Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (03/01/12)

TNA OPENING VIDEOS
Video recaps how dumb the Roode & Storm ‘I’m done’ statement was.
Kurt Angle has cue cards to explain why he did what he did to Jeff Hardy. He’s laughing because he knows how stupid this is…
TNA got a new intro. Looks good … but generic. No intensity to the opening. It doesn’t get me fired up to watch TNA, but it does look good. 

KURT ANGLE PROMO (to explain how stupid his program is with Jeff Hardy)
Look he has cue cards because he knows how stupid this is, so he’s gonna make it stupider. Jeff Hardy is not a wrestler he’s a performance artist. Jeff Hardy reminds me how fake wrestling is with his loose and sloppy work. That was not part of his speech. That’s my speech. Kurt Angle’s top reasons to hate Hardy are meh at best… bottom line is that he’s jealous of Jeff Hardy. This should have been explained half a month ago… OR THEY COULD HAVE STARTED THE FEUD BETTER! 

An Olympic gold medalist even from a decade ago should be dominating a backyard wrestling risk taker. To me… Jeff Hardy should be proving he’s the wrestler that I think he’s not. And by I… that means Kurt Angle. The Olympian shouldn’t be jealous he should be dominant and a joke like Jeff shouldn’t hold a candle to him and Jeff should train mat wrestling to even hang with Kurt. Then Kurt Angle destroys hardy at the PPV… and Hardy challenges Kurt to his type of match, a ladder match. Then it is tied 1 – 1 with all the marbles in a match that benefits neither man. Do this over the span of 4 or 5 months.

ROBERT ROODE BACKSTAGE INTERVIEW (and then Aries enters)
Austin Aries is over because he’s the top dog in his division. Personally I feel Aries is the top heel if not top star and they should open up his pool. If someone on top like Angle or Bully or Roode disappears, Aries should lose his title and take their place. 

TNA MERCH COMMERCIAL (and how stupid it is)
It is March, let’s sell jerseys. All of the Knockouts in the commercial are wearingJerseys… so they must be selling them. How much? Who the hell knows. But… Knockouts are wearing them or it’s to hype up basketball. Perhaps an AJ Styles basketball jersey or a Bully Ray one for the heels. I’ve noticed TNA has 2 weeks of commercials with the Knockouts then 2 weeks of commercials that sell merchandise. The point is selling merchandise not using the Knockouts under contract. 

GAUNTLET MATCH >> AJ vs DANIELS (a staple of AJ’s month)
AJ wants answers… well Kurt Angle gave answers… so why not Daniels giving answers? At least this match has heat on it unlike the last 2 times they had it. Sure it’s a good match, but they have burnt it out for me and they need to make me want to see it and promise of an answer gets heat on the match. As I’ve said for weeks feuding over a title could get heat on their feud and the belt even if it is the TNA title. AJ would have something Daniels and KAZ both want. Daniels and KAZ or AJ & KAZ can light a fire in the TNA tag division. 

GAUNTLET MATCH >> AJ vs KAZ (excellent)
This was handled excellently. Kudos TNA with how this was handled. Didn’t give away the match. But there’s one problem… now we’re still searching for an answer.

ODB vs RAYNE (and a storyline that combines 2 of TNA’s favorite things)
So the Rayne vs Kim program combines 2 of TNA’s favorite things… a feuding tag team and heel vs heel for the championship. Then this match combines another one of TNA’s things… Eric Young. ODB still has heat because of Eric. Eric should still be a manager of someone dull like Crimson or Shannon Moore. PreferablyShannon. 

This was a bad match with way too much going on. EY running around, Gail pretending to run in. The right woman won, but your #1 contender lost. I smell a TNA Knockout’s tag title defense at the next pay-per-view… which I assume isVictory Road, but a trailer or some hype for the PPV itself would help.

BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE (and about Storm Storm Storm Storm)
Oh Christ not another Bully Ray vs Storm match (it seemed like it). I don’t want to see another for 3 months. TNA should have kept that match for a PPV. Now I don’t care. Bully, Angle, Roode, Hardy, Storm and Sting are money for TNA. They need to stay away from one another unless it’s for money. I don’t want to see matches on free TV when they are the moneymen. I’d rather see Bully Ray vs Shannon Moore, Storm vs Daniels, Roode vs Morgan, Angle vs Crimson every month than seeing a constant combination of those 6 guys every week.

VELVET / ANGELINA / SARITA BACKSTAGE BRAWL
Thank goth this was kept to less than a minute. Their backstage brawls always went too long. Thank goth Velvet didn’t talk for more than 5 seconds. I still remember how Sarita the heel was looking good as a face over that heelish face Velvet Skye. Then they come back from commercial to have Velvet complain longer and get beat down longer. Remember what I just said about at least it wasn’t long. I take it back. This was too long. Why was it Angelina and Sarita and not Sarita and Rosita or Angelina and Winter. This wasn’t the worst segment, but it sets up a match for later on.

FLAIR to GARRETT BACKSTAGE
Flair promo. I’m sure people will love it. I didn’t care. Flair got paid. 

ROODE, ARIES & BULLY RAY PROMO (and why a heel authority is better than  a face)
Heel promo. I’ve heard Roode talk way too much. Please pass the mic. If you have something more interesting to say that doesn’t sound the same as last week then please say it! Roode is done afterVictory Road. Bully talks about his calves and he blames Sting for bringing in Brandon Jaccobs. So the heels have a problem with face management. I’m not sure I like heels complaining against a face authority figure instead of a heel authority figure and the faces fighting the authority. Sure it’s been done before and maybe that’s why they went the other route. That and it puts too much heat on Sting, because a face authority figure will fight by himself instead of a heel authority figure will throw wave after wave of wrestler! Several wrestlers have the heat put on them by authority. 

Austin Aries makes sense and he delivers intensity. I appreciate and enjoy his promos and logic instead of Roode’s promos that just drone on with no real logic behind them. Again if some main eventer gets injured, Aries should take the place. Imagine Aries vs Storm, Aries vs AJ, Aries vs Hardy. Maybe Aries isn’t in their pay grade.

Sting appears and verbally makes sense that they’re all wrestlers and they need money. Sting makes the main event, halfway through the show. I can imagine how that would bother some people. 

JESSE SORENSEN UPDATE
Oh no don’t talk about him getting back into the ring. No talk about getting back to being able to sit up. Its great that he will return, but it’s a long term thing, lets work on being able to sit up. 

ZIMA ION BACKSTAGE PROMO
This was great, but I guess I didn’t want to hear it at the moment. 

ZIMA vs SHANNON
Good I’m happy they have this match. Zima is coming into his own with his ugly ass fro and arrogance. Good throw away match. Good to seeShannon. Good flashy maneuvers. It is a shame when a top rope head scissors doesn’t finish someone off. Very good flashy finisher that looks very safe, a backward fireman’s carry into an over knee face buster. Very good. Especially after my complaints for the past three weeks. Zima is coming along nicely and evolving into something all within the past month. 

TNA LIVE EVENTS COMMERCIALS (and how awesome they are)
These little commercials really sell TNA live events. As much as I’ve complained about the TNA Shopzone commercials being terrible, these are awesome and sell the interaction that you get when attending a TNA live event even if its not televised.

VELVET & MICKIE vs SARITA & ANGELINA
I don’t think they need a reason for this match. Mickie gets ratings, Sarita is great in the ring, Velvet is TNA’s golden girls and Angelina is underrated and been stuck in the mud for at least a year. Mike Tennay & Tazz talk about entertainment in music and TV, not exactly sure why, but whatever. Maybe it is to make TNA seem more current. This match had a lot more energy and heat than ODB vs Rayne earlier on tonight, which is a surprise since there is no reason for this match to be so good. At the end of all of this… it means nothing. 

ABYSS DISAPPEARED (he’s gone)
I have this crazy idea… feed men to Abyss. 1 minute jobs, intense, powerful destructions against Moore, Anthony Neese, and Doug Williams. Destroy them. Feed your monster for a month before you sent out a gladiator to take on the monster and build to that. First Crimson. Abyss can laugh at the boy trying to take him out. Feed Crimson to Abyss. Then Morgan. Month by month… Abyss eats 3 jobbers for lunch with an even match at the PPV. After a few months of destroying people have him go through a main eventer like Hardy or Bully Ray. Then take on the top face or top heel and that’s where Abyss can get defeated in 5 months. A man who has destroyed wrestlers and won 16 matches in a row finally falls to your great warrior. It is simple booking or have him go through your champion or top warrior too and become an unstoppable monster that can last another 6 months. But I guess they’re busy pushing Roode as a cheat to win champion. 

STORM / MAGNUS / JOE vs ROODE / ARIES / BULLY RAY (and why I give a damn)
You know what I’m thrilled at this, a fresh main event. Sure it still involves the 3 guys I complain about, but that’s only 50% of the match. It elevates Aries, Joe and Magnus. Those three that I mentioned each have a fire under them right now with the fans firmly behind them and a hunger for them. Those 2 things mean a lot. Fans chant for Joe and Aries. The one complaint is when did Joe & Magnus turn? Oh it doesn’t matter; they’re faces in the eyes of the fans due to their amazing chemistry, speed and finesse. Everything that Aries has as well.

It was a great start that was generously slow burning. My first complaint was when Storm was tagged in and Roode bailed… Storm just stopped dead in his tracks, he should have attacked Bully Ray, Aries and gone to the floor to fight Roode before getting poked in the eyes and beaten down. That’s not what I want to see in your top face… I don’t want a guy that just stops dead in his tracks. Maybe if they had weapons or something. Your top face should be able to take out everyone but your top heel. Oh and to top it off Storm has tangled with Roode a few times since being screwed out of the title a few months ago.

Joe & Bully Ray. This could be a money match and just this sample of it is awesome. I’m sure if this wasJapanthey’d work a 20 minute classic, but since this isAmericait would be slow when they have a 1 on 1 match. Speaking of Joe, wow his chest is red.

This match has a fire to it that I haven’t seen in months for TNA. The crowd is chanting for workers in the ring. The match has a freshness seeing Joe in there with anyone. It has me getting into this match and that’s something I haven’t said about a TNA Impact match in months.

Storm has a fire in his hot tag and this feels like a main event and not just another match. I actually give a damn about who will win and there it was.

As for the post match I would have had a celebration, but hey it’s TNA. Gotta end it on a low note, at least they didn’t just cut to some Sting angle.

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