Monthly Archives: February 2012

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (02/23/12)

I can’t always watch TNA Impact directly when it airs, but I do try to catch up and several situations didn’t make it easy. There was a giant blizzard that prevented my satellite from getting TNA Impact and then now that I have the time to watch it, SpikeTV.com doesn’t seem to have videos working. In fact GameTrailers and several other SpikeTV associated websites don’t have videos. I blame MTV that controls all of their media online.

In this issue of TNA Impact… it seems to be brought to us by the outside spectator. Austin Aries, Eric Young, Brandon Jaccobs and Rob Terry. As I went through this, I actually came up with some title divisions that I’m sure I will cover in a future blog.

ROODE OPENING SEGMENT (Sting is Done)

So TNA starts with a recap of Roode vs Sting and then opens with a Twitter package because Sting says ‘I’m done.’ Then Roode talks about it. I may have complained last week about Roode kicking off show after show, but after beating down Sting, this deserves to be on first. But as he talks I wonder if this guy is getting ratings. If he is lighting the world on fire with his promos, if he’s saying anything interesting. The answer must be no if I’m finding more of a thrill to type to you. There’s no smack talk that puts a real sense of real on this promo just stating facts and yammering about things. Oh look he’s done.

TNA TAG TITLES >> CRIMMORGAN vs JONUS BROTHERS (the only 2 teams)

TNA sends out its only 2 tag teams… to wrestle for the titles. This is sort of the same situation that Air Boom fell into. No tag teams. I say you have your tag champs now… so you need to make 4 tag teams to make a division. If I wanted a quick fix I’d say… Ink Inc, KAZ & AJ, Pope & D-Von and MexicanAmerica. But no that wouldn’t work since Jesse Neal is taking a break, KAZ & AJ are broken up, just like Pope & D-Von and Anarchya is off in OVW for now. Here are more tag teams for TNA… Robbie E & Rob Terry, KAZ & Daniels, Doug Williams & Mark Haskins (if TNA can get them out of England) and Eric Young & Shannon Moore (so Eric doesn’t have to grapple with the ref). There 6 teams. I would say Anthony Neese & Jesse Sorensen, but poor guy might not return at all.

So with 6 teams, you can actually make a tag division out of that. Then Motor City Machine Guns will be back soon enough. Even with this title match there should be a team waiting for them. Now it looks like CrimMorgan will feud again… If they do feud I say cut Crimson’s head off and send him to OVW for 2 years. Actually a lot of TNA guys should be in OVW… but in reality TNA at this point is OVW.

BRANDONJACCOBS PROMO and BULLY RAY ANGLE

This guy wins a superbowl and comes to TNA, but the mainstream sports media doesn’t care. Perhaps that just means Spike TV’s parent company doesn’t own anything with sports coverage. It amuses me the promo from Jaccobs can cut a better promo than Garrett Bischoff. Personally I’d playBrandonoff as more real than wrestling. Sit down interviews explaining his side of things with a press conference challenge. Perhaps a forced public apology or something. SinceBrandonis in the ring he feels like everyone else.

ZIMA ION vs ALEX SHELLEY (talking about finishers)

Good match, Zima Ion showed much more skill in this match than just high flying or squeaking a win while no one was looking. He used a safe finisher which is what I said he needs to do. However, it’s a pretty meh finisher. Was that his finisher? It is a running double knee to a seated opponent. Sure I said he needs a safe finisher, but I think he needs some flash to a finisher. He’s a heel right? Give him John Cena’s very safe Attitude Adjustment. Maybe a running double knee to his opponent in the corner… but that would be taking the Pope’s move. There’s just something off about a running diving double knee. There’s a reason why no one does it.

Heck let’s talk about Alex Shelley’s finisher. Is it Sliced Bread? Gail Kim’s finisher is Eat Defeat.

GARRETT & GUNNER RECAP & GARRETT BACKSTAGE (with Hogan)

I’m happy that they had this recap from the PPV, because I don’t ever want to see this match so a recap was thrilling to me. Wow Garrett is a hick. Thick sideburns, honkey tonk shirt. He knows he’s in the south, butOrlandosouth is different then the cliché of the south. Garrett is another guy that could benefit from 2 years in OVW… but that’s most of the roster. TNA is OVW. Hogan appears. I think he wants Garrett to quit. Probably because he knows Garrett is taking a spot.

As I know I’ve discussed before Gunner should just break Garrett’s neck and he can get experience in OVW, but I guess when you have a golden story like Garrett vs his dad you want to get it out there. Heck could have had Garrett as Eric’s henchman… but that’s not difficult enough for TNA. Go with the simple. Garrett is a yes man henchman. This is how Gunner started out and 2 years later Gunner is coming into his own.

RAYNE BACKSTAGE (talking about Sting)

This was gold, simple brief gold. She gets her character across, her personality and recaps last week. Good stuff.

GAIL vs ODB (Eric Young should manage someone)

Two people with heat behind them. Gail the champion and ODB with EY every week. 2 stars of the show in a match. I like it, but this should have been on the PPV. I assume the PPV isVictory Road, but I wouldn’t know that from watching TNA. To build to the PPV, they could have had EY training with ODB. But nope instead it will be heel vs heel which does make sense from a storyline point, but I think ODB vs Gail should have been postponed for Lockdown or something. Crowd chants for ODB several times. If I didn’t know better watching this match, I’d say give ODB the title because she’s so over. She can carry the division with EY at her side. Sure it would step away from serious, but the crowd loves her.

Eric’s craziness fits in better with a manager… of a boring wrestler. I’m not saying ODB is boring… but I am saying EY should manage Garrett Bischoff or Crimson or Shannon Moore.

AJ BACKSTAGE

I like the fact TNA has an interview with him before the show with the ring in the background. It looks different from their typical backstage stuff. Locations, a variety of credible locations, such as parking lots, backstage, an office, a promo room, the ring

SEE TNA LIVE COMMERCIAL (I saw RVD)

Good to see they’re putting a little more focus on this brief spot and they read off a city or two. I saw RVD! He hasn’t been released… but he was crippled by Gunner.

JESSE SORENSEN UPDATE (and the great way they handled it)

Darker tone, real tone. This is not an angle, nor should it be, but it could be. Good stuff, very credible. I don’t want this real life tragedy to be any angle until he comes back.

TV TITLE >> AJ vs ROBBIE E (and why someone like AJ should win the title)

Hmmm just like I’ve been saying for a few weeks, AJ should win the TV title and then Daniels and KAZ can get jealous and feud for the belt… then Robbie E will want his title back and throw in EY, RVD, Pope and Super Mex for good measure. Kind of like a TV title division!!! OMG 8 people in a TV title division. Hey 8 people in the division is better than not knowing what the TV title is. Personally I’d rather throw it away and put all of those guys in the X-Division. In fact the TV title division could be a middleweight division. AJ could spark that even if he is too good for the belt, but when a guy like Robbie E has the title, TNA will forget the belt even exists (like the rest of us).

Oh crap… KAZ & Daniels. Yawn. Its just more mud that TNA spins its tires in. This victory does nothing for Robbie E. It only makes me think how stupid the whole KAZ / Daniels / AJ feud is. They could still be a faction against what’s left of Immortal. They could be burning up the tag division or forging a TV title division or making the X-Division mean more than 1 man Austin Aries.

It is announced in the main event AJ wants a gauntlet match against KAZ & Daniels… really? How much of a gauntlet is 2 men? Anyway, hopefully they handcuff the #2 man to the pole or else he will interfere in typical TNA fashion. I have no interest to see either match because of the poor way they’ve handled the whole feud and the fact that it doesn’t make sense to me.

ANGLE & BULLY RAY vs STORM & HARDY (and all of the things that send my brain into a tizzy)

Personally I think Angle and Hardy should have kept away from one another. I think they can get money from that match… well if they started it properly. The only proper way that I can think of to start that feud would be a throw away TV match instead of a run in that doesn’t make sense. The throw away match would have Angle screwing over Hardy causing Hardy to get revenge or Hardy getting the victory with Angle getting a beatdown until he gets a rematch. But back to why Hardy vs Angle is a money match… They haven’t had a match in quite a while since Angle has been gone. Well now he’s back.

Storm needs to go over and keep all momentum going. He needs to go over Bully Ray clean as Hardy and Angle brawl on the outside. It amuses me that Bully Ray is in soooo many tag matches since he broke away from his tag partner. Speaking of which Roode and Storm have been broken away from their tag partners yet they are thrown into so many main event tag matches. But that’s what TNA does now. Takes its top feuds and makes tag matches.

It seems like James is being given extra time to rile up the crowd and that’s a good thing, because it makes him feel special, even if that special is the same feel as Steve Austin drinking beer and partying.

Shouldn’t Hardy be angry with Bully Ray for putting him through a table a month ago and taking him out for 2 weeks so he couldn’t go toEngland? Shouldn’t they get a backstage pre-recorded promo from Hardy about that? Maybe Hardy can’t get an intense hatred for the man that took 2 weeks of his career.

I’m done seeing Hardy, Bully Ray & Storm. My brain just shuts off even with the inclusion of Angle. The best part of this match is Brandon & Bully facing off… followed off withBrandonputting Bully Ray through a table. Was this even a no DQ match? Shouldn’t that be a DQ? Oh well. James Storm goes over. Right choice, but they need to get these three away from one another and quick!Brandondid a good chokeslam, but why do I want to see the match now? Its like I just saw the ending of a movie I wanted to see. Do you think the fans say yeah lets see him pin Bully Ray!!! Yeah OMG its gonna be so awesome when he pins the man that he JUST PUT THROUGH A TABLE!!!

THE FINAL SEGMENT STING & ROODE ANGLE

This felt cheap and tacked on unlike when the WWE does it and it feels like the main event angle. It feels like that last match should have closed the show, but nope. Sting. Well Steve Borden… It amuses me how terrible people’s shoes look on TNA. The referee wears blue soled shoes and Sting wears red soled shoes. Sting’s retirement is just thrown out there with zero build. Oh I’m sorry the Twitter build. Well some of us aren’t on Twitter. Do you think the old guys in the crowd watching with their grand kids pay attention to Twitter?

Let’s look at the logic of this… Sting gets attacked so he quits. Really? Yep that sounds like the guy that chases away top end heels with a baseball bat and saves your top faces. Maybe for a heel that would be some fun, but its just illogical and maybe I think too much about it, but Sting should want Bobby in a match or at least say that the retirement was a ploy to get Roode out there. Why not just challenge him… yep.

Then Sting rubs black face paint on his face and wanders around like a loon… This is what pro wrestling is. Thank god James Storm still wears his cowboy hat and doesn’t go insane wearing face paint delivering crazy eyed promos. Why is it when Sting gets serious he gets crazy?

And the show ends… this should have been the opening segment and not the final. If it is your main event program it should be at the end of the show, but Sting’s character doesn’t feel main event, it feels like he should be hanging with Eric Young doing movie parodies and pranking people backstage with buckets of acid instead of water.

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Everything wrong with TNA Impact and how it should have been (in my mind) (02/16/12)

PREVIOUSLY ON TNA VIDEO PACKAGE
TNA opens up with a big complaint of mine, a recap of the pay-per-view. I agree with previously on TNA Impact recaps… but previously on a TNA pay-per-view should not be done. Many people watch a wrestling show after a pay-per-view to know what happened on the pay-per-view and when you instantly tell your audience what happened… there is no reason for them to stay tuned if that is what they are watching. Kind of like if you just recapped it in 2 minutes I don’t feel like I missed anything by missing your pay-per-view.

ROODE OPENING SEGMENT (and why it should have been Joe and Magnus)
I’m kind of sick of this guy and I really feel like Joe and Magnus (Jonus Brothers) should have opened the show, because they are heating up. Sure Roode is the champion… but unfortunately that is not news. Joe and Magnus are news, they are new champions. Why not open the show with a surprise… something fresh and not a few months old. Roode can open up the 3 other TNA Impacts leading up to the next pay-per-view.

Sting appears and it makes me wonder why I watch the first ten minutes of TNA. It is so routine and sure you want to start out strong, but I think Joe & Magnus could have started the show and then TNA could have mentioned Hardy vs Roode for the main event… but alas it is not the main event…

NO DQ >> ROODE vs HARDY
It is about time Roode is put into a no DQ match. What? Doesn’t that benefit Roode who cheats all the time??? A DQ title change match would have been better! In fact TNA had some obscure rule in the Jeff Jarrett era where a DQ of a champion in a title match resulted in a title loss. Jeff Hardy is a money man in TNA, he gets ratings. If he gets ratings, you don’t need to have Roode vs Hardy on free TV. Instead you could have Jeff Hardy vs Gunner or Shannon Moore or KAZ and it would still get a rating. TNA is just throwing Hardy vs Roode out there… because Jeff Hardy isn’t Sting. TNA is has really burnt through its matches. Their 3 – 4 month long feuds have combinations of the same guys for way too long.

So storyline wise, you could have had Hardy vs Sting at the PPV or Sting vs Roode at the PPV which it probably will be or Roode vs Hardy. Although what justification does Hardy have to get a title shot? He has failed a few times to get the title and he either needs heat behind him or needs to be a stepping stone. In fact let’s do this… Bully Ray over Hardy, Gunner over Hardy and then Storm over Gunner and Storm over Bully Ray. It uses Hardy to make 2 guys to make James Storm.

In all it was a good match. Jeff Hardy is as reckless as always and TNA gave this match a good amount of time. Hopefully it gets a rating. However, the mega problem is … the finish. Kurt Angle running in when he has no beef with either man! This is a TNA finish to screw the fans. This is lazy booking. I would have much rather seen a clean finish where that would have had fans talking. A good match with a clean finish.

STING & ROODE BACKSTAGE (who’s the heel here?)
Sting was fooled when Angle helped Roode. What did he expect to happen? My word what a stupid face and then Sting vows to make another match with Roode for tonight. That is a heel thing not a face.

JESSE SORUNSEN INJURY UPDATE
Very tastefully done. Hopefully Jesse will get better.

TNA SHOP COMMERCIAL and TNA TOUR INFO COMMERCIAL
TNA showed off the merchandise. Hallelujah! Really good commercial. This legitimately sold me to buy things on TNA’s shop zone website. Good little TNA tour with narration to spice things up.

SHELLEY & SHANNON MOORE vs ARIES & ZIMA (and how to get Zima over)
I’d much rather have seen Zima go over Shannon in a squash match only to have Aries come out and cut a promo on Zima. People love Aries promos and having Zima cheat out a win doesn’t really show the fans much. Hell 2 cheats back to back. This was a good match, but Zima needs to get a finisher over so people pop for the finisher. A safe finisher like a bodyslam instead of a high spot, because the high spot will always get a pop, but getting over a second safe move will get a double pop without killing himself.

KNOCKOUTS BATTLE ROYAL (seems to happen once a month)
Personally I would have had a 4 way at the next pay-per-view for Knockout championship with Velvet, Gail, Mickey andTara. Velvet could have gone over Sarita, Mickey over Anjelina, Tara over Rayne and Gail over ODB. Or for those who have read my Elimination Chamber booking… perhaps it would be more interesting to have Velvet vs Mickey,Tara vs Gail, Rayne vs ODB and Anjelina vs Sarita. Then go with Mickey vs Gail vs ODB vs Anjelina and adjust things from there. In fact you could even still have the battle royal for the final slot with everyone not already in the match.

I really think Sarita needs to have less flashy ring attire. Sure ring attire must be expensive, but she should wear something that makes me think heel. Just like Gail Kim wears black to wrestle now. Sarita has always been the greatest face of a heel, especially with her feud against Velvet. She was on such a roll … until Rosita came into the company. This battle royal is so dull that the commentators start talking about men… in the crowd.

JOE & MAGNUS BACKSTAGE
The rematch is announced. I would have held it off for the next pay-per-view with Joe & Magnus as faces and Joe & Morgan as heels. They really should have had some altercation in front of the crowd to feed off them.

GARRETT & GUNNER RECAP & SEGMENT
Good recap. All the heat was put on Hogan.Chelsea is alive! Good role for her. Doing nothing but hanging with Rick Flair. Eric Bischoff can’t talk anymore. This whole thing has dragged him down. So 2 old men a woman and a wrestler standing in the ring. I’m not sure they need 2 old men… just 1 and because Eric is family to the feud, Flair should take a vacation or Garrett should injure him or something. I’ve been over my thoughts of Garrett… but let’s talk tag match. Garrett & Hogan vs Eric & Gunner.

CHRISTIE HEMME & MMA TALK SHOW HOST
Good plug. Somewhat insulting to TNA.

ERIC YOUNG BACKSTAGE (and making better use of Valentine’s Day)
I think these two could have had gold on Valentine’s Day… filmed on Tuesday here is Eric Young and ODB… at a restaurant, at a hotel… where they throw out the cameraman. In all, the song was good, but could have been a lot better. Heck they could have interviewed KAZ & Traci Brooks if KAZ wasn’t stuck in some stupid angle. Look, KAZ has a lot of depth. He’s a high flyer with gorgeous looks and married to a gorgeous woman with friends like AJ and Storm and an ex friend Daniels. Why isn’t this guy used? Just those elements alone make for an awesome character. He has his friends, he has his woman, he has his looks, he has his enemies and he has his talent.

#1 CONTENDER >> STORM vs BULLY RAY (and the problem with it)
It is a shame that they just had this two weeks ago. Sure that was two weeks ago, but since it was one of the only clean victories in TNA it was memorable. Storm went over in that match. They should have had a stipulation on this like a tables match. It would have been more interesting to have a battle royal to crown a contender since Roode has gone through the top guys. If not go for a tag match at the pay-per-view where someone can go over Roode without him losing the title, but that might not draw at Lockdown.

If it’s not Sting vs Roode at the pay-per-view they could have thrown together a 30 minute gauntlet for the gold with 5 guys. Storm, Hardy, Gunner, Angle & Bully Ray. Start with Hardy vs Angle with Angle cheating to win so they can set up Angle vs Hardy at the pay-per-view without doing something stupid like having him just run in a match for no reason. Then go Storm over Angle, Storm over Gunner (or someone) and Bully Ray over Storm with help from Roode.  That would use 30 minutes of TV and the matches would have conditions on them as excuses for losses like Storm had 3 matches before his loss. Angle had 2 and Hardy got cheated. Maybe this is just me trying to justify an idea and giving away mega matches when I normally complain about giving away mega matches on free TV. If anything it would find out TV ratings wise who is a draw.

STORM & NY GIANT ANGLE
Good angle… but having the recap afterward killed the heat. I don’t want to hear an interview. I want to wonder for a week what they’re thinking. What’s going on. I wanted to hear a sit down interview next week where it starts polite and gets nuts. Then Bully Ray taunting him to bring him in.

ROODE & STING ANGLE
Good angle that puts Roode up above Sting. I’m happy for that. It made Sting look vulnerable. That word vulnerable is good instead of weak, because weak is a negative, but vulnerable is a positive. Vulnerable is putting someone over, weak is burring yourself. The only downside is that Roode looked robotic while doing it.

IN CONCLUSION
TNA really needed to drive home Lockdown as the next pay-per-view. In fact I’m not even sure if I heard it at all. A lot of logic didn’t make sense… but hey at least the commercials sold me on merchandise!

REBOOKING IT
Oh it’s that time again! Booking where hindsight is always 20/20!

REBOOKING IT >> OPENING SEGMENT JOE & MAGNUS PROMO
Joe & Magnus appear! Robbie E and Rob Terry come to the ring and get destroyed. Joe & Magnus cut a face promo. Morgan and Crimson have an excuse… they demand their rematch. Joe wonders what they did to deserve it… Joe & Magnus won a whole tournament to get their first title shot. What other tag team is there? Enter uh… D-Von and… not the Pope since they did their thing. D-Von and AJ Styles. You laugh, but who is there. Robbie E and Rob Terry? I would say Jesse Sorenson and Anthony Neese, but Jesse is injured. D-Von and AJ are the faces of all faces and would turn Morgan and Crimson. In the show AJ & D-Von can cut a promo as to why they’re a team…

REBOOKING IT >> STING ANNOUNCES GAUNTLET FOR THE GOLD
Roode comes out, Sting comes out. Roode says he’s gone through everybody and there’s no one left. Roode has said but there is always Sting… who recently went over Roode in the UK Impact last week. Sting says no and Roode asks who else is there? Roode has run through Sting’s gauntlet and Sting announces the gauntlet for the gold which will have Angle, Hardy, Storm, Gunner and Bully Ray.

REBOOKING IT >> MICKEY vs VELVET
The announcement of my 4 way for the Knockout’s title at the PPV and it will be Mickey vs Velvet, Tara vs Gail, ODB vs Rayne and a battle royal for the final slot. Velvet goes over Mickey.

REBOOKING IT >> ERIC YOUNG & ODB SEGMENT
Love is in the air. Dining out, back at the hotel and ODB shoving the cameraman out the door.

REBOOKING IT >> ZIMA vs SHANNON MOORE
Zima won the #1 contender match for the X-Division title. Zima goes overMoore clean to put over his SAFE finisher. Then it is followed up by an Aries promo in the ring face to face with Zima.

REBOOKING IT >> KAZ BACKSTAGE
TNA has to have one backstage segment and that is KAZ and his wife being asked about their Valentine’s Day… then he gets asked what’s going on with Daniels… who then appears and has the camera shut down.

REBOOKING IT >> GAUNTLET FOR THE GOLD >> ANGLE vs HARDY
Angle goes over by cheating to setup the PPV. Before the match, show Angle and what he’s been doing since he’s been gone.

REBOOKING IT >> GAUNTLET FOR THE GOLD >> ANGLE vs STORM
Storm over Angle.

REBOOKING IT >> GAUNTLET FOR THE GOLD >> STORM vs GUNNER
Storm over Gunner. Earlier in the night, Gunner can have Flair cut a promo.

REBOOKING IT >> GAUNTLET FOR THE GOLD >> STORM vs BULLY RAY
Storm over Bully Ray with Roode on guest commentary for this match alone. The NY giant can heckle Bully Ray resulting in an off screen scuffle that’s barely caught but recapped next week. People will wonder what happened off screen. Next week Roode can beat up Sting… and the NY Giant can have a sit down explaining what happened. Bully Ray can be forced to make a public apology at some sort of press conference.

Everything wrong with TNA Impact and how it should have been (in my mind) (02/09/12)

Congratulate me… I’m watching TNA when it’s on instead of 4 days later.

OPENING SEGMENT
Wow the Star Wars gimmick seems to be tacked on in the opening segment. This was terrible.

BULLY RAY / ROODE / STORM SEGMENT (do Storm and Hardy exist?)
First of all it is hilarious that Roode stabbed his partner in the back to get the TNA title… and now he’s paired with Bully Ray. Perfect. Bully Ray has been awesome for months and its only a matter of time before the fans flip him face. They’ve built up Bully Ray vs Roode so well that I forget James Storm and Jeff Hardy are even in the match at the PPV. In fact I’d say don’t even have Storm or Hardy on the PPV and just make it Roode vs Ray. Another giant glaring problem is Roode has a problem with Sting. He has a problem with a GM? Well I guess when no one else matters you’d have a problem with a non wrestler.

VALENTINE’S DAY COMMERCIAL
I have a bigger problem with this week’s commercial than both of last week’s commercial. Shop TNA… but it didn’t show any merchandise, just prom ODB and cupid Eric Young. If anything have a still photo of shirts at the end. That would be the bare minimum. But this is like a superbowl commercial where they’re funny commercials, but they don’t make me remember the product or the brand that they’re selling.

AJ & KAZ RECAP
This feud still doesn’t make sense. Two Impacts ago I specified a different spin on the angle that would still get KAZ paired with Daniels. Well here’s another one… have AJ win the TV title… then Daniels wants it… then KAZ wants it and drives a wedge in their friendship. Then Robbie E wants it back. Four men instantly put that title on the map. Not that it should even exist.

DANIELS vs AJ STYLEZ (TNA adspace)

It is a shame they’ve had this match so many times that it’s just a throw away match on free TV. TV… like my TV title idea. What is dumb about this match is having the lesser opponent Kaz take on AJ Stylez at the pay-per-view while AJ takes on the mastermind Daniels on free TV before the lesser match. Mike Tennay reminds us of a special Star War’s Phantom Menace preview, which essentially is a preview for a movie that has been on DVD 10+ years. Tennay tells us what’s next and the live event dates run by the screen… It makes me think this match is just ad space. Stellar job by both men. I almost hate ranting about the commentary. If any crowd deserves this match it is thisUKcrowd, however this match should have and could have gone 20 – 30 minutes with no problem from me.

GUNNER & BISCHOFF BACKSTAGE (nonsense)
Eric wants Gunner to take out his son one kneecap at a time… how does this make sense when a piledriver on the concrete floor didn’t stop Garrett Bischoff? Eric should say his superior genes made his son’s neck super strong. Gunner should say he won’t settle for breaking Garrett’s neck he’ll chop off his head and make sure he doesn’t come back!

MAGNUS PROMO (with Joe)
Wow this guy is over. He had the fans eating out of his hand… oh and Joe was there. He was the most over guy in the company! If there is anyone building to a double turn it would be the fast charismatic team and the uncharismatic untalented team with no cohesion. I’d smell a double turn, but that is too predictable.

NON-TITLE MATCH >> SHELLEY vs WILLIAMS vs ARIES
Good short match and gives Shelley momentum. I feel like Shelley vs Aries is money after their interaction a few weeks ago. That amazing interaction was followed by no interaction. I don’t even feel like this killed any heat between Shelley and Aries, which is good, because on paper I’d hate this just like Gail Kim vsTara right beforeTara vs Gail Kim.

HOGAN & STING BACKSTAGE
One old man warning another old man he has a target on his back, two old men that had a feud for about a year if not a subtle feud 2 years. It is a shame that I think Sting is an old man. This segment accomplished nothing other than putting heat on Sting. Personally I think Storm needs heat, because he’s cold now.

TARA vs GAIL KIM BACKSTAGE BRAWL
Tara is taking a video with fans walking by… the brawl starts and the fans do nothing. Thankfully this is a short brawl and not some 5 minute thing.

HOGAN HYPING TNA
Last week Hogan hyped up TNA by burying them. Wow. He hyped them by saying they’re nothing and he’s gonna take them to greatness. Just like he said 2 years ago now… 2 years go by and TNA is probably in a worse place. Sure its turning in the past few months, but think to when Hogan came in and what became of TNA for almost 2 years. Personally I wouldn’t have aired the backstage Hogan promo… but if you don’t he might get offended…

HOGAN & GARRETT (the bellboy)
I personally think Garrett should be getting Hogan’s bags and never ever mentioned at all. Garrett’s father is one of the greatest heels of all time. Heels and most hated men… on TNA they have a golden storyline opportunity Bischoff vs his son. There’s a catch though. Garrett hasn’t paid his dues… Sure Garrett was a ref for a year, like Shane McMahon was, but if TNA wants Garrett to be an acceptable face, he needs to suffer as a jobber for years and after he has persevered he will be an accepted face. A jobber as in never win at all… so people get behind him as underrated, someone kept down… Or you could take the easy road which would be to have Garrett follow his dad around.

Logically Garrett is too low on the totem pole for Hogan and Eric Bischoff. Perhaps if Garrett was in a feud with Anarchya or something or didn’t even have a feud, but was a jobber, he’d slip through the cracks and get far less resistance and hatred. Garrett looks like he can wrestle, he’s got a body and sideburns and with some training and experience he can probably be an underrated wrestler. What sucks is Hogan is just yammering in the ring and I’m so bored that I’ve typed this all out…

Meanwhile, let’s talk about the silent star here. Gunner. This dude has had 10 years in the business and he started out as a security guard… just like I suggested Garrett start low. Now Garrett has hit a stride of injuring guys. He deserves his spot and he’s got a great look and intensity.

As for the fans I pity them to have to have sat through 20+ minutes of the Bischoffs.

EPISODE 1 TRAILER
If there’s any movie that should be in 3D it is a Star Wars movie… I’ve seen Thor,Alicein Wonderland and Jackass 3D all in 3D. The best 3D movie I’ve ever seen was Jackass 3D, because the other 2 were flat movies with 3D special effects. The backgrounds were flat and the people were popups. Episode 1 might fall into the same trap…. Since it was filmed with standard cameras, but the special effects are 3D. What a cash grab. Maybe the cash earned from replaying these movies will go to making episodes 7 – 9.

MICKEY JAMES vs VELVET SKYE (it was there)
Wow Micky’s outfit is not flattering, but whatever. The fans are into both women. Its funny because Velvet did Mickey’s fireup gesture and Mickey got heel heat for the shaking hands spot. I felt like this was pointless and since it was pointless why not have Velvet go over since it doesn’t matter.

ROODE VIDEO (and all of the flaws in the TNA PPV main event)
I’m afraid to say this video did nothing for me to want to buy this PPV to see Roode win. No one has an ace up their sleeve. Hardy hasn’t been on TV in 2 weeks, Bully Ray has heat, but he’s a heel and Storm isn’t looking effective. Plus this four way feels like a holdover. To make me want to watch this match, Hardy, Storm and Bully Ray need to have looked more effective. They need more heat. Let’s look at this over the past 3 weeks… Hardy hasn’t won a match in 3 weeks. Bully Ray interferes and has lost a match. Storm gets saved by Sting who isn’t even in the match, he loses 1, wins 2 (tag match) and Storm has lost 1 tag and1 a singles match. It is half and half booking that makes me think they’re even by way of sucking. Instead of 4 strong guys its 4 weak guys. I would have loved to see the last PPV, Sting win, Bully win, Roode win, Hardy win or even Hardy and Roode draw. Then I’d love to have none of them lose in the past month. Come to think of it, TNA did have them win at the last PPV. They might want to mention that in the video package next time.

STING & STORM vs ROODE & BULLY
Two tag wrestlers who ditched their long term tag partners against TNA’s top star and GM. No Hardy… whatever, not like he has a PPV match. Hell maybe he won’t show up… cuz he’s on drugz. Hell… it should be Sting vs Bully vs Roode vs Storm. Logically. Think about it. Hardy has been gone 2 weeks and all the heat was put on Sting. Then Sting can get the next PPV.

Jeremy Borash doing the intros of the main events just seems long now. Sure it adds prestige by having people wait to see their main event, but I’d rather see an extra 4 minutes of wrestling instead of a 4 minute introduction on top of a 6 minute entrance for 4 men who have entered the ring already once that night. I like how Bully and Roode slap their own hands so they don’t have to tag out when the ref isn’t looking and then don’t double team…. It is silly… because they can tag each other since they just leave.

Annndddd my DVR cut off, which I think my DVR is set to overrun 5 minutes. I hope Storm won.

IN CONCLUSION
No Eric Young or ODB, thank goth. TNA theme songs suck… they’re very generic and similar in ways… except Winter and Mickey. Another hot crowd, but it felt normal. It will suck next week to be back in a 1,000 seat arena after seeing 8,000 fans to see TNA. They need to consider doing a PPV over there if not moving over there, but then their audiences would drop week after week. Brutis Magnus felt extremely hot where he and Joe should have been in the main event teaming with Storm against Roode, Crimson & Morgan. Sting could have been the enforcer and had Bully Ray interfere with Sting there to kick his ass. It would have put heat on 2 matches.

Everything wrong with TNA Impact and how it should have been (in my mind) (02/02/12)

OPENING SEGMENT
It was great and made it TNA feel big. Proof that I’d rather watch a good serious opening than some backstage brawl.

NOTABLE NOTES
Hugggeee arena and that’s awesome. Oh my word this felt as big as a WWE RAW audience. TNA should just move here or for PPVs fly to the UK. Sure they can’t keep up this incredible audience, but it was awesome. The crowd was so hot for TNA. The camerawork felt bigger and less cheap than usual. If anything, this was TNA’s biggest event ever… so they gave away their biggest matches ever. It was a great isolated event, but it should have been a PPV, because for a TV show it should make you want to buy the PPV and this show didn’t make me want to watch the PPV.

ROODE & BULLY RAY PROMO
Good a promo! Not an angle, a promo. This was good heel stuff, The faces come out and Sting makes a match. This is your average segment, but in front of a giant arena it made them feel like stars. Sting makes Storm vs Roode then Storm vs Bully Ray. What the hell is this? Those are 2 matches that should not be given away for free! Especially not Storm vs Roode!

TNA VALENTINE’S DAY COMMERCIAL
A commercial is a commercial, but when its for a shop they NEED TO SHOW MORE MERCHANDISE!!! Having Eric Young prancing around and ODB in a prom dress with champagne isn’t wearing merchandise to sell it. The other women are wearching merch and I always get on TNA’s case about this. To sell merchandise, you need to show merchandise.

BUCKINGHAM BRAWL >> CRIMSON & MORGAN vs JOE & MAGNUS (why was this not for the title in the UK?)
This wasn’t a brawl so much as a TYPICAL WRESTLING MATCH. A buckingham brawl is 2 on 1 for the first few minutes before it turns into a tag match. I think the visual on this was off slightly because Morgan was allowed to be on the apron. He should have been on the floor until allowed to participate. Personally… I feel its wrong to have this tag match on free TV. Sure its a tag match, but when you are building to this match at the PPV, you don’t give it away for free. Build it with 1 on 1 matches or having Magnus & Joe going over another tag team. Even though this had an ok stip… I’ve already seen it so now I want to see it less at the PPV so that will downgrade my overall score of the PPV. If anything they should have kept it a 2 on 1 handicap match. Oh and if they did this, it probably should have been for the titles. Magnus from the UK could win the belts in the UK. I see Joe & Magnus going over at the PPV. Oh and since Crimson lost, does that mean his streak is over?

ERIC BISCHOFF ANGLE (a waste of time)
Wow Garrett has twangy rock music and sideburns that belong to the Honkey Tonk Man. To be honest this should have been handled far differently from a lot of perspectives. Garrett probably should have revealed Hogan by calling him out instead of Bischoff disbelieving and discrediting the mystery man. If Hogan is a draw he probably should have been hyped on TV before randomly being called upon. He was hyped to the arena and we all knew Hogan was the mystery trainer a few months ago. Hopefully this keeps Hogan out of the ring, but because Hogan was such a big name back in the day, he should be tied with the biggest names of TNA and not stuck with his friend’s son. Worse yet… doesn’t Garrett want revenge on Gunner for almost crippling him? There is less and less of an Eric / Gunner connection as time goes on.

MARK HASKINS VIDEO
Good little video, kept short and rightfully so. He’s the right guy for Austin Aries to take on.

AUSTIN ARIES vs MARK HASKINS (a good isolated event)
I think Haskins only really works in Europe, which is fine. A good display of talent from both men instead of a flat out squash. This felt good like a brief PPV match just because of how fantastic the crowd was. Good for making Aries. It is at this point that I realize how TNA is giving things time to breath by ending them without crazy run ins or anything. I guess the only thing missing was Alex Shelley, but you know what… it still felt like he didn’t need to be there and it took nothing away from their feud. Perhaps an Aries vs Shelley video package before the match would have been good so you don’t forget about it. But you don’t want to have 2 video packages back to back.

STORM vs ROODE (why was this free?)
What? Why is this on free TV. If anything give it to the fans as a non televised main event to the UK fans. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. When 2 people touch, you want to see it less and this could have been a money match for them. But since they gave it away for free they didn’t pop the rating. In fact nothing will ever pop their rating. It is like pushing a cart full of rocks. When you try to shove it… the cart will go no where, but when consistently push it, that cart will get momentum and eventually push itself. This match was not hinted at or hyped up from last week. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe fans love to watch two guys with momentum fighting it out.

This is probably a nitpick, but both men look similar, so to the people in the nosebleed sections they probably had no idea who was who unless they noticed the giant cattlescull on Storm’s tights and the long forearm sleeves. Roode probably should have worn green tights. They aren’t wrestling in front of 1,000 people at the Impact Zone. This was 8,000 people of a 12,000 seat arena.

If anything this builds to a cage match… and not a 3 way at the PPV. Adding Bully Ray into a 4 way at the PPV would be good, because otherwise I see Bully just helping Roode cheat to win as he’s done for weeks now. Oh and lastly… it was Sting in fro the save… not Jeff Hardy, not AJ styles or some young top contender. If anything it makes Storm look weak that a non wrestler had to help him. If anything it should have been Sting trying to help, but Bully and Roode get the drop on him and Storm saves Sting.

NON TITLE >> TARA vs GAIL KIM (before the title match at the PPV)
I’m shocked they didn’t just give away Micky vs Gail or make Micky vs Tara, because they were in the WWE longer than Gail. So this is a non-title match before the PPV… Logic. Hell if anything make a non title match at the PPV and make the title match at the next PPV. Orrrrrr…. have Tara vs Rayne & Gail 1 on 2. That way Tara will want Rayne out of the picture so she doesn’t interfere in the PPV title match. Like Tara will lose the 1 on 2… but she will temporarily injure Rayne like a concussion or a broken arm to take her out for a month. Hell the WWE would probably food poison Rayne to keep her out. The crowd seemed really flat in this match. Maybe its because they already saw the main event as Storm vs Roode. With the ending of this match and Rayne costing Gail the match… I have a feeling that Gail will ban Rayne from ringside like a true face.

TNA SHOP ZONE COMMERCIAL
Are those bras and pantis for sale… Then why were they in the commercial. Oh and fuck… the shirts are so modified so you’re not buying those shirts… you’re buying real shirts, but whatever. Not like I know how to sell merchandise or anything.

BISCHOFF SEGMENT #2 (once was good enough)
Thankfully Gunner was brought along. Really… did there need to be 2 Garrett Bischoff segments? Two Eric Bischoff segments I’d be fine with, but not two Garrett segments. The mystery trainer was revealed… to the public… not just to Eric this time. Was it me or did Hulk Hogan not look as big muscle wise. Maybe he’s had a back surgery or something. Gunner bumps for Hogan and Garrett… That is you rkiller you spent a month of crippling guys like Garrett, Doug Williams, RVD and almost AJ Styles. Imagine if Gunner took out Garrett… Hogan makes a temporary save… Eric distracts Hogan and Garrett fights back and tries to piledrive Hogan on the concrete only to get saved by Garrett then refs split them all up leaving Hogan and Garrett to pose in the ring.

STORM vs BULLY RAY (how does this make sense)
Jeff Hardy must not be able to leave the country or something, because he wasn’t here on TV… oh but that’s right Bully Ray injured him last week by putting him through a table. If it was to take him out, it should have been 2 tables to the floor off the stage or something. Perhaps that is a spot to injure someone for a month when a top rope powerbomb through a table is a week long injury spot. Since Hardy wasn’t a part of this card… I felt like it should be Roode vs Storm… but then they just had it!!!

Before we start this match… how the hell does this make sense. Take on the champion to get to the man who screws you over in the same night. Shouldn’t it be reversed? Take on the man who screwed you over to take on the champion. Hell and why did he even need to take on the champion? If they are aiming to make a 4 way for the PPV. Then I’d have Bully Ray go over… he beat the 2 #1 contenders… that puts him into the PPV match. Actually it would make more sense to just have the man who beat the 2 #1 contenders do a singles match against the TNA champ.

There was fire in this match which is a shame, because Storm is injured coming into this match. Sting came out with a cricket bat… I guess Sting needs to earn his money somehow, but it doesn’t make Storm look strong being defended by a non wrestler. Storm should be defending him.

I hate to say it, but this was a better match than Storm vs Roode… but maybe Storm only did it half hearted knowing he had a second match.

IN CONCLUSION
The crowd was very hot even though they died down by the end thanks to the fact of Storm vs Roode in the middle of the show. This was a good isolated event that should have been a PPV for the most part (outside of the angles and Storm having 2 matches). It did some building… but it didn’t make me want to see matches twice in two weeks. TNA should make you want to see a match through building it up… NOT MAKE YOU WANT TO SEE A MATCH THROUGH SEEING THE MATCH! WWE is guilty of this too, but its a way to find out if a PPV is going to sell or not based on the ratings. If it does not get the ratings, they can always change the match.

My ideas to build Smackdown’s Elimination Chamber

ELIMINATION CHAMBER
With the Elimination Chamber PPV on the horizon, the WWE needs to make 2 Elimination Chamber matches. One for CM Punk’s championship was already made on Monday Night RAW. With Smackdown on Friday, the WWE needs to make one for Daniel Bryan’s heavyweight title. Sure the Smackdown tapings have happened, but I’m not one to read spoilers.

So to make the Smackdown Elimination Chamber match, the obvious idea would be to assign people. Let’s say Orton vs Wade vs Cody vs Bryan vs Big Show vs Henry. That’s obvious… but that doesn’t make for a watchable Smackdown show. So I came up with the idea of qualifying matches…

THE OBVIOUS
Orton vs Drew McIntyre

Wade vs Ted DiBiase
Henry vs Ezekiel Jackson
Big Show vs Jinder Mahaul
Cody vs Sin Cara (or Gabriel or Kane since technically he is or was a Smackdown guy)

The winners would be obvious except for the last match. So you could couple it with the idea of a speed record. The man with the quickest match gets the #6 entrance in the Elimination Chamber. The slowest victory will be the #1 entrant and so on. The champion would randomly enter. Some people would have a problem with just feeding midcarders to main eventers. That is not captivating television, so let’s reorder everything…

THE LESS OBVIOUS
Henry vs Big Show

Wade vs Orton
Cody vs Sin Cara
Jinder Mahaul vs Ezekiel Jackson
Ted DiBiase vs Drew McIntyre

Who would win those matches… would you watch that Smackdown? You could couple that with my time = entrant idea.

But does anyone really want to see a chamber match with Orton vs Henry vs Cody vs Ezekiel vs Dibiase vs Bryan? Probably not, so then we book injuries and reworkings. Here we go:

SMACKDOWN WEEK 1
ORTON over WADE to get into the chamber match or WADE over ORTON
BIG SHOW over HENRY to get into the chamber match
CODY over SIN CARA to get into the chamber match
EZEKIEL over JINDER to get into the chamber match or JINDER over EZEKIEL
DIBIASE over DREW to get into the chamber match

SMACKDOWN WEEK 2
WADE over EZEKIEL. Wade cheats to win and beats down Zeke who then gets a comeback and Wade bails.
Or ORTON over JINDER with Orton going over clean and there’s nothing Jinder can do. Orton has his arms raised and that’s it. Jinder is angry…
HENRY asks GM TEDDY LONG to get into the chamber to get his title back. Teddy shoots him down… so instead Henry asks Daniel Bryan for a title shot. Daniel refuses he’s just had a match or he’s injured or something, but Henry doesn’t get a match. Henry knows what it will take to get into the match…

SMACKDOWN WEEK 3
WADE over EZEKIEL
because Zeke wants to crush Wade and avenge the loss… well Wade doesn’t want a match, he has already beaten Zeke. Zeke has something Wade wants… and that’s a shot in the chamber match.
Or ORTON over JINDER because Jinder is so angry at Orton, he demands a rematch! Orton already beat Jinder, but if Jinder is so confident that he can beat Orton again… he should put up his entrance in the Elimination Chamber. Jinder refuses… Teddy Long comes out and says he likes that idea and he makes the matches around here, so tonight it is Orton vs Jinder for the last slot.
HENRY over DIBIASE and injures Dibiase in the process. Mark Henry lobbies to get in the match since DiBiase is injured and all… That’s a shame… If Henry thinks he’s getting into the chamber he’s right… but as #1 so he can take a beating from every Smackdown superstar. Good luck Mr. Henry!

ELIMINATION CHAMBER
ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH >> WADE vs HENRY vs ORTON vs BIG SHOW vs RHODES vs BRYAN

IN CONCLUSION
There could be several tweaks like Orton and Rhodes shots are in jeapordy. You could have someone go over Daniel Bryan in a non-title match to get a spot in the chamber, but I’d rather not have a champion lose any matches unless its for the belt.