Tag Archives: Brooke Tessmacher

Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should be) (in my mind) (6/12/14)

PROS

ERIC YOUNG’S IMPACT STORYLINE
Eric Young started the show by wanting a solo match against MVP with no interference from Bobby Lashley and Kenny King. Its a noble request, but really why should MVP who has power to agree to such things? So they agreed to have Eric Young to chose a stipulation for his title match at the Slammiversary PPV if he wins 2 out of 3 matches against Lashley, Kenny King and MVP. First up was Bobby Lashley now has two wins over TNA champion, Eric Young. It was a good match, they told a back story. The back as in body part. Its pretty rare now that wrestling works on a body part. It made sense to have the biggest guy first to injure a smaller Eric Young before he’d face the smaller Kenny King.

Eric Young wanting a cage match wants sense, heck he might want a top put on that cage too! Beating down Eric before the third match was nice too. It was also a good way to win the final match…. but you’ll read more in the cons section.

OVER ETHAN CARTER’S DEAD BODY
While the segment started out awful, Bully Ray saved the day! I liked this segment not only because he came off like a real star with the fans chanting his every word ‘over your dead body,’ he came out and showed its not women he hates. Its just Dixie Carter he hates. He came out and saved Brooke Tessmacher, even when we last saw her and Bully, he threatened to put her through a table. The glass is half full on this segment, while I could nitpick Ethan and Spud using awful comedy to get heat after following Robbie E’s comedy match, I see this as a plus, not a minus. Plus, its no longer a table match, its a Texas Death Match at this Sunday’s PPV.

CONS

CHAMPION vs CHALLENGER before the PPV
TNA must not like money, because they just had their Champion, Eric Young against the challenger MVP on free television three days from their match on PPV. Perhaps their logic is people will pay for the cage match. No. Who cares? I just saw Eric Young win and beat the challenger MVP after taking out two other men. Plus, even with a rested Eric Young against MVP, I can’t imagine them having a better match even with a cage! I remember when WCW would give away their PPV main events free on Nitro. MVP should have come out and told Eric Young, I’m not the last guy, we agreed to two out of three wins. I didn’t say I’d be guy #3. I am not a number, I am the guy you’ll face at Slammiversary. Why would MVP ever agree to this? Even if Eric Young goes over three guys… why even let Eric pick the stipulation? Because you said you would let him if he won? Well you also promised a contract vs contract match last week and that never delivered!

Even if Eric Young gets a cage match, which makes sense, MVP has a history of buying off and bullying referees into winning matches. The deck is stacked against Eric Young. Having Eric Young talk after such a brutal beating instead of being saved by the face locker room felt silly. MVP’s group beat down Eric, then they just left. Why? Because. No one chased them off. Eric Young’s beating was so meh he still spoke afterward to tell them the stipulation.

WILLOW, BRAM & MAGNUS SEGMENT
Does anyone remember when Magnus won the TNA title, he said TNA gave him goofy gimmicks. Now that Magnus is eviler than his bad guy persona, he said he’s happy to be out of that suit TNA gave him. Wow fella. Willow says WE, he and Jeff Hardy will take out Bram and Magnus, so Abyss comes out as back up. Personally I would have rather seen someone with Jeff Hardy’s size wear a Willow mask at the PPV to wrestle Magnus, then have the real Jeff Hardy run out to blow people’s minds. The funny thing in all of this is Abyss should have been the guy to make Magnus use weapons. Well the whole thing is stupid, a bad guy that said he’d do anything to win the TNA title needs to be told to use weapons? That’s more of a heel trying to turn a face heel.

ROBBIE E w/ JESSE & DJ ZIMA ION vs KNUX w/ the Menagerie
Wow the music and carnival just didn’t stop. The music and lights went through the whole match. Once is enough. This is a wrestling company, but I guess not having the music would make the stilt walkers feel out of place. This should be a good six man tag at some point for Robbie E to conquer his fears. Crazzy Steve sure interfered a lot and the referee was cool with it. Again, this is a wrestling company. Comedy has its place, but this is just a mockery of wrestling. It is awful and so limited. Everyone associated with this group or faces this group will just end up in the trash can. Also, how long before Willow is wrestling in the Menagerie. I can’t believe they’re not having a six man tag team match at the PPV, but whatever, Crazzy Steve has a title shot already. I guess he did go over KAZ a few weeks ago.

#1 KNOCKOUT CONTENDER’S MATCH: MADISON RAYNE vs BRITTANY vs GAIL KIM
Not sure how it makes sense to have this match when Rayne just lost to the Knockout Champion Angelina Love last week and Brittany lost to Angelina Love maybe a month ago. They are not in contention for the #1 contendership. If anything, they should say they just need one more shot to beat the champ. Nope. They get thrown into a three way. If anything, Velvet Skye should have faced Gail Kim as a guardian, because Gail Kim is the #1 contender, the woman that Angelina Love hasn’t beaten in a title defense this month. I guess since MVP already had a gatekeeper / guardian storyline, they couldn’t do that. Oh well. Who cares?

Everything Right with TNA Impact (07/05/12)

BULLY RAY PROMO on TWITTER (legal action)
Oh good… TNA has been bit by the Twitter bug. Those suck more than kajiggers… which burrow down into your skin. Bully questions Joseph Park has the pair of nuts to smack him in the face. Joseph Park comes down to the ring. The crowd is hot. Joseph gives Bully Ray a legal lesson with presidency. Abyss / Chris / Joseph Park has always had an impressive presence and even in a suit its no different. Joseph accepts the challenge with no rules. Bully Ray pulls out a paper… using the Christopher Daniels methodology of heat. It is a restraining order against Abyss.

AUSTIN ARIES BACKSTAGE w/ HULK HOGAN (good and brief)
This was good. Aries is a fresh, good character. Hogan wants the belt tonight.

DANIELS / DIXIE RECAP w/ DIXIE BACKSTAGE
Daniels says Claire Lynch is preggers. AJ Styles is the daddy! Mu-ah-ha-ha-ha. Then Dixie is backstage with the road agents. She is asked questions by the mysterious interviewer and there is no answers.

CRIMSON vs DEVON (quick match that sets up something for someone else)
Crimson loses his streak at the last pay-per-view and disappears from TV for 3 weeks… so he gets a title shot. At least show how Crimson has been winning at house shows. Why isn’t Crimson in the BFG Series? He was undefeated for 18 months. Devon is a gatekeeper for D level talent. I have no problem with Devon in this role. It keeps him strong and gives an evaluation of lesser talent. Crimson makes one of the crappiest pin attempts ever that somehow ends up with Devon on top. Quick match thank goth.

Madison Rayne comes marching to the ring. I think she wants some chocolate. Nope its someone else she wants. I fully expected this after a few months ago. This could build to a title reign for someone.

CHRIS SABIN PROMO (a heel needs heat)
Sabin is on crutches. He has some thick sideburns. It is a horrifying shame that he injured both ACLs, one after another. This has to be extremely discouraging since he’s not a main eventer. TNA probably doesn’t pay all the bills. He needs to have another job and that’s a shame. The fans are firmly behind him.

Out comes Robert Roode. This is another guy that should quit if he had two ACL injuries… even if he is a main eventer. He gets heat by verbally running him down and saying its just like every other X-Divisioner. Roode kicks out Sabin’s crutch. It really sucks that I feel anyone else could do the same job or better than Robert Roode. Austin Aries runs in for the save.

X-DIVISION >> DAKOTA DARSOW vs FLIP CASSANOVA (Dakota couldn’t keep up his end)
Dakota Darsow is the son of Barry Darsow. Nothing wrong with that. Flip looks like Sonjay Dutt… and the first words out of Mike Tennay’s mouth are Sonjay Dutt. Some sloppy high-flying from Flip Cassady off the bat, but he makes up for it with a backflip senton butt splash. Dakota Darsow is really struggling to keep up or even maintain himself. I hope Flip wins. Darsow has a long way to go. He’s got a good look, but I don’t see X-Division from him. I see TV title division. Dakota Darsow has a bloody nose. Good little match. Dakota Darsow didn’t keep up his end of the bargain.

Flip has some of Dakota’s blood on him. Flip waits to be interviewed and gets nothing…

BROOKE TESSMACHER & TARA BACKSTAGE
Brooke has a tag match with Tara. Tara calls her Boo 2x. Very quick.

GUT CHECK RECAP >> TAYLOR HENDRIX
She didn’t like that she was called not tough enough. The camera loves her and so do you fans. If only her name wasn’t Taeler Hendrix. I chose not to spell her name correctly, since she chose to say she’s a cancer survivor when she’s really a misdiagnosed. Like oh I thought I was pregnant, but it was just gas.

MADISON RAYNE & GAIL KIM vs BROOKE TESSMACHER & TARA (match makes Tara looks good)
Next week Gail Kim gets her title shot… I thought it was this week, but whatever. It should probably be on the pay-per-view. Does anyone remember when it was Terra? Mike Tennay mentions the main event, James Storm vs Jeff Hardy. I totally forgot. This match was quicker than most TNA knockout’s matches. Short match, more of a win.

JAMES STORM LOCKDOWN RECAP w/ JEFF HARDY MATCH HYPE
James Storm recaps Lockdown then talks about Jeff Hardy. Not much here.

AJ PROMO on CHRISTOPHER DANIELS (dropping the angle)
He yells out at Christopher Daniels…. who thankfully comes out to save this segment. Don’t let AJ Styles talk about this ever. KAZ comes out with Daniels and says AJ gets junkie whores pregnant. Daniels has a martini glass… an empty one from the look of it. Christopher Daniels starts some long-winded speech and AJ just tells him to shut up. Holy shit this feud has been going on for a full year. That’s not a compliment. That’s a … let’s move on! I consider the Claire Lynch angle officially dropped by TNA.

HULK HOGAN BACKSTAGE interrupted by MASKED MAN
Hogan doing an interview, gets interrupted by one of the masked men that attacked Sting a few weeks ago. He delivers a piece of paper with some carts on it. At least they mentioned the angle.

JEFF HARDY VIDEO
He’s inspired by this series since he missed last year’s series. He wants to end the selfish generation. I kind of thought Jeff Hardy lead the selfish generation what with the drugs and house explosions.

X-DIVISION >> KENNY KING vs LARS ONLY (another X-division match)
Kenny King from ROH and I think from WWE Tough Enough season 2. Good to see someone from any Tough Enough season in still in wrestling. Good match, longer and less reckless than the other match. Lars did some sort of leg trip, leg sweep that looked painful to Kenny King. Tazz said it sucked, but I think that’s how it was supposed to look… painful. I don’t have much to say about this match. I think Christie Hemmy announced Kenny as Kenny Kane.

Christie interviews Kenny King. The fans are behind him in more ways than one.

I’ve come to realize that none of TNA’s own X-Division guys has a match on TV even if they’ll get matches on the Destination X pay-per-view. Bring in new guys and have them go for the title. If anything hopefully Sonjay Dutt will get the X-Division title.

AUSTIN ARIES BEFORE THE BELL PREVIEW (good show everyone seems to love it)
I’ve seen the Before the Bell special with Austin Aries. It is full of good phrases. So many good phrases, you don’t even need to watch it, just listen for 30 minutes which 24 of it is Austin Aries talking.

KENNY KING & AUSTIN ARIES BACKSTAGE (good rub for Kenny King)
They know each other… and they’re happy. Good rub for Kenny King who then disappears so Austin can get asked about relinquishing the belt. Yep.

BFG LEADERBOARD
James Storm > Samoa Joe > Magnus > Kurt Angle

BFG SERIES >> JAMES STORM vs JEFF HARDY (Storm sells for Hardy)
Wow this main event is starting early. It makes me think Claire the junkie slut will be the main event. Jeff Hardy comes out looking like a performance artist on coke. He shares a moment with the crowd. It must suck that Jeff Hardy is still over James Storm. Even if Hardy loses 100 times to Storm… it will still be Jeff Hardy > James Storm. There are plenty of dueling chants. There are a lot of lockups and holds… because this is the main event and they have the time. They come back from commercial and Tazz talks about how crazy it got in the commercial with a street fight on the outside… yet no video clips. It is so hilarious watching James Storm sell for Jeff Hardy, who is too weak to muscle him into selling. Like a leg trip, you see James Storm start falling before Jeff Hardy pulls him. You see the camera angles shift so viewers don’t see the miss between Jeff Hardy’s feet and Storm’s face. Now 100% of the fans are behind Jeff Hardy… who has 90% of the offense of this match. But when James Storm gets a move, Jeff Hardy sells like he’s dead for way too long. But whatever. Good match, gives fans time to get invested in the outcome.

After the match, the winner gives the loser a handshake. Good clean match.

BFG LOCATION
Mike Tennay and Tazz announce that Bound for Glory is going to Phoenix, AZ.

BACKSTAGE w/ KURT ANGLE then MR. ANDERSON
They both briefly talk about the BFG Series and Tennay plugs Mr. Anderson vs Kurt Angle. Then Brooke Tessmacher vs Gail Kim. Bully Ray vs Joseph Park.

HULK HOGAN ANGLE w/ …
This puts a lot of heat on Austin Aries. Anyway, Hogan does a good job of plugging Destination-X, Jeff Hardy, James Storm and Austin Aries. Robert Roode comes out. Robert Roode is so generic. Like he checks all the boxes that meet with a great heel… except for personality. As I’ve pointed out before the real feud seems to be Hulk Hogan & Robert Roode. Roode always has great points. I just wish it was coming from someone better. Austin Aries comes out… Austin Aries gives this match and Roode’s title heat.

lol when Austin and Roode get in each other’s faces… the fans chant for Hogan. Aries ends up holding up both belts and it looks awesome. Great job TNA. Aries gives Hogan the X-Division title and holds up the TNA world title to close the show.