well I guess that TNA is trying to make their main event angle for Lockdown feel like a WWE’s main event by having their champion come out with cops. Didn’t Robert Roode send his lawyer last week to show up to say Roode wouldn’t be on Impact for the next month until Lockdown? At least there are “fire bobby chants.” I’m happy that the Impact Zone is more lively over the past few months. Roode announced that he won the war because Sting stepped down. I kind of feel they could have done the Roode outsmarting Sting into losing his GM status. Oh and since when was sting a general manager? Authority figure yes, GM no, but whatever. The fans chant forDixie. In fact I’m waiting for theDixie vs Roode match. 

Storm shows up says a few lines only to get beat down by Bully Ray. I guess it makes sense for Roode not to lay hands on Storm. Storm gets up throws a Last Call kick but pulls back for the cops. Storm wants both of Bully Ray & Storm. Don’t let that happen. I’ve seen all 3 guys too much against one another.

GAIL KIM & RAYNE BACKSTAGE (and how to put heat on a prop)
Rayne looks fantastic as always and Gail gives her a new tiara. Good. This puts heat on a prop. They announce a match between Velvet and Rayne. This was brief and great… because it announced a match, put heat on a prop and didn’t involve screeching promos. Rayne should walk around telling people how awesome her tiara is because her bff Gail Kim gave it to her. How her bff is the best! Then have a face threaten the tiara.

VELVET SKYE vs RAYNE (a building block)
Did Velvet get a new tramp stamp? Rayne should really go over in this match. Velvet will still be over afterward, she gets chants, she gets the crowd fired up because everyone loves a big chest, even gay men and straight women. Matt Morgan vs Crimson is mentioned for later. The match had crowd heat and energy and it was kept short. I find it interesting that Ryane wears American flags on a lot of outfits.

POST MATCH INTERVIEW w/ VELVET (it was ok)
Christy Hemme holds the microphone for Velvet to challenge Gail Kim. Well with that in mind, the last match was good as a building block. Thank god Velvet didn’t screech into the microphone that much.

DIXIE selling HOGAN SITDOWN OUTSIDE (it feels like Dixieis being dumped)
Dixie wants him to comeback. This was filmed outside with a cameraman lurking behind a post filming them.Dixie looks at the camera every so often with it5 meters away.Dixie needs to sell Hogan on the idea to comeback. There is a security guard way in the background looking over things or perhaps it’s a really observant fan. Hogan wants to stay out of the company. He plugs the fact Bobby Roode is such a heel he’s not sure what can fix it. How about building up some faces to challenge Roode but whatever.Dixie wants Hogan, but he doesn’t want to. She’s just about begging him.

This sounds like a man dumping a woman and her struggling to stay with him. Plus it is in public on a park bench. In public on a bench, this is the perfect dumping ground. Hogan will think about it. He then just gets up and walks away.

MORGAN & CRIMSON RECAP
This was brief. These two should still be a tag team. I don’t want to see them wrestle.

KURT ANGLE BACKSTAGE
He won’t give Jeff Hardy a rematch because Jeff Hardy is a crybaby. He beat Hardy fair and square… but if Hardy beats Ken Anderson one on one he will give Hardy a shot. I never ever want to see another Hardy vsAnderson match since they burnt it out in the WWE.

AUSTIN ARIES PROMO on BULLY RAY (five star promo)
Austin is still a heel cutting a face promo on a heel. This guy needs to drop the X-division belt and move up the ladder and get TNA title matches on pay-per-view. The tough thing is keeping him heel when the fans face him. Austin Aries calls himself Mr. Moneysworth. Awesome. This should trend. He’s got a set of balls as big as Bully Ray’s calves.

Aries respects James Storm, but prefers a glass of red wine to a cold beer. Aries wants to fight by Storm’s side. Brilliant. I have so much more interest in an Aries tag match than a handicap match with Storm.

MORGAN vs CRIMSON (TNA needs to make Morgan feel like a giant)
Oh Christ, not this match again. Maybe if they keep it down to 2 minutes, use weapons and brawl through the crowd I’d like it. They are 2 big looking guys, but I really think Crimson exposes Morgan for how clunky and basic his wrestling is. The crowd continues to be hot for this match, which is a good thing.

Wow this match looks edited. The crowd is firmly behind Morgan, which is good, because they could be sitting on their hands. When Morgan sells the fans clap to get him on his feet. They always clap to get him up. You know what Matt Morgan is7’tall… but he never feels7’tall. TNA makes him feel average. When Morgan comes out the cameramen should be on their knees. Perhaps Morgan needs a chokeslam, powerbomb or some moves that accentuate his height.

Oh Crap double count out. Meh. I think that hurts this match. Crimson should have won by cheating, he’s the heel. They brawls to the back and Mike Tennay announces “nothing’s been settled.”

JOE PARK BACKSTAGE w/ TNA PRODUCTION
Joe reveals he used to play college football. I’m amazed at the age of some TNA producers. This was brief and revealed something about Joe. It was nice and keeps things moving for him.

ANDERSONvs HARDY (and why I didn’t want to see it and TNA plug fest)
Aren’t they both faces? I’ve pointed out that I really hate Hardy vsAnderson since it was in the WWE. I remember howAnderson wouldn’t sell anything for Hardy in the WWE and how he almost killed Hardy in a match and then the WWE had it 3 more times. Then TNA had it several times. Even though I haven’t seen this in a year, I don’t want to see it. But hey maybe this will be awesome since they haveAnderson working with all of the lighter weights he should be a power guy working with them and play the heel.

At least the crowd has been hot and TNA has been at a great pace tonight. Tennay plugs that Lockdown will be in select movie theaters. I’d go see it in a theater if the nearest one wasn’t 4 hours away. The crowd is hot for this match and explode with every move.

Motorcity Machine Guns are back next week. I honestly think they should have done whatever they plan on doing at the pay-per-view and go from there. It could be a promo or angle to start with at the pay-per-view then at the next pay-per-view have their first match. But knowing TNA they will have their first match at lockdown against JoNus Brothers. Tennay also announces Eric Bischoff to have an ultimate challenge for his son Garrett.

I really think the crowd heat makes this match. Ken seems sloppy as time goes on. Hardy bumped out of the ring and there is Kurt Angle to interfere. I suppose the crowd heat carried this match and made it good or at least better than it is.Andersonlooks totally out of gas at the end. 

JAMES STORM MUSIC VIDEO LONG NECKS AND REDNECKS (brilliant)
This makes your star look big and people will remember this for all time. It will be on the James Storm DVD when it comes out. Awesome story told in this video about a waitress getting roughed up in a bar and James Storm goes to be the hero. Video clips of TNA inUKare shown to make TNA look huge. It looks like James Storm and his boys get free beer for the save. Then James drinks the heel under the table and the waitress takes Storm’s keys and drives him home in her big ass monster truck.

Now is the point that I admit I’m actually really enjoying TNA Impact.

ERIC & ODB PLANNING THE WEDDING (comedy)
ODB plays subtly insanely jealous knockout luckily they have a hot chesty model of a wedding planner. Eric likes pillows. ODB doesn’t like her pillows. I notice Eric must have trimmed his beard. ODB shuns the wedding planner. Not nearly as bad as it could have been. ODB says they’re getting married in the steel cage at Lockdown. Uggg… That’s a first. WWE would love to plug for the first time ever a wedding in a steel cage. Tennay and Tazz should plug that.

TNA has given zero time between segments like a sketch show. 

ERIC BISCHOFF ANNOUNCES ULTIMATE CHALLENGE w/ GARRETT
The fans in the background are falling asleep. Eric announces how every life goal he has is checked off except one… beating his son Garrett Bischoff, who then appears. Anyway, long story short, Gunner vs Garrett in a cage at Lockdown.

STORM TRAINS FOR LOCKDOWN (great segment)
Great job TNA, and I really mean that. His redneck gym in a tree house in the rain. This is good. Throwing logs and cinderblocks, sit ups, hanging from the rafters to do chin ups / pull ups. Then plug their tag team history. It puts heat on this match, if this wasn’t their forth match in six months. Storm does boxing and kicking like a whole different style. Storm better win the title at Lockdown.

STORM & ARIES vs BULLY RAY & ROBERT ROODE (a rising star and the right way TNA did things)
I’m happy to see Aries in the main event, I think it elevates all guys to have someone fresh in the mix who is not Angle, Hardy, Bully Ray, Robert Roode or James Storm. They’ve burnt out all of their matches and need someone fresh in that mix whether its Aries, Gunner, Samoa Joe or even Magnus. Normally I’d complain about 2 feuds in a tag match and how it burns out the interest in the pay-per-view, but since Aries is a lesser guy on the rise who hasn’t been stale for months I have no problem with it. Even though TNA should really keep Storm away from Roode, especially since they’ve burnt out the match.

Bully Ray insults Aries size then tags out. Awesome heel move. It also keeps heat on the pay-per-view if they don’t touch. Aries slipped up early on it looked strange he’d slip up. Several minutes in and Aries finally gets a single big shot in on Bully Ray. One shot is enough. Storm gets Roode begging off only to be hit from behind by Bully Ray. Good idea. Brief encounters that mean a lot without overdoing it. Storm never gets his hands on Roode, good. Now for the bad…

HOGAN’S DESCISION w/ DIXIE(anti-climaxing the show)
This shouldn’t have been the main event. Why is it? Ugg it kills the momentum of the show. I really feel that it should end off with a glory shot of your top babyface not some political BS. This doesn’t need to cap off a show, because it is anti-climactic. Perhaps TNA’s rating say otherwise. The fans want Hogan. Hogan is in a TNA shirt and jeans. Yep like a jobber, a near7’ legendary jobber. Hogan has already closed the book on this part of his life. Out comes Sting. The TNA faces follow Sting. Uggg… Even D-Von the TV champion is out… without his belt. Even James Storm. Way to make your top babyface into a background guy. That’s why this should have been done earlier.

Actually who am I kidding, James Storm isn’t the top babyface until stronger faces like Sting and Hogan get out of the company so James Storm can actually start being in the main event of the show and not just the last match on the show. Hogan agrees because Sting has Hogan’s back. Well if the #1 babyface wants me as the authority figure I guess I will be. No wrestling company needs a face authority figure. Heel authority figures provide perfect foils to unfairness and elevating rebel faces.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (03/22/12)

STING vs ROODE AFTERMATH FROM VICTORY   ROAD(and how stupid it is for no one to have saved Sting & Dixie)
Good recap and thankfully TNA didn’t blow the whole pay-per-view right off the bat. They had a big main event angle withDixie and Roode that lead Sting to save Roode. I guess they couldn’t just have Sting get his heat back by destroying Roode afterward. This puts Roode over as a menace when they should be trying to push James Storm as the hero. Roode is ALREADY THE MENACE OF TNA. Now who will stop him. They should have sent out Storm. The fans were even chanting for him. Duct taping Sting to the ropes was not Dreamer & Beullah from ECW 15 years ago. No one from the locker room ran out to saveDixie or Sting or even take out Roode. Not Jeff Hardy, not James Storm, not AJ Stylez, no one. TNA looks weak. Their roster looks weak because no one can save the #1 babyface from the #1 heel Sting. Unless all of the faces were taken out, this should not happen and it makes TNA look weak as a whole, but maybe I’m wrong because main eventers beat down main eventers all the time with no one coming to the rescue. Maybe this just means the angle had heat because I’m so disgusted that James Storm couldn’t be a hero and run out there to save the #1 face and become the #1 face. Whatever.

DIXIE CARTER ANGLE w/ STING (and why Sting should step down)
Dixie is almost in tears running down Robert Roode. How is this now about Robert Roode and Dixie Carter not Robert Roode and James Storm? Sting enters. Sting should be out for 2 months. Not seen. People should worry about Sting, he should come back after Roode when James Storm wins the title, but hey whatever, I just think him coming back this week is stupid.

Sting talksDixieinto keeping Robert Roode, putting Sting over as a man who knows what’s good for business andDixiethe business woman as clueless. The fans want revenge. Hey at least they’re chanting. Sting tellsDixieit’s not working with him in charge. Fans chant please don’t go. I’m really sick of TNA baiting fans into thinking Sting will retire. Each and every year he doesn’t know if he’ll be back. Sting can’t do both wrestler and authority figure. Make him a full time wrestler if he’s the #1 babyface. He is the #1 face, he’s the most protected, most famous, and given the most time to drum up business. That’s why Sting should be injured and James Storm take that place or someone who will wrestle every week. Maybe as I ponder this, Sting is there every week drumming up business and taking out bad guys. Maybe I am a bad sport or something. If someone else was as good as Sting, as charismatic or a pillar they’d be #1.

Dixiehears Sting out that Hogan should be given power of TNA… funny didn’t Hogan conDixieinto giving over TNA? I predict a Sting vs Hogan match in 2 years.

X-DIVISION TITLE 4 WAY >> ARIES vs KASH vs NESE vs ION (high energy stunt show)
On paper this looks good. X-division stunt show. This is a good way to get Nese and Kash out there. Kash has been awesome since his return to TNA and I was never a fan of Kash before this run in TNA. Aries is too good for the X-Division now. He’s a giant fish in a little pond and well protected because of this. Good match, high energy and got the crowd up and moving. Crowd chants for Aries. Good crowd so far tonight.

This was old school TNA… before Bully Ray ran in and ruined it. This was straight out of WWE and WCW’s playbook. Have a monster destroy all of your small guys. It looks like Bully vs Aries will be on for the pay-per-view. This should elevate both guys…

MEXICAN AMERICA & REPO GAMES BACKSTAGE
I’ve seen Repo Games on Spike TV and this was a tolerable segment where Anarchya was the man with the answers.

KNOCKOUTS TAG TITLES >> ERIC & ODB vs SARITA & ROSITA (and ideas for TNA)
First of all… Eric & ODB are so over they should be working a television program with Robert Roode or Bully Ray to get mega heat on the heels. Second of all, Sarita and Rosita should really be faces, because they aren’t ghetto. Sarita is good in the ring and has that broken face sympathy and Rosita is very small and would be much better placed as a face than a heel. Rosita being heel is like Rey Mysterio or WWE’s AJ being heel. She can be a mega face… but hey TNA wants a challenge or they know their audience hates Mexicans. This match had heat, which was all thanks to Eric and ODB with Rosita and Sarita doing good in their roles.

CRIMSON BACKSTAGE w/ DIRECT AUTO (a noteworthy promo)
A heel Crimson cuts a good heel promo on Morgan. It made sense and it was kept as long as it needed to be. It was followed by a brawl that was kept as long as it needed to be.

JEFF HARDY BACKSTAGE (and zero heat)
Jeff challenges Kurt Angle… Kurt isn’t even in the scene. Zero heat, zero fire. Joseph Park is just there. I’d like to say Mr. Park or Parks has more heat than Hardy does at the moment.

ROODE & STORM THE EARLY YEARS VIDEO (and the beauty that it was)
VERY NICE and gives me good memories ofAmerica’s Most Wanted and TeamCanada. This is worth anyone’s time to watch. Their look is so defined now compared to how they were back then. They point out AJ and James are the only men still on the roster from day1. In a way their Lockdown match is beautiful because it is 2 guys that have been with the company 10 years celebrating the tenth year with the company.

JAMES STORM PROMO (good segment for this week)
He wonders why football isn’t all year long. He wonders why gasoline is so expensive. Mr. Storm you are Joe Everyman. Well done. He points out what Roode did to Sting andDixieis wrong. Well Mr. Storm why the hell didn’t you stop it at the pay-per-view? Really. You should have been face to face when the pay-per-view ended to drum up business for Lockdown. Storm is going to right all of the wrongs. He calls down Robert Roode.

Robert Roode’s attorney appears and gets checked out by James Storm who wonders who in the blue hell are you? The attorney is brilliant. He will be wrestling not too long from now. Heck TNA might as well make him wrestle this minute. The attorney announces that Robert Roode will stay in his home until Lockdown. Hopefully he will at least cut promos. The attorney announces James gets his choice of opponents, KAZ or Christopher Daniels. Good for Storm, he will fight both of them.

ANGLE BACKSTAGE (and his anti-logic)
No one beats Kurt Angle, so he is reminded that Garrett beat him 2 weeks ago. Technically that’s true and there’s Garrett to point it out. Oh good they make a 3 minute challenge. By this logic they’ll be having 1 minute challenges instead of 10 minute challenges or normal matches. I think if these two are going to have matches it needs to be on house shows so Garrett will learn from the best.

TNA WORLD TOUR COMMERCIAL
A fan plugs how pro wrestling is the best entertainment and beats other sports. Good. They show the tour dates and locations.

3 MINUTE CHALLENGE >> ANGLE vs GARRETT (to further the anti-logic)
Kurt is wearing a Lockdown jersey… but Garrett is wearing track pants and multi colored wrist tape. Dueling chants to start things, that’s good. There’s some stalling and pushing. Perhaps Angle is so confident that he can just destroy Garrett in 2 minutes. Maybe a commentator should have pointed that out. Garrett gets in great offense and a 2 count on Angle with a flurry of moves. Garrett only needs to stay away from Angle. Gunner appears and they beat down Garrett. Good ending. Jeff Hardy appears for the save… if only someone appeared for the save of Sting andDixieat the end of the pay-per-view. It looks like Jeff buzzed his hair.

MOTORCITY MACHINE GUNS ARE COMING
Artistic black and white vignette of the returning Motorcity Machine Guns is aired. Good and brief.

TNA TAG TITLES >> MEXICAN AMERICA vs JONUS BROTHERS
Mexican America are back from OVW after being gone for a few months. Good to have them return and job. It is good for business, and I guess with CrimMorgan fighting TNA needs another tag team. I also suppose this means JoNus is a face team now. It is at this point that I realize someone from every match is really over. Samoa Joe & Magnus for this match. Aries for the X-title match, Eric & ODB for their match.

Super Mex shows his power, JoNus shows their cohesion only seen since Motorcity Machine Guns and Anarchya shows how he can cheat. There is a point where Magnus is being pinned so he grabs the rope in enemy territory. Anarchya has the chance and fails to just kick the hand.

The Repo Games host runs down and whisks the women away. Back to OVW with the two of you! That leaves the match to conclude, but only after the crowd was whipped into a frenzy. This is a hot crowd. It was a crowd that rose their arms with Joe & Magnus. It was great.

MEXICAN AMERICA’S CAR IS REPOSESSED BACKSTAGE
Yep… both teams in Mexican America lost their tag title matches. Anarchya takes a terrible swing at the host and gets shoved away. The host then walks away with Rosita and Sarita.

BACKSTAGE WITH COWBOY TROY (performer of Jame’s Storm’s theme)
This was a brief segment showing you the behind the scenes from Cowboy Troy’s music video for James Storm’s theme song. Good enough, kept brief.

HANDICAP MATCH >> STORM vs DANIELS & KAZ
Good they should have this match. Behead both of those midcarders to your main eventer. Daniels isn’t even allowed to take his shirt off. Thank god they did something like this to keep James matches from getting boring. There are only so many Storm, Bully & Roode tag matches that I can see in the past 6 months. The crowd is nice and hot from the last match. They want Storm and chant for him.

Maybe TNA should have interviewed Kaz & Daniels before hand since they do have a history with James Storm, but whatever, they were a pair of jobbers in this match. The real downside of this match is that KAZ & Daniels couldn’t be themselves. They were just goons.

STING & DIXIE & HOGAN ANGLE
I don’t like TNA doing main event angles… but if the stats show main event angles get the highest ratings, then I can understand why they do them. Anyway, this was a chance for Hogan to go out and have his name cheered then leave the fans with a cliff hanger of will Hogan say yes?

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (03/15/12)

I assume with 5 weeks between Victory Road and the last PPV that TNA had 2 TV tapings for 5 episodes. I pity the fans that had to sit through this second TV taping since it was probably 4 hours.

TNA RANKS (because I discuss them…)
TOP FACES

1. Sting
2. James Storm
3. Jeff Hardy
4. Garrett Bischoff
5. Joe
6. Magnus
7. Eric Young
8. ODB
9. Aries
10. AJ Stylez
11. Mr Anderson

TOP HEELS

1. Robert Roode
2. Bully Ray
3. Kurt Angle
4. Gunner
5. Crimson
6. Matt Morgan
7. Zema Ion
8. KAZ
9. Christopher Daniels

OPENING SEGMENT WITH JAMES STORM w/ BULLY RAY (who saved things)
James comes out and poorly hypes his match next month against Robert Roode… he’s waited for the opportunity since November 2011… which would make sense if he hasn’t had a few singles matches against Robert Roode…

Bully Ray comes out which is what this segment needed, because eh his promos are pretty generic with no sizzle. We all love James Storm, but he needs to put pizzazz on his promos other than his catch phrase. When Bully Ray came out he livened up. Bully announces Storm will face Gunner. This is great honestly. Gunner has heat even if he is a midcarder. I have no problem with them chopping off the head of a hot midcarder to get heat on the #2 face.

GAIL & RAYNE BACKSTAGE (w/ STING)
Bickering… Sting announces Velvet vs Rayne & Mickie vs Gail. At least this was kept short.

TNA SHOPZONE COMMERCIAL
Terrible. Doesn’t make me want to buy any merchandise. Put a price up on the basketball jerseys. I’m tired of commenting how bad the Knockouts Shopzone commercials are.

RAYNE vs VELVET SKYE (meh needed to put over a finisher)
The beauty queen vs the hooker. You take a pick which is which. Velvet has been on a quiet tear in TNA over the pash few months after losing a lot after she won the Knockouts title 4 months ago. Interesting how Rayne has the USA flag on her shorts. The crowd is behind Velvet… but not nearly as much as ODB. This match features Velvet selling a lot, which is a good thing when the other woman has a title match. The crowd stays behind Velvet in the whole match. The right women won… well right woman for this month. The only problem I had is the winner didn’t use a finisher!!!!! Pisses me off. Need to put over Velvet’s finisher when I can’t even remember what her finisher is other than the head humping into the mat which is not a finisher. TNA NEEDS FINISHERS!!! Even if she cheats to win, it needs to be after a finisher!!!! TNA throws to…

MORGAN & CRIMSON BACKSTAGE + RECAP OF TAG TEAM
TNA pairs guys together to tear them apart. Sure its good for one tag team, but TNA does it all the time. Crimson plugs how he’s undefeated for 14 months. That’s BS when I’ve seen Crimson pinned on Impact. Whatever. Undefeated in singles competition doesn’t mean much.

CRIMSON vs JOE (and I know who wins)
Unfortunately with Crimson having the streak gimmick I know who will win.  Joe looks either dirty or hairy. Like covered with dirt or something which doesn’t make sense. Maybe it is bruising. The crowd is quickly behind Crimson. What are they on crack? Oh well. The chant died quick. Joe shines in this match and entertains the crowd. Crimson chants… Joe continues to crush Crimson who is a sack in this match. Crimson gets in the ref’s face, typical heel move. Since 2 weeks ago the heel tag team champs paired with the top face… they’re faces now. Morgan interferes. They’re making the double turn which makes it interesting. It also means Morgan & Joe are on the same page instead of breaking up.

ANOTHER MARCH MADNESS KNOCKOUTS COMMERCIAL (its a sale)
It is a sale… but what percentage off? What’s on sale? How much are those jerseys? If only the commercials showed me. Worthless commercials. TNA can do so much better.

ARIES PROMO w/ VIDEO MONTAGUE (and ZEMA comes out)
53 X-Division championships held by 25 men. Aries is the longest running X-Division champion. This is great and I’m thankful TNA didn’t let this info slip through the cracks. Then they showed the video montage. The montage was totally different from anything TNA has shown. Bad music, but good meaning with black and white video in slow motion of Aries jumping and lounging around. Didn’t show Arie’s matches… just showed Aries in his matches.

Zema Ion comes out with his fucked up hairstyle and clean-looking clothes. Its funny because both of these lower tier guys wearing great clothes beats the main eventers wearing T-shirt & jeans. Zema mentions Jesse Saurensen proving that he’s the heel in this. He wants Aries to give him the belt before he gets injured. A good exchange with the wine. Memorable. Both guys looked great. No one looked weak. Zema threw the glass in Aries face… Aries got Zema with the bottle and threw him out. Great stuff.  I predict Zema to win at the PPV.

JOSEPH PARKS BACKSTAGE w/ GUNNER
Gunner brushes off Joseph… looks like it could be a potential culprit as to the disappearance of his brother Chris Parks.

ERIC YOUNG & ODB BACKSTAGE
First a brief recap of the proposal. They discuss where to have the wedding… VFW hall? I’ve been to one of those… Minnesota fair? Nah makes too much sense since ODB is from Minnesota. Impact? Duh yeah!

ANGLE BACKSTAGE
Announces Garrett vs Angle. Good. Cripple Garrett. Like I pointed out before take a midcarder with heat, chop off his head for a main eventer. The #3 main event heel.

MICKIE JAMES vs GAIL KIM (and the women getting in the crowd)
I’m not sure why… but I’d rather see Mickie vs Rayne and Velvet vs Gail… but I guess Velvet is someone they can make midcard money with. Good original moves from Gail. Creative and psychological wrestler she is. See working a bodypart is brilliant. You give  the loser an excuse to lose and it makes your winner look strong. Why is it they only do this with the Knockouts? This match seemed to kill the crowd. I see some of the crowd women laughing at the match. Come to think of it… there are a lot of women in the crowd, which there should be… they come for KAZ, AJ, Jeff Hardy and other gorgeous men.

Amazingly the crowd might be silent for the match but the crowd is still into it. I guess they’re silent watching. They still clap and chant and cheer when the face does something but they’re silent when Gail does is on offense. Gail Kim wins cheating… Two heels win by cheating. So expect a cheating finish. Gail Kim is someone who has recently gotten her finisher over… which is good.

MR ANDERSON & KAZ & DANIELS BACKSTAGE (killing any heat there was)
KAZ & Daniels are hecklers really. These two are a non entity since a returning wrestler Anderson steals the heat. Then kills it when Daniels knocks over Anderson’s drink and Anderson says… oh noooo… not that… not that… not … that. There went any heat. Hope they didn’t show this to the crowd. They setup Anderson vs Daniels.

IMPACT WORLD TOUR COMMERCIAL
Interview with a fan saying it has inspired him to get into the business. Eh wasn’t the best comment unless we actually see this guy next year. Anyway the point is to put heat on your live events and they announced where the tour will be next.

ANDERSON vs DANIELS (and how bad Anderson is in the ring)
First of all… TNA gives away Anderson’s first match in four months on free TV. Dumbasses. Sure you’ve got 3 episodes at one TV taping but they really should have left a question in fan’s minds to buy the PPV. But whatever. TNA doesn’t want your money. Next… I forgot how much I hate Anderson… and what a one trick pony he is and how basic of a wrestler he is.

Tennay plugs that KAZ has Stockholm syndrome. Yeah whatever Tennay. Should have spun that angle 2 months ago. Now it just seems stupid and tacked on but hey whatever. Just great wrestlers saddled with a bad angle.

The crowd is slowing down. Brief chant to fire up Anderson but no one got behind it. Daniels wrestling is beautiful. He’s working with a corpse. Anderson looks like he’s out of gas and really sucking wind. Then Anderson does his twisting neckbreaker and he’s even more sucking wind. He does his double kick which used to be beautiful, but now it just sucked. He’s so tired. Oh good KAZ comes out to make sure no match can end without chicanery. AJ comes out for the save… which prevents interference. Good job TNA. Daniels continues his losing streak. Anderson has a long way to go to meet KAZ, Daniels and AJ in the ring. Why wasn’t RVD the one to come back? Does he still have a contract?

JEFF HARDY BACKSTAGE
He recaps that he’d be champion if it weren’t for Kurt Angle. Now its personal… golly should have been personal weeks ago when he did the run in. He announces that he is the charismatic enigma. Eh it was kept short.

5 MINUTE CHALLENGE >> KURT ANGLE vs GARRETT BISCHOFF
If you want to get someone better… you put them in with the best as proven by the last match. It would have been interesting if Kurt Angle came out and announced an open challenge… only to be answered by Garret (and probably boos). They plug how tough Garrett is. When someone isn’t at the top level of toughness it feels like they’re trying too hard. When I imagine tough I think of Bruiser Brody, Stan Hanson, Steve Williams… NOT GARRETT BISCHOFF!!!

Kurt beats down Garrett… for 4 minutes and 30 seconds. Brilliant timing by everything. They are really trying to elevate Garrett. Match ends, Kurt throws on the ankle lock until Hardy saves him. Typical. Didn’t need Garrett to survive though. Could of had him lose with one second left and then put on the ankle lock to get saved by Hardy. I predict Angle to win at the PPV.

ROBBIE E & ROB TERRY BACKSTAGE
They have merchandise? They plug Robbie’s open challenge for the TV championship… again. Hope it is RVD… But it will be Alex Shelley.

GUNNER w/ BULLY RAY vs JAMES STORM (and why its awesome)
Tennay still mentions Immortal… Ha. Are they around still? Since none of them have appeared together in the last while I thought that Gunner, Flair and Bischoff were Immortal. Thankfully Bully Ray was with Gunner. Gunner looks intense, he looks like he should be there in that mix. Maybe its just his heat. Speaking of heat… wouldn’t it be awesome if Gunner DDTed Hogan on the concrete floor?

Gunner is the perfect guy for James to go over. Gunner isn’t in your top 3 matches at the PPV he has heat, energy, intensity. This was a good match, Gunner knows the motions. When you pull hair you check your hand for the strands of hair. When the face fires at you in the beginning, you know to duck in the ropes to get him off you. You even know the standing chin lock for a good visual. He looks like a good heel. He even swings blindly at the air toward the end when he was loopy.

Bully Ray fakes a run in after the match… Personally I feel the show should have ended with this… but you can’t end with the #2 match on the PPV… you’ve got to end with…

STING & ROODE CONTRACT SIGNING (and the boring promo)
They start with a brief recap that doesn’t put any heat on the match. In fact for the past 5 weeks these two have been non entities. They started with Roode beating down Sting. Then Sting said he’s done… then turned crazy Sting… Roode got laid out 2x and now here we are at the contract signing. This feels like it shouldn’t be the #1 match at the PPV.

I hope TNA keeps Sting out for a few months after this match so that James Storm can be the #1 face. But in reality it might just end up being Bully vs Sting at Lockdown. Roode goes into a speech after signing the contract. His speeches are so boring that I’m more content to just type about what I’d rather see. Yawn. Thank god he’s not opening the show with those droning promos. The fans look bored since they’re propping their heads up with their hands and arms. Lazy fans… can’t even stand tall to watch this main event angle… Main event… show closer… Christ Roode isn’t done talking yet. Sting just sits there. I think he’s a mannequin. Holy shit Roode talking is killing my want to live. Thank god I’m watching this at 8 am so I won’t fall back asleep. Sting really is a manniquen.

Shouldn’t there be some face that says you bore me Bobby! Bored to tears! How about some action? Sting continues to say nothing after 5+ minutes of Roode talking. Maybe Sting fell asleep he has his sunglasses on. At least Bobby is getting heel heat with anti Bobby chants. That’s the first anti chant of the show. Oh good Sting woke up from his nap. Overtuns the table puts on makeup.

And… Roode gets laid out… again. So to recap… Sting laid out once 5 weeks ago. Roode laid out 3x in 3 weeks. Way to sell your champion and sell PPVs. Finish the show with a face beatdown of a heel. Why watch the PPV when we’ve seen Sting just kick his ass… but I guess we’re seeing the match not the finish.