Everything Wrong with TNA Impact (and how it should have been) (in my mind) (05/25/12)

HOGAN BACKSTAGE with AJ STYLES / KURT ANGLE / JEFF HARDY / BULLY RAY (kicking off with Celebrity Apprentice)
Hulk Hogan shows Bully Ray, AJ Stylez, Kurt Angle and someone else the format sheet for TNA Impact. What a horrible segment. This was just a psudo reality show with backstage drama. Very stupid, counter productive. I’m sure that soap operas and legitimate sports don’t show behind the scenes with a fake reality show. Kurt Angle questions the value of Robert Roode to being the longest running champion. AJ Styles questions a gold medal. Angle says he’s won more titles, Bully Ray says more singles titles. Bully has won more gold, but not single, but its a singles match.

Bully wonders why he needs to convince Hogan. He’s worked 20 years and he’s the most legit guy, old school wrestler. And that’s true… if Angle wasn’t in the room.

This felt like a rip off of Celebrity Apprentice only a few were sitting others were standing. They all bring forth interesting and good points. Jeff Hardy looks crazy he says nothing but then he says let the fans decide.

Nothing is decided… Lovely.

GAIL KIM PROMO with MADDISSON RAYNE (bad voice, good promo)
Gail is the most dominent Knockout’s champion. She says she built the division and she is the divisiion. Meanwhile Rayne does her makeup in the background while the rest of the locker room looks on from the back looking like chumps. Gail challenges ODB & Eric Young.

ODB & ERIC YOUNG vs GAIL KIM & RAYNE (Gail screams and man on woman violence)
Eric Young has new music? Or did I just notice this now. The Knockouts Tag Titles aren’t needed, but hey it gives a purpose for Eric Young and ODB to be seen. They don’t need to be seen. Just do pre-tapes of their life together and keep it brief. Gail screams… a lot. Reminds me of Trish Stratus selling. Scream. Scream. Louder scream. WCW would have given her this as her gimmick.

Eric & ODB fake out a double elbow drop, but Eric can’t elbow drop a woman due to Spike TV’s non violence against women. I wonder if movies on Spike TV have men hitting women.

The crowd is firmly behind ODB & Eric Young. There is a new camera shot from overhead that looked interesting. Shockingly Eric Young gives two hip tosses to women and two slams to women. Shouldn’t Spike TV be throwing a fit over this? I can’t believe fans didn’t care and saw it as a simple slam and not OMG he finally slammed a woman.

TNA SALUTES VETERANS
Mr. Anderson, Crimson, and Gunner. Hey tie this in with a TNA shopzone commercial. I don’t mind it. This was good and kills two birds with one stone.

HOGAN BACKSTAGE on the phone
Hints at someone coming.

RVD vs GUNNER (no build)
RVD has a black eye. He looks terrible. RVD challenges Gunner. Gunner should go over… but that’s not how it works when a face needs momentum off of 2 losses. RVD should go over, but I think in a company with short matches, someone like Gunner should go over until there are longer matches where RVD would be prime to go over.

Gunner should be telling RVD that I put you on the shelf for 3 months and you want to challenge me?

TV TITLE >> DEVON vs ERIC BISCHOFF (no match)
This match had one week build to it which is better than none. Devon is the experienced pro that will be the gatekeeper. He the fans want tables badly. I think that’s a subtle hate of Garrett. Robbie E & Rob Terry run in. A tag match is obvious.

HULK HOGAN BACKSTAGE with CONTENDERS (yawn)
Yawn. I had no interest. Hogan eliminates someone. Now there are 2.

JOSEPH PARK RECAP
I love the Joseph Park recaps… because TNA faked a newscast that starts the recap.

BULLY RAY PROMO on the crowd (gold)
Bully takes his sweet time getting out there. Bully gets in the face of some hot chick in the front row that totally no sells any intimidation. ECW would have called her a skank and has security pull them apart. The commentators are worried about what Bully will do when TNA goes live next week. Bully Ray mentions Joseph Park in the crowd. There he is with popcorn. Joseph stays in character perfectly. Eventually fans chant yes. Fans continue chanting yes.

Joseph’s part of the interview is awesome. This guy is amazing. He holds a trial by the fans and asks who thinks Bully Ray is not guilty… who thinks he is guilty. This was great, it was given time.

JOEY RYAN VIDEO
Fuck yeah! This dude is awesome! He and Aries would be gold together. Give this guy a contract. Good video, even if he doesn’t have a story like his dad dying or wrestling while poor.

GUT CHECK >> AUSTIN ARIES vs JOEY RYAN
Al Snow has a suit. Looks good. Joey Ryan looked like he needed a joke. Oh and out comes Austin Aries. This match will be gold. Aries looks fantastic. Fans are firmly behind Aries. Good match. Not too great. Over too quick. Give Ryan a job. Far better than Alex Sylvia.

TNA TITLE >> ROBERT ROODE vs ??? (great story built through 2 weeks)
Hogan comes out to announce which of the 2 guys will take on Robert Roode. This was a great story told through 2 weeks. The crowd has been hot all night. They picked the right guy to take on Roode. This match felt special due to the story and build over 2 weeks.

Good match. Probably Impact’s longest match in a year.

PROS:
Going into this show it has heat because the last show built to this show.
Open Fight Night special monthly show is still fresh and buzzing.
ODB & Eric Young are over with the fans.
RVD is over with the fans.
Devon is over.
Garrett has a little storyline tacked onto Devon’s.
Joseph Park is mega over.
Joseph Park & Bully Ray segment was great.
Joey Ryan being on TNA.
Austin Aries vs Joey Ryan.
Austin Aries is mega over.
TNA title match felt special.

CONS:
Opening segment with Hulk Hogan making Celebrity Apprentice.
Gail’s Kim’s voice
Knockouts Tag Titles not on the line
No build to Gunner vs RVD after Gunner put RVD on the shelf for 3 months
Gunner not getting his heat back
Bully Ray has heat.
The return this week… instead of next week.

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