Monthly Archives: May 2012

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (05/25/12)

HOGAN BACKSTAGE with AJ STYLES / KURT ANGLE / JEFF HARDY / BULLY RAY (kicking off with Celebrity Apprentice)
Hulk Hogan shows Bully Ray, AJ Stylez, Kurt Angle and someone else the format sheet for TNA Impact. What a horrible segment. This was just a psudo reality show with backstage drama. Very stupid, counter productive. I’m sure that soap operas and legitimate sports don’t show behind the scenes with a fake reality show. Kurt Angle questions the value of Robert Roode to being the longest running champion. AJ Styles questions a gold medal. Angle says he’s won more titles, Bully Ray says more singles titles. Bully has won more gold, but not single, but its a singles match.

Bully wonders why he needs to convince Hogan. He’s worked 20 years and he’s the most legit guy, old school wrestler. And that’s true… if Angle wasn’t in the room.

This felt like a rip off of Celebrity Apprentice only a few were sitting others were standing. They all bring forth interesting and good points. Jeff Hardy looks crazy he says nothing but then he says let the fans decide.

Nothing is decided… Lovely.

GAIL KIM PROMO with MADDISSON RAYNE (bad voice, good promo)
Gail is the most dominent Knockout’s champion. She says she built the division and she is the divisiion. Meanwhile Rayne does her makeup in the background while the rest of the locker room looks on from the back looking like chumps. Gail challenges ODB & Eric Young.

ODB & ERIC YOUNG vs GAIL KIM & RAYNE (Gail screams and man on woman violence)
Eric Young has new music? Or did I just notice this now. The Knockouts Tag Titles aren’t needed, but hey it gives a purpose for Eric Young and ODB to be seen. They don’t need to be seen. Just do pre-tapes of their life together and keep it brief. Gail screams… a lot. Reminds me of Trish Stratus selling. Scream. Scream. Louder scream. WCW would have given her this as her gimmick.

Eric & ODB fake out a double elbow drop, but Eric can’t elbow drop a woman due to Spike TV’s non violence against women. I wonder if movies on Spike TV have men hitting women.

The crowd is firmly behind ODB & Eric Young. There is a new camera shot from overhead that looked interesting. Shockingly Eric Young gives two hip tosses to women and two slams to women. Shouldn’t Spike TV be throwing a fit over this? I can’t believe fans didn’t care and saw it as a simple slam and not OMG he finally slammed a woman.

TNA SALUTES VETERANS
Mr. Anderson, Crimson, and Gunner. Hey tie this in with a TNA shopzone commercial. I don’t mind it. This was good and kills two birds with one stone.

HOGAN BACKSTAGE on the phone
Hints at someone coming.

RVD vs GUNNER (no build)
RVD has a black eye. He looks terrible. RVD challenges Gunner. Gunner should go over… but that’s not how it works when a face needs momentum off of 2 losses. RVD should go over, but I think in a company with short matches, someone like Gunner should go over until there are longer matches where RVD would be prime to go over.

Gunner should be telling RVD that I put you on the shelf for 3 months and you want to challenge me?

TV TITLE >> DEVON vs ERIC BISCHOFF (no match)
This match had one week build to it which is better than none. Devon is the experienced pro that will be the gatekeeper. He the fans want tables badly. I think that’s a subtle hate of Garrett. Robbie E & Rob Terry run in. A tag match is obvious.

HULK HOGAN BACKSTAGE with CONTENDERS (yawn)
Yawn. I had no interest. Hogan eliminates someone. Now there are 2.

JOSEPH PARK RECAP
I love the Joseph Park recaps… because TNA faked a newscast that starts the recap.

BULLY RAY PROMO on the crowd (gold)
Bully takes his sweet time getting out there. Bully gets in the face of some hot chick in the front row that totally no sells any intimidation. ECW would have called her a skank and has security pull them apart. The commentators are worried about what Bully will do when TNA goes live next week. Bully Ray mentions Joseph Park in the crowd. There he is with popcorn. Joseph stays in character perfectly. Eventually fans chant yes. Fans continue chanting yes.

Joseph’s part of the interview is awesome. This guy is amazing. He holds a trial by the fans and asks who thinks Bully Ray is not guilty… who thinks he is guilty. This was great, it was given time.

JOEY RYAN VIDEO
Fuck yeah! This dude is awesome! He and Aries would be gold together. Give this guy a contract. Good video, even if he doesn’t have a story like his dad dying or wrestling while poor.

GUT CHECK >> AUSTIN ARIES vs JOEY RYAN
Al Snow has a suit. Looks good. Joey Ryan looked like he needed a joke. Oh and out comes Austin Aries. This match will be gold. Aries looks fantastic. Fans are firmly behind Aries. Good match. Not too great. Over too quick. Give Ryan a job. Far better than Alex Sylvia.

TNA TITLE >> ROBERT ROODE vs ??? (great story built through 2 weeks)
Hogan comes out to announce which of the 2 guys will take on Robert Roode. This was a great story told through 2 weeks. The crowd has been hot all night. They picked the right guy to take on Roode. This match felt special due to the story and build over 2 weeks.

Good match. Probably Impact’s longest match in a year.

PROS:
Going into this show it has heat because the last show built to this show.
Open Fight Night special monthly show is still fresh and buzzing.
ODB & Eric Young are over with the fans.
RVD is over with the fans.
Devon is over.
Garrett has a little storyline tacked onto Devon’s.
Joseph Park is mega over.
Joseph Park & Bully Ray segment was great.
Joey Ryan being on TNA.
Austin Aries vs Joey Ryan.
Austin Aries is mega over.
TNA title match felt special.

CONS:
Opening segment with Hulk Hogan making Celebrity Apprentice.
Gail’s Kim’s voice
Knockouts Tag Titles not on the line
No build to Gunner vs RVD after Gunner put RVD on the shelf for 3 months
Gunner not getting his heat back
Bully Ray has heat.
The return this week… instead of next week.

Everything Right with TNA Impact (05/17/12)

TNA RECAP (good work)
Word on the street is that TNA Sacrifice was a good show. TNA opens by recapping a few of its biggest angles. Roode being dominant, AJ having pictures, Abyss returning and so on.

ROBERT ROODE PROMO (another post PPV promo)
Roode had a big match off a hot pay-per-view in this case I do want to hear from him. Not nearly as much as I want to hear Joseph Park. Tennay plugs the fact that Robert Roode is about to beat AJ’s record for the longest TNA champ. They should really have someone challenge him on Open Fight Night one night before it becomes official. Fans boo him and Robert soaks it up by saying that’s it chant Roooooode! Roode says he’ll throw a party next week. He’ll call it celebration of domination. He calls out Hogan.

Hogan comes out to quite the pyro display for TNA. Fans politely clap for Hogan and don’t go too crazy. Robert Roode has demands. This was entertaining compared to what Roode normally does. He wants only green M&Ms and golden confetti flown from Canada… Hogan says Robert Roode put the company back on track by holding the title. He may have put the company back on track… but he didn’t set it on fire.

Hogan announces Roode to have a title defence at Open Fight Night. Nice. Hogan took a pole and asked who wanted a title shot. The entire locker room comes out on the stage lead by Bully Ray. Puts a lot of heat on the title. Hogan needs only 4. RVD vs Bully Ray. Jeff Hardy vs Ken Anderson. Jeff Hardy looks insane. Kurt Angle vs Samoa Joe. Dizamn I’m impressed with that match. The rest of the guys are put in a Wild Card Battle Royal.

I really love this. The entire show is built and leads into next week’s show. Brilliant. Hope Aries wins the battle royal.

BULLY RAY vs RVD (good opener)
The fans were into this match with plenty of claps and firmly behind RVD. Tough to grow as a company with such a small arena. The fans are hot there over the past few months. Bully Ray manages his own 3D. Nothing wrong with this match. Could have used more in crowd brawling and chairs, but I don’t think people want long matches.

BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE w/ JOSEPH PARK (brief & logical)
Afterward Bully Ray cuts a promo on the Kardashians. Joseph Park appears and provokes in the way that he does. Bully Ray tells him to stay away.

KING MO TALK SHOW (meh)
TNA has plugged the signing of King Mo throughout the show. Now this is their segment to hype that. Then they throw to a talk show with Dixie and Bellator president. TNA and Bellator signed him. I didn’t like this because it wasn’t a recap it was a segment from a talk show. Its just to promote Bellator and that MMA talkshow. Dixie made it seem like it was her idea to sign a MMA guy.

GAIL KIM & RAYNE BACKSTAGE (not as bad as it could be)
Gail is concerned about her triple threat tonight. Rayne is concerned about her mystery man. Rayne disappears. Brooke & Velvet appear to politely threaten Gail. This wasn’t bad. Normally it is.

WILD CARD BATTLE ROYAL (AJ, Gunner & Aries)
Aries appears first so TNA recaps his win over Bully Ray. ODB and Eric Young eliminate Crimson quickly. Aries eliminates Magnus. Rayne appears to look on. Interesting. I hope its Robbie E. Rob Terry is really trying to eliminate Garrett until Terry is thrown over by Robbie E. Devon throws out Robbie E. Garrett Bischoff outsmarts Devon who goes over the top. AJ then throws out Garrett. Aries and AJ face off. Interesting combination. I smell a great match if not fantastic match. Gunner is selling in the corner. Good battle royal, Tazz sells it as the best battle royal he’s seen in his life.

IMPACT GOES LIVE
Interesting. I doubt it will do much for their ratings.

KAZ & DANIELS RECAP
Good recap of a 3+ month angle that made no sense and still doesn’t make sense. I would have rather seen AJ in a hottub with Dixie. AJ is so squeaky clean that its unbelievable.

AJ PROMO
Fans have signs that say Dixie Styles and AJ Carter. Hilarious. I don’t see many signs, but these were worth the wait. AJ explains his side of things. Dixie is a beautiful, wealthy woman. Enter KAZ & Daniels who show off a video… on an iPad. The video doesn’t show me anything.

JOE & ANGLE RECAP VIDEO w/ BACKSTAGE SEGMENT (jump starting an old feud)
They showed the history of Joe. It was nice. Then they have a backstage segment that ends in a pull apart. TNA does an ok job of jumpstarting a dead feud instead of going into a new feud with them.

MR. ANDERSON BACKSTAGE (not annoying)
He is on an iPad looking at his match with Jeff Hardy. Jeff may have kicked out… I guess.

MR. ANDERSON vs JEFF HARDY
Commentators plug that Mr. Anderson and Dixie Carter will actually be in a movie / documentary with Morgan Spurlock. Its good they mention it but they needed to be a 1 minute segment. Jeff gives hugs to the fans. I’ve had no interest in this match for years. But the thought of a title shot puts heat on this match.

Jeff Hardy tries a low dropkick to the outside, Mr. Anderson catches Hardy and throws him back down to the mat. This was a good spot. There was a good pin that you don’t see very often.

KNOCKOUT TITLE >> GAIL KIM vs VELVET SKYE vs BROOKE TESSMOCHER (suggestive)
Brooke has very nice ring attire with an interesting robe. One of Gail Kim’s boot straps are hanging off. 2 faces vs 1 heel… until the heel disappears, then the faces go at it. Good submission on submission spots straight out of WWE in the late 90s. Velvet does a terrible ‘In Yo Face,’ followed by a very sexually suggestive pin.

TNA HYPE VIDEO
It was a great video with tons of crazy spots. Its funny how they say unforgettable moments, but a lot of them were forgettable except for Jarrett guitar shotting Hogan and Joe headbutting Angle. Maybe I have that backward.

JOE vs ANGLE
They’re really trying to jump start this feud again all the recaps, all of the history of Joe himself. Smells like build for Joe vs King Mo and the obvious Angle vs King Mo. Crowd is firmly behing Angle instead of both. Robert Roode appears for guest commentary. He puts over Angle and mentions their own history at last year’s Slammiversary. I thought Roode did a better job on commentary than Tazz.

Good match, but not as legendary as their past matches, but how could it be? End of the show has Jeff Hardy coming out, then Bully Ray and AJ Stylez.

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (05/10/12)

BOBBY ROODE PROMO (and telegraphing the victory at the PPV)
I’m sick of Roode starting the show. He deserves to be on every show, but not starting the show. If I didn’t write this, I’d change the channel and forget about TNA. Roode doesn’t interest me at all. His gimmick and cheat to win attitude really reminds me of the fact that his character is hollow and he’s been given the default heel character.

He does say something interesting. In 2 weeks he’ll be the longest TNA champion. Cool.

RVD appears and beats up Roode who wins thenAndersonappears and beats him too. Then Jeff Hardy appears to beat him down. 3 faces on 1 heel. How does this make sense? Whatever. A better idea would be to have 3 heels on one face RVD and then RVD beats up 2 of them and Roode runs.

Hogan appears. He says there will be a four corners as the main event with a lot of stips. The face winner gets Roode, but if Roode wins he picks his opponent. If RVD wins he picks a stipulation for the PPV. This is a terrible and telegraphing idea… RVD wins and picks hardcore or some sort of match. RVD gets his win, Roode gets his win.

BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE (too brief to be good)
He cuts a promo on Austin Aries. This was brief. Bully is sick ofAustin bullying him. Bully is going to stand up to Aries.

SPRING CLEANING SALE (still sells merchandise)
Good commercial. I’m glad TNA doesn’t have Knockout merchandise. 

GAIL KIM & RAYNE BACKSTAGE (kept brief)
Gail is concerned with Brooke… Rayne says there’s a guy she’s into.

VELVET SKYE vs BROOKE TESSMOCHER (a building block for Gail vs Brooke)
This match makes sense since they teamed last week and Velvet got the last Knockout title shot. I think there’s a lot more future money in Brooke than Velvet. Brooke has 3 victories over Gail so Gail will win at the PPV. Crowd firmly behind Velvet leading me to believe she should be the one getting the title shot. I hear a Tessmocher chant at the end… but no one is chanting when I look at the crowd. Gail runs in after the match.

BULLY RAY ATTACKS MATT MORGAN (bully ray gets heat)
I think there’s a lot of money in making Crimson MMA and punches instead of cravats. Before the match starts Bully Ray attacks Matt Morgan? What? He’s making an example out of Matt Morgan. At least this means no Morgan vs Crimson. He gets good crowd heat. The commentators failed to make me care about Matt Morgan.

CRIMSON PROMO on MATT MORGAN (a glimmer of shine)
I’d rather see an arrogant or cocky Crimson. Says no one can beat him, this would have been the perfect entrance for Alex Sylvia. Instead Crimson wants a match with Matt and wants the referee to count Matt Morgan out. Yep counted out. 

RVD VIDEO
This was a character piece on RVD about how he wanted out of his little town and the cereal plant. It failed to make me root for RVD. 

X-DIVISION TITLE >> AUSTIN ARIES vs ZIMA ION
This is the first X-Division match in a month if not longer. This should be a pure squash and make Aries look great. Good amount of chants including TNA! TNA! Chants. Hot match, good energy, plenty of high flying. Chants for ‘this is wrestling.’ Funny I didn’t know wrestling was flips. The fans were emphatically behind Aries. He looks very strong.

KAZ & DANIELS BACKSTAGE (lame tease)
Wow this is still a terrible angle. KAZ has second thoughts. Daniels mutters something about his girlfriend. Daniels says AJ has been on top far too long. He hasn’t been on top for a while, at least a year. If there’s a picture I want it to be of AJ & Dixie & Traci in a hottub. 

DANIELS & KAZ & AJ ANGLE (the photo revealed)
KAZ & Daniels wait in the ring for AJ, because they’re chumps and TNA made them into chumps. AJ comes out… Daniels has a picture of AJ & Dixie… just a handshake photo. Then a second photo of AJ touching AJ’s face. Then in the third photo it looks like he’s kissing her. Kissing her as a greeting. Fans don’t care, they strongly chant AJ.

TV TITLE >>DEVON vs ROBBIE E (quick and painless)
Robbie E & Rob Terry come out in awesome sweaters. They actually plug Robbie E’s blog. Quick match. Didn’t need to be very long. Rob Terry does a beatdown after the match. I’d sayDevonvs both Terry & Robbie. 

JAMES STORM VIDEO
James plugs if it were a movie he wouldn’t have wanted it to end with the bad guy winning. Roode is back at his ranch / farm. I think this does a lot more for Storm than RVD’s video. James questions himself, and that puts heat on his loss. After the match its onto the next thing. 

JOSEPH PARK BACKSTAGE
And headed to the ring. Awesome. I’m actually excited after 2 months of him going no where. 

DEVONBACKSTAGE (quick challenge)
He challenges both Robbie E & Rob Terry. Bam!

JOSEPH PARK VIDEO
Chicago lawyer Joseph Park investigates his brother Abyss. Good little video for the whole 5 minutes he’s been on camera.

JOSEPH PARK & BULLY RAY ANGLE (this was great)
Joseph gets into the ring. Good acting of being clueless. The fans chant where’s Abyss. It was pretty heatless at first, but the fans get into it. This puts heat on Bully Ray. Joseph says he’s gonna watch from the crowd. Bully Ray appears and menaces him. Then Joseph has awesome questions for Bully before he gets shoved down. Joseph cowers before he sits and giggles like Abyss. 

RECAP >> HOGAN ARRIVES & WOLFPACK RETURNS
Hogan returns, Wolfpack returns and Hogan throws them out. Yawn. 

FOUR CORNERS >> HARDY vs RVD vs ROODE vs ANDERSON(all goes as planned)
Personally, Roode shouldn’t be in this match, it should be Angle or AJ or someone deserving. But TNA wants to give RVD a win over Roode. Crowd was rowdy and that’s a good thing. RVD wins. We will see a ladder match. Good idea for the PPV.

ABYSS APPEARS (wtf?)
Abyss appears to end the show with a message to his little brother Joseph. Wtf? … Lockdown’s main event isn’t the main angle. Great way to end Impact even if your PPV will suffer because of it.