Tag Archives: Sting

Everything Right with TNA Impact (06/14/12)

JAMES STORM VIDEO OPENING (thank god its not Robert Roode)
Very good to say he’s back. Makes him a star. Especially good because he’s not Robert Roode. Brief recap from the past two months.

X-DIVISION TITLE ULTIMATE X >> ARIES vs SABIN vs ZIMA ION (great, hot opener)
On paper this looks awesome, should be an awesome opener. It shouldn’t be thrown out there cold like this, but X-Division matches don’t need any preface, they should get over because they’re X-Division. If Aries were to lose this would be a good opportunity to drop the belt and move up the card. Of course you could also move the X-Division up the card. The fans are quiet because they’re paying attention and popping for offense with a few chants. Thank goth Robert Roode didn’t start the show. He kills all energy. The TNA ring looks bigger. Tazz and Tennay announce that the BFG series is back, which is great if done correctly. BFG Series should be a round robin style tournament instead of tags or three ways.

This match was great, made Aries look like a star as always. He is a clear cut star. This made him look like an incredible star in only five minutes. Unfortunately the other two didn’t shine as bright. TNA gives the winner a little time to shine after the match. Chris Sabin looks to have injured his knee. If that’s true, that’s horrible.

AUSTIN ARIES PROMO (white hot)
Aries talks about how a year ago he walked in and beat everyone. That is absolutely true. Aries wants to move up, he wants to be higher. Enter Hulk Hogan. Aries can become a giant in the BFG series. He can be a huge star in Destination X and main event it against AJ Styles. Hogan says he hears all the hoopla. Aries should be the man in the main event like AJ Styles should have been five years ago. Aries can carry the company and have five star matches with heat with anyone. The crowd is very hot for this segment. Aries wants in the main event. Hogan makes a match for Destination X. Aries vs Bobby Roode. But only if Aries gives up the title. Aries should give up the title. Hell he should get the TNA top title. However, its too early. There’s zero chase, especially now that James Storm is back. Aries should win the BFG Series… and still give up the belt. Not now but in 3 months. Defend the belt against AJ as the main event of Destination X.

SLAMMIVERSY MOMENT w/ DIXIE CARTER (too short)
TNA shows a recap of Slammiversary. Its great for making the company look bigger. Then it just cuts off.

JOSEPH PARKS EATING BACKSTAGE interrupted by BULLY RAY (too brief to be gold)
Bully wonders where Abyss is. Funny how its gone 180. Now Bully Ray wants Abyss. This was kept short, but eh. Not gold.

TV TITLE >>DEVONvs HERNANDEZ (makes sense)
You know it makes sense… Hernandez won a match, so he gets a title shot. Brilliant. I feel Hernandez can be better utilized as mega face forMexico. He can throw around guys and be the pride ofMexico… even if he’s a Texan. SuperMex kicks off the match with a running body press over the top to the outside. Crowd is hot, probably hotter than they were for the opening match. WithDevon’s track record of people interfering in his matches… You’d expect that with this… but no.

DIXIE & AJ STYLES BACKSTAGE (brief)
AJ can’t do this anymore… He wants to get it out in the open. Bet it’s a surprise party or something for Serge.

BFG SERIES ROYAL RUMBLE >> AJ / RVD / JOE / BULLY RAY / MAGNUS / ANGLE / STORM / POPE / HARDY / ROBBIE E / DANIELS (good stuff)
The winner gets 20 points in the BFG Series. I have no problem with something special like that when they’re all involved as long as everyone is in it and everyone has an even number of matches. So this was done Royal Rumble style where a new person enters every 90 seconds. It starts with the biggest stars before it works down the ladder. The Pope DiAngelo DiNero appears for the first time in half a year. Abyss appears, but he’s not in it. AJ Styles and Kurt Angle don’t wear their belts. Huge chants throughout a lot of the match. So far this might be the hottest match on the show. Good finish, the winner looks like the star and the loser looks like he’ll get revenge

JAMES STORM PROMO (crowd goes nuts and they’re firmly behind Storm)
Mega chants for this guy. Crowd wants to hear what he says and pop for the things he says. See it sucks that Aries will lose at the next PPV and end up without a belt when the main event story arc is setup for James Storm to win it after he wins the BFG Series. Anyway, James Storm is back in a big way. The crowd goes nuts.

ROBERT ROODE BACKSTAGE (meh)
They’ve got a new TMZ interviewer. The voice is different. This segment was pretty much to let you know he’s on the card.

AJ STYLES & KURT ANGLE BACKSTAGE
Kurt is angry with AJ for messing up and yells at him to clear his head of theDixie stuff. Angle has an intensity in a good way. AJ promises to get focused.

BROOKE TESSMACHER vs MADISON RAYNE (an ok match)
It’s shocking to think TNA has turned a corner and everyone is mega over to their crowd. This match seems to be the downer for the crowd. They’re still paying attention and into it, but quiet. But when Tessmacher yells to the crowd they respond big. Nothing wrong with this match. Can’t say it made Brooke look like a star.

BROOKE HOGAN BACKSTAGE w/ GAIL KIM
Brooke wants Open Fight Night with a 4 way Knockouts title. I didn’t think Open Fight was for another 2 weeks. Eh whatever. This was an OK segment, nothing notably wrong or right.

MR. ANDERSON BACKSTAGE
Hey he’s got dark hair and not blonde. He looks like a totally different guy. Very brief 10 seconds.

TNA TITLE >> ROBERT ROODE vs MR ANDERSON (good psychology)
Thank goth Anderson hasn’t really talked this episode. He doesn’t even introduce himself. Good. Strip him of talking and he’s totally fine and he’s been improving in the past few months in the ring. The match starts with 30 minutes left on the show, which normally means a 20 minute angle at the end of the show and yep they still have the AJ & Dixie thing. This episode was very quick with what felt like a lot of wrestling.

I have no interest in this match even if they’ve built a 2 month history with them. It just doesn’t feel like the main event, especially because its not. One good thing I do have to say about this match is that it’s a good fight. Like its not easy for them to do things. It’s a competition for headlocks. Like a struggle. And that’s good. Great victory.

DIXIE & AJ STYLES BACKSTAGE (again)
They say the same thing, but this time they hug.

IMPACT RECAP (a great idea)
This was good, because it showed everything you may have forgotten keeping it fresh in your mind. Other shows do this and even Internet top 10 lists recap the previous 9 before the #1.

STING VIDEO (made Sting look big)
Sting is the first wrestler to make it to TNA’s Hall of Fame. Sure it’s a joke right now, but in 10 years from now it will be prestigious. Plenty of backstage interview clips putting over Sting’s importance. Good. It made Sting look big. Monumental.

STING SPEECH (and what happens)
Don’t focus on his loss to Robert Roode. Focus on how awesome Sting is! Sting’s face paint looks like a gothic circus clown. The fans chant for Sting. Sting knows there are other people that deserve the honor like the Jarretts. Three masked men attack Sting! Big masked men. They get major heel heat. The fans chant for Hogan. I think the masks are Smoke from Mortal Kombat.

PROS

  • Hot Opener
  • Austin Aries looked like a star
  • Aries & Hogan interaction
  • Hernandez getting a win before his TV title shot
  • Devonis strong
  • Hot Royal Rumble match
  • Joe in the rumble
  • Daniels in the rumble taking out 2 people
  • James Storm is mega over
  • Angle wanting AJ to get his head in the game.
    No talking from Mr Anderson and Robert Roode.
  • It felt like there was a lot of wrestling.
  • Main event match victory
  • Recap of the show just before the main event angle.
  • The main event angle

CONS

  • Too much too soon for Austin Aries when he will get stopped by Roode
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Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should be) (in my mind) (06/07/12)

TNA IMPACT OPENING with DIXIE LAST WEEK
They recap what happened last week and then show what happened off the air. Dixie is angry marching to the production truck. Hopefully the AJ / Dixie angle doesn’t turn out to be a surprise birthday party for Serge her husband. TNA said that we’d be going backstage more and more.

DIXIE IN THE RING (heat killer)
She’s all teary eyed. Dixie feels sorry for Christopher Daniels and KAZ that they’d be so sad as to do this. So Dixie is gonna tell the truth! Enter Daniels and KAZ. Daniels has his hand taped. His hand or fingers. Daniels REALLY should have been the one to shave KAZ’s head. Be like me KAZ, be like me! We are one as a tag team. That didn’t happen. Daniels and KAZ look like jobbers wearing Slammiversary T-shirts and they don’t even carry the tag belts. Daniels harasses her. Its nice. Dixie starts trying to bash him, Kaz gives her a nice push to the corner. AJ came in for the save. This isn’t gold, I’m not sure how much heat it has. Serge comes in. He helps his wife and looks angry at AJ Stylez. Serge clocks AJ. They are going into good territory with this, but since its AJ its still unbelievable. The fans are chanting Photo-Shop? Serge leaves them, and AJ walks Dixie out. Well that’s a crowd killer.

It is soon announced AJ & Dixie left the building, but he’s in a six man tag main event!

AUSTIN ARIES & SAMOA JOE BACKSTAGE
Very briefly Joe has an issue with him. Its too brief to get heat.

THE STREAK >> CRIMSON vs AUSTIN ARIES (uh boy)
Crimson issues an open challenge for the PPV. Fight him and lose! Then screams Undefeated!

I still want to point out Crimson was pinned as a tag champion. If anyone on the TNA roster should beat Crimson, it should be Austin Aries. If anyone can get a good match out of Crimson it is Austin Aries. The crowd is behind Aries. But with Joe and Aries having an issue just before the match, that might telegraph the winner. It didn’t last week.

BROOKE BACKSTAGE w/ FACE KNOCKOUTS (surprisingly good)
Look at these outfits! Look at these bodies! They’re more beautiful in person! She’s clearly a face. A man of a face. She puts Velvet, Mickie James, Brooke and Tara into a four way. Why does Brooke look older than these girls when she’s probably the youngest? Brooke mentions that she’s getting them media opperunities. If that’s true, cool. Montgumery Gentry wants Velvet for a music video. Mickie James subtly looks pissed.

HOGAN ANNOUCEMENTS (meh build to the PPV)
Hogan comes out and announces the ten year anniversary party starts tonight end ends next week with the TNA champion having a title match next week on Impact. Then Robert Roode comes out, starts talking, gets interrupted, but Robert Roode is never done talking. It was a good verbal assault… if they’re planning Hogan vs Roode. He puts his hands on Hogan. Sting appears. Roode beats down Sting who just gets back up. Sting sells nothing. Then Robert Roode gets sent out of the ring.

Robert Roode wears a new IT Factor T-shirt that looks terrible and generic. They really could have had some more IT Factor in the IT Factor T-shirt. In other words, that’s not a shirt I’d buy or anyone else.

JOSEPH PARK BACKSTAGE
He can’t believe what he’s doing. Good character. To brief to be great, but this was good for the 30 seconds it was.

#1 CONTENDER >> MICKIE JAMES vs VELVET SKYE vs BROOKE TESSMOCHER vs TARA (seen these women in this match combination too many times)
Brooke Tessmocher is from Houston, TX and the PPV is in TX. Give her the knockout victory in her home state. All faces… except for Mickie who is about to turn. Gail appears soon after the match starts. Gail on commentary says she’s beaten all four. Gail Kim is the longest running Knockouts champ. Along with every other major title holder. Thank goth Gail is on commentary, because this match is so dull and burnt out that I forget there’s a match going on. There is a good spot where all 4 women are involved in submissions. I remember when WWE did similar things 10 years ago. Tara does a top rope moonsault instead of a standing one. Very impressive and graceful, unlike Lita’s.

Eventually former tag partners Brooke & Tara fight. The work starts getting sloppy toward the end. Like someone will get hurt kind of sloppy.

BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE (voice is out of sync?)
Strange the voice is out of sync. He’s got a contract for Joseph Park.

HOGAN BACKSTAGE ON THE PHONE
You get here AJ! Grrr…

BULLY RAY & JOSEPH PARK CONTRACT SIGNING w/ JEREMY BORASH (interesting and entertaining)
This has been a good 3+ month storyline. It would be a good one off match and they might want to do this with non wrestlers. Have them appear 3 months and do one match before disappearing. Do that 4x a year with various people and you can really keep them fresh. Like Robert Roode vs his old friend in spring, Bully vs Joseph in summer, AJ vs Serge in fall, ODB vs the Wedding Planner in winter. Very easy to do.

Bully has a good shirt. Some sort of parody on the Jack Daniels bottle. Joseph Park comes out with no music, but he is not a wrestler. He’s good at not knowing how to get in the ring. He’s good at being clueless. The fans want tables. Bully starts by tearing up the contract. Bully Ray pulls his special contract out that protects him from liability. Joseph Park isn’t crazy enough to do that. The fans cheer him surprisingly. Abyss should come out and sign it then… but that’s not the match. Bully Ray spits in his face. Joseph cuts a promo about his brother who spilt his blood and gave his body. He’ll sign for his brother Chris. If this means Abyss has retired and Joseph needs to wrestle now.

Abyss appears on the big screen. He’s not happy with Joseph. Abyss does some good work, even gets a shock from the crowd. Gold… for such a weird plotline. Bully Ray attacks Joseph. Great segment.

MIKE TENNAY asks TAZZ about JOEY RYAN
People are buzzing about it. Mike asks Tazz if he has any second thoughts. Tazz loves Joey’s character. Hanging out on Twitter and Youtube doesn’t make you better it makes you popular.

BACKSTAGE PROMO with JOEY RYAN (interesting)
Last week Joey was backstage cutting a promo on Tazz so Al Snow swoops in and tells Joey to check himself. Joey doesn’t, so Al Snow escorts him out. I’m sure that wasn’t Joey Ryan’s character that was just him venting. TNA was and wasn’t stupid not to take him. They were stupid, because the fans wanted it and he’s a ten year vet with talent and a great character that would be awesome in TNA. The good reason they didn’t take him is apparently he’s a jerk.

TV TITLE >> DEVON vs ROBBIE E (adding interest with more players)
The feud that will not die. Backstage before the match, Garrett says he’ll have Devon’s back if Devon will let him. Yep. Brief they’re really trying to put over Garrett. They’ll tag up at the PPV. This is the same match that its been for the last 3 months. It hasn’t gotten better or worse. Luckily Maddisson Rayne shows up to look on, making this match watchable. Logically I’d give Decon a clean win, then give Robbie & Rob Terry a cheat victory at the PPV when Maddisson Rayne helps them. Why have Cookie with Robbie E when you can have Rayne. Hilarious spot where there’s a small package and the giant Rob Terry sneaks into the ring and rolls them over so Devon is getting pinned.

HULK HOGAN ANNOUCEMENT (again)
He was getting ready to make a monster annoucement before he got interrupted… so Hogan gets interrupted again by Mr. Anderson. Why not have a match at the PPV. Ken Anderson vs Jeff Hardy. Again! The same match its been even back in the WWE for years and years! He introduces himself before he comes down. Uggg… Why is this guy back. There’s no room for him. Put him on Xplosion. I can tell Hogan really doesn’t want to hear from him. Hogan invites RVD to come down. So why not have a 3 way? They’re forgetting about Jeff Hardy… so far. And yep, Jeff Hardy is called down. I’d have these three guys go over in 3 singles matches, then have a 3 way at the PPV with the winner getting a title shot on Impact. He announces a three way at Slammiversary. Yep. I predict Jeff Hardy to win. Peel RVD off into a feud with Aries and Kennedy can go after Crimson.

SIX MAN TAG >> ROODE & KAZ & DANIELS vs STING & KURT ANGLE & AJ STYLES
AJ left earlier… and he stayed gone, which is great. 2 on 3 match. I’d rather see 2 on 3 than waste 2 PPV matches in one. Sting comes out with some weird purple jacket. Sting now wears black with blue ring attire. He quickly puts the scorpion death lock on Daniels. A terrible death lock and Angle puts the ankle lock on KAZ. Bam that should have been the match. Victory to the faces, but then the heels should get on the mic and demand it get restarted and it would be.

I remember when Daniels had a feud with Sting. I’m not sure if they actually had a match or not. That was a few years ago. Pretty quick match, but there was a lot of energy.

PROS

  • The interest of Austin Aries vs Crimson
  • Brooke Hogan and Velvet’s announcement of being in a music video (I’m surprised its a pro)
  • Joseph Park & Bully Ray
  • Using Joey Ryan without giving him a contract

CONS

  • Crowd killing opening angle
  • Someone specific losing
  • Roode & Sting with Hogan did nothing to make me want to see them.
  • I’ve seen the same knockout’s match in tag or three way form for a year or two
  • Didn’t make me want to see Slamiversary

Everything Right with TNA Impact (05/31/12)

LUMBERJACK MATCH >> ROBERT ROODE vs STING (Great opener… that should have closed the show)
TNA likes you to know who’s on the roster, so they have episodes start with everyone on the roster. Bobby Roode gets a ‘you suck chant’. Last week I would have had his confetti rain Sting Joker cards. I can’t see this match drawing in fans. There aren’t a lot of lumberjacks around the ring. There is really zero build to this match which seems a negative.

Commentators point out Roode injured Sting… coulda swore Sting injured himself. TNA uses Twitter and Facebook visuals. Rowdy crowd in a good way. Throughout the match Roode throws out Sting a notable amount. Good strategy.

POST MATCH with HOGAN
Hogan comes out and announces Sting vs Roode at the next PPV. And the world title will now be on the line. … Tennay and Tazz announce Styles vs Daniels and fans pick Devon’s challenger. ooo and Brooke Hogan.

MADISSON RAYNE BACKSTAGE
She’s ironing her sash… she says everything will go well with Brooke Hogan.

BULLY RAY CALLS OUT JOSEPH PARK (gold)
These two are gold. Bully shows a replay of what he did to Joseph Park. Bully wants a fight right now. Joseph looks around who me? Gives the fans his stuff. The fans love it. This is a hot, energized crowd. Joseph doesn’t want to fight, so Bully calls the whole family cowards especially Abyss. Joseph jumps over and security stops him. Bully Ray has great heat. Fans are chanting fight! Joseph doesn’t want  any part of Bully Ray, so Bully says he pleads guilty! Joseph grabs him and the fans love it. Bully says if you hit me I’ll sue you. Fans chant what they want. Joseph backs off. He has class. Bully leaves, Joseph says he wants a fight right now. Bully says they’ll finally fight at Slammiversary.

CRIMSON VIDEO (good lil recap)
This was a nice video recapping his winning streak… even though he has been pinned in tag matches. Crimson then says he can’t be beat.

X-DIVISION TITLE >> AUSTIN ARIES vs CHRIS SABIN (putting over a star)
Supposedly Alex Shelley is gone from TNA so this makes sense. Austin Aries is backstage spraying his hair and he sprays Joe who is walking behind him.  This should be the best match on the show… and this is a show with Daniels and AJ. Dueling chants which is good…  Some amazing and unique moves from Aries who is the hottest thing on TNA. This match was all about Sabin taking abuse and making Aries look like gold. Some incredible offense from Sabin as well. Quite the back and forth. Tazz had no idea what Sabin’s finisher is… in fact the crowd probably didn’t know either since he’s been gone

HOGAN BACKSTAGE with TAZZ
Hogan talks about stepping up or leaving. Hogan wants Tazz for Gut Check. Tazz warns him that the real Tazz is a jerk. Tazz would be good at evaluating talent since he has run dojos and finishing schools.

BACKSTAGE with TAZZ, BRUCE PRICHARD & AL SNOW talking about JOEY RYAN
They discuss his look and his gimmick. Bruce doesn’t like his gimmick, the other two love it. I love his look. Bruce points out fans thought he was better Alex Sylvia. Indeed. Absolutely. Tazz points out that Joey Ryan didn’t look like he was gonna be in the fight of his life. Meh bad comment. He didn’t blow away Bruce even if Joey was memorable. Tazz looks like he’ll say no. Tazz doesn’t look good on a couch, he should sit forward to make him look less fat.

TV TITLE CONTENDERS (brief)
Jeff Hardy, RVD, Ken Anderson & Robbie E. 3 of these guys are too good for the belt. Jeff Hardy gets the biggest pop. This was a nice lil popularity contest.

DIXIE APPEARS (to introduce Brooke)
She says TNA will be 10 years old in 10 days. She also announces Slammiversary will have a TNA Hall of Fame induction. She then introduces Brooke Hogan who gets plenty of boos… and then cheers. She comes out to a country song. I like how Dixie has to introduce Brooke so the fans respect Dixie so they won’t boo Brooke as much.

DANIELS & KAZ BACKSTAGE
They’re miffed at Dixie not aknowledging their angle.

TV TITLE MATCH >> DEVON DUDLEY vs ???
The man that won did it with 40% of the vote. Tennay presses Tazz for his vote on Joey Ryan. Tazz doesn’t know. This match seems to be used to plug everything else going on in TNA. Dueling chants from the crowd. The crowd is still hot, but this is the coldest of the hot. Match ends like you’d expect it to. Robbie E and Rob Terry do a run in. If this will be a match at the PPV, it will be better than Devon and Garrett.

JAMES STORM VIDEO (with his daughter, horse and smell hound)
James talks about how he’s simple. Simple man wouldn’t wear those designer jeans with the holes intentionally put in. Yep looks like James is fine walking away. Must suck having cameras ask him about Roode every so often. Storm’s daughter asks if that means he’s going back to wrestling. James cuts off the cameras.

DANIELS & AJ RECAP
Ugg this feud… Capped off with the monthly Daniels vs AJ match.

GUT CHECK JUDGING with AL SNOW, TAZZ & BRUCE PRICHARD on JOEY RYAN
I still say give Joey Ryan a contract, but whatever. Joey comes out to serious music without a serious look. This music kinda makes him seem like an out of place chump. 4 men in suits standing in front of a 70s playboy pilot. He does his best Ron Burgondy  impression. Bruce even mentions Ron Burgondy. Bruce points out with Joey having 12 years in the business the verdict is no. Crimson and Gunner have 12 years. But TNA already has Aries and Aries is more serious. Al Snow doesn’t like Joey Ryan… but votes yes. Makes no sense, but whatever.

Joey cuts a good promo about how he has 87% of the fan’s vote he questions Bruce having a job. Tazz says no, because that promo sucked. Tazz isn’t a suplex machine, he’s a commentator. 2 nos. It actually seemed like 3 nos. Maybe Joey is a dick.

ROBERT ROODE VIDEO IN LONDON
He did an interview this week. Yay. Interesting outdoor backdrop of Big Ben. He’s standing at the base of Big Ben. Roode says he’s the longest running TNA champion and the fans off screen cheer him.

CHRISTOPHER DANIELS vs AJ STYLES
Wow a main event that promises more revealed. Time for the monthly Daniels and Styles match. I couldn’t care less. Tazz feels he has to justify himself about Joey. Tazz’s reasons don’t make sense that the character doesn’t have legs. Sure it does, he can get serious, but I guess TNA wanted him to get Aries serious and not just a stereotype.

Good match. Hot crowd. This was the match of the show. Good main event. KAZ looks a lot like Crimson now from a distance. It was very dumb of him to shave his head even if he was losing his hair. Post match beatdown. Kurt Angle saves AJ. Daniels and KAZ get their head back and use zip ties to trap Angle. The zip ties fail miserably.

Daniels has a phone conversation with Dixie. Dixie comes out and yells to turn it off! Dixie gets bleeped out.

PROS:
A hot and energized crowd
TNA is live
Arena seems bigger… maybe they are on the road?
Great opener
Bully Ray & Joseph Park
Sabin vs Aries
Putting heat on the TV title with the vote
TNA firing on all cylenders.

CONS:
Little build to Sting vs Roode
Mind numbing birth control commercials on DailyMotion

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (04/05/12)

HULK HOGAN PROMO introduced by DIXIE CARTER (match announcements)
Wow what ego stroking.Dixie has Sting in the ring. They both couldn’t look average enough. In fact I saw members of the crowd that looked like bigger stars. Speaking of stars, TNA had all of its wrestlers surrounding the ring. Way to make the entire roster look like extras and background players.

Hogan plugs Lockdown and announces matches. Morgan vs Crimson at Lockdown. Knockouts challenge for #1 contender tonight. Hogan calls out Bischoff and Ric Flair on the floor argues with Hogan. Oh so Bischoff isn’t out there… either is Roode who then appears with a security force wearing suits. Well at least TNA makes him look like a star.

As I predicted any babyface as an authority figure becomes the top babyface and the top babyface that wrestles each week is always #2.Andersongets called into the ring after Roode says his piece. I never want to hearAndersontalk and thankfully he doesn’t.Andersonvs Roode is announced for tonight. Hogan then announces Jeff Hardy vs Kurt Angle for right now. I smell a lumberjack match!

JEFF HARDY vs KURT ANGLE (rushed match)
Tazz says this is a main event anywhere in the world… yep but on TNA it opens the card… because they like blowing their money matches. Eh whatever, maybe it will be a minute long and end with some cheap finish. Angle’s right leg is either hideously pale or it is taped up. Remember how I typed that I smell a lumberjack match. Nope. No chance. After a few minutes they fall to the outside and Jeff Hardy has to break the count right before he throws Kurt back in. That made little sense. Maybe with the count at 8, Jeff didn’t want to get counted out by throwing in Kurt first.

Kurt is busted open in the ring. Thankfully TNA cameras didn’t catch the blade. Eric Young’s bachelor party will air tonight. This match has good crowd enthusiasm, but it feels very rushed. Several minutes in when Angle applies the ankle lock, he is still standing. I’ve always had a problem with the standing ankle lock. It makes more sense to drop and let the guy drag you instead of letting them kick you or roll you up, but whatever.

Good finish to a match that builds to a pay-per-view in a cage. Good match, I still say it felt very rushed, but had some good energy and crowd reaction. Angle gets backstage and Hogan announces a cage match with him and Jeff Hardy. I guess I don’t have a problem with giving this match away for free to build to a pay-per-view.

FLAIR BACKSTAGE on the speaker phone with BISCHOFF
Yep Flair warns Bischoff.

BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE
Bully is trending worldwide. He gets asked Storm or Roode at Lockdown. Bully Ray says he’s the next world champion. Bully heads to the ring to call out Austin Aries.

BULLY RAY & ARIES ANGLE (great for both guys)
Bully Ray is calfzilla. He cuts down Austin Aries for his lack of size. Aries then appears. Aries acts like he is gonna cut a promo and ends up popping Bully with the microphone. After a beatdown, Bully Rag gives him a walking, diving powerbomb. It looked awesome and was worth a replay. This was great for both guys.

JOESEPH PARK BACKSTAGE (a waste of time)
Joe asks the caterer, because his brother has a ravenous appetite. You know Hulk once saw Abyss’s face. Hmmm… Oh but no one remembers that.

AJ STYLES BACKSTAGE (and a challenge)
He things James will win. AJ is now wearing gloves. Storm appears to challenge AJ. Eh this works and keeps Storm fresh with matches. AJ should want a title shot if he beats Storm and if Storm beats Roode at Lockdown.

KNOCKOUTS CHALLENGE >> MICKIE JAMES vs TARAvs WINTER vs ANGELINA LOVE vs MADISON RAYNE vs VELVET SKYE (and flawed logic)
Winter is announced from parts unknown. I could swear she’s fromEngland somewhere. If she had an American accent, I’d say she’s fromAlaska. Or how about the clouds above? Looks like Angelina is just a heel instead of with Winter. I hate to admit it, but Winter and Rayne have my two favorite themes in TNA. Why? I guess because they sound different from any other theme.

Apparently this match is the first fall with only 2 people at a time with the need to tag out. Strange. Why would anyone tag in? Just blind tags I guess. A match like this should either be 6 at a time or offer a punishment for the loser. Otherwise there is no reason to tag out. If I had to predict a winner, I’d say Velvet Skye, because that’s who won last week, but knowing TNA it could be Winter. If this was the WWE I’d say Rosita, because she’s not even in the match.

There is an awesome spot where Velvet is in with Rayne, who then tags out to Mickie James to make face vs face. When Mickie goes to get in Rayne kicks her out. This becomes a spotfest like all big matches. In the end, one woman is standing tall, which is great, because usually TNA has this problem of when there’s a winner everyone is in the ring, so you don’t get a visual of one person being above the rest.

ANDERSONBACKSTAGE with ROODE (less annoying than usual)
Anderson is backstage. Roode appears with his suited bodyguards.Anderson wonders why wait til tonight when we can fight right now? Isn’t right now tonight? Whatever. The suits get inAnderson’s face he touches their ties. They’ll wait til later tonight.

TNA at CMAs (with Kiss)
You get to see Jeff Hardy and James Storm posing with Kiss. I swear this was CMAs… Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it is the ACMs or whatever. I wonder how much Gene Simmons asked to be paid for standing in the background. 

ERIC YOUNG’s BACHELOR PARTY (and how lame it is)
3 nerds with Eric Young picking fantasy baseball online. ODB appears to give the men a party. Insults the men and chases them away. She’s subtly chasing away everyone from Eric Young. They might as well have Eric put in a closet. She then pulls Eric close for a face full of cleavage.

JAMES STORM vs AJ STYLEZ (AJ is still a star)
Montgomery Gentry is in the crowd and James says hi. This could be awesome, but since this is TNA I see it going 4 minutes. AJ looks very strange with gloves. I like how the crowd is chanting for AJ who is the midcarder. Early on AJ summersaults out of the way of the Last Call. I think TNA should just call it Last Call instead of Last Call Super Kick. Tennay plugs the MotorCity Machine Guns are next.

This match has some good logical counters and reversals, such as elbows to a rear waist lock to break the clasp. Good match, the crowd is firmly behind AJ for 80% of the match. It is interesting to see their physiques when both of them started out with the same skinny body 10 years ago. Good finish with the winner checking on his friend. This match made AJ look good and actually show his stuff.

James Storm gets on the mic and wants Robert Roode next week to look him in the eye one last time before Lockdown.

HOGAN & STING BACKSTAGE
Hogan sends Sting home. Sting says the doctors won’t let him compete. Good. Use Sting sparingly.

MONTGOMERY GENTRY BACKSTAGE w/ ROBERT ROODE
They lightly put over TNA and put over James Storm. Robert Roode appears and spits in the face of Montgomery Gentry. This was good. Hopefully TNA

MOTORCITY MACHINE GUNS vs MEXICAN AMERICA (terrible missed opportunity)
Sabin was injured one year ago in a botched spot against Mexican America. TNA really should have put this on pay-per-view with some hype behind it. People would pay money to see their return or at least their first match into their return. By just throwing out the guns it felt like Sabin had never left and he was just a regular guy. There were brief, emphatic chants of ‘Welcome back.’ But there were more chants of ‘Motor city.’

Personally, if I were Sabin, I’d be working on Anarchya’s knee to take him out and make him disappear for a while (to OVW). There was a spot where Shelly flew off the top and landed on Anarchya who had his knees bent. Not a block, just coincidental. Anyway, the Guns looked awesome.

Sabin gets on the mic and says he wants the titles. He doesn’t mention how great it is to be back.

RIC FLAIR BACKSTAGE intercepts ERIC BISCHOFF
Flair says Hogan is out of control. Eric calls Ric a two time hall-of-famer. Flair says that Hogan is out of control because he’s making matches for Lockdown. Oh no! An authority figure making matches? TNA plugs a Bischoff & Hogan in the ring for a confrontation.

HOGAN & BISCHOFF ANGLE
Hogan is in the ring and calls out Bischoff who then appears. Thank goth this wasn’t the main event after the last match. I’m much happier with this match under the main event. Eric Bischoff says blah blah blah. This is something I’ve heard from him so many times. Against Garrett Bischoff, Vince McMahon, Steve Austin. Probably other guys too.

Hogan says that Eric needs to put together a team for Lockdown and Garrett will make the other team. I like this idea. Garrett doesn’t need to be in a singles cage match. Hmmm Gunner & Mexican America vs Garrett & uh… Anthony Neese & D-Von.

If Garrett loses he’s off TNA and if Eric’s team loses he can no longer use his own name for the rest of his life. Yep… Maybe he will be Bob Smith.

STORM VIDEO
A great video recap with the split of Beer Money interviewing Storm and people from his life, his friends, wife, and family. Storm even has a baby in his arms. James Storm is Joe Everyman. This video was good and it really pushes Storm vs Roode as something special to TNA.

MR. ANDERSON vs ROBERT ROODE (what match?)
Andersonsays Mr. Anderson.Anderson. Then walks to the ring. Ken Anderson looks terrible, like he’s ill with the flu and they’re making him wrestle. Maybe he has food poisoning or something. He also wears a shirt that says ‘pro wrestling is real.’ Since he has the sleeves well cut off, it looks like the shirt says ‘no wrestling is real.’ At least Mr. Anderson has a win going into this match and at least Robert Roode has a fresh match that doesn’t involve Hardy, Bully or Storm. Wow Bobby is thin compared to the TNA title. He only has 1 set of buttons buttoned. Maybe TNA needs magnets on the belt to keep the strap from just flapping like that.

For whatever reasonAndersonhas 33 on the back of his wrestling trunks, is that his age? Is that the highway he lives next to? Tennay announces that there will be a series of matches between team Garrett vs team Gunner. I like how no one really pays attention to the match in the ring. The commentators just recap what we’ve seen and what we will see.

Ref bump. Ken Anderson gets the visionary. Well I smell the first feud after Roode loses the title at Lockdown. Heck he might not even lose the title and this might be the main event program after Lockdown. Beer bottle finish. Poor referee has to count in the glass.Andersonis bleeding. I also like how no one can say Bobby Roode, they always say Bobby Rooooo.

James Storm appears with Hogan. That’s like a boy appearing with his dad to confront a bully. Good job TNA. Hogan reverses the decision. Maybe this was inAnderson’s contract where he needs to get a win over Bobby Roooo. After that final match, I just have a bad taste in my mouth.

Everything Right with TNA Impact (03/29/12)

ROBERT ROODE w/ COPS (burning out Storm vs Roode)
Well I guess that TNA is trying to make their main event angle for Lockdown feel like a WWE’s main event by having their champion come out with cops. Didn’t Robert Roode send his lawyer last week to show up to say Roode wouldn’t be on Impact for the next month until Lockdown? At least there are “fire bobby chants.” I’m happy that the Impact Zone is more lively over the past few months. Roode announced that he won the war because Sting stepped down. I kind of feel they could have done the Roode outsmarting Sting into losing his GM status. Oh and since when was sting a general manager? Authority figure yes, GM no, but whatever. The fans chant forDixie. In fact I’m waiting for theDixie vs Roode match. 

Storm shows up says a few lines only to get beat down by Bully Ray. I guess it makes sense for Roode not to lay hands on Storm. Storm gets up throws a Last Call kick but pulls back for the cops. Storm wants both of Bully Ray & Storm. Don’t let that happen. I’ve seen all 3 guys too much against one another.

GAIL KIM & RAYNE BACKSTAGE (and how to put heat on a prop)
Rayne looks fantastic as always and Gail gives her a new tiara. Good. This puts heat on a prop. They announce a match between Velvet and Rayne. This was brief and great… because it announced a match, put heat on a prop and didn’t involve screeching promos. Rayne should walk around telling people how awesome her tiara is because her bff Gail Kim gave it to her. How her bff is the best! Then have a face threaten the tiara.

VELVET SKYE vs RAYNE (a building block)
Did Velvet get a new tramp stamp? Rayne should really go over in this match. Velvet will still be over afterward, she gets chants, she gets the crowd fired up because everyone loves a big chest, even gay men and straight women. Matt Morgan vs Crimson is mentioned for later. The match had crowd heat and energy and it was kept short. I find it interesting that Ryane wears American flags on a lot of outfits.

POST MATCH INTERVIEW w/ VELVET (it was ok)
Christy Hemme holds the microphone for Velvet to challenge Gail Kim. Well with that in mind, the last match was good as a building block. Thank god Velvet didn’t screech into the microphone that much.

DIXIE selling HOGAN SITDOWN OUTSIDE (it feels like Dixieis being dumped)
Dixie wants him to comeback. This was filmed outside with a cameraman lurking behind a post filming them.Dixie looks at the camera every so often with it5 meters away.Dixie needs to sell Hogan on the idea to comeback. There is a security guard way in the background looking over things or perhaps it’s a really observant fan. Hogan wants to stay out of the company. He plugs the fact Bobby Roode is such a heel he’s not sure what can fix it. How about building up some faces to challenge Roode but whatever.Dixie wants Hogan, but he doesn’t want to. She’s just about begging him.

This sounds like a man dumping a woman and her struggling to stay with him. Plus it is in public on a park bench. In public on a bench, this is the perfect dumping ground. Hogan will think about it. He then just gets up and walks away.

MORGAN & CRIMSON RECAP
This was brief. These two should still be a tag team. I don’t want to see them wrestle.

KURT ANGLE BACKSTAGE
He won’t give Jeff Hardy a rematch because Jeff Hardy is a crybaby. He beat Hardy fair and square… but if Hardy beats Ken Anderson one on one he will give Hardy a shot. I never ever want to see another Hardy vsAnderson match since they burnt it out in the WWE.

AUSTIN ARIES PROMO on BULLY RAY (five star promo)
Austin is still a heel cutting a face promo on a heel. This guy needs to drop the X-division belt and move up the ladder and get TNA title matches on pay-per-view. The tough thing is keeping him heel when the fans face him. Austin Aries calls himself Mr. Moneysworth. Awesome. This should trend. He’s got a set of balls as big as Bully Ray’s calves.

Aries respects James Storm, but prefers a glass of red wine to a cold beer. Aries wants to fight by Storm’s side. Brilliant. I have so much more interest in an Aries tag match than a handicap match with Storm.

MORGAN vs CRIMSON (TNA needs to make Morgan feel like a giant)
Oh Christ, not this match again. Maybe if they keep it down to 2 minutes, use weapons and brawl through the crowd I’d like it. They are 2 big looking guys, but I really think Crimson exposes Morgan for how clunky and basic his wrestling is. The crowd continues to be hot for this match, which is a good thing.

Wow this match looks edited. The crowd is firmly behind Morgan, which is good, because they could be sitting on their hands. When Morgan sells the fans clap to get him on his feet. They always clap to get him up. You know what Matt Morgan is7’tall… but he never feels7’tall. TNA makes him feel average. When Morgan comes out the cameramen should be on their knees. Perhaps Morgan needs a chokeslam, powerbomb or some moves that accentuate his height.

Oh Crap double count out. Meh. I think that hurts this match. Crimson should have won by cheating, he’s the heel. They brawls to the back and Mike Tennay announces “nothing’s been settled.”

JOE PARK BACKSTAGE w/ TNA PRODUCTION
Joe reveals he used to play college football. I’m amazed at the age of some TNA producers. This was brief and revealed something about Joe. It was nice and keeps things moving for him.

ANDERSONvs HARDY (and why I didn’t want to see it and TNA plug fest)
Aren’t they both faces? I’ve pointed out that I really hate Hardy vsAnderson since it was in the WWE. I remember howAnderson wouldn’t sell anything for Hardy in the WWE and how he almost killed Hardy in a match and then the WWE had it 3 more times. Then TNA had it several times. Even though I haven’t seen this in a year, I don’t want to see it. But hey maybe this will be awesome since they haveAnderson working with all of the lighter weights he should be a power guy working with them and play the heel.

At least the crowd has been hot and TNA has been at a great pace tonight. Tennay plugs that Lockdown will be in select movie theaters. I’d go see it in a theater if the nearest one wasn’t 4 hours away. The crowd is hot for this match and explode with every move.

Motorcity Machine Guns are back next week. I honestly think they should have done whatever they plan on doing at the pay-per-view and go from there. It could be a promo or angle to start with at the pay-per-view then at the next pay-per-view have their first match. But knowing TNA they will have their first match at lockdown against JoNus Brothers. Tennay also announces Eric Bischoff to have an ultimate challenge for his son Garrett.

I really think the crowd heat makes this match. Ken seems sloppy as time goes on. Hardy bumped out of the ring and there is Kurt Angle to interfere. I suppose the crowd heat carried this match and made it good or at least better than it is.Andersonlooks totally out of gas at the end. 

JAMES STORM MUSIC VIDEO LONG NECKS AND REDNECKS (brilliant)
This makes your star look big and people will remember this for all time. It will be on the James Storm DVD when it comes out. Awesome story told in this video about a waitress getting roughed up in a bar and James Storm goes to be the hero. Video clips of TNA inUKare shown to make TNA look huge. It looks like James Storm and his boys get free beer for the save. Then James drinks the heel under the table and the waitress takes Storm’s keys and drives him home in her big ass monster truck.

Now is the point that I admit I’m actually really enjoying TNA Impact.

ERIC & ODB PLANNING THE WEDDING (comedy)
ODB plays subtly insanely jealous knockout luckily they have a hot chesty model of a wedding planner. Eric likes pillows. ODB doesn’t like her pillows. I notice Eric must have trimmed his beard. ODB shuns the wedding planner. Not nearly as bad as it could have been. ODB says they’re getting married in the steel cage at Lockdown. Uggg… That’s a first. WWE would love to plug for the first time ever a wedding in a steel cage. Tennay and Tazz should plug that.

TNA has given zero time between segments like a sketch show. 

ERIC BISCHOFF ANNOUNCES ULTIMATE CHALLENGE w/ GARRETT
The fans in the background are falling asleep. Eric announces how every life goal he has is checked off except one… beating his son Garrett Bischoff, who then appears. Anyway, long story short, Gunner vs Garrett in a cage at Lockdown.

STORM TRAINS FOR LOCKDOWN (great segment)
Great job TNA, and I really mean that. His redneck gym in a tree house in the rain. This is good. Throwing logs and cinderblocks, sit ups, hanging from the rafters to do chin ups / pull ups. Then plug their tag team history. It puts heat on this match, if this wasn’t their forth match in six months. Storm does boxing and kicking like a whole different style. Storm better win the title at Lockdown.

STORM & ARIES vs BULLY RAY & ROBERT ROODE (a rising star and the right way TNA did things)
I’m happy to see Aries in the main event, I think it elevates all guys to have someone fresh in the mix who is not Angle, Hardy, Bully Ray, Robert Roode or James Storm. They’ve burnt out all of their matches and need someone fresh in that mix whether its Aries, Gunner, Samoa Joe or even Magnus. Normally I’d complain about 2 feuds in a tag match and how it burns out the interest in the pay-per-view, but since Aries is a lesser guy on the rise who hasn’t been stale for months I have no problem with it. Even though TNA should really keep Storm away from Roode, especially since they’ve burnt out the match.

Bully Ray insults Aries size then tags out. Awesome heel move. It also keeps heat on the pay-per-view if they don’t touch. Aries slipped up early on it looked strange he’d slip up. Several minutes in and Aries finally gets a single big shot in on Bully Ray. One shot is enough. Storm gets Roode begging off only to be hit from behind by Bully Ray. Good idea. Brief encounters that mean a lot without overdoing it. Storm never gets his hands on Roode, good. Now for the bad…

HOGAN’S DESCISION w/ DIXIE(anti-climaxing the show)
This shouldn’t have been the main event. Why is it? Ugg it kills the momentum of the show. I really feel that it should end off with a glory shot of your top babyface not some political BS. This doesn’t need to cap off a show, because it is anti-climactic. Perhaps TNA’s rating say otherwise. The fans want Hogan. Hogan is in a TNA shirt and jeans. Yep like a jobber, a near7’ legendary jobber. Hogan has already closed the book on this part of his life. Out comes Sting. The TNA faces follow Sting. Uggg… Even D-Von the TV champion is out… without his belt. Even James Storm. Way to make your top babyface into a background guy. That’s why this should have been done earlier.

Actually who am I kidding, James Storm isn’t the top babyface until stronger faces like Sting and Hogan get out of the company so James Storm can actually start being in the main event of the show and not just the last match on the show. Hogan agrees because Sting has Hogan’s back. Well if the #1 babyface wants me as the authority figure I guess I will be. No wrestling company needs a face authority figure. Heel authority figures provide perfect foils to unfairness and elevating rebel faces.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (03/22/12)

STING vs ROODE AFTERMATH FROM VICTORY   ROAD(and how stupid it is for no one to have saved Sting & Dixie)
Good recap and thankfully TNA didn’t blow the whole pay-per-view right off the bat. They had a big main event angle withDixie and Roode that lead Sting to save Roode. I guess they couldn’t just have Sting get his heat back by destroying Roode afterward. This puts Roode over as a menace when they should be trying to push James Storm as the hero. Roode is ALREADY THE MENACE OF TNA. Now who will stop him. They should have sent out Storm. The fans were even chanting for him. Duct taping Sting to the ropes was not Dreamer & Beullah from ECW 15 years ago. No one from the locker room ran out to saveDixie or Sting or even take out Roode. Not Jeff Hardy, not James Storm, not AJ Stylez, no one. TNA looks weak. Their roster looks weak because no one can save the #1 babyface from the #1 heel Sting. Unless all of the faces were taken out, this should not happen and it makes TNA look weak as a whole, but maybe I’m wrong because main eventers beat down main eventers all the time with no one coming to the rescue. Maybe this just means the angle had heat because I’m so disgusted that James Storm couldn’t be a hero and run out there to save the #1 face and become the #1 face. Whatever.

DIXIE CARTER ANGLE w/ STING (and why Sting should step down)
Dixie is almost in tears running down Robert Roode. How is this now about Robert Roode and Dixie Carter not Robert Roode and James Storm? Sting enters. Sting should be out for 2 months. Not seen. People should worry about Sting, he should come back after Roode when James Storm wins the title, but hey whatever, I just think him coming back this week is stupid.

Sting talksDixieinto keeping Robert Roode, putting Sting over as a man who knows what’s good for business andDixiethe business woman as clueless. The fans want revenge. Hey at least they’re chanting. Sting tellsDixieit’s not working with him in charge. Fans chant please don’t go. I’m really sick of TNA baiting fans into thinking Sting will retire. Each and every year he doesn’t know if he’ll be back. Sting can’t do both wrestler and authority figure. Make him a full time wrestler if he’s the #1 babyface. He is the #1 face, he’s the most protected, most famous, and given the most time to drum up business. That’s why Sting should be injured and James Storm take that place or someone who will wrestle every week. Maybe as I ponder this, Sting is there every week drumming up business and taking out bad guys. Maybe I am a bad sport or something. If someone else was as good as Sting, as charismatic or a pillar they’d be #1.

Dixiehears Sting out that Hogan should be given power of TNA… funny didn’t Hogan conDixieinto giving over TNA? I predict a Sting vs Hogan match in 2 years.

X-DIVISION TITLE 4 WAY >> ARIES vs KASH vs NESE vs ION (high energy stunt show)
On paper this looks good. X-division stunt show. This is a good way to get Nese and Kash out there. Kash has been awesome since his return to TNA and I was never a fan of Kash before this run in TNA. Aries is too good for the X-Division now. He’s a giant fish in a little pond and well protected because of this. Good match, high energy and got the crowd up and moving. Crowd chants for Aries. Good crowd so far tonight.

This was old school TNA… before Bully Ray ran in and ruined it. This was straight out of WWE and WCW’s playbook. Have a monster destroy all of your small guys. It looks like Bully vs Aries will be on for the pay-per-view. This should elevate both guys…

MEXICAN AMERICA & REPO GAMES BACKSTAGE
I’ve seen Repo Games on Spike TV and this was a tolerable segment where Anarchya was the man with the answers.

KNOCKOUTS TAG TITLES >> ERIC & ODB vs SARITA & ROSITA (and ideas for TNA)
First of all… Eric & ODB are so over they should be working a television program with Robert Roode or Bully Ray to get mega heat on the heels. Second of all, Sarita and Rosita should really be faces, because they aren’t ghetto. Sarita is good in the ring and has that broken face sympathy and Rosita is very small and would be much better placed as a face than a heel. Rosita being heel is like Rey Mysterio or WWE’s AJ being heel. She can be a mega face… but hey TNA wants a challenge or they know their audience hates Mexicans. This match had heat, which was all thanks to Eric and ODB with Rosita and Sarita doing good in their roles.

CRIMSON BACKSTAGE w/ DIRECT AUTO (a noteworthy promo)
A heel Crimson cuts a good heel promo on Morgan. It made sense and it was kept as long as it needed to be. It was followed by a brawl that was kept as long as it needed to be.

JEFF HARDY BACKSTAGE (and zero heat)
Jeff challenges Kurt Angle… Kurt isn’t even in the scene. Zero heat, zero fire. Joseph Park is just there. I’d like to say Mr. Park or Parks has more heat than Hardy does at the moment.

ROODE & STORM THE EARLY YEARS VIDEO (and the beauty that it was)
VERY NICE and gives me good memories ofAmerica’s Most Wanted and TeamCanada. This is worth anyone’s time to watch. Their look is so defined now compared to how they were back then. They point out AJ and James are the only men still on the roster from day1. In a way their Lockdown match is beautiful because it is 2 guys that have been with the company 10 years celebrating the tenth year with the company.

JAMES STORM PROMO (good segment for this week)
He wonders why football isn’t all year long. He wonders why gasoline is so expensive. Mr. Storm you are Joe Everyman. Well done. He points out what Roode did to Sting andDixieis wrong. Well Mr. Storm why the hell didn’t you stop it at the pay-per-view? Really. You should have been face to face when the pay-per-view ended to drum up business for Lockdown. Storm is going to right all of the wrongs. He calls down Robert Roode.

Robert Roode’s attorney appears and gets checked out by James Storm who wonders who in the blue hell are you? The attorney is brilliant. He will be wrestling not too long from now. Heck TNA might as well make him wrestle this minute. The attorney announces that Robert Roode will stay in his home until Lockdown. Hopefully he will at least cut promos. The attorney announces James gets his choice of opponents, KAZ or Christopher Daniels. Good for Storm, he will fight both of them.

ANGLE BACKSTAGE (and his anti-logic)
No one beats Kurt Angle, so he is reminded that Garrett beat him 2 weeks ago. Technically that’s true and there’s Garrett to point it out. Oh good they make a 3 minute challenge. By this logic they’ll be having 1 minute challenges instead of 10 minute challenges or normal matches. I think if these two are going to have matches it needs to be on house shows so Garrett will learn from the best.

TNA WORLD TOUR COMMERCIAL
A fan plugs how pro wrestling is the best entertainment and beats other sports. Good. They show the tour dates and locations.

3 MINUTE CHALLENGE >> ANGLE vs GARRETT (to further the anti-logic)
Kurt is wearing a Lockdown jersey… but Garrett is wearing track pants and multi colored wrist tape. Dueling chants to start things, that’s good. There’s some stalling and pushing. Perhaps Angle is so confident that he can just destroy Garrett in 2 minutes. Maybe a commentator should have pointed that out. Garrett gets in great offense and a 2 count on Angle with a flurry of moves. Garrett only needs to stay away from Angle. Gunner appears and they beat down Garrett. Good ending. Jeff Hardy appears for the save… if only someone appeared for the save of Sting andDixieat the end of the pay-per-view. It looks like Jeff buzzed his hair.

MOTORCITY MACHINE GUNS ARE COMING
Artistic black and white vignette of the returning Motorcity Machine Guns is aired. Good and brief.

TNA TAG TITLES >> MEXICAN AMERICA vs JONUS BROTHERS
Mexican America are back from OVW after being gone for a few months. Good to have them return and job. It is good for business, and I guess with CrimMorgan fighting TNA needs another tag team. I also suppose this means JoNus is a face team now. It is at this point that I realize someone from every match is really over. Samoa Joe & Magnus for this match. Aries for the X-title match, Eric & ODB for their match.

Super Mex shows his power, JoNus shows their cohesion only seen since Motorcity Machine Guns and Anarchya shows how he can cheat. There is a point where Magnus is being pinned so he grabs the rope in enemy territory. Anarchya has the chance and fails to just kick the hand.

The Repo Games host runs down and whisks the women away. Back to OVW with the two of you! That leaves the match to conclude, but only after the crowd was whipped into a frenzy. This is a hot crowd. It was a crowd that rose their arms with Joe & Magnus. It was great.

MEXICAN AMERICA’S CAR IS REPOSESSED BACKSTAGE
Yep… both teams in Mexican America lost their tag title matches. Anarchya takes a terrible swing at the host and gets shoved away. The host then walks away with Rosita and Sarita.

BACKSTAGE WITH COWBOY TROY (performer of Jame’s Storm’s theme)
This was a brief segment showing you the behind the scenes from Cowboy Troy’s music video for James Storm’s theme song. Good enough, kept brief.

HANDICAP MATCH >> STORM vs DANIELS & KAZ
Good they should have this match. Behead both of those midcarders to your main eventer. Daniels isn’t even allowed to take his shirt off. Thank god they did something like this to keep James matches from getting boring. There are only so many Storm, Bully & Roode tag matches that I can see in the past 6 months. The crowd is nice and hot from the last match. They want Storm and chant for him.

Maybe TNA should have interviewed Kaz & Daniels before hand since they do have a history with James Storm, but whatever, they were a pair of jobbers in this match. The real downside of this match is that KAZ & Daniels couldn’t be themselves. They were just goons.

STING & DIXIE & HOGAN ANGLE
I don’t like TNA doing main event angles… but if the stats show main event angles get the highest ratings, then I can understand why they do them. Anyway, this was a chance for Hogan to go out and have his name cheered then leave the fans with a cliff hanger of will Hogan say yes?

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (03/15/12)

I assume with 5 weeks between Victory Road and the last PPV that TNA had 2 TV tapings for 5 episodes. I pity the fans that had to sit through this second TV taping since it was probably 4 hours.

TNA RANKS (because I discuss them…)
TOP FACES

  1. Sting
  2. James Storm
  3. Jeff Hardy
  4. Garrett Bischoff
  5. Joe
  6. Magnus
  7. Eric Young
  8. ODB
  9. Aries
  10. AJ Stylez
  11. Mr Anderson

TOP HEELS

  1. Robert Roode
  2. Bully Ray
  3. Kurt Angle
  4. Gunner
  5. Crimson
  6. Matt Morgan
  7. Zema Ion
  8. KAZ
  9. Christopher Daniels

OPENING SEGMENT WITH JAMES STORM w/ BULLY RAY (who saved things)
James comes out and poorly hypes his match next month against Robert Roode… he’s waited for the opportunity since November 2011… which would make sense if he hasn’t had a few singles matches against Robert Roode…

Bully Ray comes out which is what this segment needed, because eh his promos are pretty generic with no sizzle. We all love James Storm, but he needs to put pizzazz on his promos other than his catch phrase. When Bully Ray came out he livened up. Bully announces Storm will face Gunner. This is great honestly. Gunner has heat even if he is a midcarder. I have no problem with them chopping off the head of a hot midcarder to get heat on the #2 face.

GAIL & RAYNE BACKSTAGE (w/ STING)
Bickering… Sting announces Velvet vs Rayne & Mickie vs Gail. At least this was kept short.

TNA SHOPZONE COMMERCIAL
Terrible. Doesn’t make me want to buy any merchandise. Put a price up on the basketball jerseys. I’m tired of commenting how bad the Knockouts Shopzone commercials are.

RAYNE vs VELVET SKYE (meh needed to put over a finisher)
The beauty queen vs the hooker. You take a pick which is which. Velvet has been on a quiet tear in TNA over the pash few months after losing a lot after she won the Knockouts title 4 months ago. Interesting how Rayne has the USA flag on her shorts. The crowd is behind Velvet… but not nearly as much as ODB. This match features Velvet selling a lot, which is a good thing when the other woman has a title match. The crowd stays behind Velvet in the whole match. The right women won… well right woman for this month. The only problem I had is the winner didn’t use a finisher!!!!! Pisses me off. Need to put over Velvet’s finisher when I can’t even remember what her finisher is other than the head humping into the mat which is not a finisher. TNA NEEDS FINISHERS!!! Even if she cheats to win, it needs to be after a finisher!!!! TNA throws to…

MORGAN & CRIMSON BACKSTAGE + RECAP OF TAG TEAM
TNA pairs guys together to tear them apart. Sure its good for one tag team, but TNA does it all the time. Crimson plugs how he’s undefeated for 14 months. That’s BS when I’ve seen Crimson pinned on Impact. Whatever. Undefeated in singles competition doesn’t mean much.

CRIMSON vs JOE (and I know who wins)
Unfortunately with Crimson having the streak gimmick I know who will win.  Joe looks either dirty or hairy. Like covered with dirt or something which doesn’t make sense. Maybe it is bruising. The crowd is quickly behind Crimson. What are they on crack? Oh well. The chant died quick. Joe shines in this match and entertains the crowd. Crimson chants… Joe continues to crush Crimson who is a sack in this match. Crimson gets in the ref’s face, typical heel move. Since 2 weeks ago the heel tag team champs paired with the top face… they’re faces now. Morgan interferes. They’re making the double turn which makes it interesting. It also means Morgan & Joe are on the same page instead of breaking up.

ANOTHER MARCH MADNESS KNOCKOUTS COMMERCIAL (its a sale)
It is a sale… but what percentage off? What’s on sale? How much are those jerseys? If only the commercials showed me. Worthless commercials. TNA can do so much better.

ARIES PROMO w/ VIDEO MONTAGUE (and ZEMA comes out)
53 X-Division championships held by 25 men. Aries is the longest running X-Division champion. This is great and I’m thankful TNA didn’t let this info slip through the cracks. Then they showed the video montage. The montage was totally different from anything TNA has shown. Bad music, but good meaning with black and white video in slow motion of Aries jumping and lounging around. Didn’t show Arie’s matches… just showed Aries in his matches.

Zema Ion comes out with his fucked up hairstyle and clean-looking clothes. Its funny because both of these lower tier guys wearing great clothes beats the main eventers wearing T-shirt & jeans. Zema mentions Jesse Saurensen proving that he’s the heel in this. He wants Aries to give him the belt before he gets injured. A good exchange with the wine. Memorable. Both guys looked great. No one looked weak. Zema threw the glass in Aries face… Aries got Zema with the bottle and threw him out. Great stuff.  I predict Zema to win at the PPV.

JOSEPH PARKS BACKSTAGE w/ GUNNER
Gunner brushes off Joseph… looks like it could be a potential culprit as to the disappearance of his brother Chris Parks.

ERIC YOUNG & ODB BACKSTAGE
First a brief recap of the proposal. They discuss where to have the wedding… VFW hall? I’ve been to one of those… Minnesota fair? Nah makes too much sense since ODB is from Minnesota. Impact? Duh yeah!

ANGLE BACKSTAGE
Announces Garrett vs Angle. Good. Cripple Garrett. Like I pointed out before take a midcarder with heat, chop off his head for a main eventer. The #3 main event heel.

MICKIE JAMES vs GAIL KIM (and the women getting in the crowd)
I’m not sure why… but I’d rather see Mickie vs Rayne and Velvet vs Gail… but I guess Velvet is someone they can make midcard money with. Good original moves from Gail. Creative and psychological wrestler she is. See working a bodypart is brilliant. You give  the loser an excuse to lose and it makes your winner look strong. Why is it they only do this with the Knockouts? This match seemed to kill the crowd. I see some of the crowd women laughing at the match. Come to think of it… there are a lot of women in the crowd, which there should be… they come for KAZ, AJ, Jeff Hardy and other gorgeous men.

Amazingly the crowd might be silent for the match but the crowd is still into it. I guess they’re silent watching. They still clap and chant and cheer when the face does something but they’re silent when Gail does is on offense. Gail Kim wins cheating… Two heels win by cheating. So expect a cheating finish. Gail Kim is someone who has recently gotten her finisher over… which is good.

MR ANDERSON & KAZ & DANIELS BACKSTAGE (killing any heat there was)
KAZ & Daniels are hecklers really. These two are a non entity since a returning wrestler Anderson steals the heat. Then kills it when Daniels knocks over Anderson’s drink and Anderson says… oh noooo… not that… not that… not … that. There went any heat. Hope they didn’t show this to the crowd. They setup Anderson vs Daniels.

IMPACT WORLD TOUR COMMERCIAL
Interview with a fan saying it has inspired him to get into the business. Eh wasn’t the best comment unless we actually see this guy next year. Anyway the point is to put heat on your live events and they announced where the tour will be next.

ANDERSON vs DANIELS (and how bad Anderson is in the ring)
First of all… TNA gives away Anderson’s first match in four months on free TV. Dumbasses. Sure you’ve got 3 episodes at one TV taping but they really should have left a question in fan’s minds to buy the PPV. But whatever. TNA doesn’t want your money. Next… I forgot how much I hate Anderson… and what a one trick pony he is and how basic of a wrestler he is.

Tennay plugs that KAZ has Stockholm syndrome. Yeah whatever Tennay. Should have spun that angle 2 months ago. Now it just seems stupid and tacked on but hey whatever. Just great wrestlers saddled with a bad angle.

The crowd is slowing down. Brief chant to fire up Anderson but no one got behind it. Daniels wrestling is beautiful. He’s working with a corpse. Anderson looks like he’s out of gas and really sucking wind. Then Anderson does his twisting neckbreaker and he’s even more sucking wind. He does his double kick which used to be beautiful, but now it just sucked. He’s so tired. Oh good KAZ comes out to make sure no match can end without chicanery. AJ comes out for the save… which prevents interference. Good job TNA. Daniels continues his losing streak. Anderson has a long way to go to meet KAZ, Daniels and AJ in the ring. Why wasn’t RVD the one to come back? Does he still have a contract?

JEFF HARDY BACKSTAGE
He recaps that he’d be champion if it weren’t for Kurt Angle. Now its personal… golly should have been personal weeks ago when he did the run in. He announces that he is the charismatic enigma. Eh it was kept short.

5 MINUTE CHALLENGE >> KURT ANGLE vs GARRETT BISCHOFF
If you want to get someone better… you put them in with the best as proven by the last match. It would have been interesting if Kurt Angle came out and announced an open challenge… only to be answered by Garret (and probably boos). They plug how tough Garrett is. When someone isn’t at the top level of toughness it feels like they’re trying too hard. When I imagine tough I think of Bruiser Brody, Stan Hanson, Steve Williams… NOT GARRETT BISCHOFF!!!

Kurt beats down Garrett… for 4 minutes and 30 seconds. Brilliant timing by everything. They are really trying to elevate Garrett. Match ends, Kurt throws on the ankle lock until Hardy saves him. Typical. Didn’t need Garrett to survive though. Could of had him lose with one second left and then put on the ankle lock to get saved by Hardy. I predict Angle to win at the PPV.

ROBBIE E & ROB TERRY BACKSTAGE
They have merchandise? They plug Robbie’s open challenge for the TV championship… again. Hope it is RVD… But it will be Alex Shelley.

GUNNER w/ BULLY RAY vs JAMES STORM (and why its awesome)
Tennay still mentions Immortal… Ha. Are they around still? Since none of them have appeared together in the last while I thought that Gunner, Flair and Bischoff were Immortal. Thankfully Bully Ray was with Gunner. Gunner looks intense, he looks like he should be there in that mix. Maybe its just his heat. Speaking of heat… wouldn’t it be awesome if Gunner DDTed Hogan on the concrete floor?

Gunner is the perfect guy for James to go over. Gunner isn’t in your top 3 matches at the PPV he has heat, energy, intensity. This was a good match, Gunner knows the motions. When you pull hair you check your hand for the strands of hair. When the face fires at you in the beginning, you know to duck in the ropes to get him off you. You even know the standing chin lock for a good visual. He looks like a good heel. He even swings blindly at the air toward the end when he was loopy.

Bully Ray fakes a run in after the match… Personally I feel the show should have ended with this… but you can’t end with the #2 match on the PPV… you’ve got to end with…

STING & ROODE CONTRACT SIGNING (and the boring promo)
They start with a brief recap that doesn’t put any heat on the match. In fact for the past 5 weeks these two have been non entities. They started with Roode beating down Sting. Then Sting said he’s done… then turned crazy Sting… Roode got laid out 2x and now here we are at the contract signing. This feels like it shouldn’t be the #1 match at the PPV.

I hope TNA keeps Sting out for a few months after this match so that James Storm can be the #1 face. But in reality it might just end up being Bully vs Sting at Lockdown. Roode goes into a speech after signing the contract. His speeches are so boring that I’m more content to just type about what I’d rather see. Yawn. Thank god he’s not opening the show with those droning promos. The fans look bored since they’re propping their heads up with their hands and arms. Lazy fans… can’t even stand tall to watch this main event angle… Main event… show closer… Christ Roode isn’t done talking yet. Sting just sits there. I think he’s a mannequin. Holy shit Roode talking is killing my want to live. Thank god I’m watching this at 8 am so I won’t fall back asleep. Sting really is a manniquen.

Shouldn’t there be some face that says you bore me Bobby! Bored to tears! How about some action? Sting continues to say nothing after 5+ minutes of Roode talking. Maybe Sting fell asleep he has his sunglasses on. At least Bobby is getting heel heat with anti Bobby chants. That’s the first anti chant of the show. Oh good Sting woke up from his nap. Overtuns the table puts on makeup.

And… Roode gets laid out… again. So to recap… Sting laid out once 5 weeks ago. Roode laid out 3x in 3 weeks. Way to sell your champion and sell PPVs. Finish the show with a face beatdown of a heel. Why watch the PPV when we’ve seen Sting just kick his ass… but I guess we’re seeing the match not the finish.